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With the introduction of Buchanan and Nader, Joey faced a tough question: ‘where am I going to find a four-sided coin to flip?’
BROCKLESBY
THE WISE FOOL
15 September 2000
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Did you realize that we were paying something like $128,000 for four years of school, and they expected us to provide our own hand soap?
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COMMENTS ON THE PASSING PARADE
Hail to the Chief
By Michael J. Ballway
CRUSADER FEATURES STAFF
H
ow about that Presidential election, eh? As I write this column -- past deadline as it is -- we still don't know who has captured the White House (please forgive these limitations of the print medium; you, gentle reader, have probably known for two or more days whether Robert Altman has to leave the country yet -- but your faithful correspondent, sadly, lacks ESP). Hundreds -- well, dozens, at least -- of Holy Cross students cast their votes this week in the Presidential election, ending the latest bout of pandering, wrangling, mudslinging, and other forms of campaigning. The President-elect will, of course, take over the reins of the Federal government in January. Will he be able to handle the job? The policy decisions? The constant pressure? The unremitting scrutiny of the national media? Am I describing the Presidency or the last two years of campaigning?
Politically-conscious students such as opinionated Loyola resident Joey Brocklesby '03 were thrown for a loop this election, with the introduction of Pat Buchanan and Ralph Nader as third-party candidates. After observing the dominant dichotomy of Republicans-and-Democrats in this nation for so many years, Joey faced a tough question: "Where am I going to find a four-sided coin to flip?" Seriously, though, it was quite a toss-up for most of us. Whereas his friends who attend school elsewhere mostly went for one of the established parties, Joey noted that the "wasted vote" anti-Nader argument doesn't hold much water here in one-party Massachusetts, where every vote is more or less wasted anyway. Nader (his supporters, at least) actually left the dorms with one of the stranger stories of the week. It seems as though the Campus Greens -- or whoever did it -- made a strange, last-ditch effort to convince the student body to "vote environment" (Joey's repeated attempts to find "environment" on the ballot were unsuccessful). But did the Greens really need doorknob hangers and posters to supplement the disproportionate number of Nader/LaDuke buttons already on campus? And don't those reams and reams of one-day-only posters seem a bit, oh, eco-unfriendly, unnecessary, wasteful?
It was the day after the elections when I saw my dry-erase board-obsessed Sophomore companion. The count from Florida wasn't in yet, but I was conducting a survey for my Poli Sci class. I asked Joey what he'd like to see over the next four years -- no matter who's in the Oval Office. I started pressing him on issues of importance -- foreign policy, the environment, crime, health care, taxes. I don't think he really understood the question, though, so I repeated it: what sort of foreign policy should the new President conduct? "I like the one he's got now," Joey responded. "Peace, dialogue, low-key cooperation. It's a good policy." What, Clinton's, you mean? "No, McFarland's -- he's declared peace on South Worcester, you know. Tailgate parties, community projects, and all that. It's an appeasement policy toward Mayor Mariano, but it's working. And it's a good thing, too. We don't pay $32,000 per year to have some College Hill resident call us names and write angry letters about us to the newspapers." I tried to explain to Joey that I was asking him about United States President, and that my professor was not going to accept silly answers which amount to nothing. Joey said "okay, okay, I just don't know much about foreign policy. Here, ask me another." What about the environment, then, I inquired of him. "Did you see Physical Plant cutting the grass today? I tell you, those guys are dedicated to what they do. I'd say we've got the best environment in the Patriot League. And that new Smith Hall -- that place is going to be a definite improvement. Truly worth all that money we pay to attend here. You just wait and see." Again I put down my clipboard and looked daggers at Joey. Crime? "Piracy's a big issue," he responded, oblivious to my pain. "El Jefe is cracking down on the Napster cult with a full ban. Serves them right -- all the good music is on TRL anyway. Then there's the thorny issue of theft from Kimball -- he's not doing much on that -- but I don't see how he could do anything without infringing upon students' personal liberties anyway." He stopped at this and looked up, as if deeply engaged in thought. I looked at him quizzically, trying to figure out what he had meant. As I expected, no explanation was forthcoming, only the end of his rant: "And they'd better be improving the network, if they keep on raising the tuition." I asked him about health care, which I thought would put an end to this nonsense after all. "Health care, glad you asked. We've got soap in the bathrooms now! I really like this new guy, he comes in here for what, 130 days or so, and we've already got soap. Maybe next we can get good food, or underclassman parking, the sky's the limit!" In spite of myself, I was swept up in the spirit of Joey's accolades. Right, perhaps we could get a reasonably fast Internet connection, or laundry card-readers that work. The possibilities are endless! "Did you realize that we were paying something like $128,000 for four years of school, and they expected us to provide our own hand soap? Yeah, McFarland's doing a good job of bringing this school up to spec. You were going to ask me about something?" Joey said. Oh, right -- I just remembered, looking down at my clipboard, knowing full well this entire conversation was wasting my time, and was utterly unusable for the purposes of my class. Taxes, that was the other question. "Taxes," Joey repeated. "Taxes. Money. Numbers. Well, how should I know? Dad gets the bill." A slightly shorter version of this article ran in the 10 November 2000 edition of The Crusader, on page 12 (second page of Features section). It would take until December to finally decide the election, but at the time that this column was written -- election night at 2 a.m. -- nobody could have predicted that. |