12/25/07

Show me a selfless person.

And I’ll show you a LIAR!

Be selfish.

Be honest.

And you will be alright.

YOU only have your point of view.

YOU only know what you want.

YOU only know what you feel.

YOU know nothing else.

YOU know what you want.

The rest is negotiation.

Are you selfless?

You are a LIAR.

BE selfish.

And then negotiate.

This is the only true way.

YOU think you know how others should act?

YOU think you’ve got a lock on morality?

YOU are the most selfish of all.

Because YOU think you’ve got a right to judgment.

Because YOU think you can tell others how to think.

Because YOU think you are better.

Because YOU think your vision of the world is best.

But YOU only have what YOU know.

The most SELFISH act of all is to demand that others act

According to what YOU think is right.

The most SELFLESS act of all is to honestly declare what you want

And then negotiate with other free-thinking individuals

To get what YOU want.

In fact, SELFLESSNESS is a myth.

SELFLESSNESS is not a virtue.

HONESTY is the only virtue.

And only HONESTLY will save a man.

DECLARE your intentions.

And then negotiate.

LOVE is not giving up what you want.

LOVE is not submitting to another’s will.

LOVE is accepting that someone else is NOT like you.

LOVE is knowing that you do not know it all.

LOVE is accepting that the imperfect person accross from you

May know more in some places than you than you know now

LOVE is knowing that nobody is perfect.

Not even you.

The most selfish person in the world is the person who knows how everyone else should act.

The most selfish person in the world is the person who has their own idea of how the world should be and demands that we all accept it.

The most selfish person in the world is the

Evangelist

Imam

Drug and Alcohol Counselor

Therapist

Priest

Politician

Teacher

YOU.

Accept yourself you selfish bastard!

You only know what you want!

All you can do from there is negotiate.

You are not a genius.

The rest of us have opinions too.

And they are just as flawed as yours.

So throw your shit out there honestly.

And negotiate with the rest of us and see what happens.

But don’t judge

And don’t bitch

And don’t tell me you know better.

‘Because you don’t

If you are honest with yourself and us.

12/04/07

I just want to be the death of you

Creep down a dry nostril and infect you

The anti-Midas turning all I touch to shit

Candy man handing out poisonous sweeties to kids

Glowing finger of death

A pillow snuffing your breath

I just want to be the drain that sucks you down

watch the last bubble leaving your mouth as you drown

Roll in your ashes naked on a cold concrete floor

Cat-eating grin plastered acrossed my face

Wild eyballs bulging out my skull

Hey ma, look what I did

I aint sorry for being the death of all your dreams

That's just what I do.

I yam what I Yam and that's all what I YAM

Hemotoxin floating through veins

Alzheimers clogging up brains

Daddy teaching death

Formaldehyde rubber organs of frogs

Burning my eyes monkey grinning from the cage

You know what i am.

How to put a dog in your ass:

The first step in putting a dog in your ass is to choose a dog that will fit in your ass. For most of us, this will be one of the smaller breeds. Dachshunds are ideal for ass-insertion. Pugs also work well.  However, do not limit yourself to something that will easily fit in your ass. Man should always strive to stretch the limits of his capabilities, so, in choosing a dog for your ass, let your inspiration guide your decision making.

Once a dog has been chosen, preparing the dog for ass-insertion must be considered. Dogs should always be inserted into the ass snout first. This allows for the pointiest, wettest part of the dog to enter first and allows the dog to slide into the anal cavity with the grain of its fur. The legs of the dog should be removed. However, if you plan to re-use the dog at a later date, you may choose to duct-tape the dog’s legs to its body. In either case, dog legs represent a major obstruction to the insertion process and must be dealt with. The next step in the dog-in-ass-insertion process is to lubricate the dog. Although some people may prefer unlubricated dogs, this is not advisable due to the risk of anal rim chafage. Vaseline is the best lubricating agent, however, some people prefer organic lubricating agents such as olive oil or lard. Whichever you prefer, ensure that the dog is well-coated before sliding it into your rectum.

There are a number of methods for the actual insertion. I will discuss here what I consider the best method, however, do not let that limit your creativity.  Select a warm location for dog insertion. Warmer locations help both you and the dog to relax, thereby easing the insertion process. Clear the room of furniture and un-necessary objects. Proper room feng-shui is important to optimize your dog-in-ass experience. Remove pants and underclothing. Shirts may be left on, however some dog-in-ass inserters find total nudity conducive to a purer insertion experience. Once unnecessary clothing and furniture have been removed, place the dog in the center of the room, ass down, snout skyward. While holding the dog in this position, maneuver your body to that you are standing over the dog, anus hovering roughly over the dog’s nose. Take a few deep breaths. If you practice yoga or tai chi, you may want to engage in some relaxation breathing. Whatever method you choose, make sure that your sphincter is not clenched.

What you do next is a matter of stylistic preference. Two things must be considered: method and speed of insertion. Beginners will probably want to use a simply slow squat. As your skill level increases you may want to increase the speed at which you lower yourself. The pinnacle of dog-in-ass insertion mastery is the spread-eagle split drop, however this should not be attempted by untrained lay-persons due to the risk of serious injury.

As the rear-end of the dog enters your anus, it is advisable to slowly begin flexing your kegel muscle. This will tighten the sphincter, helping to squeeze the dog the rest of the way into your ass and will also help you to avoid embarrassing floor suction if you are performing the insertion on a smooth floor. Leave the tail of the dog hanging out. This has two important functions. The first is obvious: guests and family members will find it hugely entertaining that you have a dog-tail hanging out of your ass. The second is that the tail makes a convenient handle for pulling the dog out of your ass.

I will leave taking the dog out of your ass up to you. There is no end to the fun you can have with this. One of my favorite jokes is to tell friends that I’m coming down with the runs and can’t hold it. Imagine the look of surprise on their faces when I suddenly grab my stomach……and a dog falls out of my ass!