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Sunday, April 13, 2008
My life in general explained
So I wonder where to start. I will try to wrap my whole life up
in this one blog so then people who read this will know why I am the way I am. There has been several people who have told
me that I need to go see a shrink but if I won’t talk to my friends about the problems in my life why would I pay a stranger
hard earned money to listen to my problems. Ok, here are some reasons why I can’t get close to someone and why I won’t take
down my wall. When I was very young around 7 I had a German Shepherd that I love greatly and she had a stroke, I tried so
hard to make her better, I would go and feed her ground up liver with a spoon hoping she would eat and get better but she
died and I didn’t understand why. When I was a little older maybe 8 or 9 I watched my Grandfather who I loved greatly die
in front of me, I was staying the night and I didn’t understand what was happening. When I was about 12 I had my first Girlfriend,
We did everything together, I loved her a lot and one day I went to see her and she was gone, Her family relocated and I never
saw her again, my heart was broken, then about 14 my parents moved and I was transplanted to Virginia, I left all my good
friends that I never saw again, I had to help my father renovate the house they bought so I never had anytime for a social
life. I started High School here and I had to start all over again finding friends, I never really made any good friends
with anyone, I was the "black sheep" I kept mostly to myself and did my own thing, Looking into space hoping something would
fall from the sky and either kill me or make my life better and I am still looking at the sky. When I was 17 my Father got
sick with Cancer and I couldn’t see him that way so I never went to see him in the hospital before he died. When I was 18
I quit school and got my GED and went to work full time, I gave up on relationships and making friends and put all my time
in my car and motorcycles. I joined the vol. fire co. where I just about lived, I had a second family there, I went out with
a girl once in high school but broke up with her because she was getting to close to me. I went out with another girl, I got
Her pregnant and we got married and had a beautiful Daughter, I was happy for a while but then I got into a rut and my wife
left me for one of my friends, It hurt, It hurt bad. I even thought about walking in front of a truck once or twice but I
figured I could cause more problems alive than dead, He still doesn’t stick around when I show up somewhere he is. I have
tried a few times with relationships but I usually fail, I can’t give 100%, I don’t even have 100% to give if I wanted to.
I am not even sure if I know what love really is anymore maybe I am just to scared of loving because of all the times I got
hurt in my life, every time I was close to someone they would get taken away either by death, having to relocate or
just getting tired of my shit. So now I hope there is a little light shed on my life that explains why I am still alone
and act the way I do. I don’t see my wall falling down anytime soon so you will have to hate me for who I am because I don’t
want to be loved for someone I will never be.
What Is Love??
The word love has many different meanings in English,
from something that gives a little pleasure ("I loved that meal") to something one would die for (patriotism, family). It
can describe an intense feeling of affection, an emotion or an emotional state.
According to philosophers, the only goal of life is
to be happy. And there is only one happiness in life: to love and be loved. Love is essentially an abstract concept, much
easier to experience than to explain.
The definition of love is the subject of considerable
debate, enduring speculation and thoughtful introspection. The difficulty of finding a universal definition for love is typically
tackled by classifying it into types, such as passionate love, romantic love, and committed love. These types of love can
often be generalized into a level of sexual attraction. In common use, love has two primary meanings, the first being an indication
of adoration for another person or thing, and the second being a state of relational status. Love is an act of identifying
with a person or thing, capable of even including oneself (cf. narcissism; reverence). Dictionaries tend to define love as
deep affection or fondness. In colloquial use, according to polled opinion, the most favored definitions of love involve altruism,
selflessness, friendship, union, family, and bonding or connecting with another.
Some feelings that is often associated with interpersonal
love:
· Affection:
feelings of tenderness and/or wanting physical closeness
· Attachment:
satisfying basic emotional needs
· Altruism:
selfless or unselfish concern for another
· Reciprocation:
if love is mutual
· Commitment:
a desire to maintain love
· Emotional
intimacy: sharing emotions and feelings
· Friendship:
the spirit between friends
· Kinship:
family bonds
· Passion:
whole-hearted desire
· Physical
intimacy: sharing of intimate personal space
· Self-interest:
desiring rewards
· Service:
desire to help
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Wisdom Teeth
Well I had to get two Wisdom teeth pulled On Tuesday and I wonder why they call them Wisdom teeth when they are not smart
at all. The Dr. Had both of them out and had me all stitched up in about 10 mins and I didn't even feel a thing until
I got home about an hour later when the numbing went away and then I felt like I was hit in the face with a 2x4. I did find
a new friend for the time being, It's name was Lortab, Took a couple of them and woke up 4 hours later just in time for another.
I even had a juicy steak in a can (beef Broth) last night since I couldn't chew. I did manage to eat a sandwich at lunch today
but it hurt. I figure a few more days before I can sink into a real steak. It seems to me that the past few weeks I have paid
money out to people just to inflict pain on me. First I paid my artist for 5 hours of ink and then I paid the Oral Surgeon
to Pull my teeth. Hell maybe I'll give the kid down the street a nickel to kick me in the leg next.
Saturday, December 9, 2006
Dear Santa
7:54 am est
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Scuba Diving
OK, I am now A Certified Scuba Diver. The first
dive in the lake damn near killed me, I sucked down 2500 lbs of air in 30 mins, I was out of breath after I climbed up the
hill from the lake, I am glad I quit smoking, I didn't know if I was going to make it or not, I felt like I had run 20 miles
and I can still feel it in my legs. The second dive was a bit better, I didn't use as much air and I didn't feel as tired
when I got to the top of the hill. By the fifth dive on saturday all I wanted to do was eat and get a nap. I got 3 dives in
on sunday and they were much better after I got my legs and back working again. Now what? I guess I have to go dive somewhere.
I would like to dive on a wreck and find a big box of gold, My chances of finding gold and striking it rich is about the same
as winning the Lotto, slim to none. Well I guess the next thing I'll have to try would be Sky Diving.
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
9:01 pm est
Scuba Diving
Well I start my Diving classes on Aug 26, I have read the Open water Dive book and did all the homework
so maybe I'll have a jump on things. I can't wait to get in the water and go diving. I guess I'll have to start selling stuff
on ebay so I can get enough money for my gear. I have 3 or 4 more payments on my car then I should be able to pay off
my credit cards and buy some basic gear. After I get my Open Water Cert I'll have to make at least 5 logged dives
a year. I would like to dive on some wrecks, That would be interesting.
Friday, June 2, 2006
V-8 Chevette???
I have a 2 door Chevette and a Chevy Small Block. I need to find a Powerglide or THM 350 or 400 Tranny.
I want to shoe horn the V-8 into the Chevette as cheep as possible and the web has little to no info on what I might run into
or what I might need to make this happen. I plan on keeping it street legal so I can bust some Import Ass. Does anyone have
any ideas before I break out the cutting torch and welder? I remember some company making an engine swap kit for the Chevette,
it had motor mounts and headers but I can't find anything on it. Any ideas or helpful info? Let me know..
Tuesday, May 30, 2006
EVIL
I wonder why I
am so Evil, people say that I am, there are times when I want nothing to do with the world, I would rather just sit in a dark
room and stare at a blank wall all by myself. Maybe some people cause me to be Evil because they piss me off. Maybe
I just Don't want to be bothered. Maybe I have a dark side that has more power over me than my good side, maybe I just
like being evil. I don't know, I think I will climb back under my rock and hide.
Saturday, May 27, 2006
Just a few thoughts
I think I may write a few thoughts here and there.
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