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What Will The Druid Folk Do?

by Talespinner

Duke:

Ah, Ignar, back from your trip to Bendenwood.  Excellent, I have some questions for you regarding my plans for expansion…

 

(Singing)

What will the Druid folk do

If I annex Bendenwood?

It’s just a bunch of hunters flitting in the trees

It would be so easy to drive them to their knees

When they’re besieged and beset

What assistance will they get?

What worries have these Fey-mages for this wooded lot?

Oh what will the Druid folk do?  What have you got?

 

Ignar:

I have been informed the Druids have a spell

That they call the Oak and Mistletoe

They blow on oaken whistles and the mistletoe will swell

And a killing forest will begin to grow

And that’s what the Druid folk will do

So I’m told.

 

Duke:

They’ll whistle?

 

Ignar:

So I’m told.

 

(Ignar whistles)

 

Duke:

What else will the Druid folk do?

Since I have some wizards too

A hundred Harry Potters

Heed my beck & call

A fireball or lightning bolt

Cause killer trees to fall

So what do I need to learn

That will cause me any concern?

What ancient native custom at me will they throw?

Oh, what will the Druid folk do?

Do you know?

 

Ignar:

I once heard a tale they built a Wickerman

Filling it with all their prisoners

When they lit it up it burned as bright as day

A giant Fire Golem is built this way

And that’s what the Druid folk will do

So they say

 

Duke:

A Wickerman

 

Ignar:

So they say

 

Duke: (singing)

Arise, my men, arise my men

Get pointed sticks and supplies my men

We’ll shishkabob, cook corn on the cob

And sing campfire songs as we play

The final course will be the s’mores

Then the fire golem we’ll slay

He’ll wear a shirt of dousing dirt

And a shroud of coldest clay

 

What else will the Druid folk do?

They must have a tactic or two

They obviously outshine us at talking to the trees

Or playing with a petting zoo and friending their fleas

What then I wonder will they

To chase all my soldiers away?

They have some swampborn sorcery you haven’t mentioned yet

Oh what will the Druid folk do to make me fret

 

Ignar:

Often I am told they dance a Morris Dance

With chants and rants to rhythmic tribal drums

They spiral out in rings as the cantor cants

And madness something wicked this way comes

And that’s what the Druid folk will do

Given the chance

 

Duke:

They dance

 

Ignar:

Given the chance

 

Duke:

What else will the Druid folk do

If I see this invasion through?

 

Ignar:

They’ll sit around and ponder how dukes taste in a stew

And that’s what the Druid folk will do.

 

Duke:

Oh no, really?

 

Ignar:

I have it on the best authority

That that’s what the Druid folk will do.

 

Duke:

Annex?  Did I say annex?  No, no, no

A meant to say alliance, draw up a teaty of…of…cooperation between us, yes, that’s it.

 

Ignar:

Yes, your majesty.

 

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