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[Enter Codger and Geezers, stage
left; and Golden Girls, stage right. The sexes face each other.] |
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Codger. |
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When you're pushing fifty-nine— |
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Geezers. |
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Alas, alack and welladay! |
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Codger. |
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And your mojo's in decline— |
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Geezers. |
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Alackaday! |
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Codger. |
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You can only get your kicks— |
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Geezers. |
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Alas, alack and welladay! |
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Codger. |
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From the Yankees or the Knicks— |
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Geezers. |
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Alackaday! |
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Codger. |
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Your testosterone is low— |
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Geezers. |
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Alas, alack and welladay! |
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Codger. |
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When you want to come, you go— |
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Geezers. |
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Alackaday! |
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Codger. |
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At the risk of sounding trite: |
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We have tried with all our might, |
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But the Lion Sleeps Tonight. |
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Codger and Geezers. |
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A-wimoweh, a-wimo- |
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Codger and First Geezers. |
Second Geezers. |
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Weh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, |
Weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, |
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A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, |
Weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, |
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A-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, a-wimoweh, |
Weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, weh, weh! |
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A-wimoweh! No
way! A-wimoweh! |
A-wimoweh! No
way! A-wimoweh! |
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First Golden Girl. |
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Here's a connection—one that is causal: |
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When you discover you're post-menopausal, |
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Then you set out to find a shlimazel— |
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One who will diddle your dell, indeed. |
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Some big stud with an eight-inch boner— |
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Hotter than Phoenix, Ari-zoner— |
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Who will be an organ donor— |
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Give us the organ that we need! |
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Golden Girls. |
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(Just in case you're not up to speed, |
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Brains are not the organ we need.) |
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Codger. |
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But the odds are pretty long— |
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Geezers. |
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Alas, alack and welladay! |
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Codger. |
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That we have a working dong— |
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Geezers. |
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Alackaday! |
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Codger. |
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And the hope is pretty small— |
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Geezers. |
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Alas, alack and welladay! |
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Codger. |
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That we'll get it up at all— |
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Geezers. |
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Alackaday! |
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Codger. |
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So the chance is pretty slim |
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That we'd satisfy a quim— |
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Geezers. |
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Alas, alack—and did we mention welladay? |
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Codger. |
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We would like to fraternize, |
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But the point does not arise— |
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Geezers. |
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Alas, alack! (And,
for the record, welladay.) |
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Second Golden Girl. |
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O! what a downer! O!
what a bummer! |
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Why doesn't somebody summon a plumber? |
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Still, if you think we'd give you a hummer, |
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Think again—the answer is No! |
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Golden Girls. |
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Here's a flash: the answer is No! |
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At the risk of sounding callous, |
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If you want to fix your phallus, |
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Take Viagra® or Cialis®, |
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And—voilá!
You're good to go. [Golden Girls offer blue pills to Geezers.] |
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Codger. |
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Though the thought has made us blue, |
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It's unfortunately true |
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That we have to get a fix |
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To resuscitate our dicks.
[Geezers swallow blue pills.] |
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Our condition is a curse; |
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But there's one that's even worse: |
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Namely: what if, down below, |
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We were hung like G.I. Joe? |
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Geezers. |
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What a catastrophic blow: |
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To be hung like G.I. Joe! |
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What a blow |
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Down below! |
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Heavens, no! |
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Not G.I. Joe!! |
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1st & 2nd Golden Girls. |
Golden Girls. |
Codger and Geezers. |
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Here's a connection— |
When you |
When you're pushing fifty-nine— |
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One that is causal: |
