RESOLUTIONARY IDEAS

Different Year, Same Old Shirt?  That’s about the size of it, or has it shrunk over time, and relative to my expansion?

New Year, Same Old Shift?  But, what is my shift, and is it steady or constantly shifting?  It’s probably a combination of the two.  And, speaking of shifts, is it better to be shiftless or shifty?  If I stopped being shiftless, would my writing be more shifty?   Would I be praised for a real shifty column?  Can I avoid these puns and keep my trains of thought?  Maybe in 2009.

For 2008, I say I want a resolution. Make that plural; I need some resolutions. I’ve only written about five sets of New Year’s Resolutions over the years, and like most of us, I’ve found that they’re pretty easy to make, and very easy to break.  Yet, I feel compelled to make a new and improved list of resolutions for my shifty new column.  I may be tired, but I don’t want to be listless.  With apologies to John Lennon, I say I want a resolution.  Well, you know… 

My Resolutions for 2008:

Feed My Creativity And Be More Productive:  Hey, that’s vague and intangible enough. How will I measure my 2008 creativity and production at this time next year? Not easily, which means that I’m not bound to flunk this one on my end-of-the-year score sheet. Also, I’m sure that most people don’t have this one at the top of their list.  Points earned for creativity.  This one’s a keeper.

Be Adventuresome; Try New Things:  This isn’t quite the same as Item #1, as I should be open-minded enough to try new things that have nothing to do with my desire to be more productive.  Adventure for adventure’s sake.  Meet new people, help more people through volunteer work. Read new books, see more world cinema and listen to more world music.  (Except for that New Age crap.)  I didn’t say that, did I?  Ignore that one please.  On second thought, I’ll have to reconsider this goal, as I don’t want to change my essential nature.  Or, do I?

Be More Consistent:  This is kind of an old standby, even if it doesn’t add points to my creativity score.  Having worked many sales jobs with a modicum of success, I have always been told – ad nauseum – that it’s all about consistency.  With consistent effort, (one can only really control one’s effort, right?) comes more productivity. Quite frankly, I have consistently failed to be very consistent in my work habits, and especially, in my writing habits.  So, that means that I need to change, and not be so consistent.  No, I need to change in order to be more consistent.  This means that I truly need to be more adventuresome, and try new things.  But since I’m reconsidering that goal, let me move on to the next one.

Lose Weight:  No… that’s too vague, and weight is a tangible item. Lose 15 pounds.  Can I find 15 new pounds first?  Sorry.  I think I can spare the 15, if not 17, and I’ve done it before.  But, since I tend to only maintain diet and exercise regimens for no more than two months, I really shouldn’t start on this goal until November 1.  Shouldn’t all goals be realistic and timely?  Okay, starting November 1, 2008, I will do the things I need to do to lose 15 pounds by year’s end.  As I currently am about a paper clip shy of 200 pounds, it will be nice to visit the 180’s again.

The only possible problem here is that I really do wish to keep all of my other goals, even the ones that I had been reconsidering.  What good is a list of resolutions without at least 7 items on the list?  And, if I’m going to keep my goal of meeting new people – my wife and I have discussed and agreed on this – wouldn’t it be ungracious of us to not invite them over to our house?  And, I can’t invite them over, and not have food for them.  Lots of food.  Or, maybe we’ll try some new restaurants, and enjoy some world cinema over some American popcorn. Alternately, we can just hang out and discuss some great new books while listening to some new music. Veg out on some meat, potato chips and chocolate.  I guess we can do it in a more heart healthy way, but do I really want to hang out with a bunch of undernourished people who listen to that New Age stuff?

Something’s gotta give here, but I’ll leave this one on my list.  I have till November to work out the details.

Take More Interest In Current Events And Issues That Don’t Directly Affect Me But Probably Really Do If I Look At Things In A More Unselfish, Long-Term, Global Sort Of Way:

I believe in writing goals that are very easy to remember, and I also believe that bumper stickers are way too small. That being said, I have embarrassed myself in the past year or so by not being more conversant with issues that really matter. You know, like Amy Winehouse’s latest stint in rehab.  No, no, no, I don’t mean the pop culture tabloid fodder – which both sickens me, and um, nauseates me in an addictive kind of way – but the real stories and issues that should matter to all of us.  World peace, poverty, joblessness, homelessness, global warming, etc are all issues that I really care about but find myself too lazy and jaded to even do my little bit toward solving.  And half the time, I don’t even bother to read or listen to any in-depth discussions of domestic and world events.

So, my goal here is to be better informed and find out how I can contribute more to the world.  I guess I have time to work out the details here as well.  At minimum, here’s something that’s been on my mind.  With all of the coverage of the Iowa Caucus, New Hampshire Primary and all things Presidential Election 2008, I’ve been drawn to the political horse race, as I have been every four years.  I’m not sure which horse I’ll be backing, but if past voting loyalties hold, I’m 99.99% sure that I’ll choose a donkey over an elephant.  Now, which jackass will I choose? 

As I’ve gotten lazier, I tend to fall prey to a certain kind of thinking that the media seems to encourage.  When a significant world event occurs, such as the assassination of Benazir Bhutto – the emphasis seems to be on what effect this incident will have on the chances of the various candidates.  Instead, shouldn’t the focus be more on what each of the candidates would do in a given situation?  Taking my cue from the media and my own inertia, I tend to follow the horse race instead of  projecting what each of the horses will do based on their track records and the platforms that have come from those horses’ um, mouths.  So, let’s put this on my slightly outsized 2008 bumper sticker:

Be Enlightened, Stay Enlightened And Say “Nay” To Bad, Incompetent Or Evil Horses

With six items on my list of resolutions, even though the wording of most of the items hasn’t been resolved, let me add a final one that is not original, yet I don’t remember who to attribute it to.  Yes, “do more detailed research” was not one of my 2007 goals.  So, with thanks to someone whose words, if not his name, made an impression on me, here it is:

Value Happiness Instead Of Self-Righteousness:

Talk about a tough one for me.  It’s so easy to get self-righteous over so many things, both in the world and in my personal universe.  If I felt powerful enough to change all the things out there that make me feel either disrespected, ignored, frustrated or depressed, then I wouldn’t be prone to feeling so self-righteous.  And, I’d also be a lot happier.  On second thought, I’d probably lose a lot of ideas for columns and poems and screenplays if I became too content.  Can I really write shiny, happy poems and columns when my unofficial motto has been “suffering is mandatory; pain is optional.”

Besides, I say to my imaginary antagonists, it’s kind of fun to be self-righteous.  Why shouldn’t I be?  What, you think you’re so much better?

Well, now that I’ve kind of sketched out seven realistic goals for 2008 – okay, about five of them need some work – I wish you and all those important to you  a very Happy New Year.  And, I’ll try to do the same in my own creative, adventuresome, consistent, skinny, current, enlightened, happy and self-righteous way.

That’s all for now, friends. Time to work on those huge new bumper stickers.