is a thought I cannot comprehend
but to die for those who drove them in
that's Your mercy ...
Your mercy shines like the morning
when the darkness runs from the day
like the rising sun, oh, Your glory chases the shadows away
We are changed by mercy...
from "Mercy" by Ray Boltz
One rainy afternoon I sat and listened to the words of Ray Boltz's song. The power behind the words gripped me. Never did I feel so far away from what I wanted to be.
It was not a good day for mothering. In fact, if they had handed out prizes, I would not have gotten one, unless it was a booby prize. My temper was short; my words rough and unkind. I knew it was not a banner day.
Rather than deal with it honestly, I rationalized why things were going so badly. None of it was my fault, of course. It was this child's forgetting part of her homework requiring a return trip to school. That child's loud and boisterous play when I was on the phone. These were less than optimal behaviors, but they didn't deserve the full force gale of my temper.
Somehow, the day finished with hugs and kisses at bedtime. (I am now certain that was God's grace in action!) Still in a lousy mood, I went back and listened to "Mercy" again. What does mercy mean, anyway? I couldn't really remember. I found a dictionary and read:
clemency or kindness extended to someone instead of strictness or severity.
Oh dear...
Oh Lord... forgive me... How far I have to go...
The next morning I had no choice but to go to my girls and ask their forgiveness. At first they tried to excuse me. "It's OK, Mommy, I didn't do what you told me to do." "I think I have to do a better job of remembering, Mommy."
Their gentle attempts to "fix" things only made it worse. I had to explain why it was NOT OK. Why angry and unkind words were not acceptable when gentle reminders would do. I wanted to do a better job of being their Mom. I walked around all day feeling like the impending doom was about to descend on my head. Finally, I spent a while reading all the Bible verses I could find in my concordance that spoke of God's mercy. Here's a few of them...
for You are a gracious and merciful God. (Nehemiah 9:31)
Remember O Lord Your great mercy and love,
for they are from of old.(Psalm 25:6)
You do not stay angry forever, but delight to show mercy. (Micah 7:18b)
Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence,
so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:16)
and finally...
He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.(Proverbs 28:13)
It will take a lifetime for these lessons to sink in.
Michael Kelly Blanchard says, "What I have only recently come to see is that mercy is ultimately not a tool of judgment, to be dispensed or withheld in response to our behavior, but a free choice of a loving God originating from His tender heart."
Yes, Lord! That's it! I don't earn it. I can't DO it. You can do it, though. A tender heart... could you do that to MY heart??! MERCY!
