In
the days of yore, the days of the mighty warrior, the hero carried a large broadsword, or perhaps a somewhat smaller blade. But as the legend progressed over time, this weapon would acquire a name. In the times of the Roundtable, King Arthur was armed with “Excalibur”. In Lord of the Rings, Frodo carried the knife, “Sting.”
“Naegling” was Beowulf’s mighty sword.
Last
month, I needed to shorten a length of 1x2 lumber to prop a window open that had a habit of crashing back down as much as
five hours after I raised it open.
I
walked out of my park quarters onto the elevated deck in front so I could support the piece of wood on the railing.
I planned to cut it with the only wood cutting saw I had in my apartment, a
three inch long cross-cut saw blade on my mighty Swiss army knife. The blade
is equipped with alternating, wickedly sharp pointy teeth along the thin width of steel.
The saw is quite effective at removing wood bits from what ever hunk of wood it is drawn across.
I
placed the piece of 1x2 over the corner of the porch railing. From there, the top of the stairway leads down to
the front yard, eight feet of so below the deck. I began to saw with immediate
success, forging a groove through the strong wood. My right hand guided the saw,
while my left hand steadied the piece of wood.
Suddenly
there was a yellow jacket on my left wrist next to my watchband. The little bugger
was assuming the position to sting me.
My
lightning fast reflexes sprang to life. I took a quick swipe with my right hand
to knock the yellow jacket of my wrist… using the thing in my right hand to push the waspish threat away. But the yellow jacket got caught against my watchband. It
was still hanging on and repositioning to sting me.
So
I swiped again with that steel multi-toothed saw blade, this time parallel to the watch band to get that stingy-thingy off
me before it could do any harm. It worked.
The yellow jacket was gone. Simultaneously to my success, I became aware
of two more threats:
1. Many yellow jackets were swarming in the air all around
me,
2. The top of my wrist was bleeding from a wide area.
I
had raked a weapon of mass destruction (WMD) over the flesh of my wrist, not once, but twice, the blade with many sharp teeth
tearing through my skin.
I
quickly ran inside and closed the door to escape the swarm of angry yellow jackets.
I headed to the bathroom sink and began to treat the wounded wrist. You
know the drill:
1. Rinse under water to see how much damage was done;
2. Cover the wound with a wet washcloth to contain the bleeding;
3. Elevate the wound;
4. Apply direct pressure and
5 Evaluate how stupid one can be with a WMD.
After
getting the bleeding under control, I went out the back door and checked under the front deck below where I had been standing. There hung a football size yellow jacket nest attached to the deck. The saw teeth cutting the piece of 1x2 had caused a vibration right down the railing post to the nest,
making the yellow jackets be really pissed off.
Since
then, I destroyed and removed that nest, using a park approved chemical insecticide. The
adventure is over.
From
hence forth, let it be known to all men, that the cross-cut saw blade on my mighty Swiss army knife shall be feared and known
as “Bee Sweeper.”
