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‘The Soggies are gone now. The Cap’n has a ship but there’s no war to fight anymore, just endless sailing around “making things happen,” whatever that means.’
BROCKLESBY
THE WISE FOOL
15 September 2000
22 September 2000
29 September 2000
6 October 2000
27 October 2000
3 November 2000
10 November 2000
17 November 2000
2 February 2001
16 February 2001
23 February 2001
2 March 2001
30 March 2001
30 March 2001
6 April 2001
27 April 2001
4 May 2001
‘There has been undue attention on Kimball’s knife shortage, unfair jokes about ITS, and too much emphasis on subjects that require little or no research.’
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COMMENTS ON THE PASSING PARADE
End-of-the-Year Crunch
By Michael J. Ballway
CRUSADER COLUMNIST
L
oneliness, it occurred to me, was the basic emotion of them all. It was always there in the background, waiting to pounce, waiting, waiting, always waiting. It was a recent Kimball brunch that put all of this into perspective for me. Frequent Kimball patron and plastic cup collector Joey Brocklesby '03 suddenly put down his spoon and looked at his bowl. "It must be tough for him," he said slowly and pensively. For whom, I asked. "Cap'n Crunch," he answered. "Think about it, he's been out at sea for at least a dozen years, just him and a bunch of kids ... but you'll notice the kids change every now and then. The kids change, but he stays. And I'll bet he doesn't ever really open up to them, either. They're only there for a year or so, in the first place, and they only know him as Cap'n -- does anyone know his first name? We all only know him by his job title. It must be tough for him, the loneliness of command and all that. The open sea, the wind in the sails, one man in command." Joey wasn't finished yet, either. "Remember the Soggies?" he said next. "Now, there was a worthy adversary for the Cap'n. But the Soggies are all gone now. They're like the Soviet Union, the great enemy that was finally defeated. The Cap'n has a ship but there's no war to fight anymore, just endless sailing around 'making it happen,' whatever that means. I think it must be very lonely for a man called just Cap'n, sailing around the world with no enemies and no friends." I decided not to tell Joey that he had lost all semblance of sanity. First of all, it wouldn't have done any good, and second of all, I had already tried to tell him that every week since January. We finished our cereal in peace and Joey fixed his eyes on his hamburger. "You know who else is a lonely figure?" he asked as he wiped the milk off his spoon and started dipping it into his paper cup of ketchup. "The guy who washes knives at Kimball."
The speed at which this school is moving forward continues to astound me. Recently they debuted something called "MyHC," which allegedly would be a great Internet portal for students, if it ever comes online. Yes, that's right: soon -- very soon -- Holy Cross will join the Internet portal revolution. Welcome to 1997! Meanwhile, progress is evident on College, er, Smith Hall. And the College is finally considering adding a new dorm. My unscientific poll found that 100% of students wanted there to be large, apartment-style suites, 100% wanted reasonably close parking, and there was large wellspring of support -- estimated at 90% or higher -- for free use of elevators. Joey and I also agreed that big windows and nice furniture would be helpful. Work also continues on the subject that SGA and the College Administration have been debating and brainstorming over for months: the quality of The Crusader. "Quite frankly," said one of the SGA representatives who sits on the Crusader Column Excellence Task Force, "we are disappointed with the caliber of writing that has appeared in this space over the last two semesters. There has been undue attention on Kimball's knife shortage, unfair jokes about ITS, and too much emphasis on subjects that require little or no research." This is a stinging criticism, even if you take into account the fact that this particular SGA rep is upset over the way he's been quoted in this column (ease up a little there, Joey). However, just like our faculty and whoever it is who makes our Napster policy, I'm always looking to improve -- so here's my first-ever Column Evaluation Form, to help me determine what my readers want and how I can respond.
COLUMN: Comments on the Passing Parade.
MY Q.P.I. IS:
MY I.Q. IS: Not counting in-class time, I put __________ hours per week into reading this column.
Consultation with the writer outside of Kimball was:
This column has decreased my capacity to think: This article ran in the 27 April 2001 edition of The Crusader, on page 15 (fifth page of Features section), below the inexplicable "Comments on the Passing Parade" nameplate with a truck on it. |