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VERNON R. BRADLEY, M. A., MFT Marriage Family Therapy License Number MFC 17232
Consulting and Staff Development 909-797-8325
Welcome! Thanks for visiting my site. My Practice in Marriage Family Therapy provides professional services to individuals,
couples, and families of all ages. My "job" is to be a supportive ally for my clients as they face the various
life challenges that come their way. If you've never experienced
therapy before or want a "taste" of my approach, click on Services.
SEMINAR SERIES: August 22, September 19, October 24, and November 14.
Click on THE OFFICE to download information and registration form
My latest book, From The Frying Pan To The Jacuzzi is now available.
Click on LATEST BOOKS page for more information
AND check out the THE MOVIES
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The office is located in Yucaipa,
which is located at the foot of the San Bernardino Mountains. We're just a few minutes from Oak Glen and Forest Falls.
OFF THE TOP MY WEEKLY BLOG
Click LINK for Hubpages blog
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Wednesday, July 12, 2006
RESOLUTIONS CONTINUED
Click on the archive link below to see the first post about RESOLUTIONS. Post Date, July 10, 2006.
So here you are, anxious as you can be. Since reading the first post
on this topic (two days ago), you've made at least 365 resolutions--a year's worth! Me too! So we're in good
company!
So one of our premises was that perhaps resolutions ultimately come about as a result
of "shameful" behaviors which we act out in the first place as a way to silence the anxiety that seems to scream out
in our stomachs, in particular. So then, how do we touch and soothe that anxiety or better, how do we make it go away?
Let's look at a couple of basics for starters. For some, anxiety can be
reduced by getting additional sleep. YEP! For others, anxiety can be reduced by sleeping less and getting
more exercise. YEP!
One almost immediate way to reduce anxiety is to STOP reading the newspaper, particularly
the front page, the lotto results, and the obituary!
Another simple way to reduce anxiety is to turn off the radio in the car, particularly
if you listen to TALK RADIO. But even if you listen to soothing music while driving, try driving in SILENCE! Just
listen to yourself breathe. You might find out that you're not breathing. So drive in silence and practice
breathing!
If you're a believer, driving in silence and breathing opens the door to the awareness
of the breath behind the breath--GOD. God speaks loudly in the silence!
If you're not a believer, you can still be STILL and let yourself tune into the
anxiety that sometimes stirs when we "still" even the stillness! If you're a tad or a lot ADHD, you'll get tuned
in pretty quickly!
Living in silence and stillness, even for a moment, can shed a whole new light, as they
say, on any of our war zones. (Refer to initial Post). Living in silence and stillness can bring an interruption to
avoidance and procrastination. Once interrupted, there is always the chance then that we will move past the
avoidance and procrastination and so END or bring to a HALT whatever anxiety grows out of that avoidance and procrastination.
A few bite-size morsels of food for thought. Totally fat free, calorie free,
but VERY NUTRITIOUS particularly for our brain functioning.
Monday, July 10, 2006
SPEAKING OF WAR
We semingly go to great lengths to PRACTICE safety when it comes to shooting the astronauts
into space and then getting them back down (or do we?). We seem to care about the astronauts. But are
there thousands of other folks in this world that we just consider expendable and not worth caring about?
It is difficult to get an accurate count. However, it appears that there are between
38,000 and 44,000 Iraq citizens, non combatants, who have perished as a result of the war. And the count
keeps going up, the same as it does for our soldiers as well as the enemy. This isn't an historical
movie we are watching where each side lines up across from the other and soldiers on both sides drop like flies--such antiquated
war tactics! These are MODERN and TECHNOLOGICALLY sophisticated times! Unfortunately, there is nothing sophisticated
about war. It is ALWAYS barbaric and UNcivilized.
"Let there peace on earth and let it begin with me." What? Who wrote that song?
I'm going to mind my own business and besides, realistically, what can I do about any of these dead people?
Well, We could talk outloud about them as if we cared that such a large number of folks
are just being obliterated in the name of democracy and freedom. We could at least think twice about our methods
for spreading democracy and freedom. We don't have to take sides. We don't have to say, "I'm a dove," or "I'm
a hawk." We could just let ourselves talk about all the people who are dying from this war, ALL the people, the
ones who are dying honorably, the ones who are dying dishonorably, and the THOUSANDS who are dying just because
they live in Iraq.
And, of course, so many of them are being killed by their fellow citizens because they choose to belong
to the "wrong" religious sect. That's the part we do not get AT ALL. And worse, we don't get how we,
in the persuit of religious freedom, have contributed to the budding acts of genocide and terror. If nothing else,
we could talk about how we don't get it, instead of talking about those crazy people.
It's kind of like family therapy. We sometimes move toward healing by being free
to acknowledge OUTLOUD what we don't comprehend. It does not require taking sides or condoning or condemning
anyone's behavior. It's just being free to say OUTLOUD, "Wow, did you know....? "Wow, I just realized that ....."
Say, what sense do you make out of ......?" "Hey, our family's pretty nutty. How about yours? Your's too?
Wow! It's pretty awful! Oh yea, there's some good stuff too."
Being a loyal American doesn't require that you pretend that our soldiers are the
only folks worth mentioning who are making the ultimate sacrifice.
RESOLUTIONS
How many of these have you made over the course of your lifetime? Many of us do not wait
till New Years to make them. The daily regrets of whatever it was we did the day before, the things that we had promised
ourselves we would never do again, drive us to make these resolutions, sometimes on an almost daily basis!
"I'm going to get up early tomorrow morning and get my walk in before work."
"I'm done with Heavenly Hash Ice Cream. For that matter, ALL ice cream!"
"That's it, no more beer...wine...margaritas...."
"That's the last time I waste an entire day sitting in from of the plasma screen, once
known as the boob tube!"
"That's it, I'm never again going to raise my voice. I'm going to get control of this
raging maniac inside me."
"No more screaming at the kids! No matter what stunts they pull."
"I'm going to block all directions to any Casino from my navigation system!"
"No more on-line sex for me! I'm turning over a new leaf!"
"I've had it with this vicodin. I know I can live my life without it."
"Got to be some other way I can get a good buzz other than weed."
"My fingernails look like they went through a dull food blender! Why can't I stop?
By god, I can stop."
"Whatever it is, popcorn, borrocoli, filet mignon, peanut butter--anything that touches
my lips gets gobbled down so fast, you'd think I hadn't eaten in a week. The truth of the matter is....."
"This is my LAST cigarrette!"
"This is my LAST credit card purchase!"
"This is the LAST time I'm saying yes when I really want to say NO!"
"I'm never again going to listen to myself talking in this whimpy voice that makes me look and
sound like a three-year old."
One resolution after another. All attempts to stop some shameful activity that we engage
in to dull the intense anxiety that invades our stomach almost minutes after awaking in the morning. Many of us
are lucky enough not to live in Iraq or any other war zone, although many of us do live in war zones of one kind or another.
It might be the relationship we are in. It might be the job we are afraid to leave.
So is that what the anxiety is all about? Our individual unique war zones?
For many, living or not living in a war zone doesn't seem to soothe the anxiety.
We've become so accustomed to living with anxiety that we have adopted it as a best friend or a second heart!
So is there some direction to this anxious rambling? Some door to peace? Some new
methodology for actually making my resolutions work?
Perhaps the first step is simple awareness. Am I aware of waking up many a morning with deep
heartfelt intention to renew a resolution that I so terribly failed the day before? Sit with your awareness for about
five minutes, breathing all the while. Look all around you as you sit with this awareness. Let yourself SEE.
Are you in a war zone? Is there something in this moment that would trigger anxiety even for Mother Theresa? Or
is life pretty good actually, but there's this restlessness all the same?
If at this very moment, there is no war, then BREATHE a sigh of relief and adopt the relief
the same way you have been taking care of the anxiety for all these months or years.
If at this very moment, there is a war, then also BREATHE a sigh that you are still alive and
able to fight, or perhaps able to surrender, or perhaps able to make a truce, or perhaps able to FLEE. RUN as fast
as you can from the war zone to a safe place. If there is a war, find the safest person in your life and share
with them what you are at war with?
Sometimes our anxiety comes from wars that have ended a long time ago. Our
brain and our stomach just don't know it yet! Sometimes paging through a photograph album and intently looking at yourself
PICTURED at different moments throughout your life can actually help you pinpoint the time and place a particular war
erupted.
More to follow.
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Scott is the GENTLEman on the left. You can tell how much we love each other!
The music, Clair De Lune, is from the CD Debussy/Ravel Piano Works.
It is a Classical Gallery CD produced by Platinum Disc Corporation, P. O. Box
2798, La Crosse, Wisconsin 94602
This is one of my favorite piano pieces from the many concerts I attended as a little
kid right there in my own living room--listening to Mom play.
See blog for March 10.
Ian on his favorite morning--CHRISTMAS--with his favorite animal--ANGEL! See Blog for August 23. 
My Birthday buddy, Glenn, getting into WILDFIRE!
Maynard on his 92nd birthday, contemplating kicking my butt in cribbage!
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workshops,
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© 2009, Vernon R. Bradley
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