As I make presentations within the Inland Northwest and Northern Idaho, I am often requested to write down my thoughts on various issues.  Here are some of my essays.   All these are essays about relationships, or what I call Things you need to know, if your don't plan to live on a desert island alone.

The University of Life will include papers on the freshman courses in a curriculum aiming at Relational Maturity. These courses include:

Map of Relationships 100 is the overall layout of committed long-term relationships. I made it  to help people see where they are in the great and highly predictable pattern of relationships / marriage, etc.  The Map was developed over 6 years and was finished in the fall of 2002.

The Biological Dream is an excerpt from the paper that goes with the Relationship Map.  It is about what I see is the fundamental drive of all human brains toward community.  It is about why we fall in love, what we are in love with, and why we yearn of a community where "everyone knows my name," a family where I feel I belong, and why we form buddy relationships.

Safety 101(The Lizard) is a paper on that most important of all relationship subjects, skills, priorities - making each other safe. Knowing how to recognize un-safety, knowing what to do about it, and how critical it is seems to me the number one positive relationship issue.  Without safety, we stumble around and get nowhere.   Yet most couples walk in fear and caution of each other. 

Reliable Membership 102 covers the problem, and provides the solution to the problem of, one partner needing more space/distance, while the other needs more closeness.  It is about the vital need for all humans to experience reliable connection with others. It was written in 2001.

Diversity 103 (PreValidation) is an essay about the meaning and logic of understanding and validation.  It includes definitions of the important terms: Making Sense, Understanding, Validating, and PreValidating.  I have been teaching this since 1996, in one form or another, and reached its final form in 2004.  Also I have included a paper on Resentment, for which I believe Validation is the healing process.  

Autonomy 104 (Master/Slave) is a paper you want to read if you are arguing. It is about the difference between dialogical behavior and non-dialogical behavior.  It was developed starting 1998 and was finished in the fall of 2001.  The essay on MasterTalk was developed in the spring of 2002 and provides additional material on the subject.

Communication 106 is a paper on learning to communicate.  It includes an overview of Mirroring, the training tool for successful communication.  Also I included essays on "How much to Communicate."

Boundaries 114  is a paper that evolved over many years.  So often did individuals, couples and groups request this, that I have finally put it into written form.

One-Liners   These are affirmations leading to Relational Maturity.  I found that I needed to remind myself to stay dialogical, as our culture keeps trying to seduce me back to acting and talking MasterTalk.  These were the phrases that I put up on the walls at home, or in the office, or the meeting rooms in order to remind myself to keep my eye on the goal.

There are many other pages at my other website at http://al.turtlecounseling.com  Enjoy them.