Love Beads

My partner and constant buddy these last five years asked me yet another time, "how soon will the bus get here, Mom?"
     "I dunno, sweetie," I said. "but it will be soon!"

Hard to believe that this bouncing, antsy, happy-go-lucky daughter was starting down the road of her formal education. Yes, we had spent many hours reading and playing and learning together. And she's been watching her big sister head off to school and has counted the days. Now it's her turn and we are starting a new partnership with her school. I knew my mind was jumbled; I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before.

Every kindergarten parent knows the quiet fears just under the surface. And while you are putting on a brave, happy face for your child, and are truly excited, your mind is working overtime.

I looked down at her freckled nose and gap-toothed smile, remembering a nursling instead of a young girl. I watched her wiggle her second loose tooth and remembered when we crowed over it when first cut through. Where did the years go?

I don't regret that she's growing up, nor that I've spent her first years as her primary caregiver. (Truthfully, I am not sure I've been that great a mother... but I've tried.) She's ready for this new adventure, and for all that the skills and experiences she will gain this year. I'm letting her go with a pang of "My baby!" ringing in my heart.

The bus is chugging towards us now, and her energy level is winding higher and higher. "MOM! THERE! Do you see it??? Is that MY bus???" (Picture Tigger bouncing on his tail, and you have the right image!) Suddenly in mid-bounce, she stops, clings to my leg and asks, "Did you wear it? The necklace I made you?"
     "Yes, sweetie. I have it on. See?"

She inspects my necklace carefully, and pulls a certain bead to the center of my neckline. "There ya go, Mom! Now you can remember me ALL day."
     "You betcha, sweetie. There's love from you in every bead!"

The bus whines to a stop, the air brakes engage, the red lights flash. Her hazel speckled eyes dart up to my face with the unspoken question, "Is it OK? Should I go?" She sees my answering smile and hops on, suddenly the big kid. I wave as the bus pulls away... and thank God for all she's becoming, and all the ways He watches over her when I can't.

Sentimental tears wash my cheeks as I walk home. I see them as God's way of cleansing my hold on her, of my conscious release of my daughter to her Heavenly Father's care. I hum as I walk home,

She's in the Best of Hands. And I'm wearing her love like a necklace near my heart...

From our home to yours-
Deb

For other "musings," please see Previous Month's Musings