WELCOME ONE AND ALL TO THE ONLINE ARCHIVE OF
Comments on the Passing Parade
THE MERRY MISADVENTURES OF JOEY BROCKLESBY |
F
or nearly three years, dozens, if not handfuls, of Holy Cross students knew that for their Friday fix of campus hilarities, all they had to do was turn to the school’s most-beloved running item in The Crusader -- the Public Safety Blotter. Once they had finished chuckling at the latest alcohol bust or "strange odor" in Mulledy, though, many readers, for reasons that medical science still cannot explain, would turn to Comments on the Passing Parade, the more-or-less weekly column exploring the campus through the eyes of half-witted Joey Brocklesby. Here are compiled the forty-two columns, including two previously unpublished efforts (this is what happens when you flaunt deadlines), written by Michael J. Ballway from 1999 through 2002. Also included are three rather more serious columns that he wrote for Opinions section in 1998, and a History and FAQ of his time on the paper, to answer all the questions that you never realized you had. Thanks to all the readers -- and enjoy! Michael J. Ballway '02, Spencer, Mass., 29 May 2003
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INDEX OF ARTICLES
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1999 - 2000
‘THE FROSH’
Saladbarring the Freshmen
... in which Joey learns a new word. Features, 24 September 1999.
An Empty Shell ... in which Joey misses college football. Features, 10 October 1999. Fear and Tyranny at HC ... in which Joey is arrested without trial. Features, 12 November 1999. SGA Reminds Willie of DC ... in which Joey welcomes our next president. Features, 19 November 1999. Snow Problem ... in which Joey can't buy candy. Unpublished, 28 January 2000. Scary Life on the Hill ... in which Joey fears I-290 and gets lost in Mulledy. Features, 4 February 2000. Dead Presidents ... in which Joey has to go to classes on Monday. Features, 18 February 2000. Razzies Hit Rock Bottom ... in which Joey reviews bad, bad movies. Features, 25 February 2000. College is Hall ... in which Joey learns of a new building. Opinions, 3 March 2000. The Quorum Question ... in which Joey critiques the SGA Constitution. Opinions, 24 March 2000. False Alarms ... in which Joey has his dinner interrupted. Opinions, 7 April 2000. Features Farewell ... in which Joey hails Crusader star writers. Unpublished, 14 April 2000.
THREE ‘SERIOUS’ COLUMNS:
OPINIONS ’98
State of Affairs --Regarding Clinton, Monica and Iraq: Crusader Opinions, 11 September 1998. Balancing Act --Regarding the U.S. budget deficit: Crusader Opinions, 25 September 1998. Political Discourse --Regarding the lack of civility in debate: The Fenwick Review, 28 October 1998. |
2000 - 2001
‘THE WISE FOOL’ Automotive Lebensraum ... in which Joey mourns the tennis court's demise. Features, 15 September 2000. Football Returns to HC ... in which Joey celebrates victory at Harvard. Features, 22 September 2000. West of the Hudson ... in which Joey denigrates 'flyover territory.' Features, 29 September 2000. Americans Under Attack ... in which Joey assails harmful stereotypes. Features, 6 October 2000. The Silverware Bandit ... in which Joey commits Kimball larceny. Features, 27 October 2000. ITS Alive ... in which Joey ponders campus Internet policy. Features, 3 November 2000. Hail to the Chief ... in which Joey examines Election 2000. Features, 10 November 2000. Complaints, Complaints ... in which Joey advises the SGA co-chairs. Features, 17 November 2000. The Semester Ahead ... in which Joey predicts upcoming events. Features, 2 February 2001. Unequal Equivalency ... in which Joey gives a Kimball manifesto. Features, 16 February 2001. Xcess of Xtreme ... in which Joey reforms football and academics. Features, 23 February 2001. The Eve of Spring Break ... in which Joey looks for cults on campus. Features, 2 March 2001. Losing the Lottery ... in which Joey is denied suite success. Features, 30 March 2001. The Greatest Rivalry Ever ... in which Joey reveals that he doesn't care. Sports, 30 March 2001. Door-to-Door Campaigning ... in which Joey runs for class president. Features, 6 April 2001. Crunch Time ... in which Joey philosophizes at brunch. Features, 27 April 2001. Crusade for a Better Paper ... in which Joey tries to take over the world. The Inquisitor, 4 May 2001. |
2001 - 2002
‘THE SUITE LIFE’ Where's the Beef? ... in which Joey asks for Kimball reforms. Features, 14 September 2001. The Campus Reconnected ... in which Joey celebrates the V-Stairs. Features, 21 September 2001. God's on Our Side ... in which Joey predicts victory over Yale. Features, 28 September 2001. The Good Old Days ... in which Joey has nostalgia for last year. Features, 5 October 2001. Holy Cross: Gotta Love It ... in which Joey confesses his undying love/hate. Features, 19 October 2001. Making Up the Grade ... in which Joey can't understand his marks. Features, 26 October 2001. The Suite Life ... in which Joey becomes very, very sedentary. Features, 2 November 2001. Where the Heart Is ... in which Joey wishes he could stay home. Features, 7 December 2001. Chill on the Hill ... in which Joey can't fathom Worcester weather. Features, 25 January 2002. Living Dangerously ... in which Joey fears for his life. Features, 1 March 2002. The Naked Campus ... in which Joey checks out some naked ladies. Features, 12 April 2002. The Man, the Legend ... in which Joey has his life story told. Features, 19 April 2002. Passing On ... in which Joey bids farewell to the campus. Features, 26 April 2002. |