Decisions, Decisions, Decision

You Have Decided to Adopt, Now What?

After Realizing our call the research started. We tend to be those annoying people who research everything. In this case it turned out to be a good thing.

There are a few main questions that need to be answered as you start this process.

Finding an Agency

We looked everywhere. We searched the net, asked for references, asked our pediatrician, but somehow, in this high-speed generation, we didn’t look in the phone book. This is how we found a wonderful Agency called “Hope International” in Dallas, TX. After the endless searching, researching, and phone calls, we dialed a number that changed our lives. We didn't think "Hope" was a Christian Agency and we weren’t even sure that we should call. That was until the previous executive director Susan answered the phone and we found that not only was she a member of the Church of Christ, but all of the staff are Christians as well. Not only this, but their office was only 40 minutes away. We were to find out the many benefits of this later on.

After all this research we had such a peace that gave us a knowledge that this agency was the one for us.

When researching agencies we found there are some necessary questions to ask. Remember a lot of money and time are going to be spent with these individuals so it’s important to make sure the agency you choose is legitimate. These are our suggestions.

Is the Agency licensed within your state? Are they accredited? These questions are very important. The licensing is especially Mandatory. Some Agencies (including ours) are not accredited, but work with agencies that are accredited with other countries.
How long has this agency been in operation? What is the experience of their main staff?
Will they provide references?
Are they a Christian Agency and/or are there Christian Social Workers and Adoption Advocates that you can predominantly work with within this agency? This is important because not only will you be working closely with these people, but you will be inviting them into your home, be providing them with the most intimate details of your life, and sharing with them an experience that will change your life forever. Our Adoption Advocate was a wonderful woman named Dawn that made the whole experience a joy for us. It does matter.
Do they specialize in international or domestic adoptions? What Countries do they work from?

Established Program Verses New Program

Some pick a country before they pick the agency. This section is

for those who have already picked the country, but are trying to decide on an agency. Below "Agency Recommendations" are listed, as well as a section on picking the country.

There can be pros and cons in adopting from an agency that has a new program in the country you wish to adopt from. Here they are.

New Program

Pro- Wait for referral may be shorter due to a shorter waiting list and in the long term you may be a blessing in helping this agency create an established program.

Con- You run a risk in a less experienced program of the agency missing something important. They may not have all their “ i’s” dotted and “t’s” crossed. They may not have much in the way of in country staff or knowledgable advice on places to stay etc.

Conclusion-It is not a bad thing to go into a new program. God may be using you to bless this agency so that their program does become established, but you need to realize that you need to have patience as the agency is discovering the in’s and out’s of this particular program.

Many Agencies have programs that have been running longer and are established in the country you wish to adopt from. Here are the pros and cons.

Established Program-

Pro- The Program may run smoother with few glitches. They may have more in country staff and may be able to give you more important advice such as where to stay, what to do and not to do, best place to exchange money, etc.

Con- Your wait may be considerably longer (due to a longer waiting list).

They may not be as personable as the recently established programs. There are more people for them to tend to so they don’t have as much personal time for you.

Small Agency Versus Large Agency

We have experienced both a small and a large agency and recommend the small agency if you have the option. Though you need to make sure it is a reputable agency, a small agency will be able to hold your hand and walk you through your adoption with compassion and a definite personal touch. “Hope International” has done exactly that with us.

The large agency may have resources the smaller one doesn’t, but in the computer age it is not as detrimental as it otherwise may have once been. We have the ability to do some of our own research and if you have a good agency then they are doing it as well. Large agencies are definitely not bad, please don’t take that out of this.

There are advantages in a large agency of possibly more experience due to more completed adoptions, but we treasure the friendships, personal touch, and caring we have found with a smaller agency.

Differences Between Agencies

Many agencies will have different program costs and different wait times for the country or countries you may be interested in. It can be a little confusing. We hope to make it less so. You may want to consider these things before picking an agency.

Cost

Some agencies are obviously more expensive than others. Most of us would have our first inclination be to go immediately with the less expensive. We have found that that is not always the best avenue. Why are some more expensive and why are some less expensive? The following are just a few reasons that you may want to consider.

The more expensive program may have their own orphanage and a larger in country staff to support. This may offer your child a better opportunity to be held, have higher medical care, and more observation as the adoption is taking place.
The more expensive program may have a greater humanitarian aid programs going to not only improve the life of your child, but other lives as well.
The less expensive programs may not have as much in country staff available or may not have their own orphanage (though many use a wonderful foster care type of system once the child is referred). This can sometimes enable you to see the real conditions of the children in country though and can be a real blessing.
The less expensive programs sometimes have not been established as long and the cost may be used as an incentive to adopt through them. This is not always a bad thing. Please refer to “Established Programs Verses New Programs”.

Wait Time

One of the biggest questions we have heard is “Why are the wait times SO different between the different agencies?”. Most people are referring to the wait between dossier submission and referral of a child. We are dealing with that question at this point, because this may be a question you would like to ask (if you have picked a country already) before you pick an agency. These are some reasons wait times may vary.

Wait time often differs and/or grows longer as the waiting list gets longer. Each orphanage/agency may get referred only an average number of children each month. Of this number, they may not know how many children of each age or sex that they will get referred. So if an agency gets an average of 10 babies referred to them per month and they have 100 families on their list, then the wait would be approximately 10 months. Take into account that many families request a specific gender and you may find a shorter or longer wait time. There also may be a country wide list that a family is placed on once the dossier requirements are met. This makes it impossible for the agency to have any way of having a quicker referral time than any other agency. We have found some wait times between agencies differing as much as 6 to 12 months.
Many countries are slowing down and revamping their adoption regulations. Sometimes there is a slow down or a speed up mid adoption and these are unable to be predicted.
A new agency may have a shorter wait time due to the fact that they are newly accredited in the country and have a shortened wait list. See “Established Programs Verses New Programs”.

Agency Policy vs. Adoptive Country Law

Age Between Children/Adopting Out of Birth Order

In beginning an adoption you may find an agency rule that seems unusual or one that you did not expect in an agency you are considering. You need to find out if it’s an agency policy or an adoptive country law. Also, you need to be aware that if an agency has been in a country a long time, they might be “grandfathered” in and not have all the stringent laws apply to them. This is not the case in some countries, but common in others.

1. Many agencies have their own policies on how many years there needs to be between children. For example you may have a biological child that is a year old and want to adopt a six-month-old child. At some agencies you will have to wait until your biological child is older since they have “a year between children policy”. Some agencies have no policy on this.

It’s not always the agency though. Occasionally a specific country will have these laws.

2. Some agencies have a policy that prohibits you from adopting out of birth order. Some agencies do not have this policy. For example, you currently have a two and a five year old. You wish to adopt a three year old. Some agencies may not allow this, because you are not adopting a child that will be the youngest, thus “out of birth order”. This is usually an agency policy and may be a decision you need to make while deciding on an agency.

3. Last, but definitely not least, some agencies will not let you choose the sex of your child. This usually applies if you already have at least one boy and one girl in your family. Sometimes they will let you specify that you would like a boy. Girls are requested more. It can also depend on what country you want to adopt from. You can usually find an agency that will let you choose, but the wait may be a lot longer. We have gone the route of choosing the sex of our adoptive child and the route of not choosing the sex of our child. Your child will be a blessing either way. Don’t let someone make you feel bad for requesting the sex of your child. Please pray about this though. God may lead you to a girl or boy, but then again He may ask you to leave it in His hands. It is such an amazing joy to know you are doing God’s will.

Agency Recommendations:

(See "Domestic Adoption" for Domestic Adoption Agency Recommendations.)

Here are a few agencies that we can recommend:

Christian Agencies:

Hope International -This is a Christian Agency whose core beliefs are part of what led them to this line of work. They also partner with a Church of Christ sponsered mission, Jeremiah's Hope, in the Ukraine and work with many different countries. They were nothing but a blessing in our adoptive journey. This agency is at the very top of our list because of the quality, kindness, and love they show in all their adoptions.

5944 Luther Lane, Suite 875
Dallas, TX 75225
Telephone: (214) 672-9399
Web: http://www.hopeadoption.org
Contact email: info@hopeadoption.org

Bethany Christian Services - This is the current agency that Steven Curtis Chapman (well known in Christian music) currently endorses; he also has a grant set up through them.

901 Eastern Ave. NE
P.O. Box 294
Grand Rapids, MI 49501-7610
Telephone: (616) 224-7610
Web: http://www.bethany.org
Contact email: info@bethany.org

3. Gladney Center for Adoption-Though we have never had personal experience with this agency, this is one of the few agencies we have only heard good things about.

6300 John Ryan Dr.

Ft. Worth, Texas 76132-4122

Telephone: (817)922-6000

Web: http://www.adoptionbygladney.com

Non Christian Agency

Please understand that just because it is listed as a non Christian agency, this doesn't mean that there aren't some wonderful Christians that work there.

1. Wide Horizons for Children- This is the agency that we worked with in conjuction with Hope International. They are very reliable and professional. We had a Christian case worker that blessed our journey.

38 Edge Hill Rd.

Waltham, MA. 02451

Web: http://www.whfc.org

Contact email: contact@whfc.org

International/Choosing a Country

My husband and I knew from the start that we wanted to adopt internationally. Children here in the U.S. need homes every bit as much as the precious children overseas. And though some are in deplorable situations right here in the U.S., the Institutionalized children in so many developing countries are struggling for even the basic necessities. Our own son was in the 5% in weight and the 90% in height when we arrived back in the states with him (and he had gained weight). Every child has a right to love, but international adoption just happened to be our decision.

We initially thought about Guatemala, and other South American Countries. Russia never occurred to us. We didn’t care what color our child’s skin was, only that he was ours. We had chosen an agency though, and they only worked (as all agencies do) with specific countries.

It was strange, all through this process of choices we had people constantly talking of Russia, from “My neighbor adopted from there” to” my sister used to work in a hospital there.”. None of these things changed our minds though. It was a little story about a young boy adopted by a couple like us that already had biological children.

"When the time came to take custody of their son, the caregivers asked for his clothes back (it was winter) and all he was wearing was a thin sweater and a pair of pink stretch pants. "

We found Russia had around 700,000 orphans (since communism fell it had doubled). This number has risen since 2003 and is now 880,000. The need is everywhere, but after much prayer and searching we decided on Russia.

With our second adoption the choice was simple for us. We hadn't planned on adopting any time soon, but God led us to the wonderful journey of bringing our little girl home from Ethiopia. He actually put Ethiopia on our hearts before adoption. Almost seven percent of the entire population are orphans (4 million). We couldn't ignore such a staggering figure. We know the child of our heart is there and we can't wait to hold her!

Here are some questions that may help you when deciding on a country.

1. What is the need and what are the situations that these children reside in?

2. What are the ages of available children? Are boys or girls predominantly available?

You may have a set age in mind. In some Countries children

may not become available until they have been in the custody

of the Country for a certain amount of time. Some countries

may also require that the child be available to their own

citizens for a set time before they become available

internationally. Countries like China have predominantly girls

for adoption.

3. What is the Cost of this program?

We are hesitant to put cost as a question, but you need to go

into adoption with knowledge of every obstacle that you may

face. Without going into detail, my husband and I went into

this process not having the money, but knowing that this was

God's will and that He would provide.

4. How many trips to this country are required to bring my child home? Are we both required to go?

Countries have many different adoption laws. Some may

require 2 trips. Some may require only one parent to go.

Some may require you to remain in country for an extended

(compared to other programs) length of time. Some

countries you may not even see the child offered until you take

the 1^st trip. All Countries vary.

5. How long, on average, does the process take?

6. Does the Country have any age requirements for us as parents? Can we have any other children? How many? Do they allow single people to adopt?

These are just a few of the questions that may aid in your decision. The only other, and most important, thing we can suggest is PRAYER. God led you this far and he will continue.

Boy or Girl? Age? More than One? Health?

BOY OR GIRL?

After having a boy and two girls, it was a pretty easy decision for us on whether to ask for a boy or girl. Our son, T.C., put it best when he said “Mom, I feel girl trapped!”.

This may not matter to you, but now is the time to decide if you haven’t yet. You may just want to go where the need is. You may have always dreamed of a boy or girl being your first child. You may already have a boy or girl and want the other in your family or You may just know.

AGE?

Age may be an important factor for you. You need to decide how old is the oldest you will accept. How young is the youngest? The need is great for older children, but you may also have more issues to deal with. Are you capable of handling (as much as you can know now) issues an older child may have?

In some countries the minimum age of the child available for international adoption may vary.

HEALTH?

This is one of the hardest issues that you will have to decide in the adoption process. You will be asked this question and it’s a good idea to discuss it now. You need to decide (through talking/praying) what physical or mental disabilities you would be willing to handle and could cope with. Remember, like any child, you never know what could crop up. This is a necessary step in the adoption process but will not guarantee anything. This just lets the agency know that you do or do not want to go into this adoptive journey with the intention of adopting a seriously handicapped child.

MORE THAN ONE?

It really was surprising to us that much like Sams Club (it’s sad saying it this way) it is less expensive to adopt 2 children at the same time (in many countries). If you know you wish to adopt more than one child (in the long run) you may think about this option.

The only concern we have is that there is no Institutionalized child that has no issues. We have three biological children and the “so called” experience that goes along with that fact. There were things that were hard adjustments for our Max AND for us to know how to deal with. There are minor issues we are still having to face and we have been very blessed with no major issues. Multiply this by two if you have decided to adopt more than one. In no way do we mean this to discourage you. There is nothing more wonderful and that will bless you more than a child and especially two. They may be a major comfort to each other during the difficult transition time. We just believe in being fully prepared.

The following is a question that we have heard more and more lately.

Am I Too Old To Adopt?

Recently we were lucky enough to talk to a man who was in his 50’s that had made the decision to adopt, in this instance, a teen. He and his wife had heard the calling and answered. People are adopting older and older. So, How old is too old?

I’ve heard a lot of people say (who are in their 50’s and 60’s) “I would be 65 (or whatever age) when my child is ten….how fair is that to the child?” or “ Can I expect someone else to take over parenting if my health deteriorates?”. These are valid concerns, but are also concerns that can be dealt with.

It is our firm belief that a child being loved, whether it be one year or ten, is a child that is in a better place. We have seen conditions within the orphanages. We have heard the stories and come to the same conclusion every time. Is a child being raised by a grandparent in a better place than a child being raised in an orphanage? Absolutely! Is a child that only has a parent for a few years in a better place than one that has never had one? Definitely!

Life is so unsure that, as with any child, there are a few things we suggest. Always make sure you have adequate life insurance to provide for your adopted child should anything happen. This goes for anyone with a child. We never know how long we are on this earth.

Next, we all need to make sure we have someone that is willing to love and take custody of our child if something should happen to us. The saying that “it takes a village to raise a child” should apply to all of us. We should have our support networks and know someone will love our children when we’re gone. Some may not be able to do it financially without our life insurance and that IS understandable. So we provide for our children in any eventuality.

Meanwhile, here is a specific answer to the question “Am I too old to adopt?” (In our opinion at least). We will answer that question with another question “Am I too old to love?”