Friday, 14 September 2001
Where’s the Beef?
Joey becomes a grill-seeker after Kimball cuts on weekend brunch.

Friday, 21 September 2001
The Campus Reconnected
Joey celebrates the real benefit of construction's end.

Friday, 28 September 2001
God’s on Our Side
Joey explains why the Cross is a safe bet against Yale this weekend.

Friday, 5 October 2001
The Good Old Days
Joey waxes nostalgic, pining for the halcyon days of 2000.

Friday, 19 October 2001
Holy Cross: Gotta Love It
Joey reveals his love-hate relationship with Holy Cross.

Friday, 26 October 2001
Making Up the Grade
Joey investigates the History Dept.'s weird grading scale.

Friday, 2 November 2001
The Suite Life
Joey blames his laziness and other faults on environment.

Friday, 7 December 2001
Where the Heart Is
Joey will yearn for home especially hard this month.

Friday, 25 January 2002
Chill on the Hill
Joey is not the only one surprised when winter comes to Woo.

Friday, 1 March 2002
Living Dangerously
Joey reflects on the fragility of life while riding Red Cab.

Friday, 12 April 2002
The Naked Campus
Joey is frightened by the re-emergence of the female form this spring.

Friday, 19 April 2002
The Man, the Legend
Joey tells his life story, as if you cared.

Friday, 26 April 2002
Passing On
Joey says goodbye to Holy Cross campus life forever.

But a question nagged at this reporter's mind as Denver romped to an 11-point victory: did SGA address the real issues here at Holy Cross?

They told us that their efforts will make this year's Student Handbook the best Student Handbook in years.

They told us that their office-space program will lead to better utilization of the Hogan Campus Center.

They told us that they have achieved "partial victory" on last year's Black Rails issue, even though the removal of the North-South handrails of the Quad seems to have happened, they admit, without any effort on their part.

They ignored, however, weeks of Administration lies and double-talk. Weeks that crushed the spirits of returning students and dashed the hopes of wide-eyed Freshmen. Weeks that begged for a young leader to step up from among the student body and challenge the dishonesty that infects our fair college. Weeks that molded that leader, shaped his destiny and convinced him that now is the time to act.

As the SGA meeting drew to a close, that leader stood up and asked loudly, "Hey -- where's the beef?" That leader was not one of the co-chairs, or one of the Executive Cabinet, or one of the class officers. That leader was Joey Brocklesby '03, Holy Cross' best-known champion of students' rights and other inconsequential matters. The crowd's raucous laughter mingled with thunderous applause as their tribune denounced the latest outrage.

It is too bad that as the SGA meeting drew to a close, at 8:50 p.m. last Monday, Joey was partying in Carlin.

Such is the nature of the Holy Cross community. Some of our most dynamic and committed leaders register their opinions and vent their angers outside of the official Student Government apparatus. Maybe that's why the SGA meeting didn't address the biggest threat to student well-being, the biggest quality-of-life issue, the biggest Administration snow job of the new school year: the beef.

There was a time when the Kimball menu could be trusted. If it said that Friday breakfast was Breakfast Quesadillas, then you knew you'd be eating Breakfast Quesadillas. If it said that Tuesday lunch was Philly Cheesesteak, you knew you'd be eating Philly Cheesesteak. If it said that Thursday dinner was Meatloaf with Gravy, you knew you'd be ordering pizza. Life was good.

But now, for the first time in history, the bond of trust that existed between Dining Services and the study body has been brutally severed as Upper Kimball has deviated from its advertised menu. Kimball menus still promise that "Hamburgers, Hot Dogs, and Grilled Chicken are served on Saturday & Sunday Brunch," as they have in the past, but this year the grill is gone.

This betrayal of trust is hardly a trivial matter (you have my word on this -- Comments on the Passing Parade does not deal in trivial matters), but even worse is the fact that crippling the grill line has reduced the weekend brunch options at Kimball to "bad" and "ugly." Joey used to love his Chicken Grillas. Must he now subject himself to the horrors of Kimball Scrambled Eggs? Kimball French Toast? Kimball Belgian Waffle Spree? Surely there are rules against this, somewhere in the Geneva Convention.

Our inside source at Kimball, when pressed for comment, said that -- quote -- "people like to stay away from the meat" in the mornings. This explains the long lines that formed when hot dogs and hamburgers were on the menu last year. This explains bacon and sausage.

Perhaps, in the case of Kimball, people would like to stay away from meat in the mornings (or at all times, for that matter), but if the alternative is Kimball Tater Circles, well, any safe harbor in a storm.

The importance of this issue cannot be overstated (at least, that is the premise we are testing today). Eagle-eyed readers probably noticed last weekend that the former grill line -- erstwhile home of the Chicken Grillas -- is now being used as a staging ground from which to foist leftovers upon unsuspecting brunchers. Last week it was recycled meatloaf.

This week it may be day-old Big-Mouth Burgers. Next week -- who knows. We are looking at the possibility of reheated Chicken Footballs on a Saturday noon in the not-to-distant future, and it is not a pleasant sight.

Of course, the chief motivation here is to save money. Hot dogs and hamburgers and chickens cost money, dear reader, and -- to tell the truth -- Kimball would rather not spend more money than is absolutely necessary. In fact, if it were up to them, they wouldn't buy any food at all. They're operating on a budget and they need to save as much money as possible. Sure, we pay them as much as $1,885 per semester (for the "platinum" meal plan). But you'd be amazed at how much hot dogs cost these days.

Speaking of highway robbery, the raising of the Lower Kimball Equivalency to $5, the most hard-fought gain from last year's SGA agenda, has officially backfired. The observant reader will recall that Holy Cross student leaders spent half of last year complaining that Lower's prices were too high, and finally won an extra 25 cents per meal of cash equivalency. The Powers That Be, in an effort to thwart any student progress, then turned around and raised the prices.

Now they have gone and done it again, making today's $5 worth less than last year's $4.75. Theoretically the proper response now is to campaign for $5.25 of equivalency, even though that would only cause Lower to raise prices again, creating a situation of never-ending escalation which would eventually culminate in $45 of cash equivalency, $20 hamburgers, and possibly a land war in Mulledy.

Even this, though, would be preferable to the situation as it deteriorates in Upper, where the cash-strapped dining hall may introduce even more austerity measures (who needs mustard, mayonnaise, and salad dressing? Ketchup goes with everything!) in an effort to keep afloat without having to raise our meal plan prices. It's not easy to stay on a budget; anyone will tell you that. Especially when you're paying $1,885 per semester just to order pizza every night.

This article appeared in the 14 September 2001 edition of The Crusader, on page 15 (the fifth page of Features section), below the usual "Comments on the Passing Parade truck" graphic.