Friday, 14 September 2001
Where’s the Beef?
Joey becomes a grill-seeker after Kimball cuts on weekend brunch.

Friday, 21 September 2001
The Campus Reconnected
Joey celebrates the real benefit of construction's end.

Friday, 28 September 2001
God’s on Our Side
Joey explains why the Cross is a safe bet against Yale this weekend.

Friday, 5 October 2001
The Good Old Days
Joey waxes nostalgic, pining for the halcyon days of 2000.

Friday, 19 October 2001
Holy Cross: Gotta Love It
Joey reveals his love-hate relationship with Holy Cross.

Friday, 26 October 2001
Making Up the Grade
Joey investigates the History Dept.'s weird grading scale.

Friday, 2 November 2001
The Suite Life
Joey blames his laziness and other faults on environment.

Friday, 7 December 2001
Where the Heart Is
Joey will yearn for home especially hard this month.

Friday, 25 January 2002
Chill on the Hill
Joey is not the only one surprised when winter comes to Woo.

Friday, 1 March 2002
Living Dangerously
Joey reflects on the fragility of life while riding Red Cab.

Friday, 12 April 2002
The Naked Campus
Joey is frightened by the re-emergence of the female form this spring.

Friday, 19 April 2002
The Man, the Legend
Joey tells his life story, as if you cared.

Friday, 26 April 2002
Passing On
Joey says goodbye to Holy Cross campus life forever.

The everlasting anger of the junior class' firebrand crusader, Joey Brocklesby '03, is nothing to trifle with. Observant readers may remember how his coordinated effort, consisting of both moaning and griping, back in September gave voice to public opinion and succeeded in bringing back the grill line at Kimball brunch. Or how his tireless devotion, last year, to bellyaching about the Black Rails resulted in the removal of at least half of those pernicious threats to campus unity.

You may also recall the efficiency with which his most recent cause, telling classmates not to complain too much about the cold, wintry Worcester weather, has succeeded beyond all projections, to the point that Holy Cross students hardly even mention anymore how cold it is in New England.

"I'm sick and tired of the injustices at this school," he told this reporter, asking if he might be compared in this column to other famous injustice-fighters such as Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, and his own personal hero, Green Lantern.

"They take advantage of people who don't know how to properly exploit the system, people who don't have the time to spare to play their stupid games, people who don't know any better. But this time I'm going to make a stand."

Complaining, for Joey, started at an early age. Upon being introduced to his first crib he began to wail about the "virtual imprisonment" and the lack of due process leading up to "this unjust incarceration." His first words, according to Ma Brocklesby, were "like hell I will."

As he reached high school, his talent for carping on about the myriad disadvantages that he faced in life did not go unnoticed, and he was quickly tapped to join the debate squad, which would use him as a late-inning specialist when they needed a quick topicality objection. Often opposing teams, seeing him enter from the bullpen in the back of the room (always to some song by Twisted Sister), would fold up their portfolios and concede defeat on the spot. By Joey's junior year, the debate judges had learned to do the same.

At this point he was noticed by Holy Cross recruiters, who -- you always suspected this, and now you know -- purposely try to enlist exceptional high school students who are likely to complain in the Holy Cross environment.

Ranked the No. 1 crybaby in a Vermont high school coaches' poll, Joey could have signed with almost any major school, but chose to come to Worcester. "All in all," he summed up when asked by this newspaper, "I looked at the neighborhood, at the student leadership, at the administration, and at the campus, and I figured that Holy Cross was just what I'd always hated, that is, just what I'd always wanted, in a college."

Which brings us to his 3-year crusade against injustice here on the Hill. "This is the final straw," he told us, "the culmination of years of grousing about this stupid city, this stupid campus, this stupid administration. Why do they treat us students like little children? Why do they have all these dumb rules? Why can't they treat us like adults? We do pay $34,000 a year to pay their salaries, you know. Surely this gets your goat too, doesn't it?" he asked. "C'mon, let's get the whole student body in on this. Put a sticker on your backpack! March in front of Hogan! Let your voice be heard!"

The three years of Joey's residence here have been some of the most productive of his life. He's seen injustice after injustice pile upon each other in this wretched hive of scum and villainy that we call Holy Cross. The hunger, civil war, and strife in the world pale by comparison to the travails of Kimball or the small imperfections of dorm life against which Joey has dedicated his life to struggling.

He is truly a perfect Crusader -- the embodiment of "Mr. Holy Cross," if you will, ready to speak out against any problem on campus that needs, or even doesn't need, it. I don't even know what his protest is this week. Probably something harmless and entertaining. This is, after all, Holy Cross.

This article appeared in the 19 April 2002 edition of The Crusader, on pages 11 (front page of Features section) and 13. In ran under its original title, "Brocklesby." The inside headline was simply, "Comments on the Passing Parade."