When our oldest children were very young, we went through a parenting book called
Growing Kids God's Way (
GKGW) by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo of
Growing Families International. They published a similar book for the secular market called
Child Wise.
One of the suggestions given in
GKGW was to teach your children to respond, "Yes, Mommy" or "Yes, Daddy" whenever you give them an instruction. While we liked that concept, it was just a little more than we cared to enforce. We noticed that most of the time we were giving simple instructions when the children were directly at hand. It was easy enough to be certain the child complied or to make an immediate correction when necessary.
However, there are definitely moments when we would like a response. Perhaps we are in another room, and we want to be certain the child heard the instruction. Or, maybe we are aware that the child's mind is elsewhere, and the instruction could be quickly forgotten. Sometimes we use this technique to place a special emphasis (e.g. "Do not ever chase your ball into the street.
Do you understand?").
Requiring and receiving a verbal response from the child is beneficial in several ways. First, it helps him or her to focus on completing the task. Second, when responding in this manner, the child is affirming in his or her own mind the intention to obey. Third, the parent can be certain the message was heard and understood. Fourth, the child is showing honor to the parent and acknowledging the parent's authority by giving this polite, positive response.
When we are within line of sight, eye contact accompanies the parent's question and child's response. This helps to engage the child's mind and prevent an unthinking, rote response. Do not let them ever ignore your "Do you understand?" question. Not even once. Even as they have grown older, we have not allowed them to shorten it to "Yes." They still respond with "Yes, Mom" or "Yes, Dad".
We began teaching our children to respond in this way while they were very young--certainly prior to 18 months of age. They were not even speaking fluently, but it was being trained into their hearts and minds. At this age, the conversation goes like this: "Ross, pick up your ball and bring it to Mommy." Pause. "You say, 'Yes, Mommy.'" He responds with a beautiful baby talk "Yes, Mama." (And then you may have to repeat the instruction about the ball). This should quickly become a habit, probably by the time they are speaking fluently. They may go through stage here and there where they drop the response, and you will need to give them a reminder.
This simple technique has been a great parenting tool for us, and probably the thing that most stuck with us from
GKGW. If you are interested in
GKGW, you can take a look at it on the
Growing Families International website or at Amazon.com:
Labels: Parenting
