Sample transcript from patient #42, April 01, 2009

     "So how are you today?  Hold it right there, don’t tell me.  I don’t want to know.  I mean what can your answer be?

     I’m doing fine....I’m in love again....Why didn’t you return my sixty seven phone calls....I’m depressed....I’m madder than hell....I’m about to kill myself....I hate you like I hate all therapists....Where’d you say you got your license to practice from....Have you gotten it right yet....I can’t stand my partner....I’m praying that someone will kidnap my children....I can’t afford to pay you today.

     I mean, come on, why would I want to hear any of that, especially the last bit of information?  Man, if I listened to all that crap, I’d be on meds.  Did you hear the one about the woman who tells her psychiatrist that her husband thinks he’s a chicken?  The psychiatrist tells her that he can fix that.  And she says, but we need the eggs.  Do you know why they call it a Freudian slip?  Because Freud was a transvestite.  Bet you didn’t know that, did you?  Hey, did you hear the one about the priest who goes up to the ninth floor to talk down a suicidal man, and after chatting together for a couple of hours, they both jump?  I had a patient in here the other day.  He told me his name was Cliff.  I said to him, ‘So what’s your last name?  Hanger or Notes?’  Needless to say, he didn’t reschedule.  Do you know how to tell when you’re old?  When you think Alzheimer’s a beer.  Did you know that Jesus had a therapist?  And do you know why no one knows that?  Because it was confidential information in those days too.  Do you know why you would schedule three times a week if you had any sense?  Of course, you don’t!  What’s the first thing Bugs Bunny says to his therapist?  ‘What’s up, Doc?’  I suppose you thought it was, ‘Where’s my carrot?’  We’re not all sappy reinforcing skinner boxes.  Do you know what the rat said to his therapist?  ‘I smell a rat.’  ‘Me too,’ said the therapist...."

     When the TDN reporter asked Dr. LOL what he does if the client requests time to talk about a specific issue, Dr. LOL said that he simply refers him out to another therapist.  Dr. LOL added that, interestingly enough, the situation has never come up. 

One of Dr. LOL’s patients indicated that he looked forward to his fifty minutes of non-stop laughter.  His only reservation was that he did not like to have appointments right after lunch.  Another patient, who described himself as introverted, said that the sessions gave him plenty of material.  When ordinarily he would sit speechless in a group, now he was considered the funny guy amongst his friends. Another patient indicated that he was not sure how effective the treatment is because recently he went on stage at the IMPROV on open mike night, used all of Dr. LOL’s material and no one laughed.  When he attempted to tell Dr. LOL that he wasn’t at all funny by IMPROV standards, Dr. LOL simply responded that he was not trying to be a stand-up comic, but a psychiatrist with an out of the box treatment protocol.

     When TDN tried to inquire about a recent demonstration outside of his office, Dr. LOL refused comment. The local news channel showed patients carrying protest signs, some saying things like,

THERAPY IS NOT A JOKE.

     As indicated, the state board is looking into Dr. LOL’s treatment protocol and TDN will keep you posted.