The everyday cacophony of  metal on metal doors and boots on cement floors accompanied Jeremy to his cell. Todd took Jeremy’s bandage off, slammed the heavy barred door, and locked it.  Jeremy put his hands through, and Todd removed his handcuffs.  Jeremy listened to Todd’s echoing steps in an unusual Silent Cedar Junction.  It was too late to join the prisoners outdoors – they’d be back soon.  Silence filled Jeremy with good feelings – that, and the nurse he’d just met while getting his annual checkup and blood test. 

Mary looked at her laptop and wondered if she was making a mistake.  But the thought of Jeremy’s curly dark hair and handsome smile beckoned.

            Jeremy200 @ Yaho.com.  She wrote him a long letter.  He was kind enough to suggest e-mail, so he couldn’t be all bad.  Maybe he was just in for a misdemeanor. 

            She hit “send” and was elated.  This is far from boring, she giggled.  Earlier in the morning, she’d dreaded heading to her job. Being a practical nurse was not exciting.  Taking blood and testing urine samples all day was boring.  But the new hours allowed her some freelance time to temp at the prison. After meeting Jeremy and a few other patients, she had no qualms left. Her duties were expanded to include physical therapy, which had been her minor.

            Jeremy’s moment of silence ended abruptly when the inmates returned with the muffled sound of sneakers.  The prisoners entered, and the warning bell rang before the doors locked. 

That locking sound brought back memories. It sounded like a hundred bullets being shot at once – like Viet Nam, but it wasn’t hot and damp like Nam, it was cold and damp.  He thought about his escape there, and it warmed his heart.  He thought about Mary, the new nurse.  I’ll check my e-mails tomorrow at first break, he thought, and a wry smile broke through his tough visage.

            “Hey hothead, where were you?” called Patrick, a tall redhead in the next cell.  They couldn’t see one another, but each had a mirror they used while talking.  Jeremy grabbed his mirror, fixing it on Patrick.

            “I was making a friend.”

            “Oh yeah?   Who.”  Patrick lifted his mirror.

            “Like a temp nurse named Mary.  She’s shy, and doesn’t seem to have that attitude most of ‘em do.  You know?”

            “Man, you’re crazy.  You can’t have a relationship with one of the nurses.”

            “I won’t have a relationship.  I’ll just help her feel good, and better, and then, when she’s feeling the best, she’ll do anything for me.  Believe me, man.  I know how to handle women.”  Jeremy grabbed a toothpick and began chewing.

            “Like I said, you’re crazy.” 

            “We’ll see about that.  I’ve got to sweep her off her feet – in e-mails.  It’s a tough job, but not as boring as sitting around here.

            “True.  Find out if she has a friend who wants a pen pal, okay?”

            “Sure, why not.”

            The dinner bell rang.  Jeremy covered his ears while doors were unlocked.  He stepped into the narrow walkway next to Patrick.  In the food line Jeremy smiled at Peter, who piled an extra serving of chili onto his plate.  When they sat down, Jeremy spooned some over onto Patrick’s plate.

            “So what’s your plan ?  What’s the point if you can’t be together?”

            Jeremy dipped his roll and lopped off a bite.  He waited until he’d swallowed.  “Well, who says I’m going to be here forever?”

            “You crazy dreamer.  You’re in here for life. You’re a murderer. Chasing Miss Lonely Hearts is a waste of time.”

            “Yeah, well remember this.  Why not try to escape?  What’ll they do, put me in here for two lives?”  He took a gigantic piece of his roll, swirled it through the chili and stuffed it into his mouth.

            “I never thought about that.” Patrick broke his roll up into small bits and dumped it into his chili.  “You got a point there.”

            “Yeah.  But it’ll only happen with Mary’s help.”

            The following morning, Mary checked her e-mails:  there was nothing. Oh, shit! she thought. He was just being nice.  He didn’t want to be friends.  She had a lot of other negative thoughts, such as why would he be interested in a boring person like me, and, I must be desperate to consider having a friendship with a prisoner.

            Mary e-mailed her best friend and told her all about it.  Marsha responded:

            “Mary! Be careful.  You don’t know how long he’s in for, or why.  He might be dangerous! Ha, – maybe that’s why the idea has me so excited for you! lol.”

            Jeremy got approval to use a computer.  He read Mary’s E-mail happily.  He responded:

            “Dear Mary, Thanks for the letter.  It is great to have someone to write to – especially someone who seems as nice and kind as you.  You know, you’re good at what you do. You’d never know I had blood taken yesterday.  And it never hurt!

            “Will you be coming back?  Let me know. We can talk.”

            You may wonder what I’m in for.  I know it’s a lousy topic, but I like being honest about it – and I’m sure you are wondering.

            I accidentally killed someone.  But the Jury didn’t understand.  So I’m in prison for life.  Sometime if we can talk, I’ll explain.  I hope I haven’t scared you off. 

            Did anyone ever tell you you’re very attractive?  I think you are.  Especially your Curly blonde hair.  It reminds me of my family.  They know I wasn’t guilty.  Thank God for family.  Best wishes, your new friend (I hope) Jeremy.” 

            On Fridays, Mary would finish work and head over to the prison. She enjoyed the inmates, and the temp job became the foundation of her social life.  A few other inmates e-mailed her, including Patrick.  She always returned them.  It made her feel generous and, as Jeremy had said, “kind.”

            Jeremy came into the infirmary complaining of muscle cramps.

            “I’ll take him into the therapy table,” reported Mary. 

            “Okay, leave the door open,” replied the head nurse, Mary Anne.

            As soon as they got in the room, Jeremy began complaining about everything.  Mary’s disappointment turned into depression later when she read his e-mail.

            “Life isn’t worth living.  I wish I was dead.  I never murdered anyone, and I’m spending my life here.  I wish things were different, but I can’t lead you on. 
Let’s give up.  I can’t do this to you.  I know you have feelings for me, and I can’t even be there for you.”

            Mary responded, begging him to stay focused on their friendship and not the negative prison existence.  His friendship was all she needed.  She delighted in his e-mails, and their little moments together.

            He wrote back: “The only way I can survive is if we are together.  I wish I could have a life with you.  You are so enticing and loving.  I need you.  I have never suffered like this.  It makes me know what I can’t have.  We have to stop.  Good bye.  This is for your sake.  I think it’s because I love you.”

            Mary knew her love for him as soon as she read his note.  She was crazed with the thought of life without his caring. She wrote back:  “What can I do to change your mind?  I need you. And yes, I love you too much to let you stop.  Please don’t leave.  Let’s figure something out.”

            The following Friday, Jeremy feigned worse muscle cramps and joint pain.  He’d made himself vomit, and appeared to be sick. 

Mary knew his emotions were taught and ready to break.  “You know, Jeremy, you may need to get more help than this clinic has to offer.  I need to report this to the Mary Anne and see what she thinks.”

            Jeremy smiled and took Mary’s hand.  “Mary, its you I need.  I’d be better if I could be with you.  Our relationship is killing me. You can help me, but you’d have to follow everything I tell you to do to a T.   Do you understand?”

            Mary was glad he sounded better when he was planning something.  “Understand what?”

            Mary massaged his right thigh. “Jeremy, I will do anything you want, as long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.”

            “I won’t hurt anyone – especially you.” Jeremy stroked Mary’s hair, and left.

            Mary’s friend Marsha scolded her, and told her to drop the friendship.  “I think this guy loves you, and he knows what’s best is to stop.  You love each other!  It’s crazy.”

            “I know you’re right, Marsha, but I can’t help it.  He’s the most considerate man.”

            “Maybe he’s riding you for all its worth!”

            “I don’t think . . .”

            “You know, I could be wrong. I shouldn’t judge him because he’s in prison.  Maybe he’s innocent.  But, you can’t know!  Doesn’t that bother you?”

            “I trust him completely.”

            On Friday, Mary realized Jeremy was not among her patients.  He went to Mary Anne instead.  He looked awful.  He was losing weight, and seemed spaced out. 

            When she arrived home she went straight to the computer.

            “Jeremy, You look awful.  You need to get more help and see a doctor.  I wish I could take you away and care for you. I feel so helpless.  If you want to end our relationship, I will agree, but with a broken heart.  You are so dear to me.  Please write back.  With all my love, Mary.”

            Jeremy’s response was brief:  “I’ll talk to you Friday.”

            On Friday, the Mary Anne explained that Jeremy was suffering more, and on doctor’s orders, she needed 4 tubes of blood for testing.  Mary sat him down and began drawing blood.  He spoke quickly.

            “I need you.  Bring me these things I wrote down, and maybe I can escape. I know it sounds crazy, but if it doesn’t work, they’ll just lock me up again anyway – and maybe it would give us some time together to work things out somehow.”

            Mary put the note in her pocket..  Jeremy left.  When Mary went to her car, she didn’t dare look at the note. She didn’t read it until she was safe at home.

            “I’ll need a saw blade about 6 inches long, and electrical tape.”  I have a feeling this might work.  All my love, Jeremy (Was that perfume you wore last Friday, or was it just wonderful you?)”

            Mary thought briefly about the possibility that Jeremy might be using her to escape – but it passed. She bought the items. 

            The items were passed over successfully during Jeremy’s next session.  Mary felt the same kind of excitement she had the first day she met him.  She went home knowing she’d broken a rule, but it seemed totally harmless.

            Mary e-mailed Jeremy that she looked forward to seeing him “free” of his pain.  She loved putting “free” into quotes – sort of their private joke. 

            Jeremy responded:  “Thanks to your great therapy, I know I will be free of this pain soon. Your best patient, Jeremy.

            In their next session, Mary Anne told Mary to be careful around Jeremy, because she thought they might be too friendly.  She told Mary that Jeremy was in for killing a girlfriend. 

            Mary’s mind raced as she entered the therapy room with Jeremy.  Her heart pounded.

            Jeremy smiled and hopped up on the table.  “Mary, are you upset about something?  What did Mary Anne tell you?”

            “Oh, about your doctor’s appointment coming up.”

            “You’re worried aren’t you?  Don’t.  I’m really getting better every day – thanks to you. Its the depression.”

            Mary took comfort in his attempt to relax her.  She realized how paranoid she’d just been.  She smiled back at Jeremy and began manipulating his leg.

            “Mary, I know this will be hard for you to do, but I need a gun.  The tape and saw aren’t working.  I’m going to have to use a gun as part of my plan.  Of course, I’d never use it.”

            Again, Mary’s heart began pumping hard.  “I can’t get you a gun.  I don’t want to hold one in my hand.  It’s too dangerous.”

            Jeremy smiled at Mary, with condescension, but a loving expression.  “You know, I’m trying to get out so we can be together.  Let’s think of where we would go.  You know we’d have to leave this area, right? 

            Mary hadn’t thought of that.  “Of course.”

            “I’m willing to go wherever you want – its only important we be together,” said Jeremy.

            Mary felt his loving eyes on her.  Her face was close to his.  She backed up and said, “You know that’s what I want too, but we’ll have to figure out a way to do it without a gun.”

            Their time was about up..  “Mary, if you love me, you will bring it to me.  We cannot be together without it.  It is a necessity.  We need to have a fresh start away from prison, away from this nightmare.  I feel like you are locking me in here.” 

            Mary looked at Jeremy sadly.  “No. I can’t.”

            “If you don’t bring it to me, I’ll make sure your life is hell.  You are making my life hell, and I won’t stand for it.  You’ll regret it, do you hear me?”

            Mary backed into the wall next to the door.  Jeremy took the tape from his pants and quickly put two pieces over her mouth.  Mary knew he had the saw blade, and began making as much noise as she could, punching Jeremy with arms weakened from fear.

            Mary Anne came in, and Jeremy pulled the blade from his sleeve, aiming at both women.  Mary got in front of the Mary Anne to protect her. 

            “Jeremy.  Put that down.  Now.”

            “You’re dog meat,” he said looking like a madman.

            The Mary Anne pulled Mary backward toward the door, and pulled her out, slamming the door shut.  Guards arrived, and Todd took over, as he knew Jeremy best. 

            “Jeremy.  I’m coming in and I have a gun.  Put the knife down on the floor, and I’ll take you back to your cell.”

            “Okay, Todd.  In a minute.  Can I see Mary?”

            “No, she’s gone Jeremy.”  Todd opened the door.  Jeremy had the saw blade at his throat.

            “Tell her I loved her.”

            Todd stormed at Jeremy and grabbed the hand holding the knife.  Jeremy had nicked himself enough that blood flowed down his shirt.  Todd banged Jeremy’s hand into the wall, and he dropped the blade.

            The head nurse cleaned and bandaged his neck, and told him she was sure he’d feel better after seeing the doctor next week.