So yesterday my seven year old was put on Adderall much to my dismay. I have battled for years trying to get her help for her SPD and I did it. I thought okay things will get better-they didn't.

 

She struggled daily in school and couldn't sit still for more than five minutes straight. She was constantly battling with her siblings and playing rough with the dogs and now well she's not. So why do I feel so bad about it?

 

I feel like I lost my little girl. Everyone said I would love the change and I don't. She doesn't smile like she did before. She doesn't roll with laughter and she seems to have lost that little spark that made her my Nonie Monster (her nickname).

 

She has sat around for two days sorting and resorting cards, laying around and complaining of stomach aches. I miss the craziness, I miss the laughter, I miss the little girl I had just days ago. I hope soon the meds will have been in her system long enough to see if that spark will come back, but for now I just miss her.

One of my favorite sayings and one I have to live by more often. I had a major SPD meltdown yesterday, which resulted in doubling up on xanax and heading to bed. I blocked out the world and hid in my little sanctuary for most of the day.

 

My dear friend called me and pulled me out of my pit of self pity and reminded me of the old hippie saying- Today is the first day of the rest of your life. This saying came about in the sixties though many people don't realize that. To every person it could mean something else, but yesterday I learned what it meant to me-hope.

 

In my two year old like tantrum I deleted my author site and everything that had to do with any of my writing. I was ready to give up on the one thing that brought me happiness and I was wrong. Today I woke up and I am starting fresh. So in all actuality today is the first day of the rest of my life. I have changed, I have grown stronger, tougher and from this day forward I will never let anyone bring me down.

 

I have made it through so much, too much. So many others would have been ion a corner crying, but not me. I'm still here. So forgive me friends for my melt down, forgive me for not being a fighter and realize I will not allow others to change me. I will continue on being who I am and as I have been told my biggest fault is I'm too nice and my biggest asset is I'm too nice, that will not change. I will always respect others and be kind even when I shouldn't be. I will continue to help those who ask me for it and save the animals who can't speak for themselves. I will go on and never allow anyone to bring me down again.

 

In the words of one of my best friends Check ya later :)