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When God calls little children
To dwell with Him above,
We mortals sometimes question
The wisdom of His love.
For no heartache compares with
The death of one small child
Who does so much to make our world
Seem wonderful and mild.
Perhaps God tires of calling
The aged to His fold,
So He picks a rosebud
Before it can grow old.
God knows how much we need them,
And so he takes but few
To make the land of heaven
More beautiful to view.
Believing this is difficult
Still somehow we must try
The saddest word mankind knows
Will always be "Goodbye."
So when a little child departs,
We who are left behind
Must realize God loves children,
Angels are hard to find.
A single Monarch butterfly
floats so-silent-soft to earth;
carried by the breeze
to land on my outstretched hand.
Gazing at the majestic painted wings,
I am consumed by memories:
of releasing Monarchs in remembrance of
your free spirit,
and of the one butterfly
that would not leave, clinging to me.
"That's Ally!"
Mom had said.
I blink, and no longer see the insect,
but your face, the
angelic features that I have missed.
You smile at me,
warm brown eyes all aglow,
and I can't help but smile in return.
Looking up, I find myself
not in my world,
but in yours:
a world of indescribable and unimaginable beauty.
Your small, warm hand grasps mine,
pulling me down a path
lined by glittering butterflies.
"Follow me!"
I do, and on the way we talk,
me of home,
and you of Heaven.
Being around you after all this time
becomes too much, though,
and tears blur my vision, threatening to spill.
You smile up at me,
"Please don't cry"
and I see that you are near to tears yourself.
Always the protective older sister,
I manage to stay my tears
and throw my arms around your tiny frame.
"I thought I'd never see you again,"
my voice is barely a whisper.
You look me straight in the eye.
"I'll never leave you," you promise.
"Never!"
Looking farther down the path,
I spot a door of light,
shimmering gloriously ahead.
"What is that?" I ask you.
Smiling still, you reply:
"That is where I live,
where I must go."
And in a flash of light, you are through the door,
and I know I cannot cross with you.
I don't belong here.
All of a sudden, I'm back where I started,
the Monarch gracefully fluttering
upward, circling my head
before disappearing into the sky above.
"Why couldn't you just stay here?" I ask,
although I already know the answer.
You were not meant to live here on Earth,
just as I could not follow you into Heaven.
Remembering your promise, I smile to myself.
Some day, I will pass through that door,
but not today.
Don't tell me that you understand
Don't tell me that you know,
Don't tell me that I will survive
Or how I will surely grow.
Don't tell me that this is just a test
That I am truly blessed
That I am chosen for this task
Apart from all the rest.
Don't come at me with answers
That can only come from me,
Don't tell me how my grief will pass,
That I will soon be free.
Don't stand in pious judgement
Of the bounds I must untie,
Don't tell me how to suffer
And don't tell me how to cry!
My life is filled with selfishness,
My pain is all I see,
But, I need you now,
I need your love, unconditionally.
Accept me in my ups and downs,
I need someone to share,
Just hold my hand and let me cry,
And say, "My friend, I care."
Remember me whenever you see a sunrise,
Remember me whenever you see a star,
Remember me whenever you see a rainbow
Or woods in autumn colors from afar.
Remember me whenever you see the roses
Or seagulls sailing high in a sky of blue.
Remember me whenever you see waves
Shining in the sun.
And remember, I'll be remembering you!
Remember me whenever you see a teardrop,
Or meadows still wet with the morning dew.
Remember me whenever you feel love
Growing in your heart.
And remember, I'll be remembering you!
Last night while I was trying to sleep,
My son's voice I did hear
I opened my eyes and looked around,
But he did not appear.
He said:"Mom you've got to listen,
You've got to understand
God didn't take me from you, mom
He only took my hand.
When I called out in pain that night,
The instant that I died,
He reached down and took my hand,
And pulled me to His side.
He pulled me up and saved me
From the misery and pain.
My body was hurt so badly inside,
I could never be the same.
My search is really over now,
I've found happiness within,
All the answers to my empty dreams
And all that might have been.
I love you all and miss you so,
And I'll always be nearby.
My body's gone forever,
But my spirit will never die!
And so, you must all go on now,
Live one day at a time.
Just understand-
God did not take me from you,
He only took my hand.
Oh, God, why did You take Adam, he was only eleven?
Why did You need this precious child with You up in heaven?
This child who could hit a baseball out of the park,
But to a needy teammate had such compassion in his heart.
Who on Christmas eve loved to ride around and look at all the lights
Until his mother and I had had enough, when with my kids, he would wrestle and fight.
Oh Lord, let there be some dirt up in heaven for he was your typical boy.
That's where he and Casey would play with trucks, cars, and toys.
When I call his house I miss his "yel-low"
I miss the way, when he was young, he drew me a picture of my house
Or if it was "homework time" could sneak out quiet as a mouse.
The boy who could borrow an egg, and go play, forgetting it was in his pocket
Now his picture is silent as it lies in our lockets.
From his life was there a lesson You wanted us to learn,
For all of mankind we should all be concerned?
When he hurt Casey's feelings he couldn't sleep that night
Until he called and called to apologize for their fight.
Adam was only eleven, but he was such a good friend.
To those that he cared about until the very end.
If this was his mission, it was a job well done
Now he's with You in heaven, with Casey , our son.
Now he knows all the answers and is so much wiser than we.
I'm sure he has not asked why, now with You he should be.
I know when the time comes we will be the ones he will greet
And take us by the hand, and tell us why, as we sit at your feet.
Please God, make them remember that
Today is a special, birthday.
Make them understand that
The memories don't go away.
Bless them, with ears to hear and hearts that care.
Enable them to listen while I share.
Shelter them that they may never know my pain.
Help them to help me know that my child's life was not in vain.
Help them to remember, Lord that I wish
That my child was here
So we could still celebrate.
To understand that I still
Feel the nearness of my child.
To see beyond my smile and the
Words. "I'm okay."
Please God, just let one remember today
Is a special birthday!
____________________
Many happy returns on the day of thy birth
May sunshine and happiness be given
And may the Dear Lord prepare you on earth
For the beautiful birthday in heaven.
A sparrow fell, and no one heard.
No body cared. It was just a bird.
From all the numberless flitting throng
of sparrows,who would miss one song"
But God leaned down and whispered, "I care,
That was one of My sparrows, and I was there."
A little girl, all sunshine and laughter,
(And sometimes scolding, with kisses after!)
And hurts to smooth over, and deed to applaud....
A little girl fell! Where were you, God?
A little girl fell! God why weren't You there?
If you're God at all....then You could have prevented
This nightmare of pain! So you must have consented,
I've always believed You Were loving and good,
I'd like to believe still, if only I could.
But God, if You love me, how can You allow
such unbearable pain as I'm feeling right now.
Such helplessness...helplessness...bitter Regret...
So many tears that have fallen and yet
So many more that are still locked Inside.
Oh God...out there somewhere...have You ever cried?
I'm not even sure, anymore that You are real,
But if You are God...do you care how I feel?
**********************************************************
Beloved I care in the midst of your grief.
In the midst of your stricken and crumbling belief.
In the midst of the blackness of total despair.
in the midst of your questioning, child... I am there.
"In the midst!" Not far off in some vague fifth dimension,
But there, where you are, giving you my attention.
My constant attention....and not just today,
Since before you were born, I have loved you this way.
You're important to Me, every hair on your head
I have numbered Myself, can these tears that you shed
Go uncounted.......unnoticed? Nay, child, here I stand
Close enough that each teardrop falls into My hand.
I know what you suffer, I know what you'll gain,
If you'll let Me walk with you into your pain.
I'll carry your grief, and your sorrow I'll bear.
You've only to reach out your hand....I am there.
Fear nothing for your Janet, your dear little girl.
She is safe in My house, and all heaven's a whirl
With the ring of her laughter, her quick eager smile,
And the things she's saving to show you "after awhile"
Yes, I could have prevented... but, child, you can't see,
With My perfect wisdom, trust Janet to me.
Of course, you will miss her, but while you are weeping,
Remember, it's only her body that's sleeping
Her "self" is awake, wide awake As I said,
I am God of the living, not God of the dead.
She trusted Me, and My sure word comes to pass,
Who believes shall not die, that included your lass.
Let Me walk with you now, through the long heavy days.
Let Me slowly begin changing heartache to praise.
Take hold of My hand child, take hold of My love.
I will lead you to joys that you yet know not of.
Your faith may be weak, and your trust incomplete,
But I'll walk not too fast for your stumbling feet.
Have you ever noticed the many mixed-up
Emotions involved in grieving?
On the one hand you feel restless.
On the other hand. You feel like
You don’t want to move at all.
You feel desperately alone,
And yet you don’t want anyone around.
You feel scatterbrained, forgetful,
And yet, frantically meticulous.
You feel like crying at nothing.
And sometimes laughing at anything.
Being in a crowd of people is fine
As long as they don’t talk to you.
And yet, if they don’t talk to you
You feel as if nobody cares.
You want so desperately for someone
To mention your loved one,
To remember the life that was.
And yet it can make you furious if
All they want to talk about is the dead one,
And never mention the living ones.
Grief settles over you like a hot blanket.
You’re as cold as the winter snow.
Grief presses on you like a steam roller.
You’re floating in a bubble above yourself.
Grief boxes you in on four sides and introduces you
To a pain no one should have to know.
But then, once again, you begin to feel compassion.
You relate to other parents who have had
An experience similar to your own.
And eventually, with a light as sharp as a sunburst,
You hear yourself saying your loved one’s name
With an unfamiliar smile on your face.
You remember some of the funny times,
And feel laughter building in your throat.
One morning you notice the sun is shining,
The flowers are bursting with the colors of spring.
Three seasons have passed unnoticed.....
And, somehow, you are still here.
Even though your loved one is still there.
You feel your heart swell with a love
You never even knew could exist.
And you find a place in your life
For something called,
Peace.........?
And then, ever so gently, the memories
Enfold you in a warmth as soothing as
A cool shower on a hot summer day,
So you find you want to remember.
And tender memories of love lift you
To unreachable heights,
To the brightest of stars,
To the loveliest touch of your mom.
We miss your sparkling eyes...your joyous laughter, your beautiful smile.
Your warm embraces, your loving kisses, your boyish style.
You had a tremendous amount of love in your heart,
When you left us, it tore us apart.
You loved your toy cars, trucks and legos...typical boy.
You brought us much happiness and plenty of joy.
You had your share of trouble, had your share of pain.
You are now walking with Jesus with nothing to lose but plenty to gain.
Your pain is taken from you now our beloved son/nephew/friend/grandson.
Your time on earth is over but your time in Heaven has just begun.
"I'll lend you for a little time a child of Mine," He said.
"For you to love the while she lives
And mourn for when she's dead.
It may be six or seven years, or twenty two or three,
But will you, till I call her back,
Take care of her for Me?
She'll bring her charms to gladden you,
And shall her stay be brief,
You'll have her lovely memories as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return
But there are lessons taught down there
I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over
In my search for teachers true
And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes
I have selected you.
Now will you give her all your love,
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate me when I come to call to take her back again?
I fancied that I heard them say: "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
For all the joy thy child shall bring,
The risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known
Forever grateful stay;
But shall the angels call for her much sooner than we've planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.
* * *
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