we can feel and show every emotion.  at one time i`m sure that most if not all of us showed it in much more "normal" ways.  what`s important to remember is that most if not all aspies have been emotionally and physically abused since birth.

i know that sounds extreme but we almost all have hyper- or hypo- sensitivity and we almost all have a very different way of thinking than your average nt.  we tend to be much more driven by our intellect, but when we do have emotions they tend to be very intense.

many of us also have delayed emotions and/or emotions that are only muted or strong.

most of us have been taught very early not to show our emotions or thoughts because they`re considered to be inappropriate or bizarre.  this denial is very difficult for us, as it would be for anybody.  it can take decades to get over it and requires a supportive and understanding environment.

the problem with that is that most nts have no idea that aspies are real people with real thoughts, feelings, needs and desires.  and so we have to pretend that we have no thoughts, feelings, needs or desires.  unless, of course, we are very lucky to have found a supportive environment.

most of this problem between nts and aspies stems from the fact that aspies by definition have very poor social skills.  this includes the ability to express emotions in a way that nts can accept or understand.  we also are typically brutally honest, another thing most nts cannot stand.

it seems that it is much easier (and natural) for most nts to interpret our behaviour by nt standards and expectations even to the point of rejecting our own explanation of our motivations and intent.  and that is even IF we are able to explain ourselves after decades of repression and denial.

this repression and denial adds to the delay of our already stunted emotional development, which in turn creates a vicious cycle of abuse and repression.

so, we show our love in atypical ways because we feel our emotions in atypical ways and have been taught that this is "wrong."

we generally do not show our love by buying flowers or giving cards or things that an nt would do.  we show our love by being extremely loyal, by doing things for and with the person we love that we would not normally do for or with anyone else, or even by simply wanting that person around.  we tend to be very solitary and secretive people.

we may not even be able to show our love, because it`s too scary to be that vulnerable again.  but that does not mean we don`t feel it. 

my own feeling is that if a person makes the effort to get the trust of an aspie, they have a loyal friend for life.

when i played in the band in high school, i never really got the hang of reading the notes and making a rythm out of them.  i used them to tell me where to put my fingers to play the note, but the way i knew when to play the note was by learning the pattern of the music and where my notes fit into it.  this was a huge amount of trial and error and i realise now insanely bewildering.  i never felt like i knew what was going on or that i was part of a larger group.

 

it occurred to me recently that this is how i am in social situations too.  i know what the behaviours are and i know most of the different ways to act and even often the sequence of actions, but i don`t know the right time to act.  and honestly, alot of it doesn`t even sound right to me.

 

so of course, i prefer to play solo.  and make my own music in a way that sounds good to me.  but people who are in the band find it frustrating and annoying.

 

do i want to play in a band ?  sure.  there`s an amazing ecstatic feeling when everyone is in synch and playing off each other.  the closest i`ve ever gotten to that feeling besides music, is cooking in a restuarant.  and even then it didn`t happen very often.

 

but i don`t want to play in a band that can`t handle my sense of rythm, or my musical taste.  it just ruins the music.

 

for everybody.