Frothware.

"It is better to be thought a fool than write a hundred thousand words and prove it," they said. Oh, yeah?

19 May
2009
Starless Trekless

A parody.

15 Nov
2008
Hellboy 2: The Rock-Em Sock-Em Robots

A parody.

08 May
2008
Kitman Versus The Squirrels

A complete novel featuring squirrels, ducks, and mystic trash. Second draft of my 2005 NaNoWriMo novel; yes, it used to be worse.

1. We Meet Our Protagonists.
2. We Continue To Meet Our Protagonists, And Experience An Intimation Of Mystery.
3. Pizza Is Eaten And A Squirrel Is Discovered.
4. Preparations For An Investigation Are Made.
5. Half-Squirrels Go, The Squirrels Arrive, And A Disaster Occurs.
6. Discoveries Are Made.
7. Our Protagonists Boldly Go...Somewhere.
8. Our Protagonists Explore A Strange New World.
9. Sights Are Seen.
10. Darkness Falls.
11. A Paradoxical Discovery Is Made.
12. We Let Sleeping Ducks Lie.
13. We Support The Free Market.
14. We Look At Our Shoes.
15. We Rescue Someone Who, Presumably, Needs Rescuing.
16. We Learn Strange And/Or Terrible Things.
17. The Secret Of The Universe Is Revealed.
18. We Learn Things We Do Not Understand.
19. We Learn More Things We Do Not Understand.
20. We Go House Hunting.
21. We Find Ourselves Somewhat Worse For Wear.
22. We Have A Nice Cup Of Tea Amid Disaster.
23. At Least One Of Us Has An Epiphany.
24. We Trot Into A Problem.
25. The Solution Presents Itself.
26. We Do What Needs To Be Done.
27. We Get Delicious Cake.

3 Feb
2008
Serious Electronics

Servicing the customers since 1979.

3 Feb
2008
The Contamiski Times

So you've been reading Kitman Versus The Squirrels? Have some apocrypha.

1 Feb
2008
Weird Johnny

Booksmart Stapledumb.

26 Dec
2007
A Work Of Satyr

An artsy experiment.

18 Dec
2007
Osbert Finds A Demon

A story that apparently lacks devilish puns, probably because I wrote it without pausing for more than five seconds between sentences.

8 Sep
2007
Philosophaerie

Do not allow garden sprites access to your teaching library. (Alternate title: "Philosylphical".)

4 Sep
2007
Louse, M.D.

A parody of the TV series with soapy-eyed Hugh Laurie in — written during Season One, which is why the supporting cast has generic names.

4 Sep
2007
The Hero As Nincompoop

When the fate of the universe rests upon one man, he'd best not be a nincompoop. A brain-bursting science-fiction hypernovella; originally published in HyperBole 2.3 in 1992, updated. (Note: contains footnotes that won't look quite right in Lynx. Or IE6 either.)

4 Sep
2007
On the Gray Squirrel

You always wanted to know where those blasted house-devouring things came from.

4 Sep
2007
A Word From Our Sponsor

You just don't get ads like this any more.

4 Sep
2007
Invasion of the Space Weevils

A short story about even less than you might think.

4 Sep
2007
House of Leaves

Almost, but not quite, a book review.

4 Sep
2007
The Do It Yourself Novel Writing Kit

An article I cobbled together during one National Novel Writing Month.