The Obnoxiously Quotable Samuel Johnson, Re. America & Americans (clipped from
:
The Samuel Johnson Sound Bite Page - http://www.samueljohnson.com/america.html/
106. America/Americans; Ouch!!!
"Sir, they are a race of convicts, and ought to be thankful for anything we allow
them short of hanging."
Boswell: Life
248. America/Americans; Freedom; Slavery
"How is it that we hear the loudest yelps
for liberty among the drivers of negroes?"
Johnson: Taxation No Tyranny
396. America/Americans; Authority; Government
"We have now, for more than two
centuries, ruled large tracts of the American continent, by a claim which, perhaps, is valid only upon this consideration,
that no power can produce a better; by the right of discovery, and prior settlement. And by such titles almost all the dominions
of the earth are holden, except that their original is beyond memory, and greater obscurity gives them greater veneration."
Johnson:
Thoughts on the Late Transactions Respecting Falkland's
Islands
402. America/Americans
"I am willing to love all mankind, except an American"
Boswell:
Life of Johnson
413. America/Americans; Patriotism; Taxation
"He that wishes to see his country
robbed of its rights cannot be a patriot.
"That man, therefore, is no patriot, who justifies the ridiculous claims
of American usurpation; who endeavours to deprive the nation of its natural and lawful authority over its own colonies, which
were settled under English protection; were constituted by an English charter; and have been defended by English arms.
"To
suppose, that by sending out a colony, the nation established an independent power; that when, by indulgence and favour, emigrants
are become rich, they shall not contribute to their own defence, but at their own pleasure; and that they shall not be included,
like millions of their fellow-subjects, in the general system of representation; involves such an accumulation of absurdity,
as nothing but the show of patriotism could palliate.
"He that
accepts protection, stipulates obedience. We have always protected the Americans; we may, therefore, subject them to government."
Johnson:
The Patriot
423. America/Americans; Choice; Representation
"As man can be in but one place,
at once, he cannot have the advantages of multiplied residence. He that will enjoy the brightness of sunshine, must quit the
coolness of the shade. He who goes voluntarily to America, cannot complain of losing what he leaves in Europe. He, perhaps,
had a right to vote for a knight or burgess; by crossing the Atlantick, he has not nullified his right; but he has made its
exertion no longer possible. By his own choice he has left a country, where he had a vote and little property, for another,
where he has great property, but no vote."
Johnson: Taxation No Tyranny
666. America; Freedom; Slavery
"Slavery is now nowhere more patiently endured,
than in countries once inhabited by the zealots of liberty."
Johnson: Idler #11 (June 24, 1758)
+++
MOORE COFFEE
In Honor of President George W. Bush's 58th. Birthday ...
A Constellation of Opinions on Mike Moore's "Farenheit 911"
+++
Pre-release Rumbles
1. Sam Swank, Re. By The Way (6/17/04)
Tom,
I heard something yesterday that really stunned me. We all know the famous
picture of Andrew Card telling G.W. Bush about the terror attacks while he's reading to a bunch of kids, right? What I didn't
know was that Card was telling him about the second plane. He already knew the first plane had hit before he went in.
He then sits there reading to a bunch of second graders for the better part of ten minutes!!
Several of the reviews I've read of Michael Moore's new movie "Farenheit 911" (among
them Fox News) say that this scene of him sitting there doing nothing, while knowing that the largest terrorist attack in
our nation's history has just occurred, is among the most riveting, and damning, of the whole movie.
Much Love,
Sam
+++
Dallas Morning News editorial review (Moore's Movie a Documentary? Not According
to Webster)
DMN Blog Postings, Re. 9/11 movie editorial (From "Best of the Blog" 7/4/04)
1. A reader responds:
While I haven't yet seen the movie myself, I wonder why it isn't
a documentary? Your editorial used this Webster's definition: "Documentary film: a film that dramatically shows or analyzes
news events, social conditions, etc., with little or no fictionalization." By all descriptions it does dramatically show (and
especially analyze) news events – and it uses footage of real people in real time, so it's not fictionalized. Edited
to favor a particular viewpoint? – sure. Are there any quality documentaries that don't edit to favor some viewpoint?
A film which links together factual events as though they're related without any
facts or evidence to support that linkage is a form of fictionalization. That art form creates the perception of cause and
effect, or other sorts of linkages, which may or may not exist. This is what a portion of our staff discussion revolved around.
Even our board's heaviest Bush critics called the movie an "attack ad" and bemoaned its stringing together of unproved causes
and effects. Kinda reminds me of Oliver Stone's movie about JFK, as somebody cited earlier on this blog. Great movie, but
hardly a documentary. Ditto re this flick.
posted by Keven Ann Willey @ Jun 29, 7:18 PM
...
2. Re: 9/11 movie editorial
I came out on the short side of our debate on the editorial. I have seen Fahrenheit
9/11. It certainly is a documentary. The vast majority of it is actual footage of real people. All documentaries have
a point of view. If you send your camera crew into Appalachia to do a story on kids that don't get enough to eat every day,
you don't spend a lot of time at the country club discussing how well the kids eat at poolside. If Fox News did a news show
on the 15 months of U.S. occupation of Iraq, we would call it a documentary – no matter what point of view the news
organization might take.
Considering the amount of fiction the Bush administration has been giving us about
Iraq, I find it more than strange that our editorial guns are trained on Michael Moore's documentation of post-9/11 life in
America instead of why the United States invaded a foreign country for no reason.
posted by Jim Frisinger @ Jun 30, 5:14 PM
...
3. Re: 9/11 movie editorial
The problem was that the movie is fiction, not rooted in fact. From what I understand,
Moore had the facts and chose to ignore them to make the more interesting film. (For example, Richard Clarke took full responsibility
for letting bin Laden's family leave the country, but it sounds better to make it seem like that was a dark plot hatched in
the Oval Office.) That's fine. But, in our opinion, it's not a documentary just because it uses real pictures of real people.
One reader is right, though, about the simplistic definition. I think our point should have been that the definition fails
and we need a new word for what Moore made.
posted by Michael Landauer @ Jun 30, 4:54 PM
+++
"WOW!" - DFW Marine Corps Families Chat Room
1. Lory's Original Message
Just
got back from seeing Farenheidt 9/11!
Very informative, moving, biased (as is all media) and hard to argue with.
Lory
PMM
...
2. LINDA wrote:
LOL...if you really think it is hard to argue with then you need to talk to my
son. He can give you an argument for every point Moore made in the movie and he would LOVE to do it.
Linda
...
3. Laurie wrote:
Twisted, slanted and full of lies. With the power of media I can make the Pope
look like Satan! And such is the problem with America, ready to eat what is served at the table by Hollywood. Micheal Moore
is a hate-monger who blatently says he is out to get George Bush with whatever means he has. Very scary. It's not hard
to argue with. Everything in that propaganda film, much like the kind Hitler would use to get the support of the people, can
be refuted with facts. Be careful what you eat and who is serving it!
Laurie
...
4. CAROLYN wrote:
I am so glad that, upon this day of all days, we live in a country where people
of opposite political ideas and stances can talk to each other like each of us is important and what we say deserves to be
heard.
I personally do not like Micheal Moore; on the other hand, George Bush is not high
on my list either. And, as Forest Gump said many times, "That's all I have to say about that..."
What we do have in common is our Marines and that is why we are members of this
SUPPORT GROUP. Our differences are so much less important in comparison with this one commonality--our Marines.
Carolyn
+++
FAR & WIDE COFFEE
Re. Fahrenheit 9/11 - Again
1. Rebecca Thompson, Re. MOORE COFFEE
... Tom, I'm just perusing "COFFEE" these days, don't like war, and haven't seen
Fahrenheit 911; but it sounds to me like these responses are pretty much consistent with already existing political
preferences ... i.e., of those who have expressed them in previous COFFEE(s). Doesn't sound like the film or documentary (or
whatever it is) has changed anything very much... except for perhaps Moore's bank account.
Sam, is it possible that Bush sitting there reading with the 2nd graders for 10 minutes
was the more important thing to be done?
Rebecca Thompson
P.S. Tally: Farenheit (4) Fahrenheit (3)
...
Rebecca - Also Farenheidt (1). Regarding Michael Landauer's comment, that the dictionary
definition for "documentary" fails, and "we need a new word for what Moore made": Consider "poli-tainment" and "agit-doc"
in the Time article below. - Tom
+++
2. Time Magazine's Richard Corliss (7/12/04), Re: "The World According To Michael;
Taking aim at George W., a populist agitator makes noise, news and a new kind of political entertainment"
The first week's release of Fahrenheit 9/11 no doubt attracted a higher proportion
of its natural constituency, the liberal base. To become a blockbuster and a shaping force in the presidential campaign, the
film will have to entice the curious, the hostile, the indifferent--just as a politician's toughest job is to reach the large
number of nonvoters. Moore keeps saying that America is "a 50/50/50 country. There are those who vote, who seem to be evenly
split, but then there's the 50% who don't vote, and no one pays attention to them." Moore does. He's doing what he does best--pestering--to
get them into theaters. And then to the polls....
Fahrenheit 9/11 is The Passion of the Christ of the left. Both films established
a base in a devoted minority: the evangelical right and the political left. Both films were attacked in the major media and
profited from it: the faithful were galvanized, the films got an underdog status, and uncommitted moviegoers paid attention.
As church groups recruited members to attend Mel Gibson's film its first weekend, so too the liberal lobby MoveOn.org signed
up 110,000 members who pledged early attendance at the Moore movie.
Hit movies typically breed clones. And in this election year, with stakes and tempers
high, a potent nonfiction genre is emerging: the agit-doc, dealing with high-octane political issues, often in a confrontational
tone. Trailing Moore's box-office clout, agit-docs are surging into the mainstream. One of them, The Hunting of the President,
co-directed by Clinton pal Harry Thomason, was originally to go to 30 theaters; now its distributor has revved that number
to 125 and has put the film's trailer on many screens showing Fahrenheit 9/11.
"We've underestimated the audience's desire to see [political] material," says Robert
Greenwald, director of Uncovered: The War on Iraq, a sober and devastating critique of Bush's foreign policy. "I don't think
it's about hating the President. It's that politics has been brought home to the deepest part of ourselves. People now feel
Politics Is Me." ...
Fahrenheit 9/11 wants to reach a drowsy electorate--most of whom don't bother to
vote--to rouse them with a jazzy reveille of facts and innuendos and get them involved. "There's millions of you on the sidelines,"
Moore notes, "and I'm like the coach saying, 'Come on, bench, get in the game!'" And play for which side? That's easy to guess.
Moore's mantra is that he made the film to prevent Bush's re-election....
To combat Fahrenheit 9/11, White House communications director Dan Bartlett quipped
at a press briefing, "If I wanted to see a good fiction movie, I might go see Shrek or something, but I doubt I'll be seeing
Fahrenheit 9/11." Otherwise, the Bush team's policy is public silence. "We thought about what they would want us to do," says
a top adviser, "and then we did the opposite." ...
Meanwhile, Republicans are hoping that Kerry does what they most want: allow a photo-op
with Madman Moore, or at least offer his film a rave review. As a high Bush campaign official says, "I can't wait to see what
John Kerry says about the movie." Keep waiting. "John Kerry has not seen the movie," says spokeswoman Stephanie Cutter. He
has been busy, she says. Notes a senior Democratic strategist: "John Kerry has stayed away from Michael Moore, and that's
very smart." ... Says former Kerry campaign manager Jim Jordan of the film: "It is an exaggerated message from an imperfect
messenger, but it might be the phenomenon that finally poisons the political atmosphere for Bush." ...
Fahrenheit 9/11 may be the watershed event that demonstrates whether the empire of
poli-tainment can have decisive influence on a presidential campaign. If it does, we may come to look back on its hugely successful
first week the way we now think of the televised presidential debate between John Kennedy and Richard Nixon, as a moment when
we grasped for the first time the potential of a mass medium--in this case, movies--to affect American politics in new ways.
+++
INTRODUCTORY COFFEE
Rebecca Thompson forwarded Far & Wide
Coffee to a friend, Kevin McNevins.
BTW, Kevin has a website, offering financial management services (INCOME
TAX included):
http://www.mcnevins.net/
Kevin wrote:
Thank you Rebecca but I am a bit confused about how Tom's system works - does he
email a group or do people go to a blog site and add comments to the "threads"? I will copy Tom for an answer and to be added
BCC if possible - it seems civilized and interesting - thanks Tom - - keep in touch.
...
Dear Kevin,
I'm glad to have made a good first impression. Fortunately, our Coffee Shop has a
membership which includes people who are civilized & interesting. For instance, Larry Bedell provided this motto:
If it looks like coffee,
Tastes like coffee,
Smells like coffee,
You didn't
get it here.
+++
Re. Methodology: Coffee has evolved into a cross between a Chat Room and the Letters
Column in a newspaper. With any luck, readers respond to an issue or to another reader, and I format their responses into
the current issue. For example:
Sam Swank, Re: FAR & WIDE COFFEE
Rebecca,
You're right on the mark about Fahrenheit 911. I saw it and felt very much like
a member of the choir to whom the movie was preaching.
Actually, I found the movie quite depressing with several of Moore's patented
leaps of logic. The actual footage of the people in the movie however, speaks for itself. I doubt that it will change many
minds, however.
Sam, is it possible that Bush sitting there reading with the 2nd graders for 10 minutes
was the more important thing to be done?
Perhaps. But to my mind, the enormity of the situation should have been obvious.
This is easy for me to say of course, had I been in his position I could have well curled up in the fetal position. But fortunately
for everyone, I'm not the President.
But in all seriousness, if what was clearly the most significant terrorist attack
in history had occurred on U.S. soil, continuing to read to second graders for ten minutes should not have been the first
course of action.
Sam
+++
I sometimes forward messages of interest to my readers. For instance, I know Ginnie
Bivona will be interested in this:
Fr. Wylie Miller, Re. Lectures on The Devinci Code
Dear Friends,
Attached is a wonderful link on two college lectures telling of the Christian ideas
behind the novel of The Devinci Code. Each of these is 'turn it on and listen' for up to thirty minutes each. If you are reading
or have read this novel I highly recommend this information as a great learning tool for free.
http://www.teach12.com/ttc/DavinciCode.asp?ai=16930
By the way The Teaching Company is an excellent source for college lectures of all
subjects and the religious tapes of Biblical study and Church history are excellent.
Sincerely your friend,
Fr. Wylie Miller+
+++
Occasionally, I also forward jokes:
Bill Bellinghausen, Re. The Pope and The Rabbi
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave
Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish Community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with
the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have to leave.
The Jewish people met and picked an aged but wise Rabbi, Moishe, to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe
spoke no Italian and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate.
On the chosen
day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three
fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger.
Next the Pope waved his finger around his head.
Rabbi
Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat.
The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine.
Rabbi
Moishe pulled out an apple.
With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he was beaten, that Rabbi Moishe was too
clever and that the Jews could stay.
Later, the Cardinals met with the Pope, asking what had happened.
The
Pope said, "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that
there is still only one God common to both our beliefs. Then, I waved my finger to show him that God was all around us. He
responded by pointing to the ground to show that God was also right here with us.
I pulled out the wine and wafer to show
that God absolves us of all our sins. He pulled out an apple to remind me of the original sin. He had me beaten and I could
not continue."
Meanwhile the Jewish community were gathered around Rabbi Moishe. "How did you win the debate?" they
asked.
"I haven't a clue," said Moishe. "First, he said to me that we had three days to get out of Italy, so I said
to him, 'Up yours!' Then he tells me that the whole country would be cleared of Jews. and I said to him, 'We're staying right
here.'"
"And then what," asked a woman.
"Who knows?" said Moishe. "He took out his lunch so I took out mine."
+++
Eventually, I compose a web page and add it to DOT TOM CAFE:
http://mysite.verizon.net/trcbmc/
+++
COFFEE TOO
Ginnie Bivona, Re. INTRODUCTORY COFFEE
On the DaVinci thing...wonderful! I am most certainly interested, and I'll listen
tonight! Thanks for telling me about it.
Weighing in on the 9/11 debate...it is amazing to me how deeply etched in stone our
precious opinions are. Left or Right, every last one of us. If you like George Bush, you spot every flaw in the movie...therefore,
the whole thing is an evil plot by a raging liberal to discredit a great leader. If you don't like him...well...this is the
best show on earth. It shows all his weaknesses and miserable failures, not to mention what scumbag advisors he has. No matter...it
justifies your views perfectly. Before you ever put your butt in the theater chair your mind is made up. There is no room
left for doubt in the seat.
Last night at a meeting, I handed a friend of mine a list of reasons why I had decided
on the candidate I would vote for. She has said all along that she was "on the fence, just didn't know, couldn't decide" but
when I held the list out to her, she pushed it away. "I don't want to see that!" she said..."you are just trying to sway my
vote!" Even the fence is a comfy place. And all this while it is so clearly obvious that the only hope for the salvation of
the country is with my choice of candidates.
G(No doubts here)Bivona
...
Ginnie - Please send me your Slate of Candidates to save me the trouble of thinking,
especially about all those down-ballot judgeships. - Tom
+++
HAPPY 72nd. BIRTHDAY, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.
+++
You humans are very curious to us. You invite us to live among you in an atmosphere
of equality that we've never known before. You give us ownership of our lives for the first time, and you ask no more of us
than you do of yourselves. I hope you understand how special your world is, how unique a people you humans are. Which is why
it is all the more confusing and painful to us that so few of you seem capable of living up to the ideals you set for yourselves.
(San Francisco, one of a large number of humanoid extra-terrestrials genetically
engineered to be slaves, who had to land in the Mojave when their transport ship malfunctioned in the 1988 sci-fi flick Alien
Nation)
+++
PARTISAN COFFEE
Ginnie Bivona, Re. COFFEE TOO
Tom wrote: "Please send me your Slate of Candidates to save me the trouble of thinking,
especially about all those down-ballot judgeships."
Slate? What slate? I haven't even started on the Texas people...well except for Perry.
I'll vote for him only if he runs for dogcatcher. Otherwise...he's outta here as far as I'm concerned. I've only picked my
presidential candidate...the attached reasons are why....the starred ones are particularly sore points with me. Feel free
to post, edit, or use this material as you see fit. AS LONG as it is done respectfully. Do not credit it to me...I got it
from another friend who thinks the same way I do. I am sure I'll vote straight Democratic ticket for the national election,
and am leaning strongly towards the same thing in Texas, I sure don't like Kay Bailey Hutchinson...she's way too pro big business,
doesn't care a fig about the environment.
Reasons Not to Vote for George W. Bush
Past Work Experience
He bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas; the company
went bankrupt shortly after he sold all his stock.
He bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart
deal that took land using taxpayer money.
Accomplishments as Governor
*He changed pollution laws in favor of the power and oil companies and made Texas the most
polluted state in the Union.
*Thanks to him, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America.
He
cut taxes and bankrupted Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
He set the record for the most
executions by any Governor in American history.
*He became U.S. President after losing the popular vote by over 500,000
votes
Accomplishments as President
He
spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
*He has shattered the record for the largest
annual deficit in U.S. history.
He set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month
period.
His record for environmental issues is the least of his concerns.
He set the all-time record
for most days on vacation in any one year period.
He is supporting development of a "Tactical Bunker Buster" nuke,
a WMD.
He set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. president.
*In his first year in office
over 2-million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
He set the all-time record for most
foreclosures in a 12-month period.
*He set the record for least amount of press conferences than any president since
the advent of television.
*He has signed more laws and executive orders effectively amending or ignoring
the Constitution than any president in history.
He presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene
when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
He presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history and refused to use national
reserves as past presidents have done.
*He has cut health care benefits for war veterans and supports a cut
in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families -- in war time. And, they have to pay for their own
trips home on leave from Iraq.
*He has set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest
him in public venues (15 million people) shattering the record for protest against any person in the history of mankind.
He's
dissolved more international treaties than any president in U.S. history.
He's made his presidency the most secretive
and unaccountable of any in U.S. history.
The members of his cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S.
history.
He is the first president in U.S. history to have almost all 50 states of the Union simultaneously suffer
massive financial crisis.
He is the first president in U.S. history to order a pre-emptive attack and
the military occupation of a sovereign nation, and did so against the will of the United Nations and the world community.
He
has created the largest government department bureaucracy in the history of the United States.
He has set the all-time
record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than any president in US history.
*He is the first president
in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
*He is the first president
in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Elections Monitoring Board.
He has removed more
checks and balances, and have the least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential administration in U.S. history.
*He
withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law.
He refused to allow inspectors access to U.S... "prisoners of war" (detainees)
and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
*He was the first president in history to refuse United
Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
He is the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving
the most corporate campaign donations.
His largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of his best friends, (Kenneth
Lay, former CEO of Enron Corporation) presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. history. His political
party used the Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure his success with the U.S. Supreme Court during
the election decision.
He has spent more money on polls and focus groups than any president in U.S. history.
*He
garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks but less than a year later made the U.S. the
most resented country in the world, possibly the largest failure of diplomacy in World history.
He is actively working
on a policy of "disengagement" creating the most hostile of Israel-Palestine relations in at least 30 years.
*He is
first president in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view the presidency as the biggest threat to world peace
and security.
He is the first U.S. president in history to have the people of South Korea more threatened by the U.S.
than by their immediate neighbor, North Korea.
*He set an all-time record for the number of administration appointees
who violated U.S. law by not selling their huge personal investments in corporations bidding for U.S. contracts.
He
removed more freedoms and civil liberties for Americans than any president in US history.
In a little over two years, He created the most divided country in decades, possibly the most divided since the Civil War.
He
entered office with the strongest economy in U.S. history and has turned every single economic category downward -- all in
less than two years.
Records and References:
He has at least one conviction for drunk driving
in Maine. His Texas driving record has been erased and is not available.
He refused to take a drug test or even answer
any questions about drug use.
All records of his tenure as Governor of Texas are now in his father's library, sealed,
and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into insider trading or bankrupt companies
are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that Bush, or the
Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
+++
Ginnie - Okay. Many of these reasons not to vote for Bush were also covered in Fahrenheit 9/11 - and a few more thrown
in. No disrespect intended, but I am reminded of a recent political satire:
MAJORITY OF KERRY VOTERS BELIEVE HE IS NOT BUSH
Not-Bushness Key to Dem’s Appeal, Poll Suggests
In a new Time/CNN poll released today, a majority of voters supporting Sen. John Kerry (D-Mass) for president agreed with
the statement, "He is not George Bush."
The poll results seem to indicate that Mr. Kerry’s status as someone
who is not President Bush is pivotal to his appeal among those who support him.
Of those surveyed, 98% said they believed
that John Kerry was not George Bush, with a scant 2% answering "Don’t know."
Asked to name the issue that concerned
them most, 9% of Kerry voters named "improving the economy," 12% named "fighting terrorism," and a whopping 79% named "electing
someone who is not George Bush."
"With weeks to go until our convention, it’s significant that so many voters
already believe that John Kerry is not George Bush," said Kerry strategist Bob Shrum. "Once our ad buys get underway, we expect
the number of people believing John Kerry is not George Bush will only increase."
Perhaps in response to the poll results,
the Bush campaign today responded with a series of ads intended to plant seeds of doubt in the voters’ minds about whether
or not John Kerry is, in fact, not George Bush.
Emphasizing that both men went to Yale and were members of the secret
society Skull and Bones, the new ads end with an announcer saying, "John Kerry: maybe he is George Bush."
Libby McCleod,
a Kerry supporter in the battleground state of Ohio, said she was "troubled" by the ad and was now considering voting for
Ralph Nader: "He’s still not Bush, right?"
http://www.borowitzreport.com/
+++
On an even lighter note, John Caudill offers the following:
LETTER TO TIDE
Dear Tide,
I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it since the beginning
of my married life, when my Mom told me it was the best. On a personal note, because I suffer from PMS each month, things
around here sometimes can get "hectic".
About a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My unfeeling
and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was and generally started becoming a pain in the neck.
One thing led to another and I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse.
I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out. After a quick trip to the supermarket,
I stopped and got a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains
came out! In fact, the stains came out so well, that some detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests were
negative and my attorney said that I would no longer be considered a suspect!
I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go, I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag
people...
Signed,
A Satisfied Customer
+++
DEAR MOM COFFEE
Note to Helen McClellan (1912 - 1995)
Dear Mom,
You were always after me for "nice newsy letters." Family news first: Carolyn got demoted & Robin had a bout with cancer
- other than, that the past fortnight has not entirely sucked like an industrial-strength vacuum cleaner.
Robin has the following Prayer Request:
Hello all, I really need some prayer. I am having a very hard time with anxiety after this bout with melanoma. I am recovering
nicely from the surgery but I am still having more tests done. The tests are very stressful and uncomfortable and now I have
the waiting to get through. I have an appointment with the oncologist Tuesday morning. David is home with me so that is good.
The anxiety is making it hard for me to sleep and eat.
Thank you,
RobinGlynn@aol.com
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Dear Robin - Mom's letters often included clips from newspapers. In hopes of cheering you up, here's a recent Borowitz
Report:
IRAQ TRIES TO GIVE SOVEREIGNTY BACK: ‘No Way,’ Says Cheney
One day after the United States transferred sovereignty to Iraq, Iraq unsuccessfully attempted to give sovereignty back
to the United States.
The decision to return sovereignty to the U.S. surprised many in diplomatic circles, since most
had expected the Iraqis to keep sovereignty for at least two days and possibly even longer than that.
But in an official
statement to reporters today in Baghdad, Iraqi Prime Minister Iyad Allawi said that "one day of sovereignty was more than
enough, thank you very much."
Mr. Allawi said that he had been "sold a bill of goods" by former
Coalition
Provisional Authority chief Paul Bremer III, who had led Mr. Allawi to believe that Iraq was in much better condition than
it actually was.
The Iraqi said he had been persuaded by Mr. Bremer to attend a "travelogue-like" slide-show about
Iraq with the promise that he would receive a new set of Samsonite luggage and a 13-inch color television in exchange for
forty-five minutes of his time.
Once Mr. Allawi realized that Iraq was "nothing like" the country depicted in the slide-show,
the Iraqi leader tried to return sovereignty to Mr. Bremer, but found that he had not left a forwarding address or phone number.
In
Washington, Vice President Dick Cheney responded to Mr. Allawi’s request to give sovereignty back with a curt, "No way,"
adding, "All I can say to Mr. Allawi is, be careful what you wish for, pal."
Elsewhere, attendees at the NATO summit
in Turkey said they would reserve judgment on President Bush’s speech there until they had time to read the English
translation.
****
I've kept up with my reading, Mom. I'm in the middle of Xenophon's "March of the
10,000," and have just finished Gustav Hasford's novels about the Vietnam War, "The Short-Timers" (1979) and "The Phantom
Blooper" (1990). Hasford co-wrote the screenplay for Stanley Kubrick's 1990 film "Full Metal Jacket." Apparently adapting
"Short-Timers" to film generated enough new material for the author two write a second (inferior) book. "Blooper" is sweet
on the Viet Cong and their Communist Revolution and sour on the USA and the corrupt puppet regime in Saigon. Shades
of (as many DFW Marine Moms call him) Hanoi John.
As for Sour on the USA, Bill Bellinghausen offers the following:
stirred not shaken
In case we find ourselves starting to believe all the anti-American sentiment and negativity about our government and its
policies, we should remember Tony Blair's words to his own people.
During a recent interview, Prime Minister Tony Blair of Great Britain was quoted giving the following answer to one of
his parliament members as to why he believes so much in America and its President. And does he think they are on the right
track?
Blair's reply -- "A simple way to take measure of a country is to look at.....how many want in.......and how many want
out."
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Speaking of films: As indicated in Partisan Coffee, I've seen Moore's Fahrenhiet 9/11 film. Moore makes no attempt at objectivity
- But then you don't expect Fair and Balanced from the guy who used his podium time while collecting an Oscar to say "Shame
on you, Mr. Bush."
As for Fahreneit's genre - whether it's a documentary or, as in Time Mag, a new subtype of Poli-tainment, the Agit-Doc
- Jeffrey Weiss offers some thoughts in his weekly Sneak Peek newsletter:
... As for the faith and values of the week, here’s one thought about the Michael Moore movie Fahrenheit 9/11. Whether
or not it’s a good movie or a pack of scurrilous lies or a patriotic appeal to voters or really boring is all for critics
and partisans to chew on.
I’ll pick on one point: the question about whether it is or is not a documentary.
How is it that we have only that one word for "non-fiction movie?" Imagine if there were only one category for "non-fiction
book." And Wilson’s "The Ants" was slapped onto the same shelf as Coulter’s "Treason."
That’s how I feel when I try to compare, for instance, Ken Burns’ Civil War stuff with Moore’s work.
Both documentaries? Maybe so, but that stretches the word so wide that it’s hardly useful...
jweiss@dallasnews.com
To Subscribe:
• If you received this newsletter from a friend, we welcome you to become a member and sign up for this and other
e-mail newsletters at: http://www.dallasnews.com/newsletters/index.jsp.
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While we're talking about movies: I've recently watched what may be the dullest sci-fi film ever done, "The Arrival," (1995),
starring Charlie Sheen. The alien plot to turn the earth into a 120-degree hothouse, aided by rogue federal agents, takes
the first half of this molasses-paced movie. Only the X Files could be worse. What really shocks and awes is that a sequel
exists. Burn before viewing.
If it's not already in "The Bad Movie Vault" - http://femmecrow.tripod.com/fodder.html - it should be.
So cheer up, Mom. You really are in a Better Place.
Tom.
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HODGE-PODGE COFFEE
DATELINE HISTORY - July 11, 1798: US Marine Corps was created by an act of Congress
1. Anita Rager
Re. JULY FIFTH COFFEE
Slightly off your Samuel Johnson harangue about Americans - Right now I'm listening to the 21 audio tapes of John
Adams by David McCullough. And in them, what Thomas Jefferson had to say about his slaves was deplorable. Jefferson
was called a Republican at that time. Adams was a Federalist. The tapes offer a fantastic glimpse of our early history about
a plain and dowdy President who was not well appreciated in his day - maybe like another plain and dowdy President, Harry
S. Truman. Anita R.
Re: DEAR MOM COFFEE
Very unique edition of .Tom. Thanks, Anita
...
And a very awkward attempt to trash the sci-fi movie, "The Arrival." "Easy writing makes damned hard reading." Here's the
revised skewering:
"The Arrival," (1996), starring Charlie Sheen, may be the dullest sci-fi film ever made. Developing the premise - aliens
are conspiring with rogue federal agents to turn the earth into a 120-degree hothouse - takes the first half of this molasses-paced
movie. It turns out the aliens are humanoid, ugly, and - in an unintended comic touch - they have legs like ostriches. Charlie
Sheen finally saves our planet in a whimpering anti-climax. Nearly as somnorific as the X Files. What really shocks and awes
is that a sequel exists. Burn before viewing.
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On a more tolerant note, this gem from the archives of http://BorowitzReport.com -
BUSH PROPOSES ‘DEPARTMENT OF EVIL MEASUREMENT’
Agency Would Assign Evil Rankings to Every Nation
in World
President George W. Bush today proposed the establishment of a Department of Evil Measurement, a Cabinet-level agency that
would rank every nation on earth according to how evil it is.
The DOEM would collate information gathered by the State
Department, CIA and other arms of the government before tabulating a final evil ranking for each country, the President said.
Mr.
Bush, who had been considering the idea of an evil-measurement agency for several months, made the decision recently when
Iran, a member of the Axis of Evil, recently said that it would not shoot down American warplanes straying over its airspace
– a move some in the Administration interpreted as meaning that Iran may not be so evil after all.
As a result
of Iran’s announcement, President Bush said, Iran was being removed from the Axis of Evil and placed instead in the
Axis of Not Quite So Evil As We Thought.
In order to make the public aware of the current standings of evil nations,
the President said that there would be a weekly televised countdown of the Top Fifty Evil Countries hosted by Carson Daly
of MTV’s "Total Request Live."
The President added that the Department of Evil Measurement would take many factors
into consideration when determining how evil a nation is, such as whether they have cooperated in the war on terrorism and
whether they export billions of gallons of petroleum to the U.S.
Mr. Bush’s decision to rank every nation in
the world by evil drew strong rebukes from countries around the world, except from Canada, which the U.S. rated as "too boring
to be evil."
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2. Helen Cariotis, Re. Dear Mom Coffee
Tom, I am pleased to find out that your mother's name was Helen. There don't seem to be a lot of us, and most that I know
are old ladies. Everyone knows, of course, that Helen is Greek, but may not know that it means "bright" or "torchlight." When
I was little I hated the name, wanting instead to be Judy, Linda, or Peggy like so many of my friends. Now I like my name
and I am not sure if it is because I am getting older, like the other ladies named Helen, or just that I have finally adjusted
to it.
I will say that the name Helen seems to be coming into favor again, and I have noticed a few movie stars have named their
daughters Helen.
My Marine is named Stephen, which is also Greek, and means "crown." I was thinking more of the Disciple Stephen when I
named him. Stephen was the first Martyr. His middle name is Alexander which means "protector of mankind." That is kind of
telling, I think. He thinks he is named after Alexander the Great!
See, you got me to start thinking about names. It is a nice break from politics.
...
Dear Helen -
Also a nice break from politics - a conversation about dogs. Remember the case of the piddling spaniel?
3. CANINE COFFEE
FROM DFW Marine Corps Families Postings
Helen Cariotis wrote Teri, Re. Dog Question:
My first inclination is to think the cocker is marking, as he is intact and the house is a 'new' territory. Many intact
males, even perfect gentlemen, have to be watched carefully if they are in a new place (new to them), and although having
dog smells there before is a factor, they don't have to be there...
Another possibility is the dog is just stressed big-time due to all the changes in his world. Some dogs take changes in
stride and some don't. This theory would apply more if the dog was pooping as well as peeing in the house. Time should help
him acclimate....
Hi Helen et al, Tom here.
Maybe the piddling spaniel was just doing what I'm doing - saying, "Hi, Everybody! This is me!"
Speaking of dog psychology - marking behavior, dominance behavior, etc. - I've forgotten which movie has a very attractive
lady - the male lead meets her in an airpot - telling him to mount his mutt in order to convince it that he, not the dog,
is the Alpha Male. She demonstrates how to squeeze the dog between one's knees & hump. The result is as comical as the
director intended.
That aside; to me dogs still come across as wannabe people. Blanco is a member of the family, the one who has white fur
& sleeps on the floor. From a dog's point of view, maybe nothing says "I Love You" like a fresh steaming pile of poop.
Or a fresh, steaming edition of Coffee. People can sometimes be viewed as wannabe dogs, right? We're of the same territorial
tribe, "naked apes," as Desmond Morris put it, circa 1972.
Helen again:
"The dog could also be 'running for President' i.e., assuming leadership of the humans in the household. Pooping and peeing
on beds and personal belongings would be a clue that this could be a possibility. Does the dog ever challenge the humans,
ie curl lip, growl, or bite? Can they handle him, take things from him, move him from beds and sofas, and mess with his food?
If this is the case, then they need to train him and assume leadership of their dog.
Tom:
Speaking of Running for President, I had a student do that last term. He was the first student to arrive, first two class
meetings. I turned the temporary roll over to him to take attendance while I handled paperwork - thus allowing him, in your
terms, to mark the class. On a couple of occasions after that, he attempted to present himself as the Alternative Maestro
- and there was little I could do about it, as I had opened the door for that sort of behavior.
Now for your last words on the spaniel:
Helen:
Last but not least (and I have learned not to discount this possibility), the dog could have a medical/physical problem.
I would certainly run this pass my veterinarian if I were them, just to rule out any possiblity. Cockers tend to have everything
from ear infections to seizure disorders so you never know. It would be a coincidence given the new house, but I'd check it
out anyway.
Hope some of this helps!
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COFFEE PACK
DATELINE HISTORY: 7/12/1984 - Democratic Presidential Candidate Walter Mondale picked Geraldine Ferraro to be his
VP running mate, making her the first woman in history to run on a major party ticket.
Mondale was the Democrats' sacrificial goat, placed in the path of Ronald Reagan's triumphant walk into a second term -
1984 was the year a Democratic covention-goer ran into Berkely Breathed's pengun, Opus, and decided to join the Bloom County
Party because he figured Bill the Dead Cat had a better chance against Reagan than did Mondale - so he probably decided to
do something truly Democratic on his way to defeat.
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1. Helen Cariotis: Re. Pack Behavior
Tom said:
<<<Speaking of Running for President, I had a student do that last term. He was the first student to arrive, first
two class meetings. I turned the temporary roll over to him to take attendance while I handled paperwork - thus allowing him,
in your terms, to mark the class. On a couple of occasions after that, he attempted to present himself as the Alternative
Maestro - and there was little I could do about it, as I had opened the door for that sort of behavior. >>>
Helen:
"Mark the class." That is witty! I will have to remember that one. In actual practice the "alpha" of the pack, be it male
or female, often does the least. He lolls about, claiming his resting spot with confidence, and lets the subordinates do the
work (of course they must have his permission). When you see a lot of posturing, strutting, pushing and trash-talk, it is
many times a subordinate male/female who is making a move upwards, or thinks he is. The true alpha knows the outcome already,
so he doesn't waste his time and energy. (of course I am speaking about canines here).
Tom:
Right. I remember with fondness those delightful Coffees in which Don Hockaday was attempting to change your political
stance. After Mix had made the attempt, even.
Carloyn & I live in a doggy neighborhood. The alpha female, ovaries intact, lives down the alley on the left - Frisbee,
a Border Collie. Frisbee knows what male two-leggers are for; they are for throwing the ball for her to fetch or catch, until
they run down. When I suggested that "from a dog's point of view, maybe nothing says 'I Love You' like a fresh steaming pile
of poop," I was thinking specifically of Frisbee's taking a dump in her human Phil's bed, as if to say, "Hi Honey, who's your
favorite girl!"
The most effective way I've found to get Blanco's attention is to pick up a stick. The image, Two-Legger-With- Stick, appears
to be pretty deeply imbedded in the canine consciousness. All Carolyn has to do to change Blanco's behavior from You-Owe-Me-Attention
to Hunker-&-Go, is to threaten, "I'm going to get my paper" (rolled-up newspaper). For a long time the key word pair "Blanco...Bath"
would accomplish the same thing. Eventually, he figured out that we were just kidding.
And then, of course, I gave him a bath. The male two-legger's favorite game with the canine kind is: BETRAYAL. This game
includes the faked ball throw, the faked trip outside that leaves Fido in the back yard staring at a closed door, and the
cracker piled high with peanut-butter that will stick to the roof of Fido's mouth. But I digress.
Blanco used to be Spanish-phobic, too, because I would indicate that I was ultimately fed up with him by cussing him out
in Spanish. Differences in tone-of-voice and words used made no difference to him; if he heard Spanish phonology, he was outta
town.
I've heard that dogs develop a comprehension vocabulary of up to 700 human words, and humans of course develop an extensive
dog-comprehension vocabulary.
The dog's Let's Have Fun posture - chin on floor between forepaws, rump in the air - is universal enough to be a Yoga posture:
Doggy Down. Minus the wagging tail, of course.
The same posture with rump down seems to mean I'm So Harmless & Cute You Gotta Love Me. I saw Blanco use that one on
Frisbee when she chewed him out for trying to mount her. Either she's saving herself for Prince Charming, or (Phil's explanation)
if it's smaller than she is, she thinks she's supposed to herd it.
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2. Kevin McNevins, By Way of Introduction
[As for adding me to Coffee subscribers:] That will be fine - [Rather than a Department Of Evil Measurement,] I would like
to propose to your kaffe klatch that I would find it helpful if there was a reliable index that measured the level of civilization
that earth has attained. I suggest that if such an index exists, it would confirm my suspicion that, overall, civilization
has declined in my lifetime (from 1945 to present).
As a holder of an Honorable Discharge from the United States Marine Corps, Dated 11 January 1968 signed by W.D.Wilcox,
Colonel, USMC, I accept all good wishes for the Corps - "Fideli certa merces": ("To the faithful, reward is certain") - But
I wish to clarify a possible misconception about the Marine Birthday - The Corps dates from November 10 1775 and was "re-created"
in 1798 after the services were effectively disbanded after the Revolutionary War. The date was changed officially in 1921.
I will not claim full Marine Corps honors however since I received my discharge in Army Basic Training (after an enlistment
"anomaly") and was unable to convince my First Sergeant that it meant I was finished with service, which didn't happen until
I got my Army HD January 10 1974.
Kevin McNevins
www.mcnevins.net
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Dear Kevin,
Fellow member of the generation that recalls consulting the Magic Eight Ball with its tetrahedron floating up out of the
murk - Yes/No/Maybe/Ask again later...
According to my search engine, you might enjoy Thomas Sowell's 1999 book "Barbarians Inside the Gates, and Other Controversial
Essays." Says one online reviewer:
"Thomas Sowell is one of the only places I can reliably turn for an interesting dissident voice. In this collection of
remarkably succint and insightful essays, Sowell pokes at the foundations of the prevailing ideologies of the day until the
whole house of cards comes tumbling down. Although he's typically assigned the simplistic label "conservative," Sowell's analyses
go well beyond the tired, often irrelevant divide between the "left" and the "right." Sowell isn't trying to get elected or
win any popularity contests, and he doesn't have an ideological axe to grind; he's just a guy with a great deal of respect
for logic, truth, and the founding ideals of this country.
"Indeed, Sowell dispenses with the drivel spouted by politicians of both parties as he cuts through what he calls the "mush"
that typically passes for informed debate these days. Sowell has written much about the self-satisfied "anointed" who hold
so much power and shape so much of the debate in this country, and he launches a frontal assault in these essays against every
bastion of their power. No one is spared from Sowell's disdain for our self-appointed betters:
*politicians, *welfare statists, *race hucksters, *feminists, *the media, *the judiciary, and most of all *the educational
establishment."
...
Since
*I think the biggest race huckster of his time, James Baldwin, deserves a posthumous Pullitzer,
*I voted for Nader last time around, and Nadar actually believes European Socialism is importable to the US (probably over
the dead bodies of a few hundred million taxpayers and the congress they elected... It was a protest vote against a Democracy
on its way to becoming a Plutocracy, all right?)
*I have occasionally sold stuff to the media (as opposed to Sowell, whose book is only available through Amazon.com, Borders,
Barnes & Noble, Alibris, and other retailers.)
*I admire and agree with many feminists, from Germaine Greer to my own wife & daughters.
*I make $22 per contact hour from an educational establishment...
I am roadkill in this guys path, long before I consider forking over an hour's labor for his book.
...
Has Culture, say from WW II on, in fact been going to hell in a handbasket?
Or do the Senior Menu years just give one a jaded viewpoint - it looks like everything else is on a down-hill slide?
Why is Don Hockaday never around when you need him?
+++
U GOT MAIL COFFEE
Bastille Day, 2004
Good Morning Fearless Readers:
Remember "Letter-to-Editor Coffee"? The only problem with the News' publishing one of those darn things is that a more
astute reader will trounce you in print. And then, being born to argue, you just gotta answer...
Back to Mesopotamia
Re. Letter "Iraqi monarchy" by Edward W. Samuell Jr., Dallas (Monday, 7/12)
Thanks to Mr. Samuell for reminding me that I know far less about the long but unhappy political life of Iraq than meets
the eye.
In my response to my query, "When in its multimillennial history has Iraq had self-government, such that we 'restored'
it?" Mr. Samuels recalls that during his 10-year stay "in that part of the Arab world from 1948 to 1958, Iraq was a constitutional
monarchy. Iraq was aligned with the United States and NATO as the operational seat of the Baghdad Pact against the Soviet
Union... Unfortunately, this constitutional monarchy fell violently to the military coup executed by Abdel Karim Kassem in
1958."
Thanks to Mr. Samuell for filling in a decade of the vague list of caliphs & kings that comes between Xenophon's March
of 10,000 Greek mercenaries out of Babylonia in 400 BC and the 2-part made-for-TV miniseries "Gulf Watch" & "Gulf Storm"
that ushered in the 1990's.
Like Mr. Samuell, one of my students, a Kurdish gentleman, had pleasant memories of Iraq - up until Saddam started taking
over in the 1970's. He had been a member of a Socialist Republic that educated its citizens and treated them well. Even the
Kurds had a voice in government - and I gather that's saying a lot.
So thanks, finally, to Mr. Samuell for setting me right: We have returned self-government to Iraq. President Bush, as another
student from Iraq said, deserves the honorific title, Haaji - one who has made his obligatory pilgrimage.
Can we please bring our soldiers home now?
Tom McClellan
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Other Counties Heard From
Jose Cruz, Re. "Moore Coffee"
Hi. Tom
From a former classmate of M. Moore. He was an A-hole in class and continues to be be one, albeit much richer,
thanks to the gullibility of the Amercan public and the media. I wouldn't pay 10 cents to watch this drivel.
I heard it
before during the Vietnam War, when he was one the publisher of a rag at Mott Community College whose main goal was to tear
down the government and the so called military establishment. It is great to be able to take advantage of the freedoms we
all enjoy due to the sacrifices of others and not our own. His first venture was also fiction, " Roger and Me."
At
least some commentators are on to him and this writer definitely knows him from the past. Caveat: Don't drink from the poisoned
well nor the pe
