Because
the Government is evil and stupid...
by
Jay P Hailey
With Some Minor Editing by Moi
While
discussing the bill of rights with a neo-con recently, it occurred to me that a lot of people are not familiar with what a
radical set of ideas is held in the Bill of Rights. I set out to rephrase some of these first ten Amendments to our Constitution
in more casual language (with some admitted editorializing on my own part) to illustrate this point.
If it amuses you, read some of these to your friends and watch them blanch. Betcha a dollar they say "But,
that's Anarchy!"
———
The Government is too evil and stupid—
We hold this truth to be self evident—that Government is inherently evil and stupid and, unless
watched like a hawk, will abuse people, violate their rights, and steal their property. So our purpose here is to put some
severe limitations on what government can do.
Because the government is evil and stupid it shall NOT:
-
Hold nor express any opinion on any religion, pro or con;
-
Limit what anyone, anywhere, at any time, has to say about anything;
-
Limit any where, at any time, under any circumstance, what anyone wants to write or print about anything;
-
Prevent people from peacefully assembling in any place, for any reason they want;
-
Prevent people from confronting government officials to demand that their complaints be considered.
Because the government is evil and stupid, if it violates any of these principles, the People may need
to rise in opposition to it. Therefore the Government May NOT
-
Restrict in any way what weapons anyone owns or carries at any time, under any circumstances;
-
Force anyone to house or in any other way Support the Troops.
Because the government is evil and stupid, It may NOT
-
Search anyone, or any of their property, ever, unless it has a damned good reason, and gets permission
from a judge first;
-
These reasons, and the searches, must be very specific, because we all know how the government loves to
push the limits.
The government is evil and stupid and therefore it may NOT
-
Decide on its own if anyone should be charged with a serious crime, instead the government must submit
its evidence to a grand jury and then let them determine if a crime has really been committed and if a particular person should
be charged with the crime.
-
Try someone again and again for a crime hoping for the luck of the draw—they get one bite at the
apple and that's it.
-
Force anyone to confess to anything, ever.
-
Imprison anyone, at any time, for any reason, without due process…including the right to an attorney
and trial by a jury of fellow citizens.
-
Take anyone's property away. They must buy property on the open market, and then only for government purposes.
When the government does accuse anyone of anything, everyone must assume they're innocent and make the
government prove its case beyond a reasonable doubt.
When the government accuses anyone of anything, the government must put up or shut up immediately. All
evidence, witnesses and charges have to be made available to the accused along with a Lawyer to help him defend himself. The
accused gets a trial by jury in the area where the crime supposedly occurred.
If the government does accuse anyone of any crime, they must present their case publicly in full view.
In any case where the value exceeds $20 the accused has a right to a trial by Jury. Whatever the Jury decides, the government has to accept.
The Government is too evil and stupid to be trusted and therefore may NOT ever demand excessive
bail, impose excessive fines, inflict torture, or inflict cruel and unusual punishments on ANYONE
NOW LISTEN, THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT: Just because there are certain rights listed
here setting limits on what the government does, that doesn't mean there are no others. Government must NEVER be permitted
to trample these other rights either.
If a power is not specifically and explicitly stated here in this Constitution, then it's not
a Federal government power. Rather, it belongs to the individual states
and/or to the people. And The States can restrict these powers even further if
they deem necessary.
