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What better work is there for an ousted president than a college presidency?
BROCKLESBY
THE FROSH
24 September ’99
1 October ’99
12 November ’99
19 November ’99
28 January ’00
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‘Quorum,’ of course, is a Latin word meaning ‘insanely large number of students that happens to be more than anyone would expect to show up at an SGA meeting.’
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COMMENTS ON THE PASSING PARADE
SGA Reminds Willie of Washington
By Michael J. Ballway
CRUSADER STAFF WRITER
I
t's tough to say how credible this is, but a rumor was circulating around campus last week that President Clinton had taken a break from running the Free World to visit Holy Cross. While some observers have opined that he was probably trying to secure votes for his as-yet-undeclared senatorial candidate wife from the roughly ten trillion New Yorkers who attend school here on the Hill, I think there's a better explanation. He wants a job here. As you know, Mr. Clinton will join the list of unemployed persons in a little more than a year, and he's got that big house in Westchester to pay off. So he'll need some work. And what better work is there for an ousted President than a College Presidency? Yeah, the Administration announced this month that a Jesuit from Gonzaga -- the Rev. Michael McFarland -- will be the new President starting next year. But that's just a ploy to divert attention from the real hiring taking place behind closed doors: William Jefferson Clinton. Must the new President be a Jesuit? That's the school's official line, but I'm sure they'd drop it like a Sam Adams during a Public Safety raid if they got a taste of Clinton star-power. Besides which, I'm sure Hillary would sleep more securely at night if Bill were ordained. This is revolutionary news (and remember, you heard it here first!), and at first even I did not believe it. I asked my source: Hanselman's 24-hour news junkie and rumor mill, Joey Brocklesby. Joey reported that Clinton was weary of dealing with the Newt Gingrich-Dennis Hastert Congress for the last five years, and wanted something a little more softball. Holy Cross seemed like a perfect fit. "Plus," he reportedly said, "when Hillary comes up to visit, she can see all those students wearing the caps of her life-long favorite baseball team . . . the New York Yankees." Well, I wasn't quite convinced. In what way was running Holy Cross less stressful than running the nation? The U.S. President doesn't have to deal with the mayor of Worcester. The Chief doesn't have to set a precarious balance between students and conferences in Hogan. Why, our Supreme Executive doesn't even have to send out yearly emails about the alcohol policy! Joey steadfastly maintained that, for example, the Congress in Washington was a lot more vocal and annoying than the SGA here at Holy Cross. To demonstrate his point, he dragged me out to one of those Monday night meetings in Hogan. Apparently I showed up for one of the more eventful meetings of the year -- in time to vote to approve the "spirit" of the Student Bill of Rights. Joey answered roll call in the name of the College Republican Christian Finger-Painting Student Union, of which he is Vice-President, and received a small, white voting card which the trendy SGA Representatives call a "voting card" (I am told that the truly trendy SGA Representatives actually call themselves "Reps"). However, at 8:22 - technically, 22 minutes after the meeting began -- SGA Representative J.P. Bonneau '02 informed me that "we don't have anything near a quorum." He then thought about that for a moment, as if pondering whether this was a problem inherent to the system or simply a lack of interest by the students. After a minute or two of deep thought, he slowly asked me, "are you going to quote me on that?" "Quorum," of course, is a Latin word meaning "insanely large number of students that happens to be more than anyone in his right mind would expect to show up at an SGA meeting." In this case, 75 "reps." With only 68 card-carrying voters in attendance, the meeting was in serious danger of being canceled. Around this time a vote was taken to call a 5-minute recess for the purpose of "rounding up" some more representation. Never mind the fact that, as Mr. Bonneau observed, "we can't vote on that because we don't have a quorum." Four minutes later the necessary 75 had registered with Mr. Ken and Ms. Katie and we were ready to get underway. I was beginning to see what Joey meant -- a real politician like Mr. Clinton would have no trouble controlling this ragtag group. Somewhere between half and a third of the people who were voting on the Bill of Rights hadn't read the document, and copies had to be distributed frantically by UCFC supporters. Questions arose over the possible folly of endorsing a document that contained, as one SGA representative frightfully put it, "a spelling mistake." Yet in the end the forces of good prevailed and, in a resounding "yea" destined to change the course of Holy Cross history, the SGA decided that its membership -- or at least a "quorum" of its membership -- agreed with the general gist of the vague, pared-down Bill of Rights. This triumph of democracy was somewhat tarnished, though, by its sister vote -- a "nay" on endorsing the text of the document, which vote was labeled a "travesty of justice" by one anonymous SGA "rep." "How can you vote 'nay' to anything so insubstantial?" wondered the Yearbook and Italian Club electors -- this reporter had no reassuring response. By 8:47 the meeting was adjourned and another chapter of democracy on the Hill was complete. In a meeting convened to address the issues of students here at the College, by the legislative body to which has been delegated the responsibility for standing up for students' rights, a "quorum" had voted thumbs-up on the "spirit" of a nebulous, feel-good document put together by an organization that was actually trying to change things here. "I think SGA doesn't work," complained one student as she exited the room. Apparently she felt that our representative body wasn't facing the tough issues by putting a qualified rubber stamp -- not even a full endorsement -- on someone else's work. As we walked back to the dorms, I told Joey, it's too bad the Clinton rumor will probably turn out to be false. Everyone always complains about how Congress in Washington doesn't do anything. Bill would feel right at home. This article ran in the 19 November 1999 edition of The Crusader, on page 12 (the second page of Features section), opposite Tim O'Coin's review of Blue Man Group. |