Strange Tales of the Scary But True

Strange Tales of the Scary But True

GENERATION BUBBLE CHILD

Willett Elemenatary School in Attleboro Massachusetts has banned the game of tag from it's recess yard, citing liability concerns. Forget the drugs and the drive bys, the Kids of America have been dropping like flies from injuries received while playing tag at school ... you mean you haven't heard ... ?

This is the same school district that cancelled dodgeball a few years ago calling it exclusionary and dangerous ! For most of us dangerous activity would include things like race car driving or serving in the military, for the Massechuttes liberio-weenicus it means being hit with a soft rubber coated ball filled with air. By the way exclusionary in libero-weenicus means that the game involves competition with winners and (perish the thought)losers.

Elementary schools in Cheyenne Wyoming and Spokane Washington have also banned tag at recess leading concerned scientists to conclude that the virus that causes libero-weenicus and progressive-male-malevolence syndrome may be air bourne. Weak Minded individuals appear to have little resistance to this scourge and experts fear that thousands of American School Children will be forced to spend recess in a protective bubble before this disease runs it's course.

According to Willett Elementary School principal Gaylene Heppe institutor of the tag ban recess is"a time when accidents can happen," !

Libero-weenicus not withstanding we still have a way to go before we catch up to our European Socialist Cousins. John Kerry and the Democrats are working hard every day to make us more like that "more highly evolved" more civiled society. Well if that day ever comes here's one of the things we'll have to look forward to:

The Dvergsbes School in Kristiansand, Norway has forbidden boys to stand while taking a pee ! The bathrooms in this school are used by boys and girls alike. The school's female principle has stated that the boys aren't good aims and need to leave the girls with a pleasant toilet. Frankly I suspect that she has an unresolved Electra complex.

Darwin's Law of Natural Selection and the New York Police Force !

Attempting to "Master the Possibilities" one of NYPD's own was recently arrested for making credit card purchases using his ex-girlfriend's credit card. Since the last item that the officer, Mario Buonviaggio purchased for his Ex-love was a skin cream noted for it's ability to remove wrinkles I'm not sure if the guy just wanted to upset the poor lady or if he's some kind of pervert. The other gift items were lingerie, porn movies, sex toys, and a blowup doll.

The Officer gave further proof of his stupidity as if it was really needed, by making the orders on his cell phone. The NYPD is definately better off without him.

From the Dude, Next Time Call the SPCA Files

(they'd snuff out the little dickens in a socially acceptable and legal manner)

From the Liberal Haven of Minnesota,

A grade school principle from the northern Minnesota burg of Indus really put his bare feet in the cat box recently when he, like many inner city youths decided to take his gun to school. The Principle Wayne Pillioud decided to off a couple of kittens living on school property after their mother was killed in a trap !

Mr Pillioud, unaware of the possibilty of having the school adopt the kittens and taking advantage of that opportunity for various class projects, one of which could have been to find a family to take them in, took the law into his own hands ! Mr. Pulloud, so far is only facing local misdemeanor charges for his actions. Up to this time the Feds haven't come after him for violating Federal Gun-Free School Laws, after all it wasn't like he took his gun to school and used it to shoot a threatening criminal or something !

Employers Behaving Badly

The recent "team building exercises" used by a California based Home Security Company gives weight to the argument that the Modern Day Public School System (along with popular culture in general) is producing a society of Dumb-downed Sheeple.

Sales teams at the company were encouraged to join in a competition against one another.  The losing teams were required to eat baby food, wear diapers and submit to having their buttocks paddled by the winners !

Judging from the personel that I've seen in some compaines all I can say is that sometimes in life there are no real winners, but that's another story.

Anyway this folly came to a screeching halt when one women was injured and another women was sued. Gee I guess nobody saw that one coming !

I don't know what's scarier here, the intricate workings of group dynamics, the things that some people are pressured to do to make their next mortgage payment, the probability that some highly educated consultant crafted   these "team building exercises" or the fact that some people are conditioned by our culture and society into not seeing anything wrong with this lunacy.

Since Alarm Companies will cease to exist unless they continually make sales to new customers and sell existing customers on the necessisty of renewing their contracts, one might think that in itself would be more than enough motivation for employees to do their jobs. But I guess the baby boomers and gen ex'rs who populate today's workforce can't function if they are treated like adults.

What's coming next is anybodies guess !

The Holiday's China Style

If you are investor, here's an idea. The Lunar Holiday is a huge travel day in China, the chosen mode of transportation for millions of Chinese the train. So many Chinese travel by train during the 40 day Lunar Season that making it to bathroom if often impossible and even if you do manage to squeeze through the sardine-like packed train car and reach the facilities the toilets may be broken down or overflowing. Because of this large numbers of Chinese Travelers are stocking up on adult diapers. Sounds nasty to me but it seems to work for them.

So find out if Depends is exporting to China. If they are you might consider purchasing their stock before the Lunar New Year.

And I thought the Philly Subway was bad in the summer time.

From the "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest Files :

All the good men have been taken

For those of you who thought mankind might take a turn to a more sane existance this year ..... uhm .... sorry. Kicking off the lunacy this year is a newly wed 41 year old brittish women by the name of Sharon Tendler. Her groom is a male Dolphin whom Ms. Tendler has named Cindy. Well at least it's a guy.

Sharon met Cindy 15 years ago and according to her it was love at first sight. At the ceremony held in Dolphin Reef in the Israli port of Eliat, Ms. Tendler swept Cindy off of his fins with a piece of herring and a kiss.

A clothes importer and promoter of a rock band back home this lady been telling people for years "I'm going to end up with Cindy" when the question of marriage has come up.

Since I don't want to leave you with the wrong idea, {like there's a right idea} I'll share some of Ms. Tendler's own statements that more clearly define this relationship.

" It's not a perverted thing. I do love this dolphin. He is the love of my life."

"It's not a bad thing. It’s just something that we did because I love him, but not in the way that you love a man. It's just a pure love that I have for this animal,"

It's definately an open marriage since Ms Tendler has also stated:

"He will still play with all the other girls there, I hope he has a lot of baby dolphins with the other dolphins. The more dolphins the better."

Although she has kept open the possibility of some day "marrying a human" for right now she is a "one-dolphin woman".

Not to be outdone by the Brits our neighbors to the north have definately thrown their collective hat into the ring.

What's wrong with some good MooseHead Ale ?

The Canadian Medical Association has just published the results of a study that recommends giving homeless Canadian Alcoholics a steady supply of booze. According to the study a glass of wine or sherry every hour for 15 hours a day may {I love how they couch things} improve their health and behavior.

The study tracked 17 homeless adult who are chronic alcoholics. Each person was allowed up to 15 glasses of wine a day. After a year had elapsed the number of times participants got in trouble with the law had dropped by 51 percent and emergency room vistis were down 36 percent.

"Once we give a 'small amount' of alcohol and stabilize the addiction, we are able to provide health services that lead to a reduction in the unnecessary health services they were getting before," said Dr. Jeff Turnbull, one of the authors of the report.

"The alcohol gets them in, builds the trust and then we have the opportunity to treat other medical diseases... It's about improving the quality of life."

Those engineering this study don't seem to think that there is a correlation between the fact that these alcohololics were in regular if not daily contact with health care professionals and the fact that other human beings were showing some kind of special interest in them and the resulting improvements of outcome.

Hmmmm..........

Three of the seventeen participants died while in the program from alcohol related diseases that according to researches might have killed them anyway.

I wonder what the average death rate was in the last year for homeless alcoholics not participating in the study?

Although the study participants used an average of 96 Canadian Dollars less in Emergency Room Sevices, 150 C Dollars less in Hospital Care Services, 201 Canadian Dollars less in police services, the study listed a per capita cost of 771 Canadian Dollars for each participant that did not as far as I know include funeral expenses for the 3 people who expired.

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Move Over Lorena Bobbitt

      You Gotta Love Those Europeans

Trick Or Treat For Unicef

        Good News For Women Everywhere

From The Are You

Kidding Me ?

Files

Shane Stant the infamous "hit man" in the attack on Nancy Kerrigan's knee a few years back, is a little disapointed these days. Mr Stant has been prohibited from fullfilling his desire to join the Navy Seals due to his felony record and 14 month prison term. I'm sure the Seals aren't looking for slobs who attack girls with clubs either. How would you feel with this guy watching your back ? You've got to give the Shane-man his props though, at least this time he's aiming high.

Move Over Lorena Bobbitt

Somebody post this women's picture in all the singles bars with a warning sign please.

Gail O'Toole of Murrysville Pa was recently ordered to pay her ex-boyfriend 42,500 dollars for glueing his genitals to his abdomen. I wonder what she put in his hot chocolate ? The ex-boyfriend one Kenneth Slaby committed the atrocious deed of breaking up with O'Toole after a 10 month relationship, and then dated someone else. When Ms. Spiderwomen found out that her ex-beau and his new woman had broken up, she invited the poor unsuspecting sap over to her apartment where he fell asleep. And boy did he ever sleep.

O'Toole also glued Slaby's buttocks together with superglue and wrote obsceneties on his back with nail polish. When Slaby awoke he was informed by O'Toole that she was paying him back for their break-up. Slaby then walked a mile to a gas station with his buttocks stuck together and his you know what glued to his lower abdomen, to call for help. Talk about one of those "I hope nobody sees me now moments.

O'Toole's sleazebag lawyer attempted to con the jury into believing that the couple engaged in consenual sex ... but they didn't buy it. His client also has been sentenced to 6 months probation.Too bad she wasn't at Abu Grab, she definately could have put her talents to better use.

TRICK OR TREAT FOR UNICEF

In a desperate move to raise money UNICEF recently hired the European Ad Agency Publicis to raise more than $100,000 for the rehabilitation of child soldiers in Burundi, an equatorial African Nation plagued by ethnic strife. Facing a population that has become desensitized to the pictures of Third World suffering (I thought the Europeans were to civilized to care about trivial matters involving right and wrong), Publicis came up with a very innovative Ad Campaign to be used in the nation of Belgium (otherwise known as Germany's speedbump on the road to world conquest). With the blessing of the family of the Smurfs deceased creator, Publicis created an "adult cartoon" that I'm sure many American Boys over the age of 10\ would thoroughly enjoy. The 25 second cartoon begins with happy Smurfs dancing hand and hand around the campfire singing the Smurf song. All is peace and joy in the musrhoom shaped houses of their cute little village when all of a sudden bombs start falling, fiery explosions are everywhere, the poor innocent Smurfs run around in total panic as they are being killed. Afterward viewers are left with the image of a a sobbing Baby Smurf surrounded by flames and the ruins of his village while everywhere the bodies of Smurfs litter the ground. Then the message "Don't let war affect the lives of children" appears on the screen. Well it would have never happened if G.I. Joe was there but that's another story.

My guess is that since more and more Americans are informed and fed up with the U.N.'s anti-Americanism, arrogance and corruption Kofi and his fellow thugs in suits aren't going to get much money here. In spite of the efforts of U.N.'s so called peacekeepers people are still killing one another in Burundi, funny how that scene keeps repeating itself, the U.N. was at the border of Rwanda too and don't forget how the U.N. peacekeepers twiddled their thumbs in the former Yugoslavia while human beings were being exterminated by the terror of ethnic cleansing. Years of tribal warfare have left Burunid which has a great climate and fertile land mostly underdeveloped. NO BONEHEAD ... I mean BONO, IT'S NOT THE FAULT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA !

Anyhow there are still a few more things that don't make sense to me, $100,000 dollars in the scope of this whole thing is chump change, the Ad and T.V. time should have cost more than that and wasn't Burundi one of those places where U.N. peacekeepers where raping children ? To protect the children of Belgium this adults only cartoon was slated to be broadcast after 9 PM but someone came up with the bright idea to broadcast it on the evening news. Many small children and a few sissy adults were horrified so I guess that UNICEF will have to come up with another fund raiser to rehabilitate it latest victims. Something's definately rotten in Brussels !

Gotta Love That Advanced European Society

According to our European friends we Americans have a rather uncouth and violent society. We have too many gun owners and are a bunch of unsophisticated primatives.

So when a sparrow recently disrupted an attempt sponsered by the Dutch T.V. firm Endemol to break the world domino toppling record, I just knew that our enlightened European friends would show the world how a sophisticated and advanced European Society handles these minor issues involing our feathered friends.

I discovered one thing about these folks from the land of tulips, windmills and wooden shoes .... deep down inside of some them is the heart of a cowboy. When the highly trained animal handling professionals arrived at the hall where this task was being set up, after cornering the sparrow, they pulled out a gun and capped the little sucker.

Maybe I'm being a little hard on these guys, I guess weeks of setting up 4 million dominoes can even put the intellectually superior and morally aloof Euromen's nerves on edge. After all a lowly animal intruded on to their personal space and knocked down 23 thousand dominoes that they so painstakingly set up .....

NOT

I think we primitives here in America definately have more respect for life than our little dutch buds do, and I have no doubt that an animal control officer over here could have found an intelligent way to catch that bird.

However, this really shouldn't rock your world too much because most of the Euroweenies involved in this situation are acting true to form. A tribute website has been set up for the sparrow and has recieved 24,000 hits {I wish my website had that kind of action}, many of the hits were messages of condolence ... I'm sure Ma and Pa Sparrow are being comforted. T.V. show staff have been recieving threats and local radio stations have offered rewards to anyone who could get on the set and knock down more dominoes before the scheduled event. The Dutch animal protection agency has also threatened to investigate. So all is well in the world.

By the way, the event went off and according to the T.V. staff the old dominoe knock down record of 3,992,397 dominoes felled has been bested. The folks from the Guiness {I wish they'd stuck to making beer only} Book of World Records are invetigating. I guess that kind of stuff does make for interesting conversation when you are occupying a bar stool.

Good News for Women Everywhere

Mohmed Kamal Mustafa, iman of a mosque in Fuengirola, Spain and author of a book about how to beat your wife without leaving any marks was sentanced to 15 months in jail fined about $2,600 after being found guilty of inciting violence against women.

In typical European fasion Mohamed was released after serving just 22 days in jail on the condition that he take a re-education course.

The Spanish government has set up a commission to find ways for the Muslim community to regulate itself in accordance with basic human rights and Spanish law. No, I'm not kidding.

In the book titled "Women in Islam" Mohamed wrote that verbal warnings followed by a period of sexual inactivity could be used to discipline a wife. Somehow it strikes me (pardon the pun) that if these guys make love the same way that they relate to women in every other area of life, witholding sex as a form of punishment is really going to confuse their women ......

If this means of discipline fails .... as it most certainly will .... Mr Mohamed instructs his readers (according to Islamic law, of course) that "The blows should be concentrated on the hands and feet using a rod that is thin and light so that it does not leave scars and bruises on the body" That kind of reminds me of my second grade nun ... but that's another story.

Of course we all know that this guy is going to straighten out after taking his court ordered classes on articles 10, 14, and 15 of the Spanish Constituion which I'm sure will take presidence over the Koran in Mr Mohameds mind and heart.

Swift Boating

To a Liberal the official definition of Swift Boating is a campaign of lies and false accusations against innocent Progressives by the evil Right Wing Conspiracy.

But In Reality It's

Circumventing the "Drive By" or Mainstream Media's propagandizing and cover ups by revealing the ugly but necessary truth about a candidate for high political office.

True Swift Boating brings to light things like lying, stealing, egomania and other behavior typical of politicians but also includes hidden criminal activity, theft, extortion, abuse of power, rape, contract killings, treason, and other personal pathologies and amoralities that the American People need to be informed about before choosing to elect someone to high office.

If the Main Stream Media did their job instead of shilling for the Democratic Party, Secular Humanists, Socialists and RHINOs, Swift Boating would be unecessary.

Since agenda, philsophy and personal history of Democrats, Socialists, and their ilk can't stand up against the truth, Swift Boating must be completley supressed. When that is not possible mislabeling it and whining about it to the masses is the order of the day.