Porter's It's De-Lovely

We may be Pole—we may be Turk—

But we do all of your dirty work.

Don't deprive us!

Don't depress us!

Don't deport us!

If you're eleven million less,

Then who would harvest your watercress?

Don't deprive us!

Don't depress us!

Don't deport us!

Even bums

Act like snobs

When it comes

Down to menial jobs.

If you sweep

Cheap

Foreign labor under the bed,

Then Wal-Mart's dead!

So tell your bonehead bureaucrats

To let us baby-sit Britney's brats.

Don't deprive us!

Don't depress us!

Don't depreciate,

Or depopulate,

Or deplore us,

Or deplete us,

Or depose

Or deport us!

Porter's I've Got You Under My Skin

Ann Coulter

Gets under your skin:

She cold-cocks

Liberal piety;

The sacredest cows

Of modern society—

Like buzz words.

And media spin.

The Left Wing

Used to be in:

A sinister spirit suffused

Each editorial;

Our line was seductively slick

And faux professorial,

But, truth-wise,

Boy! was it thin.

When Coulter arose to expose the lies,

We did not know how to respond.

The thing that annoyed us most: she's not only wise,

But she's willowy, witty and blonde!

And you know that her fans

Just sit there and grin.

Gad! but it's maddening!

And just a bit saddening.

But the bell's been rung;

Simply bite your tongue

And thank God

She isn't a twin—

Or she'd reeeeeelly

Get under your skin!