30. Where's the Beef?
. . . Features, 14 September 2001.
31. The Campus Reconnected
. . . Features, 21 September 2001.
32. God's on Our Side
. . . Features, 28 September 2001.
33. The Good Old Days
. . . Features, 5 October 2001.
34. Holy Cross: Gotta Love It
. . . Features, 19 October 2001.
35. Making Up the Grade
. . . Features, 26 October 2001.
36. The Suite Life
. . . Features, 2 November 2001.
37. Where the Heart Is
. . . Features, 7 December 2001.
38. Chill on the Hill
. . . Features, 25 January 2002.
39. Living Dangerously
. . . Features, 1 March 2002.
40. The Naked Campus
. . . Features, 12 April 2002.
41. The Man, the Legend
. . . Features, 19 April 2002.
42. Passing On
. . . Features, 26 April 2002.

Eating alone, he thinks of what he'd say to his friend if he were here.

"How about that STAR system," he'd say. "That one's a doozy. Whaddya think about that?"

No answer.

"Say, what do you think about the bookstore's textbook buyback? I swear, we're getting gypped."

No answer.

"Hey, have ya checked the standings lately? Take a look at those Expos, fighting it out for first place!"

No answer.

He gets lonely. He should go now. There's nothing here but memories and Turkey Pasta Bake. And the memories are all that's good.

He said it would never happen to him, but now it has. He's gone and left us, and Holy Cross will no longer have future Republican vice-presidential candidate Joseph M. Brocklesby '03 to kick around anymore. "I've finally had enough," he told this columnist over a hearty lunch of Kimball Wings of Fire. "The babying, the dorm damage bills, the incessant citations for alcohol violations -- I'm sick of it all."

Here at Comments on the Passing Parade, we remember when Joey was brimming with energy, full of hope, practically overflowing with joy about being at Holy Cross. Three years of petty injustices, ineffective student government, and enough Kimball complaints to make Jerry go deaf, though, have taken their toll on the guy. Your faithful correspondent, who has stood by Joey through all his tribulations and chronicled his quixotic struggles, still hates to see things end this way. After three years, why quit now?

"I told you," he said, "I'm sick of it all. This campus stifles me. I'm getting out. These organizations want too much of my time. SGA -- phooey. House Council -- phooey. Campus Christian Republican Fingerpainting Society -- phooey. It's about time that I joined the real world and stopped monkeying around with all the stupid childishness of this campus."

So Joey decided to leave us. Reaction around campus was swift and sad: "It's a shame that his stay in the public eye will be ending so soon," lamented former Crusader Features editor Tim O'Coin '02. "I always loved to read about his antics. And the drinking, the non-stop drinking . . . was he ever a role model."

Others, such as fictional Brocklesby roommate Wayne-O Kerrigan '03, were more noticeably upset: "this is horrible!" exclaimed Wayne-O, "what will I do without him next year? How will I carry on? Who will be my steadfast roommate, my best friend, my secret confidant, now that Joey is moving out? Seriously! You think he could have told me about this before room selection. Jackass."

How, indeed, will Holy Cross carry on, without its reigning clown prince and foremost connoisseur of Kimball cuisine? Most likely, very well, but that's not the point of this column. The point, assuming that this column has one, centers on our man Joey, who still refuses to answer questions about his future plans.

"Alright, alright, I'll tell you," he acceded over a recent repast of Pizza Cheese Sticks. "I've gotten sick of campus life, all the ringamarole and 'involvement,' so I'm taking a big step. I'm moving ... off-campus."

Off-campus!

"Yes, yes. I'm sorry, but I won't be seeing any of my old friends next year. I'll be living off-campus."

Off-campus! Is life on the Hill so bad? Is Joey's extra-curricular life so taxing that he feels he must escape it all by climbing into the campus activity black holes that are Caro, Cambridge, and College?

"I've got a lease and everything," he claimed. "Ready to move in. Goodbye, Holy Cross, I'll drop by from 9:00 to 1:00, Monday-Wednesday-Friday, and 10:00 to 11:15, Tuesday and Thursday, and that's it. Farewell Hogan, farewell Kimball, farewell to friends and hall-mates, farewell Holy Cross campus."

But you are asking yourself, puzzled reader -- why does moving one block away from school suddenly make one a social recluse? Isn't it just as easy to get to Hogan from College Street as it is from Carlin Hall? Isn't Kimball just as far from Caro as from Mulledy?

"You'd think so," Joey told your intrepid columnist when asked, "but that's just not how it works. I'm outta here next year, I have my own business to take care of. You go off campus, and suddenly on-campus doesn't mean anything anymore. It's just a bunch of preppies pretending they're in charge of things. I like being off campus. I don't have to go to parties anymore -- I'm already there."

This can't be right. You're still a Holy Cross student. You're still a man or woman for others. You're still one of us, Joey, still a vital member of our community! You can't leave.

"Like hell. Listen, in leaving behind this campus, I remain a student but become something better, a kind of ... super-student. No longer burdened by these campus organizations and R.A. raids. No longer tied to an ill-furnished room festooned with uncomfortable furniture. No longer poisoned by the likes of this 'Sweet and Sour Pork.'

"You've done yourself an injustice," he told me, "staying on campus. The off-campus life is so liberating. I feel myself becoming more free ... soaring above you proletarian dorm-dwellers like an eagle, a slightly inebriated eagle."

Joey has become something far greater than he ever was before. Independent. Free. His troubles his own, answerable only to him. Our loss, weeping reader, is his gain.

The man in Kimball imagines that he's watching his friend leave. He picks up his backpack and puts away his tray. He leaves Kimball and starts walking back to his dorm. He reflects upon the memories, the lunches and the stories. They'll miss it here, both of them.

This article appeared in the 26 April 2002 edition of The Crusader, on pages 11 (front page of Features section) and 15. Alongside the column on page 11 was Tim O'Coin's very last "summer movie previews" article.