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I Had a Dream
by Henry Custer
It was a nightmare! I dreamed I had died and gone
to Hell.
Waiting in line, amidst hell fire
and brimstone, I finally made it to the front of the line. There sat old Beezel Bub in all his splendor.
“Why am I here?” I complained. “I worked hard all my life, made a lot of money, and took good care of my
family.” “We are not without sympathy Mr. Custer. Even though you didn’t make the cut to
stay in Heaven, we do take your overall lifetime of endeavors into consideration. What exactly did you do with your life that
might be significant?”
This was more like it! “Well Sir, I was a writer, an author of books,”
I proudly announced. “Oh, I see,” old Beezel Bub replied. “Well, I think we have just the
place for you to spend eternity. Just follow the little Devil here to your work station.” “Thank
you Sir,” I replied gratefully, “I’ll do my best to satisfy you.”
With a gleeful laugh, Mr. Bub summoned the next person
in line. As I followed the little Devil through the red, roaring passageways, I wondered what kind of job I would have.
Surely I would be a book reviewer; or possibly an associate editor of the Hell Fire Gazette. As we turned left into a
sparsely furnished room, the little Devil chuckled, turned and left the room, closing and locking the door.
It was HOT, but it was hot everywhere down here. As my eyes grew accustomed to the dimmer light of the flaming walls, I saw
my workstation. It was a beautiful computer, the latest and best model. Well, maybe this won’t be so
bad. I walked over and sat down in the reasonably comfortable chair. Within seconds, I felt the sharp spikes
of a pitchfork punching me in the back! “What the hell,” I exclaimed, thinking I was alone.
A voice from out of nowhere answered. “This is what you ask for in the Start Up sequence. If you are not Henry Custer,
please log on with your ID and Password.”
I soon realized that there was no keyboard. Looking further,
I found there was no mouse or touch pad. Then I noticed that the beautiful monitor was still black, even though I had turned
the computer on when I first sat down. “Just set your Preferences Sir, otherwise the default settings
will determine your day to day program,” the voice prompted. “You are very lucky to have all those choices, especially
down here.” Total frustration! Was I to spend eternity trying to set Preferences where I could not
even find the pop-up window?
“That is the idea Sir,” the invisible voice said gleefully,
as if reading my mind, “Have a nice day.”
Copyright © 2002 by Henry Custer
A Good Day
by Henry Custer
"Hi sweetie, how
was your day?" Sara called from the kitchen area as Jake dropped into his favorite chair. It took a few seconds
for Jake to respond. Hell, what could he say? It had definitely not been a good day. "Well, it wasn't good, that idiot Carl
was on my ass all day. And that flunky he hired to help me is even worse. Not only is he no help, he is downright exasperating.
What and idiot ass!" "Well, you just relax honey, supper will be ready in a few minutes." Sara liked to have
their little talks when Jake came in from a hard day at the auto salvage yard, but she also knew when not to pursue a subject.
After supper Jake was unusually quiet as they watched the sitcoms, then the news and went to bed as usual.
The next day as he prepared for work, pulling on the same old coveralls he had worn yesterday, he whistled one of his favorite
ballads, "Frankie and Johnny." Well, thought Sara, maybe today will be a little easier. I sure hope so, poor
Carl, he was never able to take a lot of crap from people. But as hard as the work was, he did need the job, and all jobs
had a boss. I just hope he doesn't have another of those awful headaches today.
That evening, right on
time as always, Jake swept into the living room. "Hey honey, you in there?" he called into the kitchen. "Sure
babe, I'll have it on the table in a jiffy. How was your day?" she asked. "Very satisfying," Jake replied,
"One in a million, I feel great now. Had one of those headaches earlier today. Things got kind of hectic. The helper kid didn't
show up today and the idiot Carl was being his usual asshole self. But I feel great now." "That's wonderful
Jake," she replied, bringing him a cold beer, "just relax for a few more minutes while I get supper on the table. I'll turn
on the six o'clock news, then maybe we can get to bed early," Sara purred, giving him one of those knowing smiles. Something
the news anchor was saying got her attention. Had he mentioned Carl's name, her husband's boss?
"A customer
found his body in back of the tool shed at the salvage yard just before five o'clock this afternoon. He was apparently beaten
severely with a jack handle. The police have no suspects as yet, but the other employees have not yet been contacted."
"Honey, did you hear that?" Sara exclaimed. "Yeah, I heard it," Jake replied casually, "bastard had it coming
for a long time. Gave me a headache again today." "You didn't..." She couldn't finish the question.
"Yep, finally killed the son-of-a-bitch, would you bring me another beer honey?"
Copyright © 2002 by Henry Custer
Love Call
by
Henry Custer
Having recently retired, Jody and I took our travel trailer to south Texas for the winter. We chose a beautiful
RV park just west of the historical town of Mission. It was a brand new park built next to a horse pasture. I backed
the trailer into our allotted space with the rear bedroom just a few feet from the pasture fence. I had no concern about
the horse. After all, how many flies could one animal attract, and it was at least a five-acre lot. He was a magnificent Stud,
sorrel with a white star on his forehead. Probably kept for breeding purposes.
We had probably been there a couple of days. I came home from
the community recreation hall, parked my bicycle under the awning of the trailer and noticed the horse was standing
right up to the fence with his head over the top rail, looking into our open back window. About that time he let out
a subdued whinny. This was no surprise; I figured someone had been feeding him apples or sugar cubes through the fence.
Having been raised on a farm, I knew how easily a horse could be turned into a beggar. About the time I realized that he was
not looking at me, but in the rear window, I heard Jody snoring. Evidently she was taking an afternoon nap. Now the Stud
was at it again, with that low muted whinny. Now it was Jody's turn again, she can get quite loud sometimes.
I just stood there in amazement as Jody and the horse communicated
in this strange fashion. A new language of love? Finally, not being able to contain myself any longer I burst out in
uncontrollable laughter. This got the horses attention and cooled his ardor I suppose. Or perhaps he didn't feel he
could compete with a human. At any rate, after looking me over, he decided to leave. When I went in I just had to
wake Jody and tell her all about it. I don't know to this day if she actually believed the story, but it still cracks me
up every time I think about it.
Copyright © 2002 by Henry Custer
The Cattle Drive by Henry Custer
Experience a young man's first cattle
drive. Set in rural Oklahoma in the early 1930s.
I was seven years old. We had just moved onto the big farm just south of Tulsa, Oklahoma
where Daddy worked as the only full time hired hand. The spring cattle drive I had heard about was almost constantly on my
mind. I could hardly wait. It sounded like it was right out of one of Zane Gray's novels. A cattle drive! I couldn't wait
to get started.
When spring finally came I learned that there were several other tasks that had to be
completed here on the farm before the cattle drive could be started. The calves born over the fall and winter months
had to be de-horned, branded, and if they were bull calves, castrated. That is, with the exception of one or two that the
boss would pick to be kept and sold later as bulls. Although I was still too small to be very involved with these important
happenings, it was exciting never the less. I was in charge of the fire and keeping the irons red hot during the branding
process. This would change in the next couple of years when they started tattooing a number in the ears instead of burning
a brand on the hip. The castration, both of pigs and calves was too much for me. I could hardly force myself to watch, but
the curiosity got the best of me from time to time. I thought the de-horning was inhumane. Especially, when from time to time
the terrible looking cutting tongs were placed too close to the calf's head. When that happened the blood came out in a fountain,
prompting the men to immediately apply ashes from the fire and hold them like a compress until the bleeding was under control.
They could lose an animal that way. On the upside, we were allowed to take the "mountain oysters"
taken from the pigs, home with us. Fried, they were very good eating. I never knew why the calf cuttings were not good to
eat, or if they were, Dad didn't think so.
When the big day finally arrived we got up earlier than usual.
The cattle destined to be moved to the summer pasture had been rounded up the previous day and kept in the lot by the barn.
They were fed like the milk cows for that one day and night, getting them ready for the long one day trip to the pasture near
Broken Arrow. There was about sixty head of cattle, including several calves. The drive was well organized as this had been
done spring and fall for the past several years. The women had prepared food for two meals for the crew. The crew consisted
of the boss, his two sons, Dad, one other man hired temporarily for this job, and myself. I was almost seven years old, able
to ride a horse and understood a little about herding cattle. Dad had explained to me that the trip was about thirteen miles,
but that it would probably be dark by the time we got back home to do the evening chores. This was the most exciting day of
my life.
Starting out, I was a little disappointed to find that my job was to walk, not ride as I had
expected, ahead of the herd. I made sure all gates were closed or guarded until the first few cows had passed. Almost like
sheep, they mostly followed the leader. Then I would run alongside until I was ahead again to watch the next gate or opening
where they might possibly turn off the wrong way. The other boys, all older than I, were riding the work horses, along the
sides keeping the cows on the road. The entire trip was made on county roads. The boss followed behind the herd in the big
flatbed truck. He carried the food and drinking water.
By the time I was thinking that my legs wouldn't
carry me any further, one of the boys rode up, getting down off his horse. "You about ready to change places
for a while?" he asked. "Oh yeah," I replied eagerly. I was definitely ready. "Just fall
back on this side of the road about halfway and watch to see they stay in line on the road. They are pretty well into the
routine of it now, you shouldn't have any problem. In a couple of miles you can change places with Gerald on the other side
and he will relieve me. We should be there by noon if we keep up this pace." He gave me a boost up on the big mare. Now, I
thought, this is more like it! I really did feel like one of Zane Gray's cowboys now.
Except for a couple
of straying cows that had to be driven back into the road, the trip went on without incident. Occasionally, one of the boys
came around with the water jug. Finally, just about noon, a gate was opened up on the right side of the road and I could see
the cattle turning into a pasture. This must be it. I was starving, it had been a long, but most adventurous morning.
After getting the last of the herd into the pasture and closing the gate, we who were walking, all got onto the flatbed truck.
We went across about a mile of prairie pasture to a grove of trees. Beside the trees was a large man made pond. We spread
the food and ate lunch. Afterwards, all of us except the boss, went swimming in the cool water of the pond. Then, gathering
up all our supplies, we started back for the thirteen miles home. It was a lot easier going back. The boys rode the horses,
Dad and I, along with the hired man, rode on the back of the truck with the boss driving. We stayed back with the horses most
of the way, stopping for a drink of water a couple of times. Then a short stop along side the road under a big oak tree where
we finished the food left over from lunch.
Sure enough, we arrived back home just as it was beginning
to get dark. We were all worn out but the chores had to be done. A couple of hours later, Dad and I were finally headed back
to our house a half mile up the hill, carrying two buckets of fresh water as usual, we never made the trip home empty handed.
"Well, was it as exciting as you expected?" Dad asked. "Bet you're as dead tired as I am." "Yeah, I am," I
replied, "and yes, it was a big day." But it was a day I will never forget.
We repeated that drive many times over
the next few years, and it was always a special day, but I shall never forget that first cattle drive!
Copyright © 2002 by William H. Custer
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Saga of the Beads
by
Henry Custer
A true story that my wife and I both find amusing, in spite of
the fact that she is very proud of her Indian heritage.
I’m sure many of you have heard, or read, of the Indians
who sold Manhatten to the United States Government for the sum total of $24 worth of beads. This is a fact in documented American
history.
My wife, Jody, is a member of the Delaware Indian tribe, also
known as the ‘Lenape Tribe of Indians.’ Her Great-Grandfather was a brother of the last Chief of the Delaware
tribe, Chief Charles Journeycake, before they were adopted into the Cherokee tribe. (Note: The Delaware Indians have since
regained, through more litigation, their heritage as an independent Tribe of Indians, in the eyes of the US government.) (Jody
says, YEAH!)
As a young child, Jody’s Grandmother often regaled her
about the pending litigation between their Tribe and the US government concerning this shameless land transaction. Someday,
she assured Jody, they would come into a considerable amount of money as a result of this lawsuit that had been filed before
Jody was born.
Now, some fifty years later, Jody opened her mail one morning
to find a check from the United States Treasury for her portion of the court settlement. Having kept up with the case history
she was not too surprised to find the amount to be about $21.
“May I ride into town with you this afternoon?” she
asked as I prepared to make a service call to a customer in Tulsa.
“Sure, but you may have to wait a while for me to make
the call,” I replied.
“No problem,” she explained, “I just want to
stop by the bank and cash my check, then you can drop me off at Hobby Lobby while you make your call.”
The check was duly cashed, I dropped her off at the store, made
my service call and returned to pick her up. I noticed she had made a small purchase.
“So,” I asked, “what did you find?”
Opening the bag, she showed me. There were several small clear
plastic bags of… BEADS!
I should not have been surprised, she was heavily into bead work
at the time. It was just the irony of it all that shocked me.
After over half a century of expensive litigation the wrong had
been set right. Now in less than one day, at least one Tribal member had chosen to convert her settlement back into…
BEADS.
I will leave it up to you, dear reader, to determine the moral
of this absolutely true story.
Copyright © 2002 by Henry Custer
The Ride
by Henry Custer
My first Motorcycle ride; meaning and lasting effects. In the hills of northeastern
Oklahoma in 1935 the sight and sound of an old Harley going down the newly oiled dirt road was very exciting to a six year
old boy.
Nearly every day while waiting for the school bus with several other kids this 'MOTOR',
as they were called in those days, came roaring by. The boys would all stick out their thumb as if hitch hiking. The rider
would wave and smile but always kept going. We knew he wouldn't stop but it was fun and became a daily routine.
Then one day for some unknown reason I found myself waiting all alone for the bus.
I heard the bike coming and without the support of my comrades, I turned my back and was nonchalantly cracking a pecan. PANIC!
He stopped.
He just smiled and asked, "Want a ride to school?"
Trying not to show any fear I said "Sure."
He told me to climb aboard and hang on. I didn't know this guy from Adam and had only
ridden in a car a couple of times in my young life, plus the school bus of course. Needless to say I was very scared but climbed
onto the big buddy seat behind him. I know, I should have 'just said no' but in those days saying no to any adult was unheard
of. Anyway we rode very slow and sensible the seven miles to school.
Dropping me off with a smile he shook my hand saying "I'm Charlie."
I told him my name was Henry and he says, "You must be Jesse's boy."
I nodded and ran off to school still nervous from the experience but not scared anymore.
That night Dad chastised me for riding the 'motor' but he knew Charlie from a job
they had worked on. Then he told me about Charlie's older brother Frank, who was killed the previous year when his motor hit
a telephone pole. I didn't know Frank but with a boy's morbid curiosity the next Sunday I walked three miles to Bethel Union
to see the telephone pole where they say Frank "busted his head open".
Every school morning thereafter we all stuck out our thumbs as Charlie came roaring
by and waved to us. I was always disappointed that he didn't stop. Somehow I expected to get another ride. I don't think the
other kids ever believed he had given me a ride. It was about that time that I knew that someday, some
way, I'd own one of those machines.
At the age of fifteen my dream came true in the form of an old 45CID flathead hardtail
Harley. But that's another story. :-)
I've ridden most of the time since then thanks to Charlie, who didn't try to impress
me or scare me but instead left me with a positive, enjoyable riding experience. Some twenty years later I got to know Charlie
personally. He was still riding to work everyday and I was so glad to have the opportunity to thank him for that first and
most important ride.
Now when on a rare occasion I haul a new passenger I try to be extra careful to leave
the same impression I was so lucky to get from my first ride.
Charlie is no longer with us but I'm still grateful for that fifteen minute ride that
will forever live in my memory and that set me on a lifetime of adventures that just gets better every year!
Copyright © 1999 by William H. Custer
Good Folks, They're Everywhere!
by Henry Custer
Good Folks are all around us. Nationality,
language and color of skin have no real meaning in the grand scheme of things.
In the winter of 1982-83 my wife, Jody, and I were
on a camping trip in Mexico. We had entered the country near McAllen, Texas, traveling light with our four wheel drive pickup,
sleeping bags and a box of groceries. We traveled southwest through Monterey, Durango, Mazatlan, then back north up the east
coast of the Sea of Cortez to Guymas. There we took the ferry west to the Baha. The first day in Baha South we met three bikers on the beach, whale watching. They were from Germany, attending the
flight school in Phoenix, Arizona. Having rented two motorcycles they had ridden down the Baha for the weekend. That night
when we met them again, we were all camping at a gas station. There was no petrol and the attendant had gone home. We learned
that the delivery truck would be there in a day or two. There was no telephone service, so they really had no idea when the
truck would arrive. Meanwhile, we shared our last gallon of drinking water with the three young German students.
Only one spoke English with any degree of understanding. The next morning we learned, from other
travelers, that there was no petrol for a long distance up the road. We had about four gallons in the truck, not enough to
make it to the next available gas. Upon learning of a private airfield just up the road a few miles, we siphoned a couple
of gallons of gas from our vehicle so the boys could get there and possibly scrounge some fuel for the next leg of the trip
towards Phoenix. They were getting pretty concerned as they had to be back for Monday morning classes. When they were saying
goodbye, the one who spoke English was very appreciative. Then he happened to mention that in Germany we would probably not
receive such help from the locals if we were in their situation. I actually relished telling them my story.
In 1952, I was alone, late at night on a country road just south of Wiesbaden, Germany. I was riding a 1929 NSU, coming back
to the air base after a few beers at a country bierstube. All of a sudden the lights went out, the engine died and I rolled
to a safe stop in complete darkness. I was concerned, but my concern turned to near panic as I heard a group of men walking
my way. You must understand, this was just seven short years since Germans and Americans were killing each other on sight,
no questions asked. And these guys, turned out there were four of them, were about as drunk as I. And I didn't understand
the language. It was a tense few minutes as we tried to converse in the dark. Finally, one on them lit a cigarette lighter
while another proceeded to remove the front of my headlight with his knife blade. Most all of the lighting and ignition wiring
terminated in the headlight housing, with the ignition switch on top of the headlight. After several minutes they had found
the trouble. Much of the wiring, being 25 years old, had the insulation worn or rotted in places. It had shorted out, burning
the wires pretty bad in places.
Before we ran out of lighters and matches, they had managed to separate
the wires keeping them apart with wads of a newspaper they happened to have. There was a blown fuse which we wrapped with
tinfoil from a cigarette package. There was no battery, the lights and ignition being powered directly from the magneto. When
I kicked it over I think we were all surprised when it started. I couldn't understand much of anything that was said, but
I did gather that I was being warned to get it properly repaired as soon as possible, but this should get me home, (although
the headlight bulb was burned out). I expressed my gratitude and we all went on our merry way, a little more sober and a lot
more understanding of each other. I made it the last few miles without the benefit of a headlight.
Back in the Baha, after the boys left, we camped at the station for another day and night, with only a small amount of water
and food we panhandled from southbound Americans. When the delivery truck still had not arrived, we struck a deal with a southbound
car. They had almost a full tank of gas, but a blown head gasket. We towed them over three hundred miles back to San Diego
for their tank of gas, which got us to the next town for fuel. They both spoke Spanish so we ate better those next two days
than we had during the whole Mexican adventure. Although we never saw them again, the couple we towed in the car invited us
to their wedding about a year later, then we received a birth announcement the next year. The German
students sent us a card from Phoenix a week or so later. They arrived barely in time for class that Monday morning. He again
mentioned that if we were in the same trouble in Germany, we would not likely get the kind of help they received from us.
I don't believe that for a minute. I've learned that people are people, and they are mostly good folks, nationality, language
and color be damned. If you want adventure, get out among them!
Copyright © 2001 by William H. Custer
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