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The curriculum has been diluted, campus life has declined and, overall, the Holy Cross experience has been cheapened.
BROCKLESBY
THE SUITE LIFE
Friday, 14 September 2001
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Our fine institution has the blessing of having been placed in the unfashionable southern end of the unfashionable municipality of Worcester, known far and wide as ‘a city in, I think, Massachusetts?’
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COMMENTS ON THE PASSING PARADE
The Good Old Days of No. 29
By Michael J. Ballway
FEATURES COLUMNIST
T
here was a time when the Holy Cross education stood for quality, value, and distinction. When through the hallowed halls and pastoral parks of Mt. St. James walked a dedicated corps of students who slept secure in the knowledge that their school, their Holy Cross, was one of the finest post-secondary institutions in the nation. But enough about last year. Holy Cross has changed a lot since those days of yore, when famous alums such as Ryan Hayward, Josh Sankes, Ben Hughes, and Monika Rothemich attended our lectures and seminars. The curriculum has been diluted, campus life has declined, and, overall, the Holy Cross experience has been cheapened. So finds U.S. News & World Report in its latest college rankings. Even with the addition of Carol and Park B. Smith Hall, Holy Cross has dropped to No. 32, as even the national newsmedia have taken notice of the depths to which we've fallen. What, you may ask, has changed in the 147 days that have elapsed since the apex we reached back in 2000-'01? Much, gentle reader, much! Joey Brocklesby '03, an average student selected at random to be interviewed by this column, was able to identify one of our chief problems right off the bat. "I got this email the other day," he told this reporter, "from Public Safety, telling me that I couldn't park my car out in front of Stein Hall. Now, I don't know about you, but to me, that's exactly the sort of thing that damages a school's U.S. News ranking." Imagine the tradition that was broken, the ties to our storied history that were snapped when Jeffrey Wilcox announced that the newly-painted Linden Lane parking spaces were for admissions visitors and "guests" only. Joey could not recall any such restriction ever having been enforced, and indeed the roadway between O'Kane and Gate 2 had been a welcome afternoon haven for his 1995 Ford Probe hatchback (Vermont plates SNN 212) in the first month of classes. Surely such callous disregard for the parking rights of students would justify our slip in the national survey. Indeed, further investigation into the Linden Lane situation revealed that parallel to the parking spaces -- the parking spaces that have recently been painted, and clearly marked as suitable parking for anyone who isn't paying $34,000 a year to live here -- are signs that say, in clear English, "NO PARKING." Bear with me, faithful reader, for this is confusing. On one hand, there seemed to be a tacit approval of student parking on Linden Lane, up until last week. On the other hand, there have always been waist-high signs on the curb that ask us please not to park there. Additionally, on a hypothetical third hand, the Director of Public Safety has invited us all to park elsewhere. Meanwhile, the unsuspecting visitor to the campus, presumably unacquainted with the fact that no Holy Cross rule has ever made any sense, encounters freshly-painted parking spaces, reserved for his express use, yet flanked by "NO PARKING" signs. This makes even less sense than a Kimball menu, which in and of itself may be a contributing factor to our slide in the rankings. Not that any of this has anything to do with underclassmen, who are effectively prohibited from parking anywhere. Our fine institution has the blessing of having been placed in the unfashionable southern end of the unfashionable municipality of Worcester, which is known far and wide as "a city in, I think, Massachusetts?" Because entertainment options on College Square are few (and by "few" I mean "none"; does this affects our rankings as well?), freshmen and sophomores are often drawn away from the strait-and-narrow path, corrupted by evil off-campus parties, which lead to drinking, which leads to drunkenness, which leads to throwing up on Caro Street, all of the foregoing steps having been catalogued by the College as official Bad Things. "So tell me why the College has decided to crack down on student drunkenness by imposing more rules on resident students," inquired Joey when asked for his opinion on the Bad Things that make the neighbors complain. "Perhaps it's just easier than attempting to change the binge-drinking culture here, which might actually require some effort. Which might actually require allowing students the means to leave campus without depending on school buses or random acts of kindness. Which might actually require joining the 1990s and somehow finding space for underclassmen's cars." Not that Joey, two-year veteran of the Worcester roller-coaster that is Red Cab, is bitter. Your inquisitive correspondent, hoping to find a more convincing reason for our drop in the rankings, asked Joey to define Holy Cross, and perhaps find out what could make us only 34th in U.S. News' estimation. "Well, we have this Catholic, Jesuit identity, right?" he shot back. We don't just have it. We embrace it. What, is U.S. News discriminating against us for being overtly religious? "No, no, it's the opposite," said Joey. "It's what we do best. We used to be the kings of Catholic. But then we built this new building, with this Center for Religion, Ethics and Culture." What's wrong with that? It's got religion in there. "You would think so," Joey responded, "except for one glaring omission. Would you believe that in the Religion, Ethics, and Culture building, classes and meetings are held without the comforting presence of Christ nailed to a mini-crucifix? That building has been open for over a month, and I'm sure that U.S. News took note of Jesus' absence." So Carol and Park B. Smith Hall is at fault. "Carol and Park B. Smith," he said, "There's another thing. Now who are these guys, anyway? North African martyrs? Doctors of the Church? I'm having trouble recalling these Smith people." They are the benefactors, of course, who donated a zillion bajillion dollars to the construction fund. "That's what I'm talking about," said my Junior companion. "Time was, when we named buildings after well-known religious figures like Edith Stein and Iggy Loyola, or old Jesuits like Carlin and Mulledy, no matter who paid for them. And we put little figurines of the dying Messiah on the walls! And upperclassmen were able to park wherever we liked! And U.S. News appreciated us! We were No. 29! Last year seems so long ago. No. 29 sure was fine. Those were the good old days. This article appeared in the 5 October 2001 edition of The Crusader, on page 12 (second page of Features section). It marked the return of the infamous and unmourned "Comments on the Passing Parade truck" graphic. |