THERAPY ON THE SEAS
Therapist ReprimandedBy EPA
SEATTLE--Dr Cruz Shipley, an internationally renowned psycho therapist, was reprimanded
by the Environmental Protection Agency for an environmental faux pas which resulted from a therapeutic activity recently
conducted by Dr Shipley on board a cruise ship touring the waters of Alaska.
Three hundred passengers attended Dr. Shipley's on-board seminar series entitled
"Cutting Bait." Dr. Shipley told the seminar participants that the old wounds we carry with us are like bait and continue
to attract bad "catches." Dr. Shipley handed out rocks and plastic bags to the participants and invited
them to fill the plastic bags with rocks to represent their old wounds. He then instructed the participants to
heave the rock-laden bags over board from the promenade deck. Dr. Shipley was shocked when the bags did not sink.
The flotilla of old wounds not only stayed afloat, but got caught up in the ships current and followed the ship all the way
to the Hubbard Glacier where mysteriously the flotilla landed on an iceberg. The bags looked like a colony
of penguins.
The EPA told Dr. Shipley that even had the bags sunk, they would still have
cited and fined him because of the pollution to the ocean floor and the potential for the bags being mistaken for food by
large fish.
"How would you like to engulf a plastic bag of rocks thinking it was
a New York steak?" an EPA agent exclaimed during an interview with Larry King.
Dr. Shipley was not available for comment. Some rumors had it that
the ship's environmental specialist, Jonas Shark, coldly forced Dr. Shipley to disembark and join the plastic bags on the
iceberg. But this could not be confirmed.
A spokesperson for a local group of Seattle psychotherapists was quoted
as saying, "Let this be a warning to all therapists who try hokey activities to rid folks of their neurosis. Just stick
to the true and tried. Have the patient lie down on the couch and collect your fee after fifty minutes. Let it
go at that. Don't even wave the watch in front of their eyes!"
It was also rumored that next week, Dr. Shipley is having another seminar
atop the Seattle Space Needle where he will have participants set lose balloons into the air with their names and addresses
attached as a metaphorical way of seeing just how far their dreams will take them.
TDN interviewed a Dr. Hazmor Devense, a long time psychoanalyst on Bainbridge
Island near Seattle about Dr. Shipley. Dr. Devense was quoted as saying (with his heavy German accent!), "He's got to
sit down. Get himselv a vrocker, like me. Just vrock and listen to folks. Then the patient starts to vrock
and it's all good."
When the TDN reporter responded with, "And so are you ever off your
rocker?" Dr Devense just stared and said, "Ov my vrocker? Ov course, I'm ov my vrocker. You tink I'm
on my vrocker twenty four hours a day. Ov course not."
TDN will keep you posted.
