Time: The present.
Setting: A kitchen looking out on a backyard.
Characters
Helen –
late 30’s
Charlotte –
a bit younger and a good deal taller
Scene 1
(HELEN looking out window to backyard. CHARLOTTE sitting at the kitchen table.)
CHARLOTTE
They okay out there?
HELEN
Still okay. (Beat) Oooh!
(CHARLOTTE stands quickly.)
CHARLOTTE
What?!
HELEN
It’s okay. It’s nothing.
CHARLOTTE
You sure?
HELEN
It’s just that your son’s stick went flying.
CHARLOTTE
Damn it!
(CHARLOTTE rushes to window.)
CHARLOTTE (cont’d)
I told him absolutely no weapons.
(CHARLOTTE at window with HELEN, both looking
out.)
HELEN
No. No.
It’s fine. See?
CHARLOTTE
Yeah?
HELEN
They’re looking for a new stick together.
CHARLOTTE
I better go talk to him . Sticks are not
a good situation…I mean playing with sticks is not a good situation for him.
HELEN
They each had a stick they were beating the weeds with and then your son’s went
flying over the back fence.
CHARLOTTE
He could get carried away. I’ll just
go…
HELEN
Please sit down and let them be for five minutes.
(CHARLOTTE sits again.)
CHARLOTTE
At least he’s not hopping the fence to get it.
I told him, remember?, to absolutely stay put in the yard and he is.
HELEN
There are plenty of other sticks to find back there.
CHARLOTTE
Right.
HELEN
I didn’t mean it that way. It’s
good he’s not hopping the fence Charlotte, really.
CHARLOTTE
Yeah. Sorry.
Okay. I’m a little defensive.
The last kid Larry had a play date with, his mother asked me if he ever tortured small animals.
HELEN
That’s awful.
CHARLOTTE
Larry loves animals. If he ever hurt an animal
it would be from loving it too hard. I know he doesn’t observe the regular
physical boundaries sometimes but he’s a sweet kid. Larry would be totally
miserable if he ever hurt an animal.
HELEN
Do you have any pets?
CHARLOTTE
We never have much luck with pets in that apartment.
The goldfish, the painted turtle, the two hamsters, all died.
HELEN
Ah ha.
(They laugh a little.)
HELEN (cont’d)
Sorry. That was bad.
CHARLOTTE
No Helen, it’s fine. (Beat) He’s had a rough time because of the way he is, because
of things he can’t help. So I really appreciate this after the last time. I’m so worn out. You can’t
believe how hard it is.
HELEN
Ricky my oldest had ADD, ADHD, whatever they’re calling it now, the alphabet soup. We had quite a time with him so I know how rough it can be, especially alone.
CHARLOTTE
I’m just so tired. My face doesn’t
usually look like this.
HELEN
You’re a beautiful woman.
CHARLOTTE
Yeah right. Thanks.
HELEN
Well you are.
(Beat. Beat.)
HELEN (cont’d)
God, our back yard’s a mess. It’s
like the wilderness area of this neighborhood.
CHARLOTTE
What are they doing?
HELEN
Still okay. (Beat) You wouldn’t believe the dirty looks we’ve gotten
from the bourgeois lawn police, even had our lawn reported to the city once by some anonymous citizen.
CHARLOTTE
That sucks.
HELEN
When we first moved in here it was like we were immigrants who had to be indoctrinated
into the lawn cult of the neighborhood. Every once in a while our next door neighbor
Ken, this really sweet widower, would patiently explain to my husband about weed killers and power mowers as if English was
David’s second language.
CHARLOTTE
Your husband’s a teacher you said?
HELEN
High school History. Still David mowed the
weeds with our hand mower when they grew too high but then Ken got really sick and David would mow his lawn for him with his
power mower and then Ken gave it to us before he died and that’s how we got it.
CHARLOTTE
Oh.
HELEN
Noisy thing.
(Beat. Beat.)
CHARLOTTE
That was really nice what your husband did.
HELEN
Oh David’s a sweetheart. Someone’s
in trouble he’s there for them.
CHARLOTTE
He sounds really nice.
HELEN
Uh huh. Ken was happy doing yard work in
his overalls and hat and gloves with all his tools. I had this thought once that
he started doing yard work to get away from his wife but that, after she died,
he did it to feel close to her again. Like she was still in the house to escape
from and come home to. Like the house wasn’t empty. To forget and to remember. It was sad.
CHARLOTTE
Really sad.
HELEN
We never knew her. Or him for all that long.
Maybe he died of sadness.
(Pause.)
CHARLOTTE
Our apartment building doesn’t have much of a yard.
HELEN
What’s wrong with a little wildness? Weeds
and vines and briars and snakes.
(Pause.)
CHARLOTTE
Anything going on?
HELEN
I’m on it here. Just relax.
CHARLOTTE
Relax? What’s that?
HELEN
Hey would you like to take a nice bubble bath upstairs?
CHARLOTTE
That’s weird. That’s nice. Offering me a bubble bath.
HELEN
Old Japanese custom. Why the heck not?
CHARLOTTE
It’s sweet. I mean it. I must be making quite an impression.
HELEN
Don’t worry about it. How about some
chamomile tea?
CHARLOTTE
Calming right? Just kidding. Sure. Thanks. (Beat) Larry and Nicholas do get along
great. They’re starting to be good friends in class and... (Beat) They’re good?
HELEN
Maybe you’re worn out from guarding your young so hard.
CHARLOTTE
I’m not guarding mine. I’m protecting yours.
HELEN
Leave that to me okay? How about a glass
of wine?
CHARLOTTE
Wine? Now?
(HELEN fetches two bottles.)
HELEN
Red or red?
(End of scene.)
Scene 2
(Some wine later.)
CHARLOTTE
Now here’s something weird, really weird I did the other day. Did you ever try to get yourself stuck in traffic?
HELEN
What do you mean?
CHARLOTTE
I mean: Did you ever like try to get yourself stuck in traffic? Last Monday I was going to pick Larry up from the sitter’s and I heard about this bad tie-up on the
radio and I drove right into it on purpose so I’d have a legitimate excuse for a few more minutes alone. It’s just been terrible lately. Really bad. I’m so worn out dealing with his teacher and the principal.
Everybody trying to get rid of me.
HELEN
One more pain-in-the-neck parent blaming the school for her kid’s disruptive behavior.
CHARLOTTE
Won’t sit still, fidgets, fidgets...
HELEN
Fidgets...
CHARLOTTE
Leaves his desk, touches other kids, fidgets, fidgets...
HELEN
Fidgets.
CHARLOTTE
God, I know he fidgets. You’re the
experts: Tell me something I don’t know.
HELEN
The alphabet soup.
CHARLOTTE
Right. And all these developmental things
he’s got. This whole mess of developmental things they say, the authorities
who are supposed to know about this stuff but don’t know crap and are just hanging on a few years more so they can get
their full retirement packages.
HELEN
He’ll settle in eventually like Ricky when he’s ready.
CHARLOTTE
If he’s not totally screwed up before that thinking he’s a bad person. Whenever he gets in trouble, and it’s a lot, he says “I’m so stupid,
I’m so stupid. What’s wrong with me?” I know he brings these things on himself. I mean he did bite
Nicholas but he didn’t break the skin and they were wrestling which is not a good situation for Larry because he can’t
control his impulses…if he’s fighting…so we just have to make sure…
HELEN
Charlotte…
CHARLOTTE
I’m just hoping to get him through the next few years until he can catch up with
everyone else.
HELEN
Listen Charlotte, I have to say this: I know how rough it is. I know all the doors that get slammed in your face. And I’m
willing to see how things go but I’m not going to let it go too far for the sake of trying to do the right thing.
CHARLOTTE
Trying to do the right thing? What right
thing?
HELEN
Let me just finish okay? So we know where
we are here.
CHARLOTTE
I don’t want anyone’s pity. What
right thing do you mean?
HELEN
I mean that I’m willing to hold the door open to see if something good can happen
between our kids but I’m not going to sacrifice Nicholas for...
CHARLOTTE
Sacrifice, Nicholas?
HELEN
Don’t take the word wrong okay? Let’s
just see how it goes. Fair enough?
CHARLOTTE
Fair enough. (Beat) Larry’s not an easy kid to like I know that but he’s
my kid and he can’t take any more losses...
(CHARLOTTE almost breaks down.)
HELEN
Listen Sweetie…
CHARLOTTE
Sorry. That was inappropriate. A person’s nice to us and I just want to collapse.
That’s all I want really. To collapse. To completely collapse. But I won’t. Don’t worry about it.
HELEN
I said what I had to say and it doesn’t need to be said again.
CHARLOTTE
I’m just so exhausted from the effort to get other people to see what a wonderful,
loving person he can be because I’m the only one who sees it.
HELEN
I can tell he’s very intelligent. And
verbal. Some of the sentences that come out of him really turn my head around.
CHARLOTTE
And that makes it worse. The way he
can argue. Mrs. Delaney has been trying to get him out of the class but I’ve
been fighting it and fighting it and that’s why he has that young aide with him half the day. Last week, he convinced the aide that he’d learn to spell better if he read his spelling words out
to her and she wrote them down instead of the other way around.
HELEN
Really?
CHARLOTTE
Larry hates to write.
HELEN
A con artist eh?
CHARLOTTE
You know it. He’s turning the aide
into his personal slave. (Beat) Your other son how long did it take for him to
settle in?
HELEN
Ricky was around twelve.
CHARLOTTE
Twelve? I won’t make it.
HELEN
Sure you will, Hon. One day at a time.
CHARLOTTE
One new drug at a time.
HELEN
One meltdown at a time.
CHARLOTTE
One behavior report at a time.
HELEN
One weird play date at a time. You want more
wine?
CHARLOTTE
Sure. Why the heck not?
(HELEN pours two glasses.)
HELEN
Here’s to weird play dates.
(They clink glasses.
End of Scene 2.)
Scene 3
(More wine later.)
CHARLOTTE
We shouldn’t be eating the school fund raiser candy bars.
HELEN
Here goes the class trip to the planetarium.
(They both bite their candy bars and laugh.)
CHARLOTTE
You better keep your eye on them because Larry still might get it into his weird little
head to climb the fence and chase aliens with his new stick.
HELEN
What is this thing kids have about aliens these days?
Why can’t they dig a hole to China like we used to do? With all
their aliens and monsters, I think they’re trying to tell us how weird and messed up life is.
CHARLOTTE
And bandits. And spies. Larry will turn your neighbors into bad guys because you know what he says?: He says most people are only
pretending to be regular people.
HELEN
I know I am. And not doing a very good job.
CHARLOTTE
All you have to do to get the pretending people to run, he says, is to start chasing ’em.
HELEN
And Nicholas will trail right after. He’s
a follower. Sweet but a definite follower.
CHARLOTTE
He’s a beautiful kid. Those eyes.
HELEN
I wish Nicholas would’ve bitten Larry back.
Not really. But something. Kicked
him in the nuts. Something. Some
bit of aggressive behavior. I swear he’s going to grow up to be a whipping
post, a pussy whipping post. Did I just say that?
CHARLOTTE
You just said that.
HELEN
My kid is such a wimp. So sweet and reasonable. Gets it from his father who’s like the nicest guy in the world.
CHARLOTTE
Now why can’t I meet one like that?
HELEN
Well they’re all taken for the long haul.
David the rock of Gibraltor. Can’t budge him really. Maybe because he has to deal with high school students all day he’s absolutely unshakeable , like
a turtle with his house on his back. If you say something outrageous to him or
do something you can see in his eyes that he’s going into his house to think about it and not get excited and not lose
his cool. Sometimes I want to do something shocking just to get a rise out of
him.
CHARLOTTE
Like what?
HELEN
I don’t know: Stop recycling the newspapers or something.
CHARLOTTE
I am shocked. Shocked.
HELEN
Or skip the blessing before dinner. That’d
really get him. Who are we thanking anyway.
Not god. We don’t believe in god.
The life force? It’s just so anonymous. The life force. Hard to have a relationship with the life
force. People need something with a face to believe in.
CHARLOTTE
The life face.
HELEN
Right. It’s all become so anonymous.
CHARLOTTE
What do you mean anonymous?
HELEN
We’re supposed to think about everything, right?
Use our college educated brains to solve problems and do the right thing for our children and the planet. So there’s no mystery in anything any more. No mystery
just problems to solve. See what I mean?
CHARLOTTE
I don’t think you mean anonymous exactly.
HELEN
Yeah, yeah, anonymous. David and I think
we know each other so well we’ve become anonymous to each other. I don’t
want to be known like that.
CHARLOTTE
I don’t want to be known either. I
want to be known.
HELEN
Known?
CHARLOTTE
(Deep and sexy.)
Known.
HELEN
Yeah. I wish.
CHARLOTTE
My guy split when he found out I was pregnant so I wouldn’t complain if I were you. I just wasn’t worth it anymore.
HELEN
I’m not complaining really, not really. Just
a little maybe. It’s a trade off I guess.
We’re happy. And you know in India and China…oh nevermind…Hey,
what was that joke I heard the other day? Oh yeah. Do you know why single women like you stay slimmer than married ones like me?
CHARLOTTE
No. Why?
HELEN
Because a single woman comes home, looks in the refrigerator, shakes her head and goes
to bed. And a married woman comes home, looks in the bed, shakes her head and
goes to the refrigerator.
(They crack up laughing.)
HELEN (cont’d)
Trouble in Paradise huh?
(Beat. Beat.)
HELEN (cont’d)
They’re back to beating the weeds with different sticks.
CHARLOTTE
Crazy kids.
HELEN
Here’s to the mystery that is our children.
(They drink. Beat. Beat.)
HELEN (cont’d)
That big tree out there is dying, I think. The
silver maple. Not leafing out places, dropping branches on the ground.
CHARLOTTE
I like that. Not leafing out places, dropping
branches on the ground.
HELEN
It’s why there are some many sticks in the yard.
CHARLOTTE
Too bad. A big tree like that.
HELEN
I just hope it doesn’t fall on the house.
CHARLOTTE
Or the kids.
HELEN
Eeeeyoooow – crash. Trouble over. Can’t be helped.
CHARLOTTE
Not our fault.
HELEN
We had no actionable intelligence. But
all that’s going to change because I’m having the tree looked at. Yesterday
as a matter of fact I met a tree man in a parking lot.
CHARLOTTE
I met a tree man in a parking lot. Sounds
like a song. I used to write songs you know.
Sang them in these moldy clubs that smelled of pee. She met a tree man
in a parking lot.
HELEN
And he was tall like a tree.
(CHARLOTTE sings her echoes during this next section.)
CHARLOTTE
And he was tall like a tree.
HELEN
And he really helped me out.
CHARLOTTE
And he really helped her out.
HELEN
It was so stupid.
CHARLOTTE
It was so stupid.
HELEN
Stop it will you?
CHARLOTTE
Sorry, girl.
HELEN
I couldn’t get the car key to work in either door and he sees me struggling with
it and comes over to help and the first thing he says is, “Right key maybe but wrong car’.
CHARLOTTE
Right key? Wrong car?
HELEN
‘Right key maybe but wrong car’, he says in this deep slow voice like a giant
talking. Then he tells me he noticed a car just like mine, same exact space one
row over and figured the problem. I felt like such an idiot. He tried to make me feel better by saying it was only because he was so much taller and could see all the
rows of cars.
CHARLOTTE
You are a short little thing.
HELEN
He was extremely tall. This tall, calm person. Made me want to tear his shirt off. Ha!
CHARLOTTE
Ha!
HELEN
David’s tall too and slow and calm.
CHARLOTTE
Right car, wrong key.
HELEN
What? (Beat.) Oh. You’re a funny lady.
CHARLOTTE
Or is it right key, wrong car? He has the
right key but you’re the wrong car or you’re the right car but he has the wrong key. I don’t know. I can’t think.
HELEN
The tree man said being up in trees gives him a different look on things.
CHARLOTTE
Sounds nice.
HELEN
And that’s how I found out he was a tree man.
End of story.
CHARLOTTE
Life looks different from up a tree/ Head in the
clouds/ Roots in the ground/No need to rush/Just take your time
HELEN
That’s pretty good. You should have
seen his truck. A really old, well kept truck.
Like from the fifties or something.
CHARLOTTE
Sounds really nice.
HELEN
Girl sitting in the front seat.
CHARLOTTE
Another good one taken.
HELEN
Young girl. His daughter I think.
CHARLOTTE
Oh.
HELEN
No wedding ring though and I think he’s hitting on me. Or maybe I was hitting on
him. Charlotte?
CHARLOTTE
What?
HELEN
I’m not leafing out places.
CHARLOTTE
Oh.
HELEN
Did I just say that?
CHARLOTTE
You just said that.
HELEN
Ha!
CHARLOTTE
Ha!
HELEN
No mystery just problems to solve.
CHARLOTTE
I ain’t got nothin’ but problems and no way to solve ‘em.
HELEN
I know what I could do. Become religious. That’d blow David’s mind, if I became a religious fanatic. No, no, I could become a religious fanatic terrorist. Instead
of problem solving and contentment, dread.
CHARLOTTE
Give us this day our daily dread.
HELEN
Instead of problems, bigger problems.
CHARLOTTE
Instead of knowing, knowing.
HELEN
Every household needs a terrorist.
CHARLOTTE
Already got me one of those thank you very much.
HELEN
I will become the terrorist of this household. More
wine?
(HELEN pours. End
of Scene 3.)
Scene 4
(More wine later.)
CHARLOTTE
We really should go out there with the kids.
HELEN
Should.
CHARLOTTE
Should.
HELEN
You want to?
CHARLOTTE
Not really. Brrr.
HELEN
Cold as hell for April.
CHARLOTTE
Freezing cold.
HELEN
Larry’s down to his tee shirt. Nicholas,
of course, is following orders and has kept his jacket on.
CHARLOTTE
I sent Larry out in his hooded thing remember?
HELEN
On the ground.
CHARLOTTE
His engine runs hot like mine used to. You know when that changed? When I started to get cold all the time? After I was pregnant. They always warn you about how your body will change but they never tell you about
the other stuff like how your temperature will change and your taste buds…
HELEN
Your taste buds changed?
CHARLOTTE
Yeah. Like I still can’t drink coffee
after nine years.
HELEN
Now that is serious.
CHARLOTTE
And how your sleep isn’t as deep and how your dreams bother you, haunt you really,
and like there’s always something you should’ve done that you haven’t done like get married. And how your whole mind is tuned into this part of your body that isn’t part of your body and how
you’re always like out there in space, super alert and alone and not relaxed and not married, and no chance to ever
be married…so I wouldn’t complain. You’ve got what I want.
HELEN
You’re so beautiful I’m surprised men aren’t knocking your door down.
CHARLOTTE
I haven’t dated a man in nine years.
HELEN
That’s impossible.
CHARLOTTE
There’s Larry. And I put out these
vibes. Pacing, pacing against the bars.
Please stand back from the cage.
HELEN
Tiger. Tigress, I mean.
CHARLOTTE
Not-married, tigress vibes. I was a lesbian
for a while you know.
HELEN
Did she just say that? Yes she just said
that.
CHARLOTTE
Ha!
HELEN
Ha!
CHARLOTTE
Are you shocked?
HELEN
No, it’s kind of interesting really.
CHARLOTTE
It was while I was pregnant and for a while after Larry was born. It wasn’t me but this woman came on really strong and I really needed some companionship or else
I might’ve killed myself I had the blues so bad. I never had so many
orgasms.
HELEN
Yeah?
CHARLOTTE
Yeah. She lived to make me come. It was her role in the relationship. She
was the adorer and I was the adored. I broke her heart.
HELEN
All I have to do have an orgasm is to look at David in his boxers.
CHARLOTTE
Yeah?
HELEN
Yeah.
CHARLOTTE
That’s good.
HELEN
I guess.
CHARLOTTE
The relationship didn’t last long but it got me through and now I’m starting
to feel the same way again: Overwhelmed by trouble. I feel like the guy trying
to sweep the ocean back with a broom. Last time I put my finger in a dike…
HELEN
That is so bad.
(They laugh.)
HELEN (cont’d.)
I like you. You are so fun.
(It gets very quiet.
Pause.)
CHARLOTTE
And the way clothes feel against my skin, that changed too after I was pregnant.
HELEN
Really?
CHARLOTTE
I can’t stand anything too light against me.
Satin sheets. Nightgowns. Lingerie. Forget it. Makes my skin crawl. I suppose it’s a good thing I don’t have a man around.
HELEN
None of that stuff happened to me. I’m
like one of those peasants who squats in the field, drops the baby and keeps right on digging for roots with the kid suckling
her breast.
CHARLOTTE
Mountain woman. Tree man.
HELEN
That’s what having four will do to you.
The last one I hardly felt a thing.
CHARLOTTE
What about not wanting sex as much?
HELEN
What?
CHARLOTTE
Did that change? They say it does for some
people.
HELEN
I never wanted it that much anyway. Did I
just say that? I did. Yes,
I just said that. Charlotte, I really don’t feel like I’m talking
behind my husband’s back because David would agree…
CHARLOTTE
He would? Now that’s like totally depressing. Even though I stopped having it I never stop wanting it.
HELEN
Oh. Yeah.
It’s just that we feel there are far more important things like raising a big family and doing it right, far
more important than the sexual thing. Like in India and China they have different
ways of forming a lifetime connection based on mutual respect and not just having the hots for each other.
CHARLOTTE
People say that.
HELEN
But you don’t believe them.
CHARLOTTE
Nope.
HELEN
You think they’re rationalizing the loss of something.
CHARLOTTE
Not leafing out places.
HELEN
Dead branches on the ground.
CHARLOTTE
Soon we’ll have a whole song.
HELEN
A sad song.
CHARLOTTE
A whole sad song we wrote together.
(Pause. HELEN
takes a few steps closer to CHARLOTTE)
CHARLOTTE (cont’d)
What is it?
HELEN
I don’t know.
CHARLOTTE
Come on, what?
HELEN
Since you were a lesbian, why don’t we kiss?
Let’s kiss. Just once. I
want to and I’ve never kissed a woman before.
CHARLOTTE
Never? Not once?
HELEN
Well no. But we’d have to agree that
no matter how much we liked it we could never do it again.
CHARLOTTE
Can our kids still play?
HELEN
Sure.
CHARLOTTE
Okay.
HELEN
Did she just say that?
CHARLOTTE
She just said that.
HELEN
I am the terrorist of my household.
(They go toward each other.)
HELEN (cont’d)
God you’re tall.
CHARLOTTE
God you’re short.
(They kiss.)
CHARLOTTE (cont’d)
You okay?
HELEN
You watch them. I need to sit down for a
while.
CHARLOTTE
More wine?
HELEN
Sure. I guess.
CHARLOTTE
You sure you’re okay with that?
HELEN
Yeah. Fine.
(CHARLOTTE pours.
Now they have switched the positions they had at the beginning of the play: CHARLOTTE at window looking out; HELEN
sitting.)
CHARLOTTE
Hey there’s this guy, this big huge guy walking down your backyard with a ladder
on his shoulder.
HELEN
Oh no, it’s the tree man. He said he
might come by today and look at the tree.
CHARLOTTE
Shouldn’t you like go out and talk to him?
HELEN
Yeah right, in this condition.
CHARLOTTE
But…
HELEN
We are terrible parents you know that, for drinking like this. Terrible parents.
CHARLOTTE
You okay?
HELEN
I want to screw my husband. I want to screw
my husband. I want to screw my husband.
I want to screw my husband.
(End of Scene.)
Scene 5
(A bit later. CHARLOTTE
at window. HELEN sitting.)
CHARLOTTE
The tree man has finished setting his ladder up in the tree and is kneeling now with our
kids on the grass…
HELEN
Weeds.
CHARLOTTE
…Is kneeling now on the weeds patiently explaining something about the tree to our
kids who barely came up to his waist when he was standing.
HELEN
I told you he was tall.
CHARLOTTE
The tree man points up into the tree and the boys are looking where he’s pointing
and now they’re watching the tree man’s face as he talks as if he
is some kind of giant magical being instructing them in his magical ways. I have
never seen my kid stay still this long. He is like totally motionless and hypnotized
by the tree man. He’s just staring at the tree man’s face and watching
his tremendously large hands as they indicate the shape of a trunk or limb.
HELEN
What’s Nicholas doing?
CHARLOTTE
Same thing as Larry.
HELEN
Figures.
CHARLOTTE
No it’s really hypnotizing.
HELEN
Nicholas…He’s giving a piano a recital in a few weeks.
CHARLOTTE
I didn’t know he played.
HELEN
He’s very good. Very, very good. Maybe has a future in it. Would you like
to come hear him?
CHARLOTTE
Love to.
HELEN
He practices a lot. And sometimes I sit there
behind him and think who is this strange being sent into my care.
CHARLOTTE
Yeah. Me too.
I think that too.
HELEN
My son’s a musical genius and I’m not really a terrorist.
CHARLOTTE
I know. I know that.
HELEN
And I’m not sorry we kissed.
CHARLOTTE
Me either.
(Beat. Beat.)
HELEN
Go on. Go on about the tree man.
CHARLOTTE
The tree man is still hypnotizing our kids. He
is hypnotizing me too all the way from there. His hands. His face.
HELEN
He resembles a tree doesn’t he?
CHARLOTTE
Yes. The tree man resembles a tree; tall,
sturdy, big-limbed. The tree man resembles Abraham Lincoln.
HELEN
Abraham Lincoln was a scrawny stick.
CHARLOTTE
He resembles Abraham Lincoln with his craggy face.
HELEN
Craggy face? I don’t remember he had
a craggy face.
CHARLOTTE
Check the five dollar bill.
HELEN
No the tree man, silly.
CHARLOTTE
Hard to tell from here. But it’s a
face with a lot of character, a deeply American face reflecting inner wisdom and patience with hyperactive nine year old boys
and their tigress moms…How old do you think he is?
HELEN
Who is?
CHARLOTTE
The tree man, silly.
HELEN
Maybe forty…
CHARLOTTE
No. No.
He’s not. The tree man is as old as the ages. He is as old as the oldest tree. The tree man’s wisdom
comes out of the earth and travels slowly up his body like the oldest stories of man toward the sky, stories that are written
into his face.
HELEN
Wow.
CHARLOTTE
The tree man is kind to children. Children
live in his kindness like birds live in a tree.
HELEN
Wow. Where is this coming from?
CHARLOTTE
I don’t know. He is just so big. And my kid is sitting still for once and listening to somebody talk.
HELEN
Well he’s not that big...I mean he fits in a truck.
CHARLOTTE
You wanted to rip his shirt off.
HELEN
Yeah well I…You know, in India or China there are stories about gentle giants who
will pick you up and fold you into their arms like you are a baby again…like the giant you are to your babies …and
there are very few of these giants around and a man giant and a woman giant must spend a long time wandering over the frozen
wastes looking for each other…
CHARLOTTE
The frozen wastes of India?
HELEN
Shhh. But this is not India or China, the
parking lot yesterday was not Indian or Chinese. The parking lot was here in
a strip mall like everything else…and here in the strip mall there are no giants.
There’s only us, little you and littler me who want to be picked up like babies again and folded into a giant’s
arms. So I really didn’t want to rip his shirt off, not all that much anyway. I wanted him to just hold me in his arms. (Beat) You can’t rip the shirt
off a giant anyway. You have to rip the shirt off a man who is here. And that’s what I will do when my husband comes home.
CHARLOTTE
Good.
HELEN
Because of our kiss…
CHARLOTTE
Oh my God.
HELEN
What?
CHARLOTTE
Larry just pounced on the tree man.
HELEN
What?
CHARLOTTE
He just jumped on the guy’s back and is hanging for dear life onto his neck.
HELEN
You’re kidding me.
CHARLOTTE
No.
HELEN
And you’re not rushing out?
CHARLOTTE
Because the tree man is just laughing it off like Larry’s nothing more than a little
bug.
HELEN
Oh.
CHARLOTTE
Now the tree man stands up, still laughing, with Larry still hanging, and the tree man
throws Larry’s wildly kicking little body over onto his shoulder and bends down and scoops Nicholas up over his other
shoulder and starts spinning them around and around. Wow. Look at him spin. Look at those boys laugh.
HELEN
I have to see this.
(HELEN stands up and joins CHARLOTTE at window. They stand very close.)
CHARLOTTE
Look at that.
HELEN
Wow. He’s a kid-whirling dervish.
CHARLOTTE
Those kids are absolutely hysterical.
HELEN
Yeah. He better put them down soon. There he goes. He’s doing
it. Easy. Easy, big guy. That’s good. Look at that. Look at the three of them reel around dizzy, acting tipsier than we are.
Wow. Flop. Crash. On their backs in the weeds watching the top of the tree spin. Still
laughing like crazy.
(CHARLOTTE puts her arm around HELEN)
CHARLOTTE
I think this is the happiest moment of my kid’s life ever. Thanks.
(CHARLOTTE kisses HELEN on the cheek.)
CHARLOTTE (cont’d)
He’s so happy I can’t watch anymore.
(CHARLOTTE separates from HELEN and walks toward chair weeping
softly.)
CHARLOTTE (cont’d.)
I just need to sit down.
HELEN
You okay?
CHARLOTTE
I’m not feeling good or bad, Helen. I’m
just feeling a lot. You know what? I
don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing but I swear this: If the tree man were to propose to me right now I would
accept him. I would, I swear. If
he came in here and his proposal of marriage was the first thing he ever said to me I would say yes to him. I swear it on my life.
HELEN
So did I just watch you fall in love?
CHARLOTTE
No. But I would grow to love him. I would grow to love the tree man. And he would grow
to love me. Like in India or China. Like
you said.
(Pause.)
HELEN
Guess what they’re doing now? They’re
climbing the ladder up into the tree, the three of them, Nicholas in the lead for a change.
Way to go, kiddo. Way to go. Up
into the tree. My genius son is disappearing into the leaves branch by branch,
branch by branch, disappearing, hand over hand, quick little feet, into the leaves.
Bye Baby. Can’t see him anymore.
And there goes Larry into the leaves. Bye Larry. And there goes the tree man but the tree can’t hide all of him.
I still see his big legs and big boots hanging down.
(CHARLOTTE stands.)
CHARLOTTE
I’m going up into the tree too.
HELEN
You are?
CHARLOTTE
Up the ladder into the branches and leaves with them.
HELEN
Sure you can?
CHARLOTTE
Absolutely. I’m curious.
HELEN
Hey, hey, suppose right now…this…this…right now…is the story of
how you met your husband. Two tall people.
Suppose this right now is the story of how you met your husband. See?
CHARLOTTE
Yeah.
HELEN
Suppose this is your meeting story, not in Indian or Chinese, but a story you will always
be telling. And I was part of it. I
was part of it.
CHARLOTTE
Thanks. I’ll remember that. No matter what happens, I’ll always remember this.
HELEN
And remember this isn’t India or China.
CHARLOTTE
I’ll remember.
HELEN
Remember we’re just here, just us, little people just here.
CHARLOTTE
Yeah. Yeah.
I’m going out.
(CHARLOTTE exits out back door. Long pause. HELEN tidies up room.)
HELEN
We are here. Here is all around. Here we are.
(Slow fade to black.
End of play.)
