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GET OUT OF THE CAR!
(This is supposedly a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida.)
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males involved in the act of leaving
with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, "I
have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"
The four men didn't wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded
to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get
her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason that she had wondered why there was a football,
a Frisbee, and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat.
A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove
to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to whom she reported the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where
four pale men were reporting a car-jacking by a mad elderly woman described as less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white
hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.
Moral of the story? If you're going to have a senior moment, make it memorable!
 IF MY BODY WERE A CAR--author unknown
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and
dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not the worst of it.
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
My fuel burns inefficiently.
But here's the worst of it:
Almost every time I sneeze, cough, or sputter...either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires!
Retired Teachers Association * Scott County * Indiana
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