THE O.B.E. MAIL BAG
This portion of the O.B.E is dedicated to those of you who
are among the living. During the course of the year, feel free to e-mail
the O.B.E. with thoughts, opinions, and general fun stuff. By the way,
if this is your first time here, you may want to read this page from the bottom up!
STUART HAS A QUESTION (12/15/00)
MARVIN M.:
My wife bought a calendar for me a few years ago. It was a page-a-day calendar. Each day featured a person who died on this date
in history, cause of death and a brief summary of who this person was. This was the coolest calendar ever. Do you know where I
can get another calendar like this?
THE GUYS:
We don't know where to get such a calander but the AP does publish
"Today in history" each day. This often includes deaths. Your best bet
for finding funny, interesting celebrity death stuff is, of course, to
play in the 2001 O.B.E.
MARVIN M. CHIMES IN (12/5/00)
MARVIN M.:
Guess Chris Antley, 1999's Kentucky Derby winner passing on Dec 2 didn't
make it to the AP finish line? Is it because he's short? I'll bet 2-1
his jockstrap was bigger than yours.
THE GUYS:
Actually, Matt had the pleasure of seeing Antley race many times while living
in CA. And he did, in fact, have a chance to compare jockstraps with him on
one occasion in at Del Mar racetrack in San Diego. The funny thing is that
they wore exactly the same size jock. Isn't it interesting how the things in
life resurface at just correct moments.
TEAM REAPER HAS AN IDEA (12/5/00)
TEAM REAPER:
I have a suggestion of what to name the 2001 Dead Folk Page.
In keepng with your Movie title pun theme.....and because of my
admiration for the late Peter Sellers, my suggestion is:
Not Being There....(or anywhere for that matter).
THE GUYS:
Uh, leave the humor to us.
JEN H. HEARD A RUMOR (11/13/00)
JEN:
Did Mark Hoppus from Blink 182 die in a car accident last week?.
THE GUYS:
Mark Hoppus is alive and well. He may be an Enema of the State, but he
ain't road kill.
LEANNE IS ANXIOUS (10/20/00)
LEANNE:
I didn't see Julie London's name on your web page. She was the nurse on the
show "Emergency".
Also, "The Cars" guitarist Benjamin Orr died a few weeks ago. You know that
song "Let's Go". I guess he took it literally.
THHE GUYS:
We'll be posting Ms. London shortly. A bulletin is already out. As for
Mr. Orr, well.........We recognize the celebrity of The Cars.....and if
it were Ric Ocasick we'd post......But who the hell has really heard on
Benjamin Orr, ya know.
MIRACLE F. IS A FIRST TIME WRITER (10/20/00)
MIRACLE:
I'm new at this and am eager to participate in the 2001 death watch. So, do
you start accepting celbrity death list on Oct. 31 or are they due by Oct.
31? Just a stupid question that's been bothering me...
THHE GUYS:
It's like this......On October 31, 2000 we'll post the rules for the
2001 O.B.E. They'll look remarkably like the rules for the 2000 O.B.E.
but they'll say 2001 alot more. Read 'em anyway. We'll accept entries
at any time from October 31, 2000 on. However, most folks wait until
the end of the year as a death between entry time and New Years puts you
at a disadvantage (as the rules explain).
So, please send an entry some time before midnight December 31, 2000.
If you can find it in your heart (but you don't have to!), also send
$2. We use all donations to pay for the P.O. Box, the other prizes, and
the main prize itself. But remeber, a donation IS NOT required to play
(that keeps us outta jail).
We look forward to seeing you play in 2001. We also look forward to
seeing you on 34th Street during the upcoming holiday season.
MIRACLE:
Thanks for the quick response. It took me a while to get that 34th street
joke. I was like, "Do they live in San Francisco too?" Then I got the joke.
Okay, bye.
SAD NEWS ABOUT DAVID G. (10/19/00)
MIKE R:
To all my favorite dead-pool commissioners and organizers: I hate to do this
in such a non-personal way of e-mail, but a daughter of David G. (M.T.
Graves, Cadaver Dogg, etc.) requested of me to try get the word out about his
deteriorating health.
I posted a fairly long message about it on the stiffs.com message board. If
you haven't navigated around stiffs.com, go there (to www.stiffs.com) and
click on "Interaction" then "alt.stiffs.com." I'm pretty sure anybody can
call it up.
CRAP, IT'S MORGUENOLIA (9/28/00)
MORGUENOLIA:
I was very upset indeed when I read the news that Dr. Henry Weston passed into the great eternal on this glorious day. His practice
actually started here in the deep woods section of the lowah' end of the Okechobee. I remember his grand-pappy, Ole Henry
"sawbones" Weston the first tellin' us all how his grandson had a knack with the nether regions of a womans body. I had no idea
that that blasphemous old fool was just trying to get into my nether regions while my blessed late husband, Hudsucker "Cannonball"
Lee was a fightin in the big war between the states. Why ole sawbones used to come callin up to the old front porch yellin
"Morguenoooooooooolia, I got a confederate sword that I think you might have some interest in" when he actually just would stand
there with his knickers down and what looked more like a pocket knife pokin out in front. Oh......we'd laugh and drink ice tea under
the bend of a beautiful branch of the old chinaberry tree that was set back by the crik near the hangin tree. We'd laugh until we
forgot why we was there in the anywhoooo..oh I can't write anymore! Seems some younguns from across the crik have come to
share some time with me.....nope, just drinkin beers and yellin cuss words at me from the side of the house.
Well, I'll sign off now as I got a pair of hosiery in the icebox that should be ready to put on as it is hot as an old man with a pocket
knife in his pants down here in Florida today.
THE GUYS:
It's been a while since you sent your last email and we've been a bit
slow in responding. We sincerely apologize for that fact. With those
pleasantries out of the way, may we once and for all clearly state that
we at the O.B.E., as well as all of the non-inbred world, would like you
to just rot. Have a great day. Hope ya croak.
THE RETURN OF MARSHA (WE MISSED HER!) (9/13/00)
MARSHA:
I just know you guys have been wondering about my "whereabouts" and I know
how much you worry about your followers, so I have to take the time to tell
you that I am still here. I have not died, simply to get a slash through a
name on my list, not that I picked myself or anything...and would you
publish it anyway??.... I'm not famous by your requirements by any means.
However,now that I'm on that subject, I think you should maybe acknowledge
those of us who don't get even one death right on our list. I'm not alone
here...I've seen the other hopeless lists. We are the people that the
"Celebs" should be inviting into their homes simply because naming them on
our death list assures them of another full and healthy year of life!!
What's up with Mike R.??? Is he on the take with the devil(or God) or what
Am I on to something here? Let's go to my home address now if we could. I
am traveling so much these days that the mail does not get read unless I'm
willing to open it from my room at 1:00 A.M from a very popular hotel in
Tibet. If this is going into your mailbag, for our public to read, I will
e-mail you the new address later. Afterall, who would want just anybody
sending messages to IHATECINDYANDJAN@SAMTHEBUTCHERS.COM these days. I do have children
you know...
THE GUYS:
A pleasure to hear from you. We've been wondering about our "audience"
as things seem to have slowed down at O.B.E. Central recently. Glad to
hear at least one of our Death Watchers is alive.
As for recognizing those folks who don't land a single hit, we do! At
the end of the year we look over the lists and each time we get to one
without a single hit we loudly state, "Check out this loser." We hope
that makes each player in the running for last place compelled to try
harder next year.
Mike R., we've been told, is an extraordinary player in several Dead
Pools on the web. Plus, he studies voodoo. Let us be clear, we see no
correlation between these juxtaposed facts.
Finally, in regards to the title of this email which cleverly reads
"Tibet spelled backwards is tebit," we have this to say: It may not
make much sense now, but it sure seemed funny at the time. You have no
idea how many times we've had to tell that one to a judge.
MARSHA:
Sorry it took so long to respond. I think Alice and Sam have either died
(damn...didn't have them on my list either) or they are living in sin on some
remote island. They had a hard life though...serving all those Brady's, so
they deserve it!! as for Cindy the slut....still on the streets, last time I
got a letter from Mike and Carol. Some parents just can't get it right!!!
Okay, I'm willing to take the LOSER title. Now that I know there are many
people out there (at least 13) that are grateful I put them on my list, I can
live with that thought. It's a sure fire way to stay alive for another year.
I'll try harder in 2001. In the meantime, I'm off to Mexico for two weeks
at the end of the month. I'll work on my list while basking on the beach.
Maybe some poor soul should start putting his house in order, as I have to
hit at least once next year!!!
TROY ON ROD (9/8/00)
TROY:
Hey -a group of guys get together every Thursday night in KC for a 'Death
Watch' game. They take bets and let every one ride until somebody 'pays
(kicks) off.' Someone hit Walter Matthau, and Sir Alec Guiness (both worth
about 80 bucks.) Now living in Chicago, I phone the bar and place my bet by
proxy.
Is there any kind of satellite-organization we can belong to?
P.S. -My money's on Rod Steiger for the next big pay-off. After 'Crazy in
Alabama' and 'End of Days,' what does he have to live for?
THE GUYS:
Sorry Troy.....Ours is but a yearly pool. As for Steiger, he's just
fine.
HUH? (9/4/00)
CHRIS D.:
On behalf of Bill N., he apologizes. And Marvin needs to relax. Who cares
if you guys spell Kentucky wrong? I guess the only people who worry about it
are those 14 year old who are trying to marry their sister. Which leads me
to a joke....
If a couple divorces in Arkansas, after the divorce, are they still brother
and sister? Maybe Morguenolia could give us the answer since she lives in
the heart of backwater country of the South.
What are the odds on next year's pool and who might win?
KEVIN WANTS HIS POINTS!!! (9/4/00)
KEVIN.:
I have seen obituaries in the newspaper for Carl Barks - the Disney
cartoonist who drew Donald Duck comic books and created the character
Scrooge McDuck.
I have not noticed an obituary from the A.P., but figured you'd be able
to find it if there was one.
In any case, I selected Carl Barks as one of my candidates, and he is my
only 'victory' to date. Let me know if you find an A.P. obit, and can
give me credit for my pick.
THE GUYS:
Ooops. He sure was posted in the AP. You're being credited right now!
BILL N. CALLED US A NASTY NAME (8/8/00)
BILL N.:
WHERE'S YOUR ALEC REPORT YOU ASSWIPES??
THE GUYS:
Look here you two bit piece of camel chewed monkey crap:
A bulletin on Alec Guinness went out on August 6, 2000 and was received
by the mailing list. So, either you've been bumped from the mailing
list or you're too f**king stupid to read. If we were betting Guys,
we'd take the latter. Any time you want to pop your head outta your ass
and send us an apology is fine. If you don't wanna do that, well at
least bite the inside of your colon once for us once. Hard.
Dickweed.
MARVIN M. IS EASILY ANGERED (8/5/00)
MARVIN M.:
SPELL THE F**KING WORD KENTUCKY CORRECT BUTTLICKS
THE GUYS:
All that aggression can't be healthy. Might we recommend some yogi
(oops that's yoga). Although, a few hours with that crafty bear and his
cuddly side kick might do you well too.
BILL A. ASKS A QUESTION (7/29/00)
BILL A.:
HOW DO THE DEAD MAKE YOUR LIST ? MEREDITH MACRE DIED AND I DON'T SEE HER ON YOUR DEAD FOLK?
SHE WAS PRETTY POPULAR BACK IN THE LATE SIXTIES /EARLY SEVENTIES !
JUST WONDERING !!!!
LOVE YOUR WEB SITE !! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
THE GUYS:
It's kinda our choice. Here's how we do it. Big names will always get
posted. Minor names will get posted if they're funny (to us). ANy
death that appears on a list AND is reported in the AP gets posted.
Thus you see a Gordon Solie (who would never have been posted if he
weren't on two lists) and not a Meredith (Merry Death) McRae.
KEVIN M. POINTS OUT THAT WE MISSED A STIFF (7/20/00)
KEVIN M.:
It appears that you missed that Bill B has Nancy Marchand on his list. He
score should have 1 more death and 5 more points.
PS: Since none of my picks are kicking off, I have to live vicariously
through others.
THE GUYS:
You're right. What a screw up on our part. Thanks!!!!!!
JOHN M. ON MCRAE (7/17/00)
JOHN M.:
Hey what about Meredith McRae.....the Water Tower at Petticoat Junction will
never be the same.......sing us another ditty Billie Joe....."Amazing
Grace....how sweet the sound.....
THE GUYS:
We caught McRae's death over the weekend. We figured few of our
"audience" would have recognized the name. Let us give that one a bit
of thought. If you think Uncle Joe is a movin' kinda slow at the
Junction, you outta get a load of Merideth.
HULK HOGAN WRITES US (7/16/00)
HULK HOGAN:
Have a little respect for people. Homepage.
THE GUYS:
You exhibit the clear lack of not only writing ability but good taste by
using the phrase "bitten by the golfing bug" on your web page and you
think we don't have respect for people? Not to mention, you call
yourself Hulk Hogan. Really, how can we take you seriously?
Waiter, check please!
UH OH, HERE COMES MS. LEE. (7/10/00)
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE:
Well well well, hasn't this little site become a pissing match for some of the so called contestants, specifically a Mr.
Chris D.
I am shocked and quite frankly you have gotten my Southern Blood boilin' just a little bit. What is Mr. Chris D.'s
problem anyway. Is it the fact that this piss-ant of a rascal wouldn't have the guts to stand face to face with an original
member of the "Daughters of the People of the Soldiers of the Confederacy"? Is there something missing in his life,
like say, a purpose???? Is it the fact that his picks in the pool have a better shot at having carnal knowledge with a
Wooly Mammoth than dying.
Oh pardon me , Chris D, you can put me on your list for next year. But I would be wary of a certain organization well
known for taking care of people who don't quite show respect for a widow of one of the greatest military minds this
country has ever seen. Of course by that I mean the PTL Club.
Well , keep an eye open while you sleep chile, cause Mama Lee is on your patooty!
Now, I "HOPE" to notch another point in this years competition.
THE GUYS:
You actually said "patooty". You're becoming scary.
DAVID G. ON FAME (7/10/00)
DAVID G.:
If you don't consider a person a celebrity,
perhaps, you should reconsider using the AP as you fame standard. The AP
includes obits on everyone from the sports world. Recently, someone in
another pool scored with Ortho Davis, a trainer with the Philly Eagles, and
Robert "rah" Scott, assistant football coach in Alabama. I'd recommend using
multiple sources like 5 major papers, but setting a tougher standard like 2
or 3 obits out the 5. This would reduce the effects of local bias and sports
mania.
THE GUYS:
We don't mind the AP rule actually. If someone picks a local celebrity
and its in the AP we'll post it and they'll get the points. But, we
ain't gonna start posting every half baked character that makes the AP.
As anyone who has hung around dead pools for a while (as we know you
have) knows, celebrity is often subjective.
CHRIS D. WON'T QUIT (7/7/00)
CHRIS D.:
Uh oh, another car driver bit it. Don't post him out of spite.
THE GUYS:
We won't post him because, as we've said before, NASCAR does not spawn
celebrities, just cultural decay.
THERESA ON COCA (7/7/00)
THERESA:
I thought I heard recently that Imogene Coca had died. I saw her name on
some of the entries, but it's not noted that she died. Check your records, I
think she's toast.
THE GUYS:
Unless she died today and we haven't seen the obit yet, she's alive.
THE GUYS SPEAK OUT (7/7/00)
THE GUYS:
A few of you have already started asking why we're not posting a certain
sports figure who bit it very recently. It's like this:
You get these kids who can play some ball. You throw tons of money at
'em. You'd think, at least you'd hope, that they would realize the
amazing fortune they have. You'd figure that they would recognize that
athletes generally have very short careers. You'd think they'd thank
their friggin' lucky stars. "But Nooooo", as Steve Martin used to say.
Instead these little shits spend their money on drugs, drink, and broads.
Now, don't get us wrong, there ain't nothing wrong with those
things...within reason.
So, once again we have a descent ball player, not a superstar, not a
celebrity, who gains public press coverage due a wacky ass lifestyle. In
this case it was a crazy domestic dispute resulting in the guy getting
shot. The saddest part of the whole thing is the guy and his wife (the
alleged killer) just had a baby seven days ago. There's a responsible
couple.
Way to go folks. Most people bust their asses to make ends meet. You
guys get handed an NFL contract and all the dough that goes with it and
you decide to leave a little kid without a father. Welcome to the USA
2000.
Okay, we're done.
Oh, one more thing.....Duck season! Rabbit season! Duck Season! Rabbit
Season! Rabbit Season! Duck Season! Panther season!!!!
HERE COMES CHRIS D. AGAIN (7/1/00)
CHRIS D.:
Perhaps you read the stunning news about the upcoming NASCAR event. NO, you
say? Only Marvin and people who live in the South like that old bag
Morguenolia follow race car driving? OK, fair enough. But Kyle Petty
(Adam's father) is skipping this weekend's event in New Hampshire where his
son died a few weeks ago. Now, don't get me wrong here; I like the whole
Petty family. Anyone who can drive a car that fast is OK in my books -
especially when you are trying to outrun the law. But does Kyle qualify as a
celebrity - just so we can get it on the record right now? And if not, do any race car drivers?
CHRIS D. IS BACK AT IT (7/1/00)
CHRIS D.:
Upon taking my medicine, I had another thought. Do we really need to shake
our bon bon? I have seen Springsteen three times this summer - there is no
bon bon shaking there. Just wondering. Can I change my list mid year to put
Morguenolia on my list? I know where she lives and may need to take her out.
By the way, the reason that people keep wondering about Lou Ferrigno is that
several people have told him that he and his career are dead, but he just
can't hear them.
Remember, you suggested I take my medicine.
THE GUYS:
We'll refrain from commenting on Springsteen, though we really could do
an excellent job. As for the remainder of your correspondence: 1) We
like to eat bon bons. Other than that, we think the whole bon bon thing
should stay in the barrio where it belongs (that'll get Marvin M.
going), 2) List changes are not allowed, 3) We do not condone killing
people (even if they are old, whit trash, bittys), and 4) Lou who?
CHRIS D. IS RAMBLING A BIT (6/24/00)
CHRIS D.:
Have you noticed that people only compain when less than true celebrities die
and they think you should post them? I mean, try riding the number 7 train
with John Rocker - that will really put the fear of death and showing up on
your list into them. Adam Petty? I'm thinking that I could go out right now
and drive my car 150 MPH and crash into some cement if I wanted to, too. And
what's up with the crazy bitch from the South? Will someone please remind
her that the war was lost by her beloved Clark Gable/Vivian Leigh wannabe's
over 130 years ago. By the way, do you get extra credit if you know a guy
from the underworld (Morgunoliea's cousin Bruno Lee) that can some of the
people on your list out so you can win this pool? Hoffa could use some
company, after all
THE GUYS:
It's time for your medicine.
ROBERT Y. LOOKS BACK ON AN OLD ONE (6/23/00)
ROBERT Y.:
In 1999 you said Esteller (Estelle) Jones didn't count
in the death pool because the story wasn't in the AP.
well, I found an AP article in the Atlanta
Journal-Constitution, July 3, 1999 page G7. I don't
think it will affect last year's standings, however.
Also of note: Maria do Carmo Jeronimo (also spelled
Geronimo), 129, ex-slave, died June 14, 2000.
Allegedly born March 5, 1871 in Brazil, she was the
unofficial "world's oldest person," a footnote even in
the Jeanne Calment obituary. (Brazil abolished
slavery in 1888). Maria was featured in the Lee
Atwater invitational, and nearly died several times in
1997 (strokes) and 1998 (heart attack). She was
featured in Guinness as early as 1991. Definitely not
someone you wanted to bet against. All those who bet
against her in the past lost. Now that virtually no
one bothered to bet against her, she dies!
THE GUYS:
We believe we saw both the Augusta and the Atlanta Journal-Constitution
obits on Estella Jones. In both cases, the obits were local features
not national AP obits. We repeatedly checked the AP obits at the time
of her death and came up empty handed. We also went so far as to offer
John & Jody 1 an opportunity to present us with an AP reference.
Something they were unable to do. So, if you can dredge up an accurate
AP reference, we will update our archives and make restitution if
needed. In addition, we'll send ya a little prize too.
As for Maria do Carmo Jeronimo we have this to say....."so?"
JON S. CATCHES OUR FLUB (6/15/00)
JOHN S.:
Is Lou Ferigno 6 feet under? I know his career is. I also know that his
alter ego Bill Bixby is dead.
THE GUYS:
Lou is alive. His career is dead. Our typo. Sorry, one too many dips
into the punch bowl.
CHRIS M. LIKES US (6/14/00)
CHRIS M.:
Classic, classic, classic.
Give me the scoop on Kirk Douglas. I swore he was taking a dirt nap.
THE GUYS:
Kirk Douglas had a major ass stroke and now he talks like Lou Ferigno.
However unlike Lou, Kirk is neither dead nor is he a large green
superhero.
Glad to hear you like the site. Keep watching.
KEN Y. ARGUES FOR "THE RCOKET" (6/4/00)
KEN Y.:
Now, now. If it was just Maurice Richard, I would probably agree with you
that one dead hockey player more or less isn't that big a deal. But this is
Maurice "The Rocket" Richard, and when it comes to sports celebrities,
you just can't overestimate the power of a cool nickname. (note: *cool*
nickname, not one of the lame things that guy on Spotscenter uses...)
MARVIN M. GETS ALL ETHNIC ON US (6/3/00)
MARVIN M.:
With regards to your comments on Latin artists and their music, I don't
see exactly where "Bang" your head against the wall type music, throwing
your body into a smell of b/o and beer pit full of groping hands and
fingers, (and probably something else which you may enjoy), and terror
treble guitars such as the crap you listen to even justifies being
played under water.
The music industry has gone to hell, YOUR music and their artists
are the bandleaders. If you can't shake your Bon-Bon or listen to salsa
rhythms and love ballads, I suggest you learn, or at least learn how to
appreciate it. It's safer than losing your hearing, getting goosed in a
pit and getting dropped to the floor, ending up with MDI, (mysterious
drunken injury), such as your arm in a sling and/or Knots Head Landing.
THE GUYS:
Would someone please call the INS.
NATHAN HAS A POINT HERE (6/3/00)
NATHAN:
What about Maurice Rocket Richard, Eric Turner, Tex Beneke and the russian
doctor who died in the helicopter crash?
No Malik Sealy or Jean Pierre-Rampal?
THE GUYS:
We mistakenly omitted "The Rocket" and will be fixing that. We
reported and obitted Rampal. The rest of 'em....Uh, C-E-L-E-B-R-I-T-Y.
TOM G. HAS AN INQUIRY (6/2/00)
TOM G.:
Out of anyone else, I figured that you guys would know the answer. Is
Bob Hudson of the 1970's comedy troupe "Hudson & Landry" dead? I met Ron
Landry of the group about 4 summers ago, and I didn't ask him. In the
1970's, this Hudson guy was ancient-looking and fat then, I figured that this
guy has had to drop by now.
THE GUYS:
We haven't forgotten about you. We can't find a thing on Bob Hudson's
death. So, we're gonna presume the poor bastard is alive.
AMBER CASTS SOME VERBAL STONES OUR WAY (6/2/00)
AMBER:
Jeez, you guys are losing your touch. No Johnnie Taylor? And is Vickie Sue Robinson dead or not? Those bozos at the Dead Pool
say she is, but I think not.
THE GUYS:
We're loosing touch? We're loosing touch? You mention a
nobody-cares-about-him like Johnnie Taylor and think we're loosing
touch? Then you actually have the testicular wear-with-all to ask about
Vickie Sue Robinson.
Loosing touch! Humph.
AMBER:
Alas, do not speak to me of obscurity when you find it in your heart to
include Carl Albert! Is he on the radio 500 times a day? Of course, I live
in the abode of the damned (Texas), so maybe radio doesn't suck as hard
where you guys live.
But you know I still love you. More than you'll ever ever never ever know.
THE GUYS:
Carl, dear Amber, was damn close to president a few times. Now, given
the reputation of that particular position in recent years, we can see
why you'd think that Johnnie Taylor was a bit more famous. However, in
general, Third in line for President, not once but twice, is a bit more
celebrity in the grand scheme of things than some radio dude.
And Amber, we love you too. In a way that could land us in jail in some
states.
DENISE HAS A QUESTION (6/2/00)
DENISE:
Know where i could find a pic of the spyder that j.dean died in?
THE GUYS:
Is this a riddle?
GINGER THINKS WE"VE FALLEN DOWN ON THE JOB (6/2/00)
GINGER:
Are you not sending out death notices anymore? I'm on
the mailing list, but I haven't gotten a notice for
the past 4 or 5 dead folks. What's going on?
THE GUYS:
We send bulletins out for every major death. The mail service we've
been using is delivering them somewhat slowly however. You should have
gotten one for Tito Puente. If not, you need to sign up for the list
again. It may have bumped you.
TIM M. ASKS ABOUT VINCENT SCHVIALLI (5/31/00)
TIM M.:
Is this guy dead?
THE GUYS:
No, Vincent is alive and well. You can catch him in "3 Strikes" and
"American Saint". Bith are set for release in 2000. BTW, he is only 42
years old. Why'd ya think he croaked?
TIM M.:
I heard it on a radio show but I thought he was still alive b/c I saw him
recently on a cooking show.
LEE CHICK ALERT (5/28/00)
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE:
It is close to Memorial Day down here in he south and it brings back fond memories of some of those
that have passed on. I remember when the General, you know my late husband.......used to get out into
the old Rambler and drive the 14 miles into town to pay tribute to those that fought and died in the
big war. I believed that he was shedding a tear in a most manly way each time he'd take that drive.
On those days he would meet with his old war buddies and raise a glass to all the fallen comrades that
served for this great country.
I would like to take this moment, in all seriousness, to thank all those who served so graciously and
willingly for these great United States.
I'll be dragging this old carcass over to the Memorial Day Parade and pray for those that fought to keep
our land free.
Then I'll have Huxley, you know my driver, bring me over to the cemetery where I'll cry for an hour or so
for those that have departed.
God Bless America.
THE GUYS:
The only time the General was shedding a tear was on his trips home. As
for raising a glass with his war buddies, we think it was more like
getting piss drunk to forget who the hell he was married to. Finally,
regarding your trip to the cemetery, be careful. They may think you're
trying to escape and bury you again.
Poor Huxley. Poor, poor Huxley.
STU P. HAS A SERIOUS QUESTION HERE (5/26/00)
STU:
Isn't Mothers Day over yet??????
THE GUYS:
No.
MEDIA QUEEN UPDATE (5/25/00)
EVE:
Here's some impending death gossip....
Matthew Perry was told by doctors that he needs a new liver or he won't be
able to play with his friends or star in bad movies anymore.
So I guess he's on two lists now.
THE GUYS:
Here's some other gossip. Matthew Perry is just plain annoying. So, who cares.
NATE, NATE PONTIFICATE (5/23/00)
NATE:
The month of May has by far been the most busy month this year for
celebrity deaths. Steve Reeves, Cardinal O'Connor, Bill Musselman,
Douglas Fairbanks Jr, Craig Stevens, Keizo Obuchi, Mick Jagger's mother,
Jean Pierre-Rampal, Malik Sealy, Barbara Cartland, and Sir John
Gielgud. Maurice Richard will probably be next then Eric Turner, Leah
Rabin, and Whitey Ford. Perhaps Bob Hope too.
THE GUYS:
Or Bonnie Franklin. Who knows.
JOHN'S BEEN WATCHING PORNO'S (5/22/00)
JOHN M.:
I heard recently that Ron Jeremy the porno star died. Can you confirm this?
THE GUYS:
He's alive as far as we know.
NEIL M. ASKS ABOUT THE DEATH WATCH (5/18/00)
NEIL M.:
You sick, sick puppies. Looks like fun. You gonna do this in 2001?
THE GUYS:
You bet we are!
NATE THINKS HE'S SHARP (5/15/00)
NATE:
You're falling behind.
Coach Bill Musselman, Craig Stevens, Adam Petty, Keizo Obuchi all dead
and not on the list. Also Eric Turner in a few days and maybe Leah
Rabin. Mick Jagger's mother is sick too.
Seems like May has been busy after a slow April.
THE GUYS:
Petty was a punk ass NASCAR driver. Not only does his lack of
recognition in the sport to date make him less than a celebrity, but
NASCAR, in and of itself, doesn't produce celebrities... just
overweight, beer swilling trailer park dwellers.....Next
As for the other people you named, we can read the obituaries you
weasel. But we also can discern a C-E-L-E-B-R-I-T-Y from just some dead
dude. For the last time, they only get posted if:
1) They are really famous not just some kid with a bad driving record
or
2) They are on some ones list AND reported in the AP.
Now, if your uncomfortable with that, tough luck. Adam Petty, humph.
Bet the whole damn racing family are competing for pawl position.
NATE:
Where the hell is Steve Reeves too. People are dropping like flies this
month but apparently only the Cardinal and Fairbanks rate with you guys.
I see what you mean. When Eric Turner dies will he make the list? How
about Yitzhak Rabin's widow? Damnit all these people aren't very notable.
The biggest death this year has been Charles Schulz, agree? Well looks
like those rumors about Bob Hope's health are just that. He e-mailed me
and said that he was flying to Washington for the opening of the Bob Hope
Gallery. Also he still hits golf balls, and renewed his library card. He
will make it to 97.
JAMES L. ON REEVES (5/10/00)
JAMES L.:
Steve Reeves of the Hercules movies died on 5-1-2000 according to the AP
wire!!!!!!!!!
THE GUYS:
Yeah, so. Steve Reeves is not quite a household name. Ya know? Chris
Reeves, now there would be a winner!
JOE W. ON THE STANDINGS (5/9/00)
JOE:
My uncontrollable shakes have ended with some good gigs for
the funeral directors of late and most noteably, Doug Fairbanks Jr. I
feel better now that I have at least 1 dead guy on my list. My most
sincere congratulations to Mike R... Kickin' some serious dead butt. My
black hat goes off to you. ( David G, Bill B, and Ron H, not too shabby
either! ) I can only hope to reach your achievements some time in my
future pool picks. Depending on how I end up, I might need some
pointers. As I have seen from recent e-mail to Da Boy's, opinions and
pointers about others people's picks tend to be common and free of
charge in most cases. Hoping all those cold drafts you all are feeling
are not "ones" from the other side bothering you because of your always
funny but sometimes cruel obits. The cold drafts should really be cold
draughts if you want my opinion. Barkeep!
THE GUYS:
Cruel obits. What ever do you mean?
A KEN PHILOSIPHY LECTURE(5/8/00)
KEN Y.:
When making my list, I like to imagine that I am living in a parallel universe
where poolsters only pick *real* celebs for their list - ones they heard of
before reading about some terminal illness, or noticing that the listee got
picked a lot in last year's Lee Atwater. In that world, I'm fairing much better.
THE GUYS:
Uh, a parallel universe. Oh you live in one of those, that's for sure.
KEN Y.:
Did I mention that whenever I flip a coin, it always comes up heads?
BARON WANTS THE WEEKLY WRAP-UP BACK (5/8/00)
BARON:
Is the more extensive list definitely not available? I am sure I am not
the only one who has asked this. I am sorry to hear about Douglas Fairbanks Jr.
THE GUYS:
The Weekly Wrap will only "come back to life" if someone other than the
Guys wants to compile it. It just takes too much time.
STALKER ALERT (5/7/00)
STACEY THE STALKER:
Douglas Fairbanks Jr. Died at the age of 90. Thats all on that note.
and Vicki Sue Robinson "disco diva, and One hit wonder... if you call, "Turn
the beat around" a HIT, died of cancer on April 25th... I saw that one
in People magazine.
As far as trivia goes, I've got Brad Pitt, and Don Knotts, but no leads
on the other one... Its already may.... sigh....
AND
just in the "just in case you cared" category... Billy Bob Thornton and
Angelina Jolie were married in Vegas, but I don't think he's divorced
yet, so that's bigamy.... (civics lesson)
THE GUYS:
Puh. A civics lesson our eye.
RICHARD IS CORRECT (5/6/00)
RICHARD R.:
Kim Basinger- She's Crazy!
THE GUYS:
Not to mention that loopy Baldwin she's hooked up with.
JOHN M. ON REEVES (5/6/00)
JOHN M.:
Didn't know if you were doing a mention of muscleman Steve Reeves of Hercules fame......
THE GUYS:
We were not.
MARVIN M. THINKS WE'RE DAMNED (5/4/00)
MARVIN M.:
You are surely destined to go to Hell in gasoline soaked underwear for
that obit comment.
THE GUYS:
We were going to hell long before that comment.
MIKE R. GLOATS A BIT (5/3/00)
MIKE R.:
No. 8 for me with the good Cardinal John O'Connor, 80, died May 3.
THE GUYS:
Already got it posted and updated. Unfortunately our automated mail
server is for shit and has been sending out mail 1 to 2 days late. So,
we suppose not only is the Cardinal late, but so is the O.B.E Bulletin
regarding his demise.
BTW, you're kicking tail in the pool. We're proud of ya!
IS NATE KIDDING US? (5/1/00)
NATE:
Is Bob Hope gravely ill with only days to live?
THE GUYS:
Uh, for the past five years dude.
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE GETS READY FOR THE CARDINAL (4/31/00)
MORGUENOLIA:
I have a cheer I would like to share with my fellow contestants. I overheard it at a young
christians weekend social event.
"There you go cardinal o' connor
there you go! (clap clap)
"There you go cardinal o' connor
there you go! (clap clap)"
As the crowd said to Jesus in that lovely musical," Hey JOC, JOC would you die for me?"
THE GUYS:
We have a cheer for you too. We heard it at a bar on 187th street. It
goes like this....
Kill da bitch.
Kill da bitch.
Kill da bitch.
Dig?
THAT LEE CHICK AGAIN (4/9/00)
MORGUENOLIA:
I just read your bulletin about Sylvan Rodriguez. Just terrible......terrible...terrible research on my
part. I am just going to have to quit my volunteer work at the Greater Everglades Southern
Hospitality & Tourism Society so I do not miss such blatent death pool fodder in the news.
Well, I am off to the Jai Alai tournament down in Lochaloosa. I have some more confederate
notes that are just a burnin' a hole in my sundress. (No wise cracks you younguns....)
Bye the way, I am able to get that young Alien Gonzalees to come over for a visit before they
deport his sorry ass! I mean really...all this hullabaloo over a seven year old boy. There has not
been this much press about such a young boy since my husband, General Hudsucker
"Cannonball" Lee admitted fathering a young black child way back when. But that is entirely
another matter!
THE GUYS:
That wasn't a confederate note burning a hole in your pocket, it was the
town's people igniting the tinder at the base of that stake they tied you
to. Ya hag.
MARVIN M. MAKES A REAL FUNNY REGARDING SYLVAN RODRIGUEZ (4/8/00)
MARVIN M.
never mind...
THE GUYS:
Two f**king words and it was quite possibly the funniest email you've sent
thus far!
MARVIN M. RESPONDS TO CHRIS D. (3/27/00)
CHRIS D.
Well Chris, let's see...I got a problem with the definition of celebrity
and also sticking to the rules. Hence the blast on the AP. For
example, Grover Washington Jr. gets a one hour posting, then the boy toy
at the O.B.E. doesn't give him a pass into the mausoleum until I heckle
the O.B.E. for three days. WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK IS PRODUCING
THE MUSIC UP THERE RIGHT NOW ANYWAY? Not Ian Dury, that's for flipping
sure. Ian gets a quick trip ticket thru the pearls. One day. And no I
don't recall their hit, "Slap my blockhead with your stiff nightstick".
Seems like earth isn't the only one with E-Z pass. Oh, and by the way,
I never liked the Olsen twins, may they live long and prosper to become
the oldest no-talent twins in show biz history. Two picks up in smoke
there m'man. As far as Big Pun goes, I was pissed cause I always
include at least one rapper on my list. It was he initially, then I
opted for "Puffy the Cuff".
Oh well. "Cuffy" still got time. Get it, Time.
REGARDING THE WEEKLY WRAP-UPS (3/26-30/00)
KEN Y.
Well, I read them. I sympathize with your decision though. A lot of time
and effort spent on something that in the grand scheme of things, just
isn't that big a deal. Their main use as I saw was that whenever someone
sent you mail yelling "you missed the demise of (insert name of some crappy
grunge band's lead singer or whatever)!!" you could easily say "No we didn't!
Look, there it is!"
MEDIA QUEEN:
Hey, man--I read them!
JODY G.
Just wanted to let you guys know that not everyone just deleted the
Weekly Wrap-ups without reading them. I always liked to read them, even
if it was to just make sure that I wasn't on them!! ;)
BARON:
I am disappointed in the decisionto not get the weekly wrap ups! I am sure
I am not the only one. Mabey a separate list vcasn be started for those
who want to still get it?
THE GUYS:
It's like this....The Weekly Wrap-up took us about two hours a week to put together. Now, that may
not seem like much, but it is. We already invest a good hour a day on this page. In addition,
we spend at least an additional two hours when there is a death. Plus, there are quarterly meetings and there
are tirivia games, and, well, not to be cry babies, but we don't see a stitch of dough. So, our
regular jobs and families have won and we will no longer do the wrap-ups. Now, if one of you silly weasels
want to take over that job, you just let us know. We'll be happy to bring you on board.
JOE MISSES DEATH (3/8/00)
JOE:
Hey guys. What's goin' on? No deaths in a long long time it seems. I'm
starting to get some kind of withdrawal symptom because of it. Have you
ever heard of this affliction before? I guess the only cure is an 'out
of the blue' celebrity death. I'll sign off 'cause I'm starting to shake
uncontrollably. C'mon Grim Reaper. Go get somebody would ya?
THE GUYS:
We have a feeling that a big one is coming in the next few days. Don't
mean to tease you but we feel it in our bones. If we were Bob Hope,
we'd be shittin' a pickle.
STU WANTS A SONG PARODY (3/8/00)
STU:
I WANT A SONG PARODY!!!
THE GUYS:
Unfortunately, you and Marvin M. were the ONLY two who ever wanted those
contests. Too bad really, we liked 'em.
CHRIS D. ON DEATH (3/7/00)
CHRIS:
How come nobody has died? Can you check with God?
THE GUYS:
We put a call into the Almighty and the entity formerly known as God
told us this.......
"Ask not of death but of grapes. Ask not of why but of what. Ask not
of who is nobody but did somebody lay one?"
Man, why does God always talk like that?
NOT THIS LEE BROAD AGAIN! (2/29/00)
MORGUENOLIA:
Well, I have never been so humiliated in all my life. Confederate Hag Review! I'll have you
know that the Daughters of the Sisters of the Confederacy is not an organization to be taken
lightly!. We have our honour to defend and defend it we will. We are not the bible toting,
grits chewing, pig roasting stereotypes you think we are. We have raised hundreds of dollars
for local charities. Why just last week we sent $12.46 to the Brothers of the Fallen Arches, a
non profit organization that telephoned my home seeking a donation to help veterans
with.....well........fallen arches! Never you mind! So you young whipper-snappers from the
dreaded Union States should refrain from such callous remarks about a kind old Southern Belle
from the backwoods of the Okefenoke. Why, it is an insult to my ancestry and the souls who
served for the great Confederate States! May the dear departed souls you mock rise up and
infiltrate your underwear drawer and leave swamp juice stains in embarrassing places!
THE GUYS:
What can we say. Obviously you don't have mirrors in your house. That
would account for the fact that you've never been so humiliated in your
life. As for insulting your ancestery, you don't really need us for
that, you're doing fine on your own. A few more emails and we think
you'll have insulted clear back to the one celled organisms crawling
forth from the primordial ooze. Oh, sorry, you're from that part of the
world where they don't believe in that E-vo-lution stuff. We forgot.
Now, if you don't mind, please take your wrinkled, old, Bob Jones,
confederate ass and high tail it outta here. We got important things to
do. We think they're rerunning some of those old Love Boats tonight.
EVE ON HAZA (2/23/00)
EVE:
Ofra Haza? Awww, I kinda liked her....I looked it up--she died of "untreated
flu"....rather strange way to go in this day and age....
THE GUYS:
DAMNIT! That's the problem in this friggin' country. You just can't
enjoy her for her music. You gotta bring up the whole Jew thing.
Oh, shoot, sorry. You said flu. Our mistake.
FRANK ON OUR EMAIL (2/22/00)
FRANK:
Your email links on the OBE web site do not work; hopefully this is a good guess
of reaching you.
THE GUYS:
Our email links seem to work ok with Netscape but have troubles with
IE. We need to work on that. Sorry.
Obviously, we got your email.
INFIGHTING AT THE O.B.E. (2/19/00)
CHRIS D.:
What's up with Starvin' Marvin? He seems to have a thing about defending
people. First, it's me and the Olsen Twins, now it's Big Pun? I mean the
guys had an ass that caused the earth's gravitational pull to get us the
closest we had been to the moon in 163 years. Too bad he wasn't closer to
one of the Olsen twins, I could have used the half point.
Can I put Morguenolia Blossom Lee on my list next year?
THE GUYS:
The Olsen twins must both die or no point will be awarded (no such thing
as a half point).
You are welcomed to place anyone you want on the list. However, we
doubt that Ms. Lee's death will be reported in the anything other than
the Confederate Hag review.
As for Marvin, we have forwarded your email to him. We'll see what he
has to say.
BRYAN ON OLIVER (2/17/00)
BRYAN:
Didn't know if you had heard this yet - from today's Salon Magazine...
Good morning, starshine. Goodbye, Oliver. William Oliver Swofford, the
singer who had hits in the late 1960s with "Jean" and "Good Morning,
Starshine," from the musical "Hair," died of cancer on Saturday at 52. The
Earth says so long.
THE GUYS:
Uh, his career died LONG before him. Thus, he gets in the Wrap-up but
not on the Big Board.
u WANTS TO KNOW WHERE ROGER IS (2/15/00)
TOM:
Hey- where's Roger Vadim, famous film director and one-time husband to Hanoi Jane Fonda?
THE GUYS:
Where's Roger Vadim you ask. Well Tom, we presume he's in a morgue
somewhere awaiting burial. As for posting an obit, it ain't gonna
happen. He simply isn't a hosehold name and does not appear on any
entries. He was posted in the Weekly Wrap-up however.
CALISE HAS A, UH, RECOMMENDATION (2/13/00)
CALISE:
You forgot to list "Lonesome" Dave Peverett, lead singer for Foghat. Died of cancer.
THE GUYS:
Uh, Calise.......C-E-L-E-B-R-I-T-Y. Foghat, really.
CALISE:
Elmo R. Zumwalt is a celebrity? Really! Still love your site tho. :)
THE GUYS:
If it weren't for the fact that one of our players had Zumwalt on their
list, he wouldn't have been posted. There you are right, he ain't no
household name. Our criteria for posting has always been and shall
remain 1) a valid entry on a list, 2) a well known (household name)
persona, or 3) Someone so funny we can't resist. Our criteria for a
celebrity in the actual play of the game has been and shall remain
anyone whose obit is posted in the AP.
We're glad you like our page. We do this for folks just like you. Keep
watching....
STACEY GETS A HISTORY LESSON (2/13/00)
STACEY:
Tom Landry, (who's hat made an animated appearance in a Simpsons
episode) passed away a few hours ago. On a lighter note, what is
believed to be Frank Sinatra's first recording has been found in
Hoboken...
THE GUYS:
Look here stalker girl. Sinatra's first recording is on that wax roll
hidden down in Matt's basement, right where we left it. Matt, Steve,
and Frank had had a bit too much J.D. one night and Frank, the clown,
sucked backed a few doses of helium and proceeded to sing Amazing Grace
in a falsetto that made Matt and Steve soil themselves. The Guys
recorded the entire event on an old wax roll record. We saved that and
the soiled skivies for memories sake.
That's Frank's first recording. The rest of this crap they're digging
up in Hoboken is just hype.
EVERYONE'S A WRITER NOW (2/10/00)
STACEY:
Ernest goes 6 feet under!
EVE:
So did Ernest go to a funeral?
MORGUENOLIA:
Well, it seems to me that the next movie should be "Ernest Goes to the Morgue!"
GUESS WHO'S BACK? MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE (2/8/00)
MORGUENOLIA:
I am sitting at my personal computer and noticed that a lovely young man has passed on. I
believe he was an illusionist some years back on the old Jack Paar show......well,
anyway.....Mr. Henning always stopped by the local Winn-Dixie for tissues when he was passing
through on his way to play the Ocala Grand Palace with his lovely wife Marilu Henning assisting
him with his magical act. She is lovely as well. I loved her in that Burt Reynolds programme some years back.
Well, that's that. The mail is here and I do have to walk quite a distance to the post box out
by the blacktop highway. These legs just do not seem to co-operate as much anymore.
Do send my love to Mrs Henning. And ask her if that is her in that Andy Kaufberg movie.
THE GUYS:
Forget calling Doug a young man. Henning was 52 or 53, that's a damn
kid compared to you. As for Marilu Henner, she's some crackpot with a
fad diet. Although both Henning and Henner are supposed to make things
disappear, they are not related in any way, shape, or form.
Finally, Andy Kaufberg is the kid who cleans the gum from under the
seats at our local cinema where, for your information, a Burt Reynolds
picture has not played in years.
Having said all that, we hope you break a hip on the way to the post
box.
MARVIN M. GETS ETHNIC ON US (2/7/00)
MARVIN:
Guess the first Latino rap artist to go double platinum didn't make the
AP. Not that I like rap, but if you recall, he, (Big Pun) is the one I
mentioned wanting to put on my list. He would get oxygen blasts
backstage in between songs at his gigs.
THE GUYS:
First off, the only thing bigger in Latin music than Jennifer Lopez's
ass was this guy Pun. To call him the "first Latino rap artist" is an
insult. On size alone the guy was clearly the first three Latino Rap
stars.
As for you almost putting him on your list....Well, that's about as
valuable to you as those oxygen blasts were to the Punster.
EVE WITH A GOOD ONE (2/7/00)
EVE:
Click Here!
THE GUYS:
That, our dearest Eve, was a pisser.
AN OBSERVATION FROM MARIA (2/7/00)
MARIA:
Here's one for your list, Ms. Peggy Lee. As she lays in a hospital bed her loved ones go to bat for her suing
everyone they can think of (Disney and a recording label) in an attempt to increase their inheritor coffers.
THE GUYS:
Their inheritor coffins?
A WATCHER HAS A QUESTION ABOUT THE WRAP-UPS (2/6/00)
TKD:
Doesn't everyone die of heart failure?
THE GUYS:
Ask JFK Jr.
TKD:
Blunt head trauma? Maybe your right -- small aircraft operators should be
required to wear helmets. What about this fat load "Big Pun" down for the
count at 28 and 500+ pounds? Heart attack? I'd say more like heart attacked
by fat.
THE STALKER'S ON A DEATH WATCH (2/5/00)
STACEY:
Have you heard about Gene Wilder? No, he's not dead but he's had cancer
for the past year!
THE GUYS:
Have we heard? Have WE heard? Come now, what do you think. We read
obituaries every damn day. We scour the net for the ailing. We thrive
on picking up info on the sickly hot off the presses. We do everything
short of hanging around Emergency Rooms to check out admittance records
and you want to know if "we heard." Jeesh.
P.S. Who's Gene Wilder?
JOE SAYS NICE STUFF ABOUT US (1/31/00)
JOE:
Great to be "in" this year. Followed along with your humorous obits and
fun dead stuff last year and now that I've got a list entered it just
makes your site all the more special. I've sent along my contribution to
continue your funny exercise in the macabre. Keep up the good work Boys.
Looking forward to a stiff one following this e-mail. Speaking of stiff
ones, do you think at one point a few hours after his death you would no
be able to budge Don Budge? Just wondering.
THE GUYS:
Thanks for for the kind words and your participation. We at the O.B.E.
Memorial Celebrity Death Watch have always believed we provide a
valuable service to the community. We stand for the great precepts that
are the foundation of human nature. We hold the hands of the less
fortunate. We give back to the community. We....aw crap, we don't do
any of that stuff but we do run a pretty funny Web page. That's gotta
be worth something.
JULIA ON OUR ART CASKETS LINK (1/29/00)
JULIA:
I want to thank you for the link to White Light, Art Caskets
I was having a hard time making up my mind which of the "Epilogue(s),
echoing the richness of a life fulfilled" I want when I read: "Art Caskets, personalized for individual taste, are also available where
time permits."
Well, time permitting, I am making an advanced order for one with the
picture I had taken in Vegas with my head placed atop the body of a showgirl
airbrushed life-size on the cover. I figure if I get it now I can use it
for a storage cupboard until it is needed for its original purpose. Has
anyone used this service? Any customer comments? Thanks in advance.
THE GUYS:
They also make great sleds for the kids in the winter months.
GRAEME'S TALKING ABOUT BLOODY MURDER (1/28/00)
GRAEME:
Hey guys, hope you can help me out. My name is Graeme and I'm a freelance journalist researching an
aricle on celebrity murders. Could you give me a few names of more obscure celebs who've come to grief at the
hands of a crazy fans.
THE GUYS:
Just to make it clear, our little game has to do with predicting the
future through sheer guessing or hard research (whichever our players
choose). It has nothing to do with murder whatsoever. We don't want
murder, we don't like murder, and we will not discuss murder....
Psst......don't forget John Lennon.
MORGUENOLIA YAPS ON (1/27/00)
MORGUENOLIA:
Well I declare! I do believe that you fine young entrepreneurs have taken on some advertising. Is this the
beginning of the end of this once proud and noble website? I believe you have degraded the memory of every
soul whose spirit lingers on God's beautiful earth. I, for one, have always been reluctant to speak my mind, but
you boys seem to bring out the fire in this tired , old woman. As God as my witness, I shall fight the corporate
raiders that cannot seem to leave even the dearly departed alone.
You'll be hearing from me.......Fiddle dee-dee....
THE GUYS:
Listen here you tired, old, saw dust in the panties, sow....
The only advertising on our page appears in a section provided to us by
a FREE service. As a term of their service, they, not us, advertise.
It's been like that for two years now. We simply lack the space to run
the entire page of our meager ISP provided web space. Kinda like how
you lack the teeth to chew most common breakfast foods.
If you'd like to open that moth infested purse of yours and kick out
some of those confederate dollars you've been holding onto, I'm sure
we'd be more than willing to purchase more non-advertising required
space. Until such time, why don't you go back to watching those Dukes
of Hazard reruns and keeping your immediate family from marrying.
SOME CZECH GUY TEACHES US A LESSON! (1/24/00)
PAVEL:
Sorry, Vaclav Havel is Czech Republic president.
THE GUYS
You are quite correct. Don't know how that got past us. It has been
corrected. Thanks for pointing it out.
CHUCK WITH SOME NICE THINGS TO SAY (1/21/00)
CHUCK:
Your site is extremely amusing. I'm really bummed out that I missed the
entry deadline, but I'll check you out at then end of the year.
Congrats on the funniest site I've read in a while.
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE (1/20/00)
MORGUENOLIA:
I was thinking today about the first time I saw Hedy Lamarr in Orlando. My, she was quite the
recluse. Only came out at night to get her newspaper under cover of darkness. I guess I should
tell her paperboy to discontinue service. I mean, how will he collect the money? By the way, the
weather down here is simply divine. In fact, I believe I'll have my evening cordial by the lemon
tree tonight.
THE GUYS:
We were thinking today about euthanasia. We came to the conclusion it
was cruel and just plain wrong. Then we got your e-mail and
reconsidered our position. As for Hedy's paperboy, we recommend you
comply with the restraining order and stay away from the poor kid.
Finally, we didn't realize that a shot of Mylanta and a warm water enema
was considered a cordial but we suppose you can call it whatever you
like.
KEN Y. ON HEDY (1/19/00)
KEN Y.:
Her acting always was a bit on the stiff side, I don't think that'll change
much either.
Seriously though, Hedy gave one of my all-time favorite Hollywood quotes:
"Any girl can be glamorous: all you have to do is stand still and look stupid."
Not sure, but I think she was talking to Carmen Electra.
THE GUYS:
Hedy was wrong. Take a good look at Rosie O'Donnell?
KEN Y.:
Ah, but Hedy did say you're only supposed to *look* stupid.
DAVID G. MADE US LAUGH (1/19/00)
DAVID G.:
Hi guys, it must be Prince spagetti day, cause crooked, old Bettino
Craxi died. I can't let that MIRICH guy get too far ahead.
THE GUYS:
The "Prince Spaghetti Day" comment was a true pisser! And yes, the
check is in the mail (uh, as of tomorrow). Computer problems at O.B.E.
central brought things to a grinding halt for a few days. But,
......we're back.
DARRELL IS SCARY (1/19/00)
DARRELL:
I love the descriptions, they are in that "this is real fuck up"
category. Please know I mean that in the best possible way. I still
can't stop laughing about the guy who's record is standing, but he's
not. You're sick, I mean as a compliment.
THE GUYS:
Man, and we thought our typos and grammar were bad.
WE THINK THE STALKER LIKES THE TRIVIA GAME (1/15/00)
STACEY:
TRI - VI - A, TRI - VI - A, TRI - VI - A - god I need to get a
life....
SCOTT REMINDS US HOW POORLY WE SPELL. (1/13/00)
SCOTT:
Hi. Love your site. Miss Hepburn's first name is spelled Kath(a)rine.
THE GUYS:
Our spelling just plain sooks or is that siicks oh, crap, we think it's
suks. Well, anyway, you get the idea. We fixed the error. Thanks!
MORE FROM GARY H. DOES HE LIKE US OR NOT?(1/13/00)
GARY:
It was a reference from Shakespeare's Richard III -- a play by a dead guy
about a dead guy. I thought you'd get it since you are the experts on dead
folks. By the way, make sure your participants learn to spell. It's
Katharine Hepburn, not Katherine Hepburn.
THE GUYS:
1) In defense of our participants, it is we who are the crappy spellers,
not them.
2) Regardless of the source of the quote, our question still stands.
The idea being that many feel this type of thing is rude, malicious, etc
yet are quick to point this out with similar or, we believe, worse
rude, malicious statements is frustrating and clearly hypocritical.
We have always taken the stand that our page offers tribute and humor.
Granted, the inference that our players wish people dead is hard to get
away from. But having met numerous very fun, very funny, and very kind
people through this little endeavor, we can assure you that it isn't
about wishing people dead. It's about who is at a point where life is
gonna deal them the inevitable. It's about being able to predict that.
It's about who you, versus who we, believe is famous. It's about
looking back and saying, "Oh shoot, is he still around. He was great
in...." And above all else, it's about laughter. Now that ain't gonna
change everybody's mind, and many will still feel we suck the pus from
infected wounds, but if you're not pissing someone off, you really
aren't alive anyway.
3) Shakes who? Pierre? Must be French.
GARY H. HAS SOME HATE MAIL FOR US (1/12/00)
GARY:
This entire exercise is sick and disgusting. May the ghosts of those you
wish dead haunt you in your sleep, bring upon you hairy backs, eternal
halitosis, deformed children, and annual I.R.S. audits.
THE GUYS:
You forgot to mention grotesque, tastless, and utterly uncalled for. So
explain to us, is attempting to predict what famous people might die in
a given year less sick or more sick than wishing for deformed babies to
be born. We were just wondering.
MARVIN ON SOME ENTRY PICKS (1/2/00)
MARVIN:
wouldn't the olson twins and backstreet boys count as 2 and 5 separate
picks respectively?
THE GUYS:
We agree. The entry of groups is really outside the realm of the
rules. However, we'll let the entries stand with the understanding that
ALL the Backstreet Boys would have to die in order to get the one hit
(or both the Olsen Twins).
Silly of those entrants to waste the spaces, but funny you must admit.
Congratulations again on really cleaning house with the monthlies. Your
prize is on it's way. It's friggin' really swell.
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE GETS MOUTHY (1/1/00)
MORGUENOLIA:
Well, my heavens, it seems that the little boys at the OBE haven't been busy working on the website. It reminds
me of an old southern adage "The early bird is usually earlier than everyone else"
I don't know what that means, but I am sitting on my rocking chair in the Florida room enjoying some sunshine
and thought I would check out the OBE. To my utter and complete surprise, it looks no different than yesterday.
Now don't get me wrong, I am not commenting at your lack of alacrity. Now my deceased husband, bless his
soul, General Hudsucker B. "Cannonball" Lee would have marched your little fannies into that room until
something was done about this.
Now I am counting on you to correct this quickly fellows. Well, my sippin' tea is ready and I must leave now.
Bless your little morbid hearts.
THE GUYS:
We're busy working on populating the entries page as you sit back and
sip mint julip ya old hag.
MORGUENOLIA:
So nice of you fine gentlemen to have updated you precious little ol' website. You are to be commended for
your swift actions in updating the website.
I hope y'all have a fine year filled with death!!!
MORGUENOLIA BLOSSOM LEE THROWS IN 2 CENTS (12/31/99)
MORGUENOLIA:
Good luck to all my fellow deathies.
This year will undoubtedly be special since someone I picked died before the new year.
Time to take a dip in the cement pond.
Happy New Year, y'all.