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Monday, September 24, 2007
Flying Bird
I've been kinda out of sorts lately. I thought I had planned my time wisely but somehow ended up teaching 23 classes
in 19 days plus a myriad of other things and found myself stressing and combative. I used all my tools to make the decisions
and then promptly figured I had it all worked out so I didn't use any tools. My tools? Meditation, Self Reiki,
Prayer, ZenCards, gratitude journal, Time alone, etc. I am just so much better when I spend a bit of time every
day at my altar centering. Ugh. When will I get it through my monkey mind? Answer: Again and
again and again.
Yesterday I dusted off my altar, sent Reiki to my people, prayed for guidance and then decided to do a reading on
myself. Flying bird. You start with a card in the middle and place the "wings" on either side, one at a time,
each card with a different meaning. As I lay each card down, I just shook my head and smiled. Duh. That's
what I like about this deck. It doesn't do some voodoo look into the future nonsense, it simply tells you where you
are and what you don't want to see. Once you can see the present, you instinctively know where to go. Sort of
puts you back on your path. I mean face it, we all know the truth....we just don't want it to be the truth, so we rationalize
and let our monkey mind tell us it's false. That's just called begin human. Here's a brief (haha, yeah right)
synopsis of my reading:
1. Where I'm at: Possibilities
This is a beautiful card of an eagle soaring over a varied landscape with deserts and flowers and mountains. It
represents being in a position of having unlimited choices and soaring over considering the next choice. "because of
all the work you've done, you are at a point where a world of possibilities is open to you".... It's all about not limiting
yourself.
2. Fear of flying (what's holding me back): The Burden
This is a wretched card of a man trying to climb a mountain with a bunch of tyrants and roosters and a lists of shoulds
and oughts on his back. Oh dear. It's all about carrying other's burdens and expectations, not just people you know
but society's demands as well. "If life seems like a struggle, it's time to shrug your shoulders and drop these characters
off--you have your own mountains to conquer & dreams to fulfill, but you'll never have the energy if you keep carrying
these expectations of other's that you think are your own."
3. The response to the fear: Rebirth
Great card. It's a dull, sleepy camel who has a lion standing on him and a child playing the lute
coming out of the lion's belly. It's about how we get lulled into submission trying to get along with others by pleasing
and saying yes to everything and then one day we wake up and "roar" our truth, with a loud "NO" to all the shoulds and oughts
and the worrying over other's opinions. "but this is not the end, Finally the child emerges, neither acquiescent nor
rebellious but innocent and spontaneous and true to his own being"
4. Inner Support: MIND
I hate this card. It is exactly what it says, it's your monkey mind. It's an ugly, grey Medusa worms crawling
all over head representing all the twists and turns your mind takes when it finally gets your attention. Bleech.
Like tell me something I don't know. "the head is filled with mechanisms, the mouth is ranting and raving, and the whole
surrounding atmosphere is being polluted by this factory of arguments and opinions....somebody, somewhere, is stuck in a head
trip. Take a look and make sure it isn't you". Sigh. It's me.
5. External support (what to do) SILENCE
Duh. Like who didn't see that coming? LOL! "Now is the time to come home to yourself, to seek out those
who can resonate with your silence or to just enjoy your aloneness. " The card is a deep night sky with a face
with closed eyes barely visible. In the middle of her forehead (3rd eye chakra) is the moon and stars are all around
the top, a cloud on the bottom. The card makes you breathe a little slower...........be still ....and know .....that
I am..... God Psalm 46
6. Relaxation and Acceptance: Fighting
This is a guy dressed in armor with his fists clenched and buttons all over the armor "just waiting to be detonated if
someone so much as brushes up against them". Oh dear. And yeah. That's the acceptance--gotta stop the fighting.
"we think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more.....there is so much love available to you if
you just stop fighting and let it in...." Double sigh.
7. New level of awareness: HARMONY!!!
I love this card! It's a beautiful, serene person with 2 dolphins coming from her heart to jump over 3rd eye, representing
playfulness and intelligence that comes when we are able to connect with the heart and move from there. (instead of
that crazy ole monkey mind) "Let yourself be softer and more receptive now, because an inexpressible joy is waiting
for you just around the corner." YAY!
So there you go. What a great reading. Makes so much sense to me and makes me remember that I do know the
truth, just have to remember it.
Friday, September 21, 2007
Master Jeff
Last night a woman who I admire very much came to my yoga class. I have done Reiki on her with Jan and she is just
one of the most amazing people you would ever meet. I have been intrigued by her for a while, she just has such light
about her. So needless to say, when she walked in the door I was pretty excited and grateful for the opportunity to
get to know her a little better. After the class, we were chatting and the subject of Tai Chi came up. Turns out
that she took Tai Chi from my master Jeff! She knew him quite well, we must have passed each other many times since
it was around the same time. Of course, she is so sweet, when I said, "Maybe we were in the same class!" She said
with a very sweet smile, "oh no Linda, I would have remembered you." I love this lady.
In reminiscing about the class, I got to thinking what an impact Master Jeff has had on my life. He was the very
first truly spiritual man I had ever met. I had never heard of the Tao or knew anything about Buddhism or any eastern
philosophy before I met him. He studied in Taiwan under a great Master. He knew so much. He was a great
teacher, just the right amount of detachment and attachment. He knew when to be firm and when to back off. He
introduced a whole new world to me. He would wink at me and say, "I'm going to teach you the physical but I know some
of you would like the magical mystery tour so I'll teach you that too." I loved him, absolutely worshipped the
ground he walked on. His voice rings in my head to this day, his touch, his gentle wisdom. He was that once in
a lifetime teacher that some of us are lucky enough to stumble across that you realize is one of the main reasons you
are who you are today.
Tai Chi is very beautiful and very frustrating. Especially if you are as type A as I was when I found him.
Believe it or not, I used to work about 70 hours a week as a Operations Manager for a Mortgage Broker. High stress,
fast paced, hit the ground running butt kisser. I worked on the high end builder accounts, had about 30 employees to oversee
and train and set up new offices, computers, million dollar deals and schmoozed with the big boys on a regular
basis. I was 27 years old, diagnosed with a bleeding ulcer, and had doctors prescribe tranquilizers and codeine
for the migraines. I was the youngest officer the company had ever had. I made a ton of money. I was also
on the verge of a divorce and a nervous breakdown. Crazy.
The very first class I ever went to, I asked some inane question and Jeff said, "so, can you talk with your shoulders
away from your ears or is that brick a permanent fixture?" I had no clue what he was talking about. He came over
and smoothed my shoulders down and it actually HURT to relax. I spent many, many months just trying to get the shoulders
down, the more I "tried" the worse it got. Month after month I get one area to finally smooth, only for him to identify
another. It was maddening. And it saved my life. I would confront him, "maybe some people just aren't meant
to do Tai Chi, maybe it's just for old people, maybe the world needs tense people, and so on". He would smile.
And he would start doing the postures. And he would say, "well, then why are you here?" Why indeed.....
I stayed with him for 3 years. Twice a week, every week. Quit my job, rearranged my world, owned my life.
Studied, studied, studied, read everything I could get my hands on, became a Taoist, learned to breathe and relax. Towards
the end of my classes, Jeff was having a really hard time with the "Y", he would come in so frustrated and so sad, I just
couldn't take it. I didn't know that I was an empath then, I only knew that I would come out of his classes angry and
upset, not knowing that it was his frustration I was picking up on and not knowing how to clear it. Mary told me that
he finally gave up about a year after I left. I tried to find another teacher, and years later, tried to find him again
to no avail. Went on to yoga and was blessed with another mentor but I have always thought of him in everything I do.
I could not teach yoga if I hadn't learned Tai Chi.
I am so grateful for Jeff's presence in my life. Have you ever had a teacher like that? One that just quietly
changed everything you ever knew to be true and helped you find the answers that were best for you? What a great spirit
he has. I wish him the best that this world has to offer, he brought so much to all he did. Namaste' Master Jeff
and Thank You!
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Whoa
I got new glasses. I couldn't see. So many people smile at me and I don't see them so they think I'm rude
cause I don't smile back. It's especially bad at night. I think half my evening yoga classes are goofy because
I can't see my students. Which makes it hard to hear them. I dunno.
My prescription needed to be 3 times stronger than it was. The doctor said it could have been even more but my
eyes would have had too much trouble adjusting to such a drastic change so he said I should stay with this for awhile then
we can take it up. Can I just tell ya---this sucks. I HATE not being able to see. One of my favorite things
in the world is reading. I read everything I can get my hands on, always have. I haven't been able to read a book
all the way through for years because the eye strain is too bad. And the computer screen ugh.
So I just picked up my new glasses. Wow. Still not like my younger eyes but what an improvement. And
Yikes! Where did those wrinkles come from? And not just on me.....and not just wrinkles. Now I have to try
not to stare. It's just pretty shocking to see what I've been missing.
So now the next hurdle. I tested too high for the glaucoma thing. Which I figured was no big deal.
Til my mom tells me it's running in our family. Errgh. I mean, how many boxes am I gonna have to check on the
family history list? So now I have to go to a specialist. Ready for the irony?
The worst thing you can do if you have glaucoma?
Yep, yoga.
Isn't that a kick in the pants? Yoga is good for everything that ails ya--cept glaucoma. Something to do
with the eye pressure when you turn your head upside down. Ai yi yi...
I'm sure it's nothing though. God would not be that much a practical joker. Would He?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Wheeee
Is it me or does it seem like everyone has went from 0 to 60 and beyond in the last couple weeks? It's like summer
ended and everyone looked around and realized they had 2 months worth of work to catch up on. And have gone into high
gear. Especially those with kids. Wow.
Maybe it's just me.
I was looking around at my yoga students last night. Man, everyone is so stressed. That's it!
We are all gonna revolt. No more busyness. No more running here and there. No more gottas or havetas.
We will take it easy. Stay on perpetual vacation--
Let's all quit our jobs, pull our kids out of school and their myriad activities and buy a huge parcel of land and farm.
Only we won't be naked and dirty like the stereotypical communers. We will live off the land, look each other in
the eye and smile.
K? Are you with me? Let's go!!!!
I sort of feel like John Belushi in Animal House when he goes running out after his speech and no one follows.....
C'mon guys! It'll be fun. And we'll LIVE instead of EXIST....
Are you with me? Let's go!!!!
Ok, take some time to think it over. Have your people call my people.
And while you're at it....if you see Sheree Renner Ruhl today wish her a 
Happy Birthday Sheree!!!
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Meh
Whenever my daughter doesn't want to make a decision or take a stand or discuss something or answer a question she says
"Meh" and shrugs her shoulders. While it doesn't really intellectually stimulate the senses, I feel it really gets the
point across. So, in regards to my unpublished post yesterday.....Meh.
Whew. Got through the hard part. My life has been very hectic. All wonderful, extend myself
challenges that went well. But as of last night, I was feeling a bit over stretched. But fortunately, I have no
more major events til the end of the month so I can catch up on business. When I began the month I tried to sit with
my calendar and give myself enough space to breathe and enough activity to really start my business with a bang. I think
I did that to some extent but life is always evolving and we are always learning.
The Gentle Yoga has been very nice, the church has mistakenly put that I am teaching it on Thursdays too though and I
had not intended to do so. However, I have a client who wanted private yoga at that time and will not mind sharing so
we may see if it is something people want. I'm happy because it made a space for an old student and it's very relaxing.
Not well attended yet, but the caller notice just came out after it last week so we'll see. This class will stay.
The Restorative Yoga sold out. I was a bit nervous because I only knew one person and it's been a looong time since
I walked into a class cold but it went very well. Many asked me to do it every week and wanted my cards for other classes
so it seemed very well received. Rhia sewed me some new cushions so we have simplified the lugging around process. This
class will stay.
The Meditation Tea was just me and my sistas. The tea was nice, I found a tea set but the meditation was iffy
due to the age of my sistas that day LOL--it's hard to do with 12 year olds. Especially if you use the word 'coccyx".
I was considering canceling it all together but I have had quite a few contact me after, telling me they really wanted
to attend but couldn't due to prior commitments. I was thinking of changing the day/time but have agreed to do one more
and see how it goes.
The Reiki Exchange New Night will take a while to catch on again, I suppose. We had one person and I had the good
fortune to have Jan & Sheree do Reiki on me. They are wonderful--and I really needed it. Had some very bad
news the night before that affected me more than I thought. All 3 of us have agreed to wait this one out and see
if we get our groove back now that the Caller is regular and summer is over.
Reiki in my new "office' has been wonderful. Have had a few clients with some very nice results. Chatting
on the couch afterwards is really fun too. This I will keep. I love doing Reiki. Also got an opportunity
to do some spirit card readings out back--I love doing this too. So that will stay.
The Couples Yoga has a couple couples signed up. Unfortunately, one of my sign ups has broken her ankle so I think
she may have to cancel :) Keep praying for her! We will wait this one out too--may change the venue if attendance
is sparse.
Sun Salutations is very fun. I haven't really promoted this so it's been just us guys--last week the "class" ended
up at The Grill....This one will stay for the most part just because it's a special treat for me, I don't really teach, I
just do. I love doing Sun Salutations in the morning, so this is my guilty pleasure. Especially if we go to the
Grill after. LOL
My regular classes at the gym have been enormous. CCPC is always hit or miss, I think evening classes blow in the
wind. 5678 is consistent. We may change the day/time on that one.
So. There you go. A recap and summary. And we are only a little more than half way through the month.
And next month gets busier with SoulCollage and Evening at CCPC auditions and rehearsals. Rut roh.
Not to worry.....by then it will all come to me and run like a smoothly oiled clock. Right? Faith!
I keep having that line from that old Bob Segar song "Against the Wind" in my head:
"what to leave in, what to leave out"
In context:
"Against the wind
A little something against the wind
I found myself seeking shelter against the wind
Well
those drifter's days are past me now
I've got so much more to think about
Deadlines and commitments
What to leave
in, what to leave out
Against the wind
I'm still runnin' against the wind
I'm older now but still runnin' against
the wind
Well I'm older now and still runnin'
Against the wind
Against the wind
Against the wind"
Meh.
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