Since essays into topics such as Friendship must include quotes, I’ll begin with the closing passage of Aelred of Rievaulx ’s book on Spiritual Friendship:

"And thus a friend praying to Christ on behalf of his friend, and for his friend’s sake desiring to be heard by Christ, directs his attention with love and longing to Christ;

"Then it sometimes happens that quickly and imperceptibly the one love passes over into the other, and coming into close contact with the sweetness of Christ himself,

"The friend begins to taste His sweetness and experience His charm.

"Thus ascending,

"Past all anxiety, by reason of which we once feared and were solicitous of one another,

"Past all the adversity which it behooved us to bear for one another,

"Past even the sting of death itself, which causes us to grieve shoulder-companions lost along the way,

"With salvation and eternal life secured, we shall rejoice in tasting the Supreme Goodness of this friendship, to which we admit but few,

So it becomes an outpouring of love upon God, and God shall be

all in all."

…

The operative term in the above is "sometimes happens." This level of friendship, as Aelred observes earlier, is more a goal to be striven for than a state easily achieved—or even achievable. It is a gift of Grace.

Aelred himself quotes Cicero as a point of departure: "Friendship is mutual harmony in affairs human and divine [as Aristotle said] coupled with benevolence and charity." To this he adds Scripture, such as Proverbs’ "He that is a friend loves at all times," and Luke’s portrayal of the Christian model in Acts: "The multitude of believers had but one heart and one soul."

All these quotes paint a beyond-Vulcan-mind-meld ideal of friendship.

Aelred doesn’t drop the other shoe—an exploration of how the closest of friendships may turn to enmity—until later.

Easy friendships, those that are comfortable as the sweater you’ve had so long you can’t remember where you got it (to borrow a Ginnie Bivona metaphor); those begin in youth and survive somehow into grandparenthood.

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From : Robin Glynn

Dad/Tom,

"friend" n. 1. A person whom one knows, likes and trusts.

2. Any associate or acquaintance. Often used as a form of address.

3. A favored companion; boy friend or girl friend.

4.One with whom one is allied in a struggle or a cause; a comrade.

5. One who supports, sympathizes with, or patronizes a group, cause or movement.

6.Capital F. A member of the Society of Friends; a Quaker.

-be friends with. To be a friend of. -make friends with. To enter

into friendship with. -tr.v. friended, friending, friends. Archaic. To befriend. [Middle English frend, Old English freond. See *pri- in appendix of *Proto Indo-European roots]

"friend-less" adj. Without friends.

"friend-ly" adj. -lier, -liest. 1. Of, pertaining to, or befitting a friend.

2. Favorably disposed; not antagonistic. 3. Warm; comforting.

4. On terms of friendship. -adv. Also friend-li-ly In the manner of a friend: amicably. -n., pl. friendlies. Those fighting on or favorable to one's own side. -friendli-ness n.

"Friendly Islands." See Tonga.

"friend-ship" n. 1. The condition or relation of being friends. 2. Friendly feeling toward another; friendliness.

Your,

Daughter/Robin

…

Robin,

I like your American Heritage Dictionary definition of Friendship as a series of interesting potentials including Friendly Islands.

Interesting, too, that back when Aelred of Rievaulx was expanding on Cicero in Latin, Anglo Saxon speakers could "friend" one another (usually "be-freonde," according to Jan Sholty).

Yes, a topic such as friendship does lead one to the definition experts. And the quotebooks. Here’s some sayings from Between Friends: An Anthology on the Oldest and Most Difficult of the Arts; Compiled and Arranged by Warwick James Price & Privately Issued by the Compiler’s Friends (1934):

"Go up the ladder when thou choosest a friend." (Hebrew Proverb)

"A friend makes useful wounds." (Bulgarian)

"When a friend asks, there is no tomorrow." (Danish)

"Friends, like mushrooms, spring unexpected." (French)

"A friend’s eye is as good as a looking-glass." (Gaelic)

"With friends, it is better to be deceived than to mistrust." (Greek)

"Friendship survives death better than absence." (Chinese)

"Better a true friend than a hundred relations." (Italian)

"A brave foe makes a good friend" (Moroccan)

"A friend is a poem" (Persian)

"Who ceases to be a friend never was one." (Serbian)

…

And here’s a selection from The Most Brilliant Thoughts of All Time (In Two Lines or Less) collected by (and including some brilliant thoughts from) John M. Shanahan. Some are cynical:

"The path of social advancement is, and must be, strewn with broken friendships." (Author H. G. Wells)

"’Friend’ is a word sometimes devoid of meaning; ‘enemy,’ never."

(19^{th. Century Novelist Victor Hugo)}

"A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes." (Doug Larson, b. 1952)

…

But one also finds the subtle:

"I present myself to you in a form suitable to the relationship I wish to achieve with you." (Playwright Luigi Pirandello)

The delicate:

"Won’t you come into the garden? I would like my roses to see you."

(18th. Century Playwright Richard Brinsley Sheridan)

And the solid:

"In prosperity our friends know us; in adversity we know our friends."

(John C. Collins’ "Aphorisms")

All that’s missing is Saint Paul’s enthusiastic "I thank God for you."

Your Fellow Striver in this "Oldest and Most Difficult of Arts,"

Tom

…