Dog Lover's Fun Page

Jesus & the Robber

One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, ''Jesus is watching you!''while he rumagged through the desk. He replied, ''Who said that?!'' Once again he heard the same thing, ''Jesus is watching you!''

The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, ''Cornelius.'' The robber said, ''What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!'' The parrot said, ''The same person who named that rottwieler behind you Jesus!''

It's Great To Be A Dog!

You can spend hours just smelling stuff.

No one notices if you have hair growing in weird places as you get older.

Personal hygiene is a blast: No one expects you to take a bath every day, and you don't even have to comb your own hair.

Having a wet nose is considered a sign of good health.

No one thinks less of you for passing gas. Some people might actually think you're cute.

Every garbage can looks like a cold buffet to you.

Who needs a big home entertainment system? A bone or an old shoe can entertain you for hours.

And no matter where it itches, no one will be offended if you scratch it in public. Bonus: You can reach the itch everytime.

You never have to worry about table manners, and if you gain weight, it's someone else's fault. No one ever expects you to pay for lunch or dinner.

It doesn't take much to make you happy. You're always excited to see the same old people. All they have to do is leave the room for five minutes and come back.

How to photograph a puppy:

1. Remove film from box and load camera.

2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.

3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.

4. Choose a suitable background for photo.

5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.

6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.

7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.

8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.

9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.

10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.

11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.

13. Put magazines back on coffee table.

14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.

15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.

16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"

17. Clean up mess.

18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

With Halloween just around the corner, we have decided to have a doggy-costume contest! Email us your best doggy costume pics, and win a great prize! Here are three of last year's entrys:

"BOO" puppies

Pirate Puppy

Dear God, Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God, When we get to heaven can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same old story?

Dear God, Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang,The colt, the stingray and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the Chrysler Eagle the Chrysler Beagle?

Dear God, If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God, If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?

Dear God, More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God, When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone?

I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the Schnauzer across the street.

Dear God, Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God, May I have my testicles back?

No telling WHAT your dog'll learn with good Southland Training!

ahhh, the life!

Delicious and Nutritious...taste just like chicken!

Ten Pet Peeves Dogs have about humans:

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!!

2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A DOG, YOU IDIOT!

3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!

5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.

6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

9. Dog sweaters. Hello ???, Haven't you noticed the fur?

10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous. Now lay off me on some of these things. We both know who's boss here (you don't see me picking up your poop do you ) ???

Kelli's husky, Inaha

A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read: "Purebred Police Dog $25." Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered the next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen. In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad, "How dare you call that mangy-mutt a purebred police dog?" "Don't let his looks deceive you, ma'am," the man replied, "He's in the Secret Service."

The End...