JOHN'S WRITING

Enter content here

Journal Entry for July 28^th, 2004

Life isn’t as we would have it & can’t be. No one can love us as we would like to be loved because each has her or his individual needs, desires & fears which differ from the other. Hence love needs always be balanced by respect for difference. The force of Nature & struggle for survival is saturated with elemental violence. All the elements, especially Fire & man made fiery metallic movement, are violent in manifestation. Life is an eternal struggle to be & do good & to manifest one’s inner resources in a world that doesn’t understand or accept uniqueness.

“Don’t Make Assumptions”. “Don’t Take Anything Personally”. – Two of The Four Agreements – a book by Don Miguel Ruiz.

When one sees that nothing others do & say is actually personally true for us, it is a relief. Yet, then the question comes: Then who cares about us in an impersonal & violent world where we need Love? The abandonment of assumption, too, is problematic because it is borne of the dreaming mind that posits that others would like the world to be the way we would like it: full of peace loving & respectful people who are understanding & tolerant of difference. Since history is a long record of human conflict, it shows that people can’t live in peace. In fact there remains a fascination with life threatening war partially because the overwhelming challenge & complexity of higher forms of life that people can still evolve into is put aside & we revert to our ancient & still vitally active animalistic roots.

Poems

HOOKED ON WORDS

I’ve been hooked on words a long time

From Shakespeare to the mystics who rhyme.

Through pen, paper, keyboard & printer.

Words are my summer & my winter.

In my youth, I spoke the truth,

so was hated, mocked & taunted.

I tried to flee, sing - like a bird on the wing

But felt failure, loss & was haunted.

I’d sing, but rarely would it ever ring.

So I cried & it all turned to rage.

I ran & played & danced & prayed

Made love, loved acting upon the stage.

I once housed a cat named Smokey –

A Maine Coon, soft, fearless & pokey.

I loved that cat – even sifting his turds.

Now all that’s left are ash, pictures & words.

I collect words, knowledge, ideas & mindsets

But precision & nails are as good as it gets.

Great times, people came & I missed ‘em.

I’m slow, got to go - make my own system.

Movin’, sweatin’, helpin’, I ‘m connected.

Sittin’ & thinkin’ I feel dejected.

Seeing you in my heart, I’m happy

Your picture just makes me sad & sappy.

How about a mind-blowing tidbit I once read

Sorry, I may not find it till you are dead.

My piles & notebooks grow day & night

They’re my hope, prison, darkness & light.

Even pictures are words upon the screen.

They care & share & build our dream.

My PC just got invaded, infected

Some creep whom with it a virus injected.

Cyber madness has come to roost

To test my strength, will power to boost.

Good Words spur action

Against fear, paralysis & traction.

In life we learn, strive, gain & lose

Are changed by fate & the course we choose.

When now we transcend - suffering will end. When truth we see, from words we’ll be free.

Letting Go of Desires & Distractions at 51

(An Ode to Alcohol, Eating Animals & Pornography)

Oh alcohol, eating animals & pornography.

Oh the fun, relief, photography.

They’d helped him survive stress, frustration & fear,

And brought succor at the loss of things most dear.

They were exciting, gave courage, strength & delight

& Eased his weakness, loneliness & fright.

But time had come to change, transmute.

His heart knew it in ways acute.

He was a boy no more

Time had come - to close that door.

He was tired of his guilt & sloth,

Eating at the carnivorous trough,

Of his hypocrisy & denial.

Of avoiding & waiting too long a while

Of letting words slip & apologizing for his truth.

He’d known that life was work before his youth.

Grow: finish what must be done.

Be clear about what’s important & what’s for fun.

Some things detract from the soul

And take one further from the goal.

He was a foolish little man,

Trying to extend his reach & span.

“Do the thing you think you cannot do.”*

Know it. Be it through & through.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world”**

Be not afraid, or tired, when into the now you’re hurled.

“You haven’t even been born”, he thought.

“Soon you’ll be what you have sought.”

Be authentic, natural & light &

One day your darkness will turn bright.

* (Eleanor Roosevelt)
** (Mahatma Gandhi)