Dear Spirit,
I am so afraid.
I feel so incredibly alone and I am hurting. I know you surround me, yet I need to feel embraced. I need a physical
hug. I need to be able to sink into someone’s arms and cry for a long time. I am not asking for a lifetime lover. Just
some strong arms to hold me together, so I don’t lose any pieces while I fall apart.
As I read over the previous paragraph, I realize that what I am asking, is more than a lover, for many would quickly
take up an opportunity for sex, but sadly, few would grasp the chance to give emotional support.
I am so tired. I feel drained. I love the kids and want to do the best for them that I can, but they take a lot of
energy and then there is work. Then, there is me…
I have so many issues to face and so many thoughts to process. Yet I feel as if my wiring is all crossed and I cannot
concentrate long enough to get my head set straight. And my heart… my poor, lonely, sad heart… For so many years I convinced myself
that I was not loved and not worthy of love….
A friend of mine shared
this with me: “I feel so incredibly alone! Even when I am at home with
the kids there, I have this overwhelming feeling of being alone. And I hate to even mention going to bed. This is the time
of day that the world really crashes in on me. I don’t know why but it does everyday. Please, please, please, I need
to get through this.”
In response to
my friend's pleas, I spent some time meditating on what it feels like to be NOT alone and this writing is the result of what
was revealed to me.
What
does it feel like when I’m not “alone”?
This
is a difficult feeling to put into words. So much can be lost in the translation from the heart to the mental level. The best
I can do is to try to evoke the feeling inside of you, so you can experience it yourself.
When
I am at my best, it feels as if a warm glow emanates from the core of my existence. Visualize your heart as a bright light.
This may be difficult at first. Until recently, I could not see any light but I knew it had to be in there somewhere. It was
just covered by a lifetime of shadows and doubt.
What
do you see when you think about love? Close your eyes and focus on love. What do you see? Bring more light to it. Feel the
sun shining on it. Make it brighter. Focus on the brightness. Feel the warmth. Let this warmth fill you inside. It is growing.
Your heart is a magnificent shining white light. This light shines throughout your body. Your arms and legs grow warm. Light shines from your fingertips and toes. A crown of glimmering light shines from your
head. Your light connects with the sun. You truly are part of all that IS. Rainbows of color dance in your sight like ribbons
in the wind. The colors are soft against you. They pass through you, each of them offering healing and wholeness to you.
Fill
yourself with the colors. Look at your hands. See the colored rays extending from each finger. The colors come from the pure
light in your heart. There is love in your life. It fills you now. It gives you a feeling of wholeness and light. Accept it.
Allow it to fill you. This is your connection to the world. You are only alone when you isolate yourself from life
(and that is your own free choosing).
