Earlier today, I was driving and feeling really nervous–about finances mainly. Can anyone relate to that? I had just purchased a ski mask, and obviously it is not ski season. I felt rushes of shame just buying the mask! I mean what will people say? As it was, people looked at me pretty strange when I bought it. But, Hey, after all, it was on sale, given the temperature these days. So I will have it when ski season rolls around again. Or if I travel to the Andes this summer. But what good is this ski mask if I don’t have the money to go skiing? Yes, you’re getting it. There IS more than one use for a ski mask. Right? To do it or not to do it. To be the first in my family to pull off such a stunt. The anxiety kept charging through my stomach and up into and down my arms.

     So amidst all this rumination about finances and the ensuing anxiety, and the whole ski mask bit, I see a sign for Wal Mart. I remember I need to buy a bag of cookies. You see, I’m facilitating an anger management group for teens, and I found that a bag of cookies, which I randomly distribute, like a slot machine, taps into some primitive place–the mouth and stomach–and is almost magical in its effect. As I write this, I get yet another image. The bag is my ciborium and the cookies, communion. You got to understand, I played priest as a little kid, but back then, we used Necco wafers! I don’t mean to be blasphemous here, just that passing out food is a way to bring people, young and old, together, whether it’s necco wafers, White Fudge chunky Chips Ahoy or the Body of Christ!

     So I pull into Wal Mart and buy the cookies. They were really cheap compared to the other grocery stores. $2.37 for a package of two dozen brand named cookies. So cheap that I wondered if they were any good. Maybe they were left over from Hurricane Katrina or something, so I opened them to try them out. I didn’t want to hear a bunch of complaining teens! "These aren’t any good....where’d you buy these, Wal Mart?....Can’t you ever get fresh cookies for us?....".and on and on and on.

     So I HAD TO taste at least one, Right? Ah Man, they were really good. By the time I drove a mile and a half, I had downed four cookies. AND to my surprise, my anxiety skyrocketed. Was it a sugar rush? I don’t know, but I was about ready to crawl out of my skin. Then I looked at the ski mask and realized just exactly where my anxiety was coming from. I drove by the bank, slowly, but all the way by it. I wanted to stop, but I remembered, I was in the negative by about four hundred dollars. So what was the point? I again gazed at the ski mask. I had a moment’s relief as I pictured myself on the slopes and felt the cool winter breeze "swooshing" my face.

     I took a deep breath and thought about John Kabbat-Zinn. A wonderful book he wrote, Wherever You Go There You Are. I read that book at least once a year. It continues to teach me to stay in the present. I looked at the ski mask again, and realized that the ski mask represents the future which does not exist and will never exist. I took another deep breath as I pulled into the parking lot of the agency where I am doing some contract work. My heart was still pounding and the anxiety continued to grow.

     My one o’clock appointment no-showed for the third week in a row. I felt relief. I pulled out the computer, and began composing my weekly blog which I had promised myself to have posted on Monday morning. As I type these last paragraphs, the anxiety is now diminishing a thousand fold. My two o’clock has just rung the little bell. So I am off to see–no, not the Wizard, but my two o’clock. I look at the ski mask. I wonder if it will help the session if I don the ski mask. It could bring my two o’clock some relief, seeing that his therapist is really a little nuts. But what if he served time for bank robbery? Then maybe it would trigger some flashbacks or he’ll think I’m making fun of him. I’m beginning to feel like Jonathan Winters, and some of you young’nes have no idea who he is.

     So what is this all about? It's about life, about anxiety, about nothing, about staying present in the moment, about being silly, about getting some relief! Ultimately it’s about getting my blog out by Thursday. It obviously is not Monday’s blog. Monday’s blog never existed. So the blog is out, off the top. A few days late, but worth the read. Yea? Come on, come on, say YES!.