I might talk about how old I am, what I look like, and what I do for a living. Well, I might,
but it really doesn't matter. All you really need to know about me is that I love cars and have had some dreams of my
own.
I taught myself to drive in a '62 Chevy Impala on some country roads in Ashville, Ohio.
The biggest industry in the area was a Purina fertilizer plant surrounded by hogfarms. Tried
very, very hard to stay upwind, but the wind shifts sometimes, y'know?
Took my driver's test in a '66 Metallic Mint Green Thunderbird. Passed first time to
everyone's surprise except mine.
Got a '69 Blue Nova, but it was a reallll bad lemon so I trashed it.
I had an orange 1970 Dodge Super Bee 383 Magnum, scoop, hood locks, rust colored bucket
seats and RoadRunner trim, black racing stripes, woodgrain dash and console, Hurst shifter, rust carpet floor and
doors. I LOVED that car. Anyone who's ever been to Columbus International knows the staightaway to the terminal. Lord, how
that bee could fly! I named her The Queen Bee, (prolly cuz I'm a she-person.)
She met a tragic end in a bowling alley parking lot. Some derelict liked her way too
much, kidnapped her and the next time I saw her, she was crumpled like an accordian. (So was he.)
Good thing too, because I'm also a Ted Nugent extremist. Kidnappers should be shot.
Off to a dealer and got myself a 1974 Oldmobile Cutlass Salon. A whole different experience,
that was. Didn't want to drive it. It was just that pretty. So I got another '62 Chevy Impala, Autumn Bronze metallic.
I had it for almost two days. It was stolen from right out in front of my livingroom window. No respect at all. Still had
to pay for it because the insurance only covered what the Blue Book said it was worth. Live and learn, I guess.
Had to move, sold the Cutlass. Got a '69 Buick Skylark. On my way to work, heading down a
snow-covered two lane hill, some idjut in a four-wheel Bronco pulled out from behind a line of cars going UP the hill
and into my lane. Bye bye Skylark. No gun in sight. Damn!
Turns out Bronco Billy was plastered AND on probation for same, so when he got out of
the hospital, he went straight to jail.
I did not go to the hospital, did not go to jail, and did not pass Go, either. Had to find
a ride.
Had a friend who found me a 1979 Chevy Impala. Drove it cross country twice and it is now
a monument. It might well be my most favorite car in the entire world for personal reasons that will stay personal.
1985 Olds Cutlass...Plum. Bought it off a guy who blew the rods and couldn't afford to fix
it. Great car...stolen. Found in a muddy ditch near some weird bar totalled.
Movin' on, 1989 Nissan 240 SX. Done in by a big red firetruck. Luckily, I was absent at the
time.
1995 Nissan 240 SX, Opal Green metallic. Lasted almost a week. Died at the top of a telephone
pole after I hit black ice on a steep mountain road and went airborne. Yeah. I went to the hospital that time. All that
was left of the car was a whole bunch of scattered fragments that measured in inches. Have since developed a fear of flying.
ANOTHER '95 240 SX and two whole months of great driving. Driver went speeding through
a red light and hit my driver's side door dead-on. Back to the hospital. Don't know if I would have gone if I had
known I was in a helicopter. The fear of flying and all....
1996 Grand Prix SLE. Everystuff imaginable, a keeper that one. Stolen by someone I actually
knew and IT was totalled about two years ago.
Drove a company SUV for awhile, but it wasn't mine. Just didn't feel right.
Got an '89 GM quarter-ton pickup truck, four wheel drive, just bare knuckles but great lookin'
and runs wherever whenever.
So MY personal extreme dream is that no one wants to kidnap it, or shove it over a cliff
with or WITHOUT me in it. I'm knocking on wood here.
Could have bought a new car, but they suck. Could buy one of the Showroom cars, but if it
wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have ANY. And they're too nice for me to take that chance.
So I'm offering the chance to you because I'm still in awe of that Queen Bee and don't think
anything, anything could ever fill that bill except an exact match. In my search for her, I found all you'll see. They aren't
for me. But someday....
