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Friday, August 31, 2007
Spiritual Card Readings
The other day a good, good, best friend of mine came over for dinner. She asked to have her cards read. I
haven't done them for a long time, been busy with other things. She wanted a key, pretty standard layout. It was
wild. As always. Dead on. And fun. And enlightening. She did something yesterday that makes
me sad but was necessary for her and I know that the reading gave her the strength and courage to do it.
So I got to thinking about "spiritual cards". The other name for them freaks people out, so we'll call them something
different and then they'll be acceptable. I have learned in the last few years that if you can come up with a new word
that is pc for something not pc, then chances are it will be okay. And really, the readings and cards I use really are
all about spirit and helping you on your path, more about confirming your inner suspicions or telling you what you already
know that you didn't want to know you knew. Ha ha...
Truth is, no one can really predict the future. Tarot card readers may say they can and if they make the readings
generic enough "you will meet a man" duh.....they can be pretty accurate. But who really wants to know the future
anyway? It's hard enough to deal with the present. My cards have been extremely useful to me, mostly because they
represent another tool in my path to help me stay true. It's really easy to lie to yourself, to let your monkey mind
convince you of the falseness that your thoughts keep telling you. Sometimes, when I get jumbled, I can pick a card
and look at the beautiful picture and read the beautiful text and the answers come to me in a calm and peaceful way.."oh,
that's what I was missing..."
I don't see how that can be considered evil. It's the same as reading some particularly enlightening verse in the
Bible or The Prophet or a sign on a wall. I really believe God speaks to us however He can, He gives us the tools to
listen. When I am lost, I pray for guidance...and am led to the tool that delivers. Sometimes it's cards, sometimes
it's meditation, yoga, Reiki, a book, silence, music, friends, journaling, dancing, sudoku, Tai Chi, prayer....what a vast
array of tools God has given us! Sometimes one tool works better than another--around the full moon, cards are the best,
feels like they are picking you instead of the other way around.
It is cool how letting things come through you apply to all those tools. Makes me giggle. Especially when
I do readings. Especially when I get to watch the faces of the people I'm reading for.....
Just ask them...
"When the student is ready, the Teacher will come."
.......In whatever form the student will hear....
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
I'm a Hippie Yogi! | | 
A Hippie Yogi
When you're not doing yoga or marching in protests, you divide your time between
hugging trees and flashing peace signs at people you don't know. You truly
care about the world around you and take action to make it a better place for
everyone to enjoy--including your furry friends. You're warm, welcoming,
and a lot of fun.
Be careful, however, not to let your dedication to your cause alone determine your
actions--take time for yourself every now and then, too. Everything in moderation
will make you more balanced in your yoga practice and in your life.
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| Take the Yoga Journal Yoga Snob Quiz! |
3:48 pm est
My brain hurts....
So I think I finally have made those decisions I was talking about. I've let them simmer all summer, which is really
hard for me as I tend to be a "what was I thinking?" kind of girl as opposed to a "now what makes the most sense
for my future?"....
I want my work to be joyous. I don't want to feel like I don't have a life outside of work. I want to do
what is best for my students and clients. I want to be available for them when they need me and love being there.
So the question was not what to do--I do love teaching yoga and doing Reiki so it's easy to be joyous about it. I am
completely in my element, or should I say "in my skin"? when I am healing. The question was when? How to add without
going overboard? And where? Fortunately, I've been getting some really clear SIGNS lately about where to put my
energies....
3/4 of my family have been doing A Course in Miracles (3 guesses on who's sitting it out LOL) I was up half
the night worrying about my decisions and re-thinking them over and over. I was also very concerned about aforementioned
1/4 but that's another story. My lesson today was These thoughts don't mean anything. Seems pretty
clear to me.
So. I will add 2 classes a week, one is attached to another (Tuesday 5:30 Gentle/Senior/Chair) and one will
be in my back yard! (Saturday 9am Sun Salutations) How fun! If it becomes popular, we will move it
but Saturday morning classes are usually pretty hit or miss so I want to try it out first. We have 2 screen houses so
we won't have to worry with bugs. Now rain is another thing but really, wouldn't that feel nice on your face?
I will add an event at each of the places I teach: A Restorative Class at 5678 and a Couples Class at World
Gym. And I will start the Meditation Tea Circle I've been thinking of for a long time. That too, will be at my
house but doesn't have to be outside. My Reiki room is ready and I have plenty of space for private classes...here,
there & everywhere. All of my students will be able to go to any of my classes at any of my venues. I have
worked out special rates and what not. Yolinna's Yoga spells it all out.
I'm excited. I feel like I am finally moving forward again. As wonderful as summer has been (best of my life!)
I find myself getting ready to start working again, I've started to feel kinda lazy and stagnant and I've started obsessing
about moving furniture which is always a clear sign that it's time to start working again.
I feel really good about the direction the Spirit Group is taking too. We are each kinda doing our own thing and
not feeling tied to any particular place or path. Now....about that spiritual center.....
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Brrrr!
My Dad came over yesterday and helped Barry fix the air conditioner. It's freezing in our house now! Had
to use 2 blankets last night. Nice.
Did you know my Dad is a genius? He knows a little about everything so he can hold his own in any conversation
in any group. He is just as comfortable hanging out with millionaires as he is with the homeless. He has a wicked
sense of humor--one of those 'you never can tell if he's joking' types. He has a very sharp wit, many have been wounded
without seeing the twinkle in his eyes....
He's also a very fair man. You rarely ever hear him say anything bad about anyone (cept certain terrorist types
and well, maybe some ethnic groups on occasion...mostly in traffic) He finds the good in everyone. This was very
infuriating when I was growing up and angry over some imagined slight. He's a peacemaker, just wants everyone to get
along, no matter what. The fact that he was a Marine is intriguing. Although, he certainly looks like one.
He can appear very gruff and menancing, and he was always very strong. He could carry refrigerators on his back.
Alone. And don't even think about arm wrestling him. I bet even after having suffered 2 heart attacks he could
still whup ya with one tattooed arm tied behind his back.
He is a very loyal man. He is very loyal to my mother. He believes in the vows he took, he believes
that he is 'forsaking all others' when he enables the craziness. In fact, he truly believes in the laws of his time.
Corporal punishment, strong arm tactics, his grandfather's right to punish him, he believes he deserved it. It's amazing
considering what a teddy bear he really is. When I had Cory and had not a clue what to do with him in the hospital,
he was there "Give me that baby! Give me my grandson..." He was the first to hold him. He was there the instant
I went into labor. He was also the first to explain how Barry should whip him when he was naughty.....hmmm....maybe
I should have listened? LOL...not a chance.
It's a long complicated relationship between my Dad and I. He and I would sit and watch sad movies together "you
crying? no, I just got something in my eye.." I was always a Daddy's girl. I don't know if that affected
the relationship between my mom and I or if it just was my saving grace growing up. I am sad that I barely ever see
him now. I remember sitting on the floor of the heart center contemplating the possibility of a world without him.
Not possible.
It was good to see him yesterday. Still has that great twinkle. And he still knows everything. And
right away "Linda, look on Youtube for the talking dogs!" Belly laughs...."crazy dogs hehehe"
I am lucky to have such an incredible Dad.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Good Morning to you!
We are discombobulated at our house. The a/c is out so we thought it would be too hot to sleep upstairs so we brought
the mattress (king-size no less) downstairs to the living room floor and slept there. Course bout 11pm it got fairly
cool so we could have saved ourselves the work but it's an adventure right? Tell that to Barry. He was NOT a happy
camper. In fact, he didn't go to work today yet. And he still seems a bit sour. Rut Roh.
It was fun laying on the floor watching the big screen. When we were younger and only owned 1 tv (the good days
for sure!) we used to bring our mattress down whenever the Olympics were on so we wouldn't miss a minute. Of course,
that was back when the Olympics only came once every 4 years. And were actual amateurs. Without million dollar
advertising deals. The good old days.
Anyway. What about this whole Greece burning thing? Dreadful! And they said it's endangering the site
of the original Olympics in Olympia! Oh dear. Let's all send them good thoughts and prayers, ok?
I've always wanted to go to Greece. After Ireland, it's my favorite dream vacation spot. I would love to
see the ancient ruins and the beautiful beaches. Plus, I really love Greek food--it's my favorite so it would be pretty
cool to have it authentically. The dream would be to go to the Olympics in Greece....course I already missed that boat,
hopefully it will come again. And drive by Ireland on the way....and have Cirque du Soliel be the opening ceremonies
act...and stop by Italy to get some wine for the way home.
Where's your dream vacation spot?
Friday, August 24, 2007
2007
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End of the Week Wrap Up
So. In case you are wondering what happened to the naked ladies, here's a picture of them in their new home:
T put a flower in front of the full frontal one for when her mom comes over. I like the special touch of the pear....and
then the pair of apples above....She's so artistic.
Went to see Kat Parsons at the Grille last night. If you are ever in the mood for sultry, jazzy music she is the
one. Visit her website at www.katparsons.com
Does it make me a horrible mother to wish my kids would get the heck out of my house in the morning? Like a job/school/life
would be a good thing.....
We did yoga to Motown music last night! So fun! I think everyone really liked it but they said relaxation was
hard--especially when Van Morrison's Moondance began to play...hard not to tap your toes and singalong.
We had to turn the a/c back on last night. Course now we're back to the little electrical issue we've been having....which
turns into a domestic issue.....don't ask. Anyone know anything bout a/c's or electric? Except my entire family???
We don't really want to play the you only call when you want something game.
Think I'm gonna buy a heavy, solid, soundproof door with a lock for my office. And cut a hole to the bathroom....and
put in a refrigerator. Ha ha ha they'll never see me again.....JK...maybe.... | Thursday, August 23, 2007
It's Ready!
So, I have finished my Reiki office. (for now)Here's my new altar. 
And my favorite yoga friends....
And my own little corner with my own little chair.....
 And best of all, my new calendar which is half the size of my old calendar and not completely covered with endless overscheduling.
Now, granted, I haven't put September on or made those previously mentioned decisions but isn't it beautiful? And I had room
on the bulletin board for pretty things instead of endless appointments. Just goes to show....it can be done.  I Love it! Wednesday, August 22, 2007
True Dat Randomness
My whole body aches. Never try and move a piano yourself.
Did I really stand in front of a waterfall?
When you are clearing out stuff that you bought containers for, what do you do with the containers that are now empty?
And how should that sentence be formed anyway?
Yoga for people who don't have the ability to listen is very hard. And very necessary.
Is keeping a windchime as an example of the ugliest thing ever purchased as ridiculous as purchasing it in the first
place?
And while we're at it, is it ridiculous to be giddy over having your own room?
Even if it's been since you were 12 years old?
Did I really have 2 vacations this year? And is it wrong to start thinking it's time for another? Just imagine
if you could take the last week of each month off. Hmmm.
I miss Lori. And her Dad. And Oregon. And the wine is gone. Sigh.
Don't sit outdoors at the Old Bowie Town Grill if the wind is blowing towards our house.
Anyone want to buy a Total Gym with all the accessories? Barely used. Obviously.
Back to work. My Reiki room is getting there! Come see!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Stuff
Ugh. I'm sick of my stuff. I'm sick of moving it from one place to the other. I mean really, who needs
all this stuff? And most of it isn't even my stuff--it's other people's stuff who got sick of it in their house so they
pawned it off on us. They think the kids want it. But the kids can't even begin to take care of their own stuff.
C had a total meltdown 2 nights ago because he has his lifetime accumulated stuff to get rid of and/or organize and it just
overwhelms him...and us.
We've decided to have a garage sale. Then at least, it isn't throwing the stuff away. Usually we give
it to charity but we need a new computer so we think maybe we should sell our stuff. Course the biggest things to get
rid of aren't even ours. Cept the hockey table. Anyone? And the piano? Can you hear the screaming
from the 'owners' of those items?
Why all this clearing out? I'm trying desperately to create a space to do Reiki in. Up til now, I've just
gone out back on nice days or upstairs with good friends but I really need a permanent spot with good energy and less hassle.
I have accumulated a bunch of stuff for my studio and would like to put it there. Plus, my cushions and balls and yoga
stuff. And spirit stuff. and....and....and....
Anyone got a studio for sale cheap? Or want to build me an addition for my non profit business? I'll give
you free Reiki and yoga for life.
Oh well. It will happen. I feel it.
Now about those decisions....I'm workin' on em!
Monday, August 20, 2007
Decisions
That's it. I will make decisions. No more pussy-footing around. Squandering time. I will just
schedule and do it.
After lunch. And a shower. And I'd like to get that bookcase cleared....
But after that! Well, the dishes....and the laundry. But that's all! Then I will decide.
I mean it. No kidding....look out!
Well, I think I would make better decisions if I re-did my altar. And found the perfect place for it. Which
means moving furniture, which really means moving to a new house but what about the kids and should Barry switch jobs or should
we just hang here til retirement and maybe I should just take the leap and rent a space and hope for the best....
Oh fiddle dee dee! I'll decide tomorrow....after all, tomorrow is another day...
Now. What should I have for lunch?
Sunday, August 19, 2007
A Lovely Weekend
Generally when my calendar looks like it did this weekend I get pretty stressed about being away from home and not getting
anything done. Even when it's parties and fun stuff I feel like I should be working instead. There has been a
shift in my world recently. I have been having FUN. I haven't been in charge. I have been going out and
singing and laughing and dancing and sharing. Wow.
It feels frivolous. It feels rebellious. And it feels really good. I think I may keep doing it.
Got up this morning, made a coffee cake and served it with fresh cantaloupe and some great chunky spiced apples from
Trader Joes. Sat at the table and read the paper. On a Sunday. And didn't feel guilty at all....giddy maybe.....but
not guilty. Ahhh. Relaxation Pose for breakfast.
Friday night was beautiful. True Spirit Group. Laid on our backs on the sand by the bay and gazed up at the
stars. Bonus: had a real astronomer tell us what we were looking at. Saw the moon through a telescope with
all it's craters and colors. There was 15 of us from all different walks of life (including canine) and it was
one of the most relaxing evenings I've spent in a long, long time. Ahhh. Relaxation Pose on the Beach.
Saturday. Busy, unplanned, went from one reality to another and then back again. Had a great time anyway.
Ahhh Celtic Relaxation Pose.
Perpetual Vacation. That's the life to have. Work when you need to and find the joy in it. Play when
you want to and find the joy in that too. How did I get so removed from that for so long?
Clarity Pose. Love it.
Friday, August 17, 2007
Associations
I am a pleaser. And a peacemaker. Sometimes I tell people what they want to hear so they don't get upset.
Even though I never lie, there are times that I don't tell all the truth or I tell it with a slant so they
feel better. I want everyone to like me. Even if I don't like them. Even if they have been outright hostile.
I get very nervous around illogical, jump to conclusions people. And feel as if I need to pacify them to protect others.
I tend to attract those people that have no problem telling people what they think even if they
haven't really thought at all.
I am floored when people lie. I am astounded when people fly off the handle over minor things. I am passionate
about doing what I say I will do and am flabbergasted when others do not. I have to admit to being envious when people
are not afraid that others will think less of them if they are who they are. Having to be perfect all the time is exhausting.
My horoscope today said:
Sometime in the last few years many relationships that were inappropriate for your life were weeded
out. That process may have been quite painful, but it was necessary at the time. Now, however, the only relationships left
are those that have real value in your life. You should be working on them to improve your understanding of yourself and how
you relate to others.
Also this influence favors most business and professional relationships, because
you now are able to negotiate on the basis of your real needs and self-understanding while appreciating the other person's
real needs. And since you understand the need for realism in relationships, whatever you decide on at this time will be mutually
profitable.
So true. It has been a really hard couple of years. People who I thought
were my best friends turned out to not share my definition of friendship. Not that they were wrong, just not wanting
the same thing. I had to really learn to stand my ground and honor myself even when all I wanted to do was crawl in
a hole and never see anyone again. I had to learn to value myself even if I didn't feel valued. Even if I was
attacked and blamed, I had to carry on with what I thought was right, even if it turned out to be wrong.
I do feel like that's over for now. Sort of like a phoenix rising from the
ashes, all the explosions are put out, I am looking around at what remains and deciding what to keep and what to let lie.
I have one final association that has been a large drain of energy and a large source of pain and growth. It has been
a huge part of discovering who I really am but it has also been one of the most frustrating, confusing aspects of my life.
And I feel like it may be time to let it go. It's very scary, sort of like leaping into the unknown but it feels like
the break may be necessary for future growth. I keep trying to figure out a way to maintain my truth and maintain this
association but it feels like one or the other has to go. Hence, my confusion. And major attempts at peacemaking.
On some level. Without compromising who I really am. Tough stuff.
.......this influence favors most business and professional relationships, .......
Your individual personal needs will not conflict with the demands of the relationship, and you can base them on a realistic
understanding of who you are and what others need from you. Your vision is clear, and you are not likely to enter a relationship
under the spell of romantic illusions.
Ahhh, there's the answer. I get it. Thank you Lord.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Confused
There's a writing by Osho that contains the line, "so you're confused. This is good. This is the place to
start...you may not know anything else but at least you know you're confused."
I am confused. I know I am heading towards something but I'm not sure what. I know
what I think I want but I'm not sure I want to do the work to get it. I'm not sure where I want to do it. I'm
not even sure that I want to do it here.
I wish it were easy to know the right thing. I have so many options being thrown at me right now that it's hard
to know which way to jump. Or if I should jump. Or when.
Only one thing to do.
Nothing.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Interesting
I am reading a really interesting book right now by Caroline Myss called "Entering the Castle". It is based on the 7 spiritual
practices set forth from St. Teresa of Avila in her writings "The Interior Castle". There is a retreat day coming up at Bon
Secours on this very subject that I am thinking of attending so the more I know, the more comfortable I will feel.
One
of the things that really struck me was her term experiential God. I don't think I have heard it before. As I understand
it, it is the difference between actually experiencing the God within as opposed to intellectually understanding the God experience.
Sort of the difference between feeling and thinking. You can read the scriptures and intellectually 'get' the concept of Jesus
saying, "Feed my sheep" and understand that means we should take care of those less fortunate. But an experiential feeling
would be to feel that your hands become Jesus's hands because He dwells inside you.
St. Teresa put it best in her poem:
You
are Christ's Hands
God has no body now on earth but yours,
no hands but yours
no feet but yours,
Yours are
the eyes through which he is to look out
God's compassion to the world;
Yours are the feet with which he is to go about
doing
good,
Yours are the hands with which he is to bless men now.
Wow. Many times when I am healing, I feel like God/Christ/Spirit's
hands are on mine, coming through me to heal my person. Or when I am teaching, it's like there are hands on my shoulders,
gently nudging me to do the pose that will be just right for someone in the class in need.
It struck me while reading
the lead up to the poem that the difference between the church in Oregon and what I am used to is the Experiential God. You
could feel God in the room--instead of intellectualizing Him and trying to understand and appease Him with your repentance,
you called upon Him to fill you with His spirit. This is quite a mystical experience, and many are not ready or willing to
have that type of experience. You should never ask for something you cannot deal with. And then it hit me:
All this
fussing and fighting over church services and times and styles of worship and sadness and madness and gladness all boils down
to this one thing. Those who want an Experiential God and those who don't. Neither is "right". But I do think some of it is
fear...and control...and the loss of control. We are afraid of what we will be called to if we listen and we are afraid of
who we will become if we give it all over to Spirit. For many, we have a clear road map to Heaven...do good deeds, study your
bible, go to church, believe in Jesus and you're in. Don't question your faith, just accept that you aren't meant to know
everything.
It's comforting to have a path. It's really uncomfortable to fly by the seat of your pants. Giving over
to the mystic is scary. It takes courage and like Caroline Myss says, it takes stamina. She uses the story of Job as an example.
Here's a good God fearing man who followed his road map perfectly and got slammed over and over until finally he gave up on
God. And God showed him the mystic. He didn't want to see it. But he did. "God's message in the story of Job is that heaven
has a design and plan far greater than what can be shown to any human being. Job's falling to his knees symbolizes the mystical
act of surrender we all must make in order to trust God's plan for us within the vast scheme of creation. We all have to surrender
our need for our world to be ordered according to our conceptions of justice, logic, and rational motives.....you
have very little authority over your life and that even making it alive until sundown is not in your hands--you must reach
the stage of spiritual maturity where you surrender to God."
I mean, really, how scary is that? So naturally we try
and stick to the tried and true. What works. What feels right. What isn't 'out of the box'. Ritual is comforting.
Rev.
Heather said that Presbyterians do not play the "Hail Jesus Amen!!" game like other religions because it's
not good to fly too high, to get too excited and up because the crash down is so jarring. They keep it down, dignified, frozen,
because the middle is better for them to know their God. I always found that interesting. I also for a long time thought something
was wrong with me because I disagree. I believe God wants us to fly high, to feel the joy, to experience the world He created
for us. The crash is gonna be jarring regardless. As Joy Lewis (C.S.'s wife) said, "the pain then is part of the joy now".
We are made to live at both ends of the spectrum, in my opinion.
What I have learned however, is that neither sides
are right or wrong and even that there are no sides. It's what you individually are ready for. Or not. And bottom line is....no
church is gonna give you everything you need. You have to go to the river yourself.....
Although compromise is a nice
thing.
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I'm Back
Did Reiki on one of my students yesterday. It was blissful. Afterwards, we were chatting and she said, "you're
back from Oregon now, aren't you? You weren't last week but you are now." I nodded and smiled, knowing exactly
what she was talking about.
I got to thinking about that this morning, trying to decide if it was a good thing or a bad thing. Just going by
my classes, I do feel like last week I was inspired. Now don't get me wrong, my classes are always inspired, mainly
because it just comes through me--I just get out of the way and allow the Spirit to lead. But last week not only did
I get out of the way, I was sitting right beside Spirit watching as she led. I was filled with earth energy and completely
grounded as I flew through the air. I was way up in woo woo land.
When I called upon the Reiki yesterday, it was like going back to the mountain. It was instantly there and instantly
strong and comforting. I am reluctant to say it was even more powerful than before because I didn't believe it could
get any more powerful without me blowing up but it is a force that keeps growing. Having the actual experience of the
mountain has put the mountain in me. Have you seen a real mountain? What a strong crystal it is. When I
was at my friend's head, she said she felt waves of purple and green. As I was sending her crown chakra (purple) oceans
of love and heart energy (green)....hmmmm.
Like I told Lori's dad, "you don't have to believe in it, it will still work". He had a horrible ear clog/sinus
infection while I was out there. Lori convinced his skeptical self to let me do a bit of Reiki on him. Now, I
had been told that normally when he gets this, it takes months for it to clear and he has gone to many doctors and taken many
drugs to no avail. He was in miserable enough pain that he let me try. And yeah, you guessed it....he woke up
the next day with nothing. Completely gone. Course he said, "you can't prove that it's the Reiki that did it".
And he can't prove it wasn't. LOL!
But I digress. Last week I was soaring high, almost like Icarus getting too close to the sun. Anyone that
was at my Thursday class can attest that although the class was a ton of fun, there was not a whole lot of meditation going
on. This Monday was more down to earth. There must be a balance. The mountain is still there. The
waterfalls are still there. The beach is still there. I can call upon them at anytime. But sometimes we
need to work too. Remembering that play is just as important, and finding that perfect synergy is what to look for.
Although it was really cool to soar so high. Will have to take some time to do that everyday.....join me.
Monday, August 13, 2007
I got a rock......
Quick update on Christmas: I got a crab wine holder. Barry got a soda pop Thanksgiving dinner. Yeah,
turkey and gravy soda. Yuck. I don't think I'll be displaying that on my shelf. Good news is the naked ladies
are in good hands.....heh heh.....I said good hands.....Our present seemed to be a hit. It was a Last Supper Lunch Box
filled with a bottle of wine, matzoh, lifesavers, testa-mints and a small goblet gold like the holy grail....I know, we are
outrageously blasphemous.
Cory's car was vandalized last night. Fortunately nothing was stolen and the damage is more gross than permanent
but it's upsetting just the same. Poor guy is out having to pine sol the rice, ketchup and peanut butter from his seats.
Yeah, he left his windows open. We forget that we no longer live in Bowie......it's more like DC now. Gotta lock
the doors....bar the windows....ugh.
Went to church yesterday. Made me very sad. How I love the people there. And how I just really don't
fit in. I just cannot believe that wanting to open a vein is praising God. Week after week, we are horrible sinners,
solemn are our songs, tedious are our recitations, sermons on what we're doing wrong, even a beautiful baptism feels
less like a joyous offering to God and more like a paint by numbers. Sorry. I know it's me. I just don't
feel it. But afterwards, the hugs, the joy, the friends.....maybe I'll go to a different church that is happy and joyous
and then show up for after service to hug my people. I don't mind being repentant but I think happiness and joy are
emotions God wants us to have too. Arrrgh. This quandry pains me so. I think I will make one more attempt...
Hmmm. A reflective day. Seems good.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Christmas time is here.....
Tonight I go to the event of the season. The Christmas season. Once a year, a friend of ours
hosts a beautiful Christmas party with all the trimmings. Presents, turkey dinner, indoor and outdoor lights, Christmas
trees and beautiful Christmas music. Even his neighbors decorate their homes and everyone dresses very festively.
In August.
Which makes Christmas sweaters a bit uncomfortable.
But no worries. We get dressed up and bring a dish and go celebrate Christmas. This year we
are bringing something spectacular....can't tell yet....surprise! And we have a ball, it's my favorite Christmas party
of the year.
But the very best part is the presents. Each of us combs the stores all year long finding just the
right gift to bring for the gift exchange. We found one of ours in March! The game is to bring the most outlandish,
outrageous thing you can find--and then we all fight over who gets to keep what. In prior years we have brought a birdhouse
made out of a cowboy boot, a purse made out of a lampshade or was it a lampshade made out of a purse? Tacky Christmas
wreathes, glow in the dark necklaces, you get the idea. We have brought home flamingo wine glasses (plastic of course)
a statue of a pig/dogs head that we lovingly refer to as our friend Mr. __________ sir that sits outside our door on the sewer
post, and currently we have the creme de la creme, most fought over present.....the naked lady glasses:
These glasses are legendary. The legend is that a very prominent businessman/church elder's wife
found them in a yard sale and they have been passed from house to house ever since. I've heard that one very upstanding
elder served her small boys milk from them for breakfast, another built their kitchen around displaying them in a lighted
cabinet, they are just the perfect holiday gift. And last year, we won them! They have been proudly standing (some
parts more than others) over our dining room table keeping guard and bringing us joy for the last year.
And now we have to pass them on. That's the rule. If you win the glasses, you have to bring them
back. You keep the original Peebles box and wrap them gently and kiss them goodbye. Cory was very upset about
this yesterday "nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!" was his words, I believe.
But fair is fair. I'm sure we will get something equally pleasant to display in our dining room.
Perhaps a macrame frog or a boxing nun. Or even a chocolate Jesus. Ok, that's a bit much, I know.
We will miss you, naked ladies....thanks for adding so much ass...I mean CLASS to our home....
Merry Christmas one and all!
Friday, August 10, 2007
Forever Changed
You ever have a moment in time that seems frozen, where everything stops and gives you a chance to take it all in and
really notice what's going on? I had one of them last night. I was at the ole after yoga "lets undo all that good
we just did" hangout aka Glory Days. I had taught a very silly class (sorry Kris) and we had worked our selves out real
good so we were all pretty giddy. Yoga does that you know, works out the kinks so you can feel giddy. Anyway,
I'm there with 5 of my favorite people in the world and everyone's chatting and laughing and then time stopped.
It was like I was outside of myself looking at ourselves. Now I've had this happen many, many times in yoga, meditation,
tai chi, but rarely at a restaurant with friends. Almost as if in slow motion, I watched them laughing, sharing, just
enjoying each other's company. I started thinking about how each of us have bonded in so many different ways and how
much affection I have for each of them. I realized that in that moment I was blissfully happy. And then I realized
how far I have come.
I have changed so much in the last couple of years, especially in the last couple of months. I feel much more confident,
more in my skin, more accepting of myself and therefore, way more accepting of others. I am beginning to see that I
have true value--not because of what I do for others--but because of who I am. I still beat myself up regularly but
I also stop and realize how unneccessary that is. How counterproductive. I cut myself some slack, not having to
be perfect all the time and especially not having to be all things to all people. I think I have gotten way better at
understanding what are my problems and what are others and am learning to let others deal with theirs without my interference.
I am softer. I am much happier with myself. I have an idea of who that is now. And *cliche* I like
that girl. I don't know how it happened or when but it's there. But I do know that it is a combination of the
love and acceptance I have recieved from these wonderful people in my life and all the work I have done with yoga, reiki,
and spiritual studies. If you had the slightest idea from where I've come to where I've gone--you'd be amazed like me
too.
I woke up this morning and my first thought was, "Yay! I wonder what this day will hold!" And I smiled.
I realized that even though my next thought was "UGH....you shouldn't have eaten those cheese fries!" that most days
I just wake up happy with a sense of anticipation just like when I was a very young girl. Doesn't matter that by the
afternoon I may be grumpy and cursing the skies--it's a gift to know that everyday is a new day with new chances to explore
and live.
So there you go. My sappy post that Rhia will mock. Ha Ha! But it's true. I am spending more
and more time filled with wonder at all the gifts the Universe has given me--the gift of teaching and learning, the gift of
intuition and sight, the gift of love and kindness and wisdom. Yay God! You rock!
(Now look, if my next post is whiny and bitchy--don't get bunched about my being bi-polar! Like the "success" tarot
card explains:
Because of your willingness to accept the recent challenges of life, you are now enjoying a wonderful ride on the
tiger of success. Welcome it, enjoy it, and share your joy with others--and remember that all bright parades have a
beginning and an end. If you keep this in mind, and squeeze every drop of juice out of the happiness you are experiencing
now, you will be able to take the future as its comes without regrets. But don't be tempted to try to hold on to this
abundant moment, or coat it in plastic so that it lasts forever. The greatest wisdom to keep in mind with all the phenomena
in the parade of your life, whether they be valleys or peaks, is that 'this too will pass'. Celebrate, yes, and keep
on riding the tiger. www.osho.com
Take a moment today and look around. Are you in a peak or a valley? This too shall pass.....
PS. Went to Osho right after I wrote this and picked a card:
Maturity:
 The distinction between the grasses and the blossoms is the same as between you not knowing that you are a buddha, and the
moment you know that you are a buddha. In fact, there is no way to be otherwise. Buddha is completely blossomed, fully opened.
His lotuses, his petals, have come to a completion.... Certainly, to be full of spring yourself is far more beautiful than
the autumn dew falling on the lotus leaves. That is one of the most beautiful things to watch: when autumn dew falls on the
lotus leaves and shine in the morning sun like real pearls. But of course it is a momentary experience. As the sun rises,
the autumn dew starts evaporating.... This temporary beauty cannot be compared, certainly, with an eternal spring in your
being. You look back as far as you can and it has always been there. You look forward as much as you can, and you will be
surprised: it is your very being. Wherever you are it will be there, and the flowers will continue to shower on you. This
is spiritual spring.
Osho No Mind: The Flowers of Eternity Chapter 5 Commentary:
This figure stands alone, silent and yet alert. The inner being is filled with flowers--that carry the quality of springtime
and regenerate wherever he goes. This inner flowering and the wholeness that he feels affords the possibility of unlimited
movement. He can move in any direction--within and without it makes no difference as his joy and and maturity cannot be diminished
by externals. He has come to a time of centeredness and expansiveness--the white glow around the figure is his protection
and his light. All of life's experiences have brought him to this time of perfection. When you draw this card, know well this
moment carries a gift--for hard work well done. Your base is solid now and success and good fortune are yours for they are
the outcome of what has already been experienced within.
Took me years....but I love this card!
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Head Hammering
You ever feel like you are being hammered over the head with insights and the reason you have to be hammered is because
you don't really want to see the truth? Nah, me neither....
In an attempt to get myself into some semblance of organization with regards to my world and my new self image I post
the following:
I don't wanna do that. I really like that. That works but that doesn't. I never want to go there again.
That is where you are being hammered, get it through your head. You don't have to do that if you don't want. Stop
worrying about where you will do it, trust. That is who you are and what you are meant to do, the rest is distractions
from aforementioned hammering. Jeesh.
I'm glad we got that settled.
Did I tell you about my interesting experience in a store in Oregon? It was a metaphysical store (my favorite)
and I walked right in and went directly to a counter that was filled with large crystals and stopped dead in my tracks.
The energy washed over me and almost made me dizzy it was so strong. I turned around slowly just kind of taking it all
in and suddenly the owner was by my side. She smiles, puts her hand on my shoulder and says, "yeah, I know. The
energy here is overwhelming, isn't it. So positive!"
There was another store above hers that I kept being drawn to a corner of. Lori kept calling me to see this and
see that! (she was cute as a button in Oregon--you should see her in her element) and I just kept wanting to go a different
way. I get there and my Reiki turns on immediately. I look down and there is a Karuna section. Karuna is
a type of Reiki. As I stand there smiling, the owner comes up, puts her hand on my shoulder and hands me a card to open.
"You never grow old until you've lost all your marvels."
Merry Browne
True dat, huh? There was a poster there in that corner that brought me to tears and I'm really kinda mad at myself
for not buying it. I just wasted about 15 minutes trying to recall and find it to no avail....
See that hammering thing? What is my deal? Listen to the small, still voice. You know. You absolutely
know. Why you act like you don't?
Did I mention that lavender grows like weeds there? In front of Lori's sister Sheri's house was a big ole clump
that she let me cut a bit from. It is sitting on my desk right in front of me. Mmmmm, Oregon smells really good!
Lavender and pine and fir and roses, yummm.
________________________________this is me restraining myself from comparing the smells outside my door........
Yoga. Good. Reiki. Good. Me. Blessed. And don't me forget it!
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Restraint
I refuse to complain any more about the weather. This week.
Looking on the bright side:
My wine is here! All the way from Eola Hills Winery in Oregon! Can't wait to have my own little tasting....
3 more days to the party event of the season.
I don't have a headache.
Cory is cleaning the bathroom!!! Look out Chicken Little!
I finished the newsletter.
I have been blessed with back to back vacations of a lifetime.
I have a roof over my head, food for my table and clothes that don't suck.
My future is bright.
I had a ton of people in my class last night. How fun!
I really like my unpolitically correct tiny suv.
I am a healer and have the power of Reiki in my hands.
I'm kinda smart. So I should know better than to get upset over one tiny little 100 degree day with 400% humidity.
Right?
Now Linda. Get over yourself :)
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
Hot enough for ya?
Yesterday I led my class through a mediation that was really a description of one of the falls I went to in Oregon.
I closed my eyes and just shared my experience of the sights and smells and sounds of the forest and the delight of the waterfall....mmmmmm......they
loved it. Had a long time student share a similar experience with me that she had in Hawaii and her feelings of being
where she was meant to be for the first time in her life. Not geographically, spiritually. She soooo "got it."
Then I walked outside. Ugh. Maybe it was geographically. (Is that even a word?) I am experiencing
climate shock. There are 2 times a year where I have a tendency to throw a major hissy fit over something I can't control.
This being one. This weather sucks, why would anyone choose to live here, it's like wet soup laying on your arms
the minute you walk outside but of course you are trapped inside with cabin fever because the asian tigers will suck your
blood the minute you go out in the hell that is known as the dc area...I HATE IT HERE!!!!
The other is when I am scraping 3 inches of ice off my car with bleeding knuckles. Wishing for spring. Like
I (and many others) are wishing for fall. Maybe longing would be a better word. Ugh.
So the question is: Is it worse to go somewhere beautiful and have an amazing experience completely unlike your
reality? Or to just stay in your reality and have to suck it up? In other words, do you do more harm to your psyche
by finding out there really are better worlds (geographically and spiritually) then just staying put and working on your world?
Even though there is so much you cannot control?
I know what the Zen masters would say. "the only reality there is rests inside your head/heart"
The Taoists say, "we are all the Way, even the humidity" well, maybe they wouldn't have put it like that exactly.
The Buddhists would say, "comparison is one of the truest paths to suffering"
Did they live in Washington? Do any truly enlightened beings live here? Or are they enlightened enough to
leave?
Just wondering......
Monday, August 6, 2007
Jet Lag--it's not for sissies!
Perhaps the most amazing thing about this trip was the revelations it brought. With the exception of some business
trips for a day or two, I have never been away from home without some member of my family. My whole life. I have
never been on a plane by myself. I've never had a week without my parents, or my husband or my children. I've
never had a week where I haven't been Mom or wife or daughter. It was mind blowing to be me.
I got to see what I am like when I am not in charge. When there isn't anyone looking to me to give them the answers
or take care of them. I had no control, I simply got to go with the flow and be taken care of. This has never
happened since I was a small child. My mother has issues so from a young age I was expected to take care of her.
Because I am smart and capable (and conditioned), I tend to create a network of people who like someone else to be in charge--especially
my family. So to have a break, a true rest and vacation, this was tremendous. I really liked that person!
That "me" was relaxed and kind and nurturing and positive and awe struck and very, very grateful. About the 3rd day,
my Reiki energy turned on and just stayed on for most of the trip. I was buzzing and filled with spirit, felt cocooned
in God's Light, in the Universe's wonder.
I've never had that after Christmas let down that I've heard about. Or after vacation. Until now. As
slowly but surely, I am expected to go back to my "real" life and make decisions and take control and be smart and capable
when I have a sneaking suspicion that the vacation Linna was in fact the "real" one.....It's like I have a bird's eye view
of my world and can see how manipulated I can be and how easily it happens and how enabling it is to those who don't want
to take charge of their world anyway. Wow.
This would not be a large problem if I wasn't so tired. It's been awhile since I've traveled across time zones.
Man. Jet Lag. It's a bitch. I actually slept til 10:00 yesterday. This is a humongous deal--I never
sleep that long. I had gone to bed at 11:00pm! And I'm still tired. Had to force myself awake today---at
8:30! Course I was up til 1:00am waiting for Cory to get home from Ithica. But still. I'm dragging.
And I have a ton of stuff to do.
Sigh. You would have really liked the real me. I'm a pretty laid back, fun kind of girl.
Reiki is still on though :)
Saturday, August 4, 2007
Oregon aka Paradise
Tom Petty said, "most things I worry about never seem to happen anyway". Wise Man Tom Petty.
My trip was glorious. 2 days into it I had used the word beautiful so many times that it started sounding very trite.
I was wishing I had brought along a thesaurus to come up with more synonyms; stunning, gorgeous, spectacular, amazing.
Yep all those. And then some. I will try and give a brief blow by blow (yeah right, it's me you know)
Thursday: The flight was uneventful until the end. You can look down from the plane right before the Portland
airport and see Mount Hood, Mount St. Helens, Mount Rainier, The Sisters, Mount Jefferson and I believe Mount Adams.
Ice covered glow in the dark humongous mountains.  Very, very cool. In fact, everywhere you go in Oregon you can play the "is that Jeff? (Mount Jefferson) no that's Hood"
game. Our landscape is very boring to me now.... On the way to Salem, where Lori's dad lives, we stopped at a Riverside
Park (?) and went to look at a carousel that the locals had made. Every single horse was hand painted with just exquisite
detail--the whole carousel was a work of art: The park was gorgeous too. Old fashioned steam boat cruises, rolling hills,
people water skiing and jet skiing. Paradise.
Friday: We picked up Lori's sister, Sheri (so I was still with my sisters Lori and Sheree :) and went to the Oregon
Coast. Of course along the way the landscape was spectacular--mountains everywhere,  and there were many places right on the road you could overlook and see the Pacific Ocean in all it's glory. We went
down to the beach, kick off our shoes and jumped in the water. I made it as far as my toes. BRRRRR!!!
The water is like ice. We went to all kinds of places along the coast, some with rocks in the water and some with mountains
in the water. It was stunning. You can't really tell from the photo but there are seals all over the rocks
here. You can see them in the water playing. The sound was incredible, birds everywhere. Oooo, I almost
forgot! On the way we stopped at Eola Hills Winery and I had my first wine tasting experience. It was sooo fun--I shipped
3 bottles home to Barry--can't wait til they get here!
Saturday: Lori's Dad is a golfer. Every day. On this day he took us to his country club for breakfast
and then we crowded into a golf cart and he took us on a whirlwind tour of the first 9 holes. Of course, I was in Caddyshack
the whole time. "I'll take 2 of those, 3 of these. Who would wear a hat like that? Oh but it looks good
on you" They didn't get it.  Then we went to downtown Salem for Market Day. Every Saturday they have a farmers market (nothing like here)
where vendors selling all kinds of stuff, fresh produce, art, flowers, tie dye, batik, you name it they had it. Every
vendor was so friendly, willing to just chat about their stuff and tell you how they made it. I loved it. The
next stop was their old next door neighbor. What a character! She is a staunch liberal Democrat and
that was your ticket in to her beautiful house which was filled with antiques and even better, her garden which was a wild
cacophony of tumbled flowers and vines...ahhhh. We connected immediately--she was a kindred spirit. It was delightful,
now why was I afraid of meeting new people?
Sunday: DO NOT READ IF YOU WILL BE OFFENDED ABOUT CHURCH STUFF. We met Sheri at their Church in downtown Salem.
This was the most spiritual experience I have ever had in a church (except maybe my baptism) You walk in and upbeat
Christian songs are playing in the background. It is a hubbub of friendliness. The pastor comes over right away,
introducing himself, looking you in the eye very warmly and lets you know how happy he is that you joined them. Gradually some people move to the stage, a guitarist, 2 singers, a keyboardist and a drummer who is in an enclosure
that lets him play as loud as he wants without overpowering the congregation. The guitarist welcomes you, asks everyone
to close their eyes as he prays and asks spirit to come in the room and join us (and oh my goodness it did) and
then everyone is up singing and clapping. There are 2 projection screens with the words showing in front of animated
views of the waterfalls in the area. He then suggests you turn around and say hey to the people around you. Very
casual, everyone smiles or hugs and says Hello. The pastor comes up and lets you know what's going on in the community
and tells them how happy he is that some of them contacted him about last weeks sermon on forgiveness and encourages anyone
who is having any issues with that to let him know, email, call, visit because he has resources to help them with it (at this
point my jaw was on the floor.....) He launches into this weeks subject: 'Truthfulness' and encourages them to follow along
with a card that was inserted into the bulletin. He is just standing on the stage--no podium, casually dressed and talking
like he's in your living room. It was amazing. Then the youth pastor comes up (in flip flops) and chats about
giving but admonishes visitors NOT to give because he just wants them to receive (!), collection plates are passed while the
worship team leads you in song. Next thing you know it was communion--no robotic recitation, the Pastor leads a meditation
where you closed your eyes and envisioned your problems in your outstretched palms and then imagined Jesus's hands taking
them from you as you turned them over. Then the wafers and juice were passed together and you held it out to your neighbors
and drank together. I am in tears just writing about it--it was so powerful. Then a beautiful song about how amazing
love is....wow. Before you knew it you were being blessed with the benediction and church was over. Of course
no one left. The music just continued.....I may never be able to go to my church again. What a beautiful service.
We went to lunch with many of Lori's family after and they were joking about how the music wasn't as upbeat as usual.
Lori and I were just beside ourselves. Worship Council look out. We went to a festival after lunch at the riverside,
there were great bands--ask me to hear The Coats, an acapella band that will blow you away!
Monday: We went to the Colombia River Gorge and the Hood River....there is no way I can write all of this down.
The waterfalls, each one better than the last....the trees, the foliage, the flowers, sweet peas everywhere....the smells
of deep forests and flowers. You just have to go. That's all.   
And oh the Oneonta Gorge. You just wouldn't believe what we climbed and then how cold the waist deep water we waded
through was and oh how worth it it was.
We saw bears. We saw huge mule deer. We gazed at Mountians, we felt the spray of the waterfalls.
You must go.
Tuesday: Just when you think it can't get any better......  
Proxy Falls or as we renamed it Emerald Fairy Falls, Smith Rock, Dee Wright Observatory, Trees and trees and trees
and lava and desert and more waterfalls.....
Wednesday & Thursday: Sheri had surgery so we spent some time helping her out at her amazing house, we went to
some of the really cool funky shops in downtown Salem, learned how to play singing bowls from an enlightened Indian "music
is the only thing that touches you on the outside while touching you on the inside too" visited the Willamette
Valley vineyards high atop the mountains "it's Willamette, Dammit!" listened to Sarah Brightman (I know, right?)
and drank some really good wine. Then I had the plane ride from hell. Worst part? There are no mountains
on the landscape and no real trees here LOL!
It was the most amazing wonderful trip of my life. I cannot thank my spirit sister enough. Namaste' Oregon!
Friday, August 3, 2007
wowowowow!
I'm back. Wow. Will write tomorrow :) In the meantime, go to Soul Collage to look at pics like this:
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