Considering the Disruption of Your Adoption
Process
We ache for you.
You must feel shattered, like the bottom has
dropped out. We know disruption
is a hard decision for ANYONE to make. You may be considering disrupting your
adoption because this child is beyond what you feel you can handle. There may be issues that were not divulged
to you before you adopted your child. Your newly adopted child may even be sexually (or otherwise) abusing your other
children or threatening you. Here are
a few things to consider before you make the final decision to disrupt
your adoption.
Things
to Consider
Remember we are not a professionals,
but parents of four
(the last being adopted from Russia) and soon to be five (through
our Ethiopian adoption). Again, these are just a few things to consider.
1.Have I tried everything? Most likely if you are to this point you have, but here are some suggestions.
a. The first thing suggest in all situations is take it to God in prayer and
ask
for His guidance and healing. We don't mean this in any way as a
flippant answer, but God can lead
you in deciding the best course of
action.
b.
Counseling
c. A treatment foster home so your other
children are safe until he or she's
behavior is modified and you feel comfortable bringing said child back
into
your home.
d. Call crisis hotline for experts in your area.
2. Permenance of Adoption-When
we adopt we are choosing to enlarge our
family and bring a child
into our hearts and lives. This child is yours. If your
biological child started this behavior you would go to whatever
lengths you could while protecting your other children. This
child , through legal means, has been instilled as your
"blood".
3. The effect on your other children-Another thing we ask you to
consider is the affect on
your other children in the future. The questions you may have to answer or the resentment at separation you may have to endure.
The questions of a child wondering that if they mess up (though this is obviously more
serious than just a "mess up")
you will try to find another home for
him. The questions about why you can "give away" their brother or sister, but
yet
you're telling him "not him".
4. Child’s Age- If this child is still young and still
forming you may be able
to help to an even greater degree.
Help might be easy or hard,
but if you can do it while
protecting your other children you will be setting an example of
commitment. You will be
setting up a foundation of trust in all
your children...that you will work through anything.
You need to protect all your
children...absolutely! We can't
fathom your pain or the thought that you have put into this. Please
don't feel judged.
We are not in your shoes. These are just
thoughts (and prayers) to insure every avenue is looked into.
