Ø I have an 8 yr old son
thats a handfull. I can't seem to get him
> interested in learning. It's a constant struggle every day to get
>
things done.
Ø Your son sounds just like a remake of my now 25 yr old
– the oldest child of four.
Ø Stop struggling. Honestly, I learned the hard
way. YOU cannot “make” him get interested in learning. That will develop in him over time. YOU absolutely
need to exhibit utmost patience even when you do not “feel” patient. It is not up to you how much to make him do.
You can give him the tools of learning, the environment of learning, the time and space --- but you should not sweat over
the rest of the picture.
Ø Some children are born to fight…. Some will kick against
everything you give them to do. That’s the pits... I know. But your relationship with the child is MORE important
than the struggle.
Ø You don’t need to lower yourself to his level – you
still need to be the authority figure. Lead by example. When he is supposed to be doing math you can sit quietly
near to him and work on your own math.
Ø My guess is that at 8 he needs to work on his math facts.
You may have to become very creative and show him how to work this out. Work with him for a while until he gets into
the swing of it. I have a method that I can share with you if you want to hear it. It’s in the archives --- I’ve
related it to the group a few times – and I’ll be happy to do it again!
> He
is right now sitting only a few feet away and he is staring off into space, humming even though I've reminded him (gently
and not so gently i.e yelling) that he needs to do his work.
Ø No more yelling! I’m serious. I did that
too. It did NO good. It had no earthly value – and no enduring heavenly qualities either.
Ø So, promise me… no more yelling. Replace it with
a smile, then another and many more.
Ø He might be lost in the idea of what it is he is supposed
to do. Not every child gets into the swing of study on his own power. You need to keep that smile on your face
and say, “Hey hon’, let me help you with this”. Then sit right there and watch while he works out his equations.
I’ll bet he does not have his facts memorized. Let me know if you want to hear my “way”.
>>In
the last hour he has only completed 5 simple subtraction problem. I just want him to do the best that he can because
I know he's smart and can do so much when he wants to. I'm about ready to throw in the towel, give up and send
him to public school.
Ø Okay, you say that YOU know he’s smart. Well,
he doesn’t know it yet. Of course he can do so much when he wants to --- and that *is*
in fact the only times that he can do anything. He has to want to!!!! Whether because he can’t get a snack until
it is done or whether he just begins to understand the process of learning – as he understands it better he might begin to
enjoy it.
Ø Public school is not the answer. Even if he gets
only 2 equations done per day in math he is still better off at home.
Ø Praise him for his efforts on doing the 5 simple equations.
And find a way to work with him that will give him the motivation to succeed. Yelling, scolding, whining, etc… will
NOT encourage him. It is a downward spiral of a mess. You’ve got to find it in yourself to be happy with the little
output that he is giving --- consider the idea that it really just might be all that he (at his current level of maturity)
can handle. You need to learn how to help him build his stamina and drive.
Ø My mistake with my oldest was to always expect “the
best” from him. Not his best mind you – but *what* I thought should be
his best. Whenever he would do a great job on something I would say, “Wow, now I know what you are capable of doing
I will expect it ALL of the time!” Poor kid – I really crushed some of his natural intelligence – because when he really
couldn’t give me my idea of his best he would sink into a mode of “I’m so stupid….”
Ø Praise the best when it comes – and realize that some
of what you perceive as shoddy really might just be the best that can be done at that moment in life. Praise the effort
even when you think it is shoddy. Encourage little steps of improvement – but remember that encouragement is useless
unless it comes with love and a smile.
Ø Homeschooling works even when it doesn’t work.
The things that will drag a child into the gutter in the public school system are not a good trade for homeschooling.
Even if he does nothing truly academic he is better off at home. He will learn. He will pick up on all of the
things that you know and say. Provide him with everything he needs to excel. Show him how to do something and
surprise yourself by watching him do it.
Ø Set aside the academic work for a week. Use the
four to six hours of “school” to reconnect on a personal basis. Become a part of his day. Work together by baking
cookies – let him measure the ingredients and set the timer (math!). Build a tree fort (math!). Play Scrabble,
Boggle, and other games – (vocabulary, reading, math). Play Monopoly for hours and hours. Ride bikes (PE). Read
together every day. Write notes back and forth throughout the day.
Ø Take walks, etc. DO things together.
Ø Then after a week goes by, get out the flashcards and
help him to learn them. Have him practice his best penmanship. Read together for 2 hours.
>
Frazzled Mom
Ø You’ve got to un-frazzle my dear! Sit in a tub
of bubbly-bath, sip a cup of chamomile tea and listen to gentle music.
Ø Come out refreshed in your best play-clothes and get
going on a fun adventure.
Ø Don’t expect an 8 year old to behave like a well educated
college grad.
Ø He’s only 8. Make the most of his childhood.
