Bob Kuhns is seen alone at Planet Hollywood.  Is he on the hunt?  Not a chance.  He just has several hours to kill in downtown San Francisco before his shuttle out to the airport for a gosh-awful red-eye connecting flight back home.  He has tried walking in and out of several stores and has, apparently, no desire to shop.  So wondering, "What is the big attraction in Planet Hollywood?" he entered.

Please recognize that Bob has been in one Movie Theater in two years, but has visited several dozen times in National Parks, Forests, Wildlife Preserves, plus state and local equivalents in the same two years.  This is NEWS!

Therefore, the Hollywood Pundits are trying to speculate on his unexpected visit to this massive home of Hollywood hype.  The Pundits have observed him examining the many large TV screens all around the room running disjointed clips of recent movies, and worldwide openings of other Planet Hollywood restaurants.  He looks disinterested and unmesmerized.  Therefore, he is not here to evaluate the cinematography.

Across the aisle from his table is a glass enclosed display of an eight inch high (cute phase) gremlin from the movie “Gremlins.”  Bob has studied it more than any other of the zillions of props, decorations and designs that flood the visual senses.  So one Pundit has stated that Bob is here to arrange a photo session depicting a gremlin in some awesome setting to be used for the promotional posters of the as yet unannounced next release.

The other Pundits say “No way.”  Bob is an expert at keeping secrets and would not telegraph his mission so obviously.

His dinner is now on the table and Bob shows one of his awesome skills to anyone who notices.  Bob picks up the brand new ketchup bottle and deftly shakes out just the right amount on his french-fries, not by pounding on the end of the bottle, but by moving the bottle rapidly forward against his other hand with the open end aimed at the pile of stringy potatoes, letting inertia push the red sauce out onto the plate.  No wasted motions.  The Pundits all take notes.

One realizes that Bob has spent a lot of time studying the zebra patterned wall coverings on a central column and as wall-to-wall carpeting.  Is he getting ready to kick off a new environmental campaign to save the zebras?  No, there are many recorded times at hockey games when he was clearly anti-zebra.

Now Bob keeps looking back and forth between two plastic palm trees nearby.  --Save the plastics?

The TV is showing clips of Kevin Bacon in Kevin Bacon movies.  This could be a long night.

Among all the cardboard cutout displays of Hollywood performers as they appeared in familiar movies, Bob only smiles when he sees C3P0, R2D2 from “Star Wars” and Sean Connery as James Bond from one of the very early episodes.  Sean is with Ursula Andress.  Nobody remembers the name of the character she played, but Bob remembers Ursula.

The TVs have moved on to clips from science fiction flicks and Bob seems riveted to the rapidly changing scenes.  Whenever a “Star Wars” clip appears, Bob smiles.  Counting movie theater and television screenings, Bob has seen this series of three movies more times than any other film ever made.  Therefore, it is no surprise that he shows signs of recognition.   Then a single clip in black and white of a sleek silvery robot walking out of a flying saucer brings a smile.  “The Day the Earth Stood Still” was one of the first science fiction movies Bob ever saw. 

The Pundits know these things about Bob and therefore discard them as clues as to why he is here.  The place is noisy; Bob hates Noise.  The place is disjointed visually; Bob photographs the organization in nature, even in abstracts.

It is too late! He has finished eating, paid his bill and is leaving.  The Pundits all agree now.  They will not publish anything about this special event, because they cannot explain it.

 

            -- Bob Kuhns