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The angry mob may rebel and turn on its leaders if not presented with fresh targets every two weeks. Choose your next criticism carefully, Mr. Long. It may be your last.
BROCKLESBY
THE WISE FOOL
15 September 2000
22 September 2000
29 September 2000
6 October 2000
27 October 2000
3 November 2000
10 November 2000
17 November 2000
2 February 2001
16 February 2001
23 February 2001
2 March 2001
30 March 2001
30 March 2001
6 April 2001
27 April 2001
4 May 2001
We lived in small dorm rooms in unrenovated Beaven, with sixteen roommates. And do you know what, sonny? We liked it that way!
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COMMENTS ON THE PASSING PARADE
Complaints, Complaints
By Michael J. Ballway
CRUSADER FEATURES STAFF
T
here's something about SGA meetings that makes one realize just how rotten of a hellhole this school is. Whereas at your average Kimball dinner table you find anywhere between three to nine people griping and moaning about the various injustices of life on the Hill, the biweekly SGA meetings offer the incomparable spectacle of dozens of Holy Cross students gathering together, in an admirable show of unity and civic-mindedness, to gripe and moan about the various injustices of life on the Hill. Having dealt a major blow to the whiners by actually getting soap dispensers installed, Kev and Ryan have now trained the full high-pitched attention of SGA upon the Meal Plan and Black Rails problems. "Black Rails" are not, as some conspiracy theorists steadfastly maintain, aliens bent on subversion of the U.S. government, but something even more sinister: the lovingly-maintained banisters around the walkways of the Kimball Quad. Who can look at these malignant metallic impediments without cringing in fear? Who could defend these ominous ebony obstructions, which serve to discourage frisbee games, picnicking, and other activities central the quality of life here at Holy Cross? They're the rationale behind our 29th ranking in U.S. News: it's not student-faculty ratio, location, or lack of ethnic diversity. It's Black Rails! Almost as high on the list of things to eliminate is the current meal plan. As you all know, we currently pay about sixteen gazillion dollars to H.C. Dining Services for the privilege of eating Turkey Club Sandwiches for Friday lunch (side note: I want to know whose idea of a sick joke it is to foist that meal on unsuspecting college students and claim, quite unreasonably, that it is a "dinner entree" or "lunch entree." It is unsubstantial, unappetizing, and ill-prepared. It is, without a doubt, the worst Upper Kimball meal in the history of mankind). Out of those googolplexes of simoleons, the average Kimball patron actually eats perhaps $12.93 worth of food in a given semester, leaving for the College a profit roughly equal to the National Debt. The idea of the College actually making money off of the students is reprehensible. Rumor has it -- remember, this is unconfirmed -- that President McFarland and his cronies even use the meal-plan profits to hire professors, clean the dorm hallways, buy books for Dinand, and other wholly inappropriate wastes of money. Our SGA leadership, along with the protest-without-a-cause student body, deserve our heartfelt thanks for finally making this an issue. Actually, Kev and Ryan are shooting themselves in the foot, as each victory for them precludes a repeat of that old crowd favorite, last year's dominant complaint, the ineffectiveness of the Co-Chairs. The angry mob may rebel and turn on its leaders if not presented with fresh targets every two weeks. Choose your next criticism carefully, Mr. Long, it may be your last. So what is on the horizon, you ask? Well, ever since it became apparent to the more discerning SGA reps that another semester was rapidly approaching, the hallowed halls of Holy Cross have been abuzz with the sound of pre-registration gripes. The most vocal of the complainers is aught-three's master of the fluff course -- Joey Brocklesby, grumbler extraordinaire. "The pre-reg system is outdated and cumbersome," the rant began last week over a hearty meal of assorted calzones. "What's this VAX system nonsense? Why does it have to be so confusing? This is the reason we're so low in the rankings, I tell you -- because we can't computerize registration worth a whit." This, of course, contrasts poorly with the high-tech system that was in place when our fathers attended classes here at the Cross. Take, for example, James Brocklesby '67. I called Joey's poppa on the phone and asked him how things were back in the bad old days of mandatory Mass attendance, ties and jackets, alcohol bars in the basement of Hanselman, et cetera. "Oh, we had registration," he recalled, "but we didn't have this newfangled VAX nonsense. We had the vox system, that's what we had. You checked the Handbook, you selected courses, and you talked to your advisor." Sounds like the system we all complain about now, I suggested, except without all the waiting around in Add-Drop, without the computer wrangling, without the forms in triplicate, without the headaches for which we, the students, seek redress from the Administration. "Whoa, hold on a minute there," he responded. "You kids think we didn't have to wait in line? Didn't have tons of forms to fill out? Yeah, we didn't have computers -- we had to type all our papers on manual typewriters! And do you think pre-reg is tough on telnet? Try it in Latin! It was no walk in the park back in the sixties. We didn't have any hand-rails on the steps going down to Kimball, either. We had to walk to dinner through six feet of snow during the Winter, and it was uphill both ways!" The story was getting less and less credible. "And that's not the worst of it. They had us up at five a.m. every day, including Federal holidays, to do laps around the Chapel. We lived in small dorm rooms in unrenovated Beaven, with sixteen roommates. And you know what, sonny? We liked it that way!" For a guy who liked it, he sure complains a lot. Then again, he's a Holy Cross grad. Some things just don't change. This article ran in the 17 November 2000 edition of The Crusader, on page 15 (fifth page of Features section). |