Your Trip
There are several items that
vary in every country you may adopt from.
1. How much warning do I get before
I need to travel?
Thomas and I had about
a 10 days warning before we needed to travel for our court date. Some people
may have much more and we have heard some stories where families had only a few days.
Many Airlines have special adoption fares.
2. How many trips do I need to make?
In
Moscow, at the time, it was only required that one parent stay for the entire period of three weeks. We could have had a power of attorney drawn up so I wouldn’t have had to go at all. We chose for Thomas to be the one to stay the whole time. I
went to Moscow for the 1st and last week so that I would be with our other children in between. They had never been away from me for very long. We chose for
me to go to Moscow (at all) so that Max would know me (since I was to be his primary caregiver) and would not be left with
a perfect stranger (even being his mom, that’s what I would have been). Thomas
had to return immediately back to work upon return.
We have heard of quite a
few countries (including parts of Russia)
requiring you to make two trips to complete the
adoption process.
3. How long am I required to stay?
After the Court date we
were required to wait a ten day period (for the child’s benefit) before we took custody.
This is so Max Nikolai could get to know us. Though our complete trip
was around three weeks, all countries have different requirements. We have heard
from a few people that their trips were less than a week. It all depends.
Final At Home Check
Iron and everything unplugged
or off….light timers set?
Is everything done to
have your animals looked after?
Are Your Doors Locked
(including garage) and does someone have the keys in case they are needed for some reason?
Have you talked to the
local police station and notified them you will be gone? Our police station has us fill out a form, does extra drive
by's, and has noted what cars are supposed to be in front of our house.
Make sure your alarm company
has been notified and someone you trust is on your list of people the company is supposed to call if your alarm goes
off (and that they have your password).
Have you taken care of
your mail?
For those with children: Do your children have everything they need to have before you go (especially
meds)? Does their caregiver have an emergency medical permission slip allowing them to make medical decisions in your absence?
Do they have copies of your insurance card? Have they been given permission to pick up your child from school? Was their school and teachers informed? Have you given the
caregiver an emergency number of someone in the adoption agency that will know where you are at most times?
Pre Flight Check
__Passport + Any Country
Invitation you might need
__Driver License
__Copies of Adoption Paperwork
(we recommend you carry these on the plane)
__ Emergency number at
your agency AND an emergency number for someone in the country you are going to. The address and phone of where you are supposed to be
staying at. The Address and phone number of U.S. Embassy in the country you are going to. These should be carried on you as well.
__Credit Card for Emergency
__Cash needed for adoption
and personal use (+ Money Belt)
__ Items needed for your
child (bag + stroller). Both items should have a tag with your info on them.
__Your clothes and shoes
(dress clothes + shoes for Court). (All suitcases should have a tag with your name,
address, and phone number on the outside and a piece of paper with this information on the inside
as well)
__ Your backpack and/or
purse, and/or wallet with items to make your trip more comfortable (Label your backpack).
__ CAMERA and/or Video
Camera
The Flight
There is not much you can do to enjoy an extended flight tremendously. You will by now probably have the wonderful, nervous butterfly’s about meeting your child. Here are a few things to make it easier.
1. Bring your journal (to journal your
excitement for your child).
2. Bring a couple books
3. Bring a couple snacks that you enjoy
(who know what the airline food will be like). Bring at least one beverage as
well (with a screw on top). The drink carts don’t always come around when
you may need them the most.
4. Take this opportunity to study your
foreign language.
YOU’VE ARRIVED!
Finally you are close to seeing your child.
Every experience is so drastically different at this point, that we will only give list a few things
that helped us.
1. Know the average exchange rate and
find a place fairly quickly to exchange money.
2. Be very kind. You are guests in this country. Use the foreign words you
have learned. Especially the polite ones…please, thank you, excuse me, your welcome.
We had a mini cheat sheet that we kept on us helped us to remember the hard words or phrases.
3. Get a map of the area.
4. You will have many appointments. Be patient, the concept of time is very different in many countries. An appointment time can be very general.
Meeting Your
Child For the First Time
Moscow, Russia
As we walked up to Orphanage #2 we looked around us.
We were surrounded by poverty. Tenements rose around us. The balconies were crumbling where they remained at all. Steam
rose from the dumpster on the corner. We heard people speaking in this beautiful, yet harsh sounding language know as
Russian. There were a couple of elderly ladies setting in front of the nearest
tenement, their poverty as evident as their intense cultural pride. They smiled
with sweet grins, their missing teeth showing.
As we drew up to the orphanage the silence drew us in. The orphanage was silent except for one child's cries...just one.
We were immediately drawn up the stairs by our host. A strange smell invaded
our nostrils….Cabbage and unwashed bodies (we would come to know). They
led us through a maze of elderly corridors, Disney Characters decorating the walls.
Finally they led us through a set of doors into a silent room. There sat
11 children around the age of one in a giant, oddly shaped pen. They were silent,
silent and rocking (the only way they had to comfort themselves). They
had no toys in the pen…they were in shelves all around the rest of the room. We
were told that the only time these children were able to play with toys is when adoptive parents arrive.
We saw a beautiful little boy in a red and black mismatched shirt and pants. It was difficult to even recognize him from pictures.
It was Nikolai. They picked him up and plopped him into our arms. Fear etched his face. They then hurried
us into a little side room and shut the door. We were finally holding our son….finally.
He looked down and played with our keys. We waited and we finally saw his eyes peek toward us and the heavens opened as he
smiled.
________________________________________________
Addis
Ababa, Ethiopia
As we shed our shoes before entering Bekah’s nursery we immediately see the walls lined with cribs. The outer
edge of the small room had every inch filled with either a crib or bassinet. To our left…in the very first crib
a curly head laid with a slight sheen of sweat. As we crept closer we could slowly see her beautiful glowing skin and
her long eyelashes, shut in a heavy sleep only infants experience. When asked if we wanted to hold her, of course the
answer was “Yes”. Maybe not the best answer we found out. Bekah did not like being woken up and handed
immediately to strangers, which is what we were to her at the time. We then learned she could scream…lol.
I felt so bad. Wondering (remember we had been traveling for 31 hours) if I ruined our relationship forever.
This day will be a day that you cherish for the rest of your life. Remember every detail.
Remember to ask questions. What is your child's schedule like? How does he/she sleep? How many naps does he/she
take and how long are they? Any allergies they have noticed? Any Health Problems? Remember to also ask to see where
they sleep, eat, etc.. If they let you, take pictures. These will be important for your child to understand the
years they spent in an orphanage. This is your chance to understand as much as you can about your child's life before
you.
Here are a few things that will make your visit(s) a little easier.
It is a great idea to bring your diaper bag every time you go to even visit your child. We were able to take Max in a separate room and sometimes take him for walks.
Your child may be very hungry and depending where you adopt, malnourished. We brought Cheerios, yogurt, and bananas (watch out for allergies, since you don't know what he may be
allergic to). Max ate it all! He
or she may also need a diaper change. Sometimes the children aren’t exactly
changed when they should be. Bubbles were also a blast to play with (with all
the children).
Remember to not give your child anything in front of the other children. The orphanage director said she didn’t mind if we gave Max food as long as we brought extra diapers
for the orphanage. This is not a very unusual request, from what we have heard. They usually won’t let you bring food for the other children, some may feel
it’s an insult and that you think that they don’t care for the kids enough (though you will have a wonderful few
that want the children to recieve whatever they can and know their funds are limited).
You will also probably not be able to give your child anything to keep with them until the adoption is complete and
you take custody. Don’t forget to take pictures! This is a day you will never forget!
Taking Custody
You may be handed the child with full custody when you first meet them, or you may have to wait days
like we did. No matter what…be prepared (See Preparing for Your Child). Your child may have sleep problems, eating problems, problems with being overwhelmed,
or even car sickness (sensory depravation). There are many things that may come
up…and we know that by this time your probably tired too. Try to be patient
and go with the flow (AND PRAY A LOT) and life will be a lot easier.
Site Seeing
This is one of those times we kind of contradict ourselves.
Though it is very easy for your child to be overwhelmed, you may not have a chance to be in the country of your child's
birth again. We recommend you do site see.
It may not always be easy, but you will have the pictures of your child’s homeland that you may never have the
chance to take again. Site seeing will also help you to understand the country
of your child’s origin.
We had an interesting experience site seeing, so try to be aware of any holidays that are coming
up in the country you are traveling in.
We laughed at Max Nikolai and Anna’s (our 2 ½ year old’s) colorful
antics as we sauntered out of the McDonald’s that bordered the Kremlin.
What a joy and an experience to be privileged enough to participate in this wonderful culture.
There were crowds everywhere and someone speaking very loudly. Strange armbands adorned some of the men. We were chatting
casually as a kind young Russian man walked up. “You American’s?”
he asked…when we responded, he replied, “Please be very careful”.
It was then we saw the hundreds of riot police.
That day marked the fall of communism and we had walked into the middle of a
Communist Protest.
What a story we have to
tell! (smile)
Taking Gifts Home
Shopping was fun! We learned a very important
phrase in Russian…How Much?
We of course bought gifts for our other children and also their wonderful grandma (that
was taking care of them), but we also bought a few Russian decorations for our home (including Christmas ornaments). These ornaments will be on our tree for years and Max will always know where they
came from.
We also have a suggestion. Buy something for your
child when he is older. We bought a beautiful chess set to give him when he turns
sixteen. It’s just a neat idea to help your child remember his or her culture.
Going Home
Everything packed? Just remember to pack extra in your diaper bag for the flight back (extra clothes,
food, drinks, toys, etc.). It may be a long flight. If your child cries, try to comfort them, BUT also try not to worry what everyone else thinks….just
do your best and focus on and love your child. Don’t worry about looks
you get or comments. If someone gives you these looks they either didn’t
have children, didn’t truly experience their own children, or have the VERY RARE child who does almost everything right. Don’t worry about them. Our flight
was filled with adoptive children, so we didn’t have that problem.
Tip: There is
a special harness that www.onestepahead.com sells for wearing and attaching to the in flight seat belt. We used one. From what we are told the highest rate
of injuries on flights are from turbulance. This keeps your child more secure if you do not have a FAA approved car
seat with you.
When you arrive back in the U.S. you will have to go through immigration. Don’t worry, just have your paperwork ready and it should go smoothly.
Talk to your agency and find out what forms you will need to complete to make your child
a U.S. citizen and get their social security card.
We welcome and ideas and suggestions
you may have!
