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The Mac Daddy Of DEGRASSI: Joey Jeremiah

DEGRASSI HIGH EPISODE GUIDE:
 
* A NEW START: How exciting! All the kids from DEGRASSI JUNIOR HIGH are back and at a new school. This school is great: It has Mr Raditch as the Vice Principal and it has "bullies" Dwayne, Tabi and Nick who are going to put the lil kids through "Initiation" and make their lives a living Hell!
 
A lot has happened over the summer. Most newsworthy of all: Erica lost her virginity! She lost it to a guy named Jason when they were both working as camp counselors. Ooh la la!
 
Everyone wants to talk about Jason except for Erica who is acting strange and gets hostile whenever his name is brought up ("It's not like we  were in love or anything!")  Boy, why is Erica acting so weird?!
 
A few days later Erica drops the bomb on twin sister Heather: She might be pregnant. The two get a home pregnancy test and are relieved when it turns out "negative". But a few days later, when her period still hasn't come and Erica STILL feels like sh*t, she takes a second test  that comes out  "postive". Erica is pregnant. She lies to Heather saying that the seond test came out "negative" too.
 
 
Erica eventually tells Heather the truth about the second test and says "What am I gonna do?" and Heather, obviously a devout Christian, says "Whaddaya mean "What am I gonna do?" Keep it, of course" and Erica says that she doesn't think that's the path she wants to go down. Heather tells her abortion is wrong and Erica tells her she doesn't care about right and wrong, she just wants to get rid of it. Heather hisses at her that she will be no part of Erica getting an abortion. Erica crys.
 
Erica goes to the abortion clinic and, of course, there are a bunch of crazy protest people in front of the place telling her "don't go in there!" and holding up little plastic baby dolls and  going "this is your baby!" (It's a really creepy scene, right outta a Horror movie!)
 
In the end Erica goes to get the abortion and Heather meets her there, offering to be her support system.
 
Other "background stories" in this episode involve Joey's girlfriend Caitlin meeting nerdy techno geek Claude (pronounced "CLODE") and nouveau rich Arthur ( who just got back from France and insists on wearing a stupid beret all the time ) having a culture clash with his old best friend Yick who has gone "bad boy" and gotten his ear pierced (Gasp!) Artie can't make time to hang out with Yick and his new friends at the mall because he's too busy going shopping for husky boy clothing and a new computer with Mumsy. Yick thinks becoming rich has made Arthur a real "jerk" and he refuses to wear the tres femme lookin' yellow beret Arthur gave him!
 
Simon has been doing commercials and print ads for DUDE jeans and because of this all the girls at DEGRASSI are fawning over him and asking him for autographs. His steady girlfriend Alexa acts like a Major Drama Queen and gives him his promise ring and storms off, setting him "free". Don't worry: By episodes end he tells Alexa she's the only babe for him and they get back together.
 
Joey wants the band to get back together with a cool new name. "THE BARF BAGS"? "3"? Hmmm...What WILL that new name be?!
 
This season of DEGRASSI is when the Shameless Product Placement kicked in: Just about every episode features a Special Appearance by DIPPS Granola bars or SKIPPY Peanut Butter. In this episode Dwayne and his thug friends are putting the new class through Initiation ( They cover Snake in flour, tie Kathleen and Melanie to a pole with their bras and underwear over their clothes and giant "9"'s painted on their foreheads, cover Wheels and Bartholomew Bond in shaving cream and make Joey push a banana down a hallway with his nose while wearing pantyhose on his head and a bra and panties over his clothes) and in the first scene Bad Girl Tabi is eating a whole box of DIPPS. In every scene she's in that follows she is strangely enough walking through the DEGRASSI hallways in between classes eating SKIPPY peanut butter out of a jar with a spoon. In the scene where they are chasing Joey through the halls she has her SKIPPY peanut butter jar in her mitts the whole time (Gee, Tabi, maybe you could run faster if you'd just put down the damn peanut butter jar!)
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Arthur's beret. Sacre bleu! Yick's beret is even MORE ghastly.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Alexa: I've lost him. I know it.
 
Michelle: What?

Alexa: I can't compete with glamourous, older women.
 
Michelle: They're not that glamourous.
 
Alexa: No, I've decided I WON'T be an anchor!
 
Michelle: Alexaaaa!
 
Alexa: I'm giving him his freedom!
 
Michelle: Alexaaaa!
 
Alexa: (hands Simon ring over-dramatically): Here! Your ring!
 
Simon: Wha?
 
Alexa (over-dramatically):I'm giving you your freedom!
 
Simon: Doy?
 
Look For:
 
Mr Walfish - the hip, young, Patrick Dempsey-ish Drama teacher
 
Lois and Grace - the two chicks asking Simon for an autograph. Lois is the white chick with the blonde top-knot and Grace is the black chick.
 
Bronco (black guy with glasses who in future eps will have the hots Lucy) and Patrick (Irish guy with brogue who will in future eps have the hots for Spike) can be spotted having lunch in The Forbidden Zone - The Quad".
 
A Little Somethin' For The Fellas:
 
Look For the scene where Erica and Heather roll around on Erica's bed together in their jammies. Row!
 
* BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO: Michelle, who has been sneaking around with her black boyfriend behind her parents backs ("You think I don't KNOW that you're going out with That Black Boy?" her father hisses) is shocked to find out that Mom hates Dad too! One day Mom goes racing past Michelle with her suitcase in  hand saying she can't live like this anymore and she abandons the family. Now Michelle is stuck living with her hard-to-love bigot father. (And, man, what a pain in the a** the guy is! Michelle has to clean up and make dinner cuz the guy is virtually USELESS! He trys to do laundry, he turns the whites pink. He trys to cook dinner, he almost burns down the house down. He trys to take a hot pot off the stove and burns a hole in his hand. USELESS!
 
Meanwhile Erica, who got an abortion recently , finds the word MURDERER scrawled on her locker in what looks like blood and finds pictures of dead baies and stuff like that taped to her locker door. Who could DO such a thing?! (we find out in a later episode called EVERYBODY WANTS SOMETHING)
 
Lucy has gotten a new camcorder from her Dad and is showing it off to LD. LD asks to borrow it and promptly shoots some footage of Wheels bent over in his oh-so-tight nut-hugger jeans (Mmmm mmmm mmmm: Lookit that ass!) Does LD have a crush on Wheels? When asked about it she acts all goofy and giggly. Yup: This is a sure sign that she wants him BAD!
 
 THE ZIT REMEDY has changed their name to THE ZITS and want to shoot a video for their fabuolous hit single Everybody Wants Something. They ask Lucy if they can borrow her camcorder. She says that she will act as Director and film the video FOR them.  What she doesn't know is that Joey has been scouting "talent" for this video - He's looking for girls to wear bikinis and dance around like slutty idiots. Caitlin, of course, is apalled. Alison and Amy need some money for the BON JOVI concert so they agree to whore themselves out for ticket money. When Lucy pieces together that this video is gonna be a little on the "sexist" side she tells the fellas she will NOT direct a video that features blondes in bikinis cooing and hanging all over Joey, Wheels and Snake. Lucy? Tape such filth? Never!
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Joey: Ladies, Hi! Uhhh...My band THE ZITS is shooting a
            music video which is gonna be shown all over the world.
            I would like you two to be the stars.
 
Alison: What do we have to do?
 
Joey: Just be yourselves. Like you are now. In bathing suits.
 
Amy: You mean a BIKINI?!
 
Joey: No! I mean....I mean "Yes".
 
Amy: I can't believe you!
 
Alison: We'll do it!
 
Amy: Alison!!!
 
Alison: For twenty dollars.
- - - - -
Michelle (asking Mom why she left Dad): Is he having an
                 affair?
 
Mom: No. (Michelle smiles) I'M seeing someone (Michelle
            frowns)
- - - - -
Joey (planning THE ZITS video shoot): I've got it all figured
           out - it's gonna be incredible - a shot of US in the
           dumpster! Surrounded by girls!
 
Lucy: Girls? What girls?
 
(Amy and Alison show up)
 
Alison: Hi, Snake.
 
Snake: Uhhh...Hi.
 
Joey: Ladies, where are your costumes?
 
Amy: Under this (clothes). When you're ready to shoot we'll
            change.
 
Lucy: Costumes? WHAT costumes?
 
Joey: Ummm..Amy and Alison have graciously agreed to be in
            our video. In bathing attire.
 
Snake and Wheels: BIKINIS!
 
Lucy: Girls in bikinis?! Talk about cliche!
 
LD: Talk about degrading!
 
Alison: There's nothing degrading about making twenty dollars
               each.
 
LD: I can't believe you guys!
 
Alison: It's just a business transaction.
 
LD: Yeah, like prostitution!
 
Look For:
 
This episode brought to you by SPRITE
 
* DREAM ON: Arthur has been dreaming about Caitlin (his dreams are pretty funny too: He dreams he's wining and dining Caitlin while Joey, who is tied to a chair with a gag in his mouth, is forced to watch)  and he develops a crush on her. He's thrilled when they are assigned to work on a class project together.
 
But wait: Caitlin has been hanging out with Claude. Claude invites Caitlin to a hoity toity French film and Caitlin accepts. Her friend Maya (the girl in the wheelchair) reminds her that she already has a boyfriend: Joey.
 
Caitlin, not quite ready to give up Joey yet, decides to tell Joey that she's going to be working on her project with Arthur this weekend. She asks Arthur to help her lie to Joey. Later Arthur asks Caitlin if she would go to the movies with him one night "like a date" and she shoots him down (After all: Her plate is already full with Claude and Joey!)
 
Meanwhile, nasty bee-yotch with an eating disorder and an alcoholic mother Kathleen has met an older mustachioed boy named Scott who looks way too old to be going to DEGRASSI (In later episodes he shaves off his facial hair, making him look a little younger than 25). He tells her she should sign up for the school play so she does and when he asks her to go to a football game she accepts (even though mere seconds earlier we heard her tell Melanie "There is NOTHING more boring than football!"
Hooking up with an Older Man gives Kathleen Balls Of Brass and soon she's even mouthing off to The Hairspray Squad, the scary bunch of chicas that hang out OD'ing on AQUA NET in front of her and Melanie's lockers. You go, Kathleen, git down with your spaz self!
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Claude: Caitlin, Listen, Do you know Jean Luc Godard?
 
Caitln: Uhhh...No....Does he go to DEGRASSI?
- - - - -
Caitlin: Arthur (takes his hand) You could do me a Really Big
              Favor.
 
Arthur: Ummm...sure.
 
Caitlin: Joey and I are supposed to go out tonight but there's
              this movie - a French movie - and I really wana go to
              THAT instead. But Joey will be hurt if he thinks I don't
              wanna go out with him.
 
Arthur: Well, why don't you ask him to go WITH you?
 
Caitlin: Ummm...he doesn't like Foreign movies. So can we just
               tell him we have to work on the French assignment?
 
Arthur: I'm not really that good at lying.
 
Caitlin: You won't have to. I'LL tell him. You just have to back
               me up. Please?
 
Arthur: Alright.
 
Caitlin: Great. Let's go. Thanks (walk into hall where Joey is
               walking with Snake and Wheels) Joey, uhhh..listen,
               I'm soory but I can't go to the movies with you tonight.
               Arthur and I have to work on a French assignment.
 
               ( Joey looks at Arthur. Arthu nods.)
 
Joey: You're cancelling our date to do HOMEWORK on a
            FRIDAY?
 
Caitlin: I'm soory. It's due Monday and this is the only time.
 
              (Joey looks at Arthur. Arthu shrugs.)
- - - - -
Kathleen (to Hair Spray Squad): Get OUT of here NOW! These
                  are OUR lockers, not yours! Go stand in front of your
                  OWN lockers! Who do you think you ARE?! How
                  DARE you block our lockers?! We have just as much
                  right to be there as YOU do! And another thing: That
                  hairspray is polluting the ENVIORNMENT! GET OUT
                  OF HERE! NOW!!!
 
Look For:
 
Scott - the "11th Grade" soon-to-be-boyfriend of Kathleen who looks about 30 years old. He should be courtin' Ms Avery, not Kathleen!
 
Lois and Grace hanging out with The Hairspray Squad when Kathleen has her "GET OUT!" fit
 
The Shameless Product Placement going on with the SKIPPY peanut butter jar in the lunchroom and all the soda cans in the lunchroom (SPRITE! DIET COKE!) as well as the fancy shmancy bottle of COKE that makes a cameo in Arthur's wet dream.
 
* EVERYBODY WANTS SOMETHING: I love this episode (My daughter does too!) THE ZITS finally get Lucy to agree to shoot the video for their song Everybody Wants Something. By Lucy's Law it can't have anything sexist in it so The Boys have to decide what Everybody Wants Something should be about now that they know it can't be about p*ssy. They toy with some ideas like "Everybody wants good grades!" (Ugh!) and end up with "Everybody wants a car!". They ask Clutch if they can borrow his sh*t-box for the video shoot and he says "No way, Man" and they beg him and somehow let slip that Lucy will be shooting the video (Heather, who has a crush on Wheels who has started wearing really, really, reaaaallly tight pants lately, will be assisting in the shooting as well) Clutch agrees to let THE ZITS use his car for the shoot. But he forbids them to drive it, which gives Clutch an excuse to be on the set, hovering around Lucy and trying to convince her that he's changed and she should take him back.
 
Right before the video shoot Claude kisses Caitlin and Maya urges Caitlin to break up with Joey. Caitlin breaks up with Joey, who is crushed (He even offers to change!) but puts on a brave front for the video, never telling The Guys he's just had his heart broken into a million pieces.
 
The video itself is a hoot with THE ZITS dancing and singing around the DEGRASSI grounds. Funny scenes include Snake up a tree, Wheels "falling out a window" and the guys popping up out of a dumpster.
 
B story involves Erica catching Liz putting up "Baby Killer" notes on her locker and having a wild DEGRASSI cat-fight with the two of them clawing at eachother, pulling eachothers hair, rolling around on the floor and Liz calling Erica a "murderer" and Erica calling Liz a "witch" (As far as cat fights go, it's a pretty good one!)
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Anything Claude wears. Ever.
 
Nancy's camel-toe.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Caitlin (when Claude hands her a gift box): What is it?
 
Claude: It looks like a box.
- - - - -
THE ZITS 'EVERY BODY WANTS SOMETHING' LYRICS:
 
Everybody get ready
and get into gear
The DEGRASSI sensation, the one and only,
THE ZITS are here!
 
Everybody wants something
They'll never give up
Everybody wants something
They'll take your monn-ay
And never give up
 
Everybody face up to
the facts as they are
Dedication is hard but
you'll be somebody and you will go far
 
Everybody wants something
They never give up
Everybody wanss something
they'll take your monn-ay
and never give
and never give
and never give up!
 
A Little Somethin' For The Fellas:
 
Catfight. Row!
 
Girls Locker Room Scene. Double Row!
 
* NOBODY'S PERFECT" Classic DEGRASSI: Kathleen has been dating older man Scott and he's very possessive of Kathleen. He's getting very abusive lately too, both verbally and physically ("You're lucky I go out with you! Who else would want you?!  You're useless! You're garbage!" he growls as he kicks Kathleen to the curb. Literally!)
 
Whenever Scott lays hands on Kathleen he's sure to follow it up with a great gift, like a dozen roses or a nice piece of jewlery.
 
Mr Walfish's class ( Kathleen refers to it as "Draaaa-ma") is studying Shakespeare and Kathleen has to rehearse a passage from ROMEO AND JULIET with Luke. Her boyfriend is totally against it, telling her she can't act and forbidding her to spend time with "that guy" (Luke).
 
One day Kathleen stays after school to practice with Luke and Scott walks in on them, asks Luke to leave and then beats the living Hell out of Kathleen.  Kathleen finally breaks up with Scott .
 
Also in this episode: There is a new Irish guy named Patrick and he has eyes for Spike. Liz tells Spike to go for it but Spike, a teen mother, isn't sure she's ready to date yet. In the end she goes "for a walk" with Patrick...and even lets him buy her ice cream!
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Patricks' ANDY CAPP newsboy hat....although i'm pretty sure it's the same one BRITNEY SPEARS wore in the late '90s.
 
Claude - who always looks like a cross between a gay poet and Dieter from SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE ("Touch my monkey!")
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Liz: Do you WANT to go out with him?
 
Spike: Hmmm...I don't know.
 
Liz: Well, what do you know about him?

Spike: His name is Patrick, he's in Grade 11 and he likes my
             t-shirt!
- - - - -
Melanie: Kathleen, listen, about yesterday - Scott was acting
                 kinda WEIRD, don't you think?
 
Kathleen: He just got carried away.
 
Melanie: It looked kinda violent.
 
Kathleen: We were just argueing. He gets jealous. He's got a
                    temper, that's all. Nobody's perfect.
 
Diana: Exactly. Guys don't deal with their emotions the same
              way we do.
 
Melanie: It doesn't give him the right to hurt her.
 
Kathleen: It didn't really hurt. And I deserved it. If I didn't make
                   him mad all the time.......
 
Melanie: WHAT are you talking about?! NOTHING gives a guy
                  the right to hit you!
 
Kathleen: You don't understand. He NEEDS me. I can change
                    him. Scott is the BEST thing that's ever happened
                    to me. He makes me feel special. He loves me.
 
Melanie: If he hurts you he doesn't love you.
- - - - -
Joey: Caitlin, what happened?

Caitlin: Nothing.
 
Joey: Was it my clothes? My personality? Do you think I'm a
           loser?

Caitlin: No.  Joey, it's not YOU. It's ME. I'm different from how I
              used to be.
 
Joey: I can be different too. Tell me what you want. You wanna
           go see Foreign films? I'LL go see Foreign films. You
           wanna talk politics? I'll talk politics.....
 
Caitlin: No. Joey, it's over. I just want you to understand that
              it's nobody's fault. I'm soory. (Joey storms out of room)
- - - - -
Spike: I.....don't like to be touched.
 
Patrick: Well, there go my plans for giving you a massage.
 
* JUST FRIENDS: Heather has the hots for Wheels, who only likes her as a friend. She decides to throw a party and invite Wheels to it so she can make her move.
 
The party is a big hit (about as much fun as a teen party CAN be without the aid of alcohol and drugs!) and while Wheels and Heather are boogying together on the dance floor Erica slips a slow song on the turntable and Heather and Wheels slow dance. Halfway through the song Heather pulls the old "Whew. Is it hot in here?!" bit and they go outside to Heather's porch where - conveinantly!- there is a couch! They snuggle up on the porch, she pretends she's cold so he puts his arm around her, she ruffles his hair, they start pointing out star constelations and then...They Kiss!
 
Someone at the party looks out the window and sees...Wheels and Heather dry-humping!  They whisper "Look at this, Guys!" and soon everyone at the party is getting their rocks off watching Wheels and Heather make out!
 
Erica goes outside and breaks up the torrid tryst (just as Wheels is working his hand up Heather's skirt. Yowza!) and Wheels makes up an excuse to leave. But he doesn't REALLY leave: He sort of lingers around outside while the party is still going on inside. Snake pops out lfor some fresh air and Wheels tells him he wants to go home cuz he only likes Heather as a friend and now he just feels awkward about the whole thing (Lemme just take a minute to tell you that the "Wheels and Heather" make out scene was the hottest make out scene in DEGRASSI history. It was so steamy! He took his glasses off and everything!)
 
The next day Heather is not letting Erica use the phone because she's waiting for Wheels to call. He promised to, but never does (Men!) They both wonder where Lucy was last night. (She was at the hospital visiting LD, who just found she has leukemia).
 
Wheels never calls and when they run into him at school on Monday he's acting like nothing ever happened. (Erica calls him something but I can't make it out: "Creep"? "Jerk?")  Heather feels terrible, not only because Wheels is still not her main squeeze but because now she's worried that their making out may have ruined their friendship.
 
The B sory is about wheelchair-bound Maya joining the :"Have Not Club" that Melanie, Kathleen and Diana are in ("We have not decent clothes. We have not popularity. We have not hickeys!") She is upset when she finds out that they went to the movies to see QUEEN IN EXILE without her.
 
Surpringly, this is a Joey-less episode of DEGRASSI (Was he sick or maybe still broken-hearted over Caitlin dumping him for that troll Claude?)
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Heather (about Wheels): I'm tired of being "Just Friends". It's
                time he saw me as an Object Of Desire!
- - - - -
Diana: What's your idea of the perfect guy?

Kathleen: Considerate, tall, good-looking, rich.
 
Melanie: Mine would be romantic, gorgeous, intelligent and
                 sexy. I'm not asking for a lot!
 
Maya: My perfect man is a doctor who falls madly in love with
             me and dedicates the rest of his life to finding a cure for
             my disease.
 
(Melanie, Kathleen and Diana realize how shallow they are and hang their heads in shame)
- - - - -
Snake (coming outside from party): Whoo! Whoo! It's getting
             hot in there. (to Wheels) Uhh...not as hot as it was out
             HERE though. Heh heh heh heh!
 
Wheels: I'm gettin' outta here. You wanna go?

Snake: Uhh...not really. This is some party!
 
Wheels: Oh, I really wanna get outta here. If you wanna stay
                that's fine (starts to walk away).
 
Snake: No. No. W-w-wait! Listen, I'll come with you.

Wheels: So....Everybody knows?
 
Snake: Yeah. Yeah.
 
Wheels: Great. I didn't mean to! It just HAPPENED!
 
Snake: Desperately he tryed to fight her off, but when Heather
              gets a guy pinned to the couch he stays pinned!
 
Wheels: This is serious.
 
Snake: Well, there's nothing wrong with making out. You like
               her, right?
 
Wheels: Yeah. But not as a girlfriend.
 
Snake: Oh.
 
Wheels: AND I said I'd call her. I don't really want to! I don't
                know what to say!
 
Snake: Apologize to her.
 
Wheels: Oh, get real! You don't tell somebody you don't really
                like them after you've fooled around!
 
Fascinating Fact: Stacie Mistysyn who plays "Caitlin" was not
in this particular episode because she was off filming a movie called PRINCES IN EXILE at the time. When Kathleen, Diana and Melanie are talking about going to the movies Melanie suggests seeing "PRINCES IN EXILE" to which Diana says "Yeah, whose the actress in that?" a little "inside joke" about Stacie Mistysyn. For some reason on DVD the title of the movie has been changed to QUEEN IN EXILE, making Diana's little joke fall flat. Oh well.
 
* LITTLE WHITE LIES: Diana (nerdy, dumpy Voula-like girl) has been reading THE OUTSIDERS and has decided she likes rebellious Bad Boys. She has her sights set on Yick (Yick? A Bad Boy? Why? Cuz his ear is pierced?) and her friend Melanie is making moony eyes at that drug-taking scumbag Luke. But they would never be interested in two nerdy girls like them, right? How to prove to Yick and Luke that they really are a couple of cool chicks?
 
Yick and Luke go outside to smoke cigerettes and Diana says "I could go for a smoke" and joins them, only to be chased through the DEGRASSI parking lot by Ms Avery, who isn't fazed by Yick and Luke's bad behavior but is disappointed because she expected more from Top Student Diana.
 
Melanie is having a party and has invited the whole class, hoping Yick and Luke will show up. They don't (They prefer to spend their evening alone together playing video games).
 
Diana's older brother (who reminds me of Freddy Prinze) forbids her to go to the party and tells her to be a "nice girl" and  tells her to stay home and "play cards with Mama". Well, screw that! Diana gets all dressed up like a hussy and tiptoes out of the house with her high-heels in one hand and a bottle of Uzo in the other!
 
At the party Diana and Melanie realize Yick and Luke aren't coming and start to smoke cigerettes and drink Uzo right out of the bottle. (They pass to Arthur but he just takes a whiff of it and winces) The doorbell rings and Alex Yankou answers it and lets in : Diana's brother! He yells at Diana and then motions towards Melanie and says "That girl is so bad for you!" (Excuse me? Diana is the one who brought the booze and the smokes to the party in the first place!) and drags her home to lock her in her room til she's 25.
 
That night Diana's brother trys to talk to her and Diana gives him the old "you treat me like a baby" speech and he decides to give Diana a little more lee-way. 
 
Monday morning Melanie and Diana compare hang-over stories. 
 
The B stoy is good too: Joey has somehow arranged to get THE ZITS video for Everybody Wants Something played on cable access television. To celebrate he, Wheels and Snake all plan on sneaking into a strip club with fake IDs. When they get to the strip club (which I think is called GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! SEX-SATIONAL ADULT ENTERTAINMENT but I could be wrong) they find they only have enough money for two of them to get in and buy drinks. Wheels and Snake go in, leaving Joey alone out in the alley out back festering. But -wait- Joey's not ALONE in the alley! There are a few sexy prostitutes out there giving him the once over. One propositions him and Joey runs like Hell.
 
Because Wheels and Snake spent their only eight dollars on Cokes they have no money left to keep drinking and they get thrown out of the club....before they even get to see any real hard-core nudity.
 
When they run into Joey at school on Monday they lie and say they saw titties galore and even had featured dancer Candy Cupcakes dance on their table for them. Joey tells them about the beautiful whore who tryed to pick him up in the alley and they don't believe him.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Diana: Yick is SUCH a hunk. Cool. Definately cool. Sort of a
             rebel, like Pony Boy or Soda Pop in THE OUTSIDERS.
- - - - -
Joey (about to walk into strip club): Oh, Snake, Snake: Your
           ID, Man.
 
Snake (looking at ID): Great. We're both called "Joey
             Jeremiah". Very convincing!
- - - - -
Whore: Hi there.
 
Joey: Hi.
 
Whore: Waiting for someone?
 
Joey: No.
 
Whore: I know where there's a GREAT party.
 
Joey: Uhhhh...No thank you.
 
Whore: Don't you like to party?
 
Joey: Yeah, I like to party. But....you know.....
 
Whore: We could party together (starts pawing him) You and
                me.
 
Joey: Ummm....Uhhhhh....
 
Whore: Come on.
 
Joey: Look, I've gotta go! I've got homework!
- - - - -
Diana (to brother): How can I find out who "me" is if you won't
            let me make mistakes?
 
Look For:

Candy Cupcakes, the whip-wielding dominatrix who dances -
fully clothed - at GIRLS! GIRLS! GIRLS! SEX-SATIONAL ADULT ENTERTAINMENT
 
* SIXTEEN PARTS 1 & 2: The first part of this two-part episode  starts on Michelle's 16th birthday. She wants to go out with Alexa, Simon and BLT to celebrate but her mean, old b*stard father won't let her. He ain't ALL bad though: He gave her Grandma's old wedding ring, a priceless family heirloom, as a Sweet 16 gift.
 
Michelle and her father have a big fight over her sneaking around with "colored boy" BLT behind his back and Michelle blows a fuse and  decides she's going to move out and make it on her own. She is going to move into an apartment with a few bedrooms.
 
Okay: ONE bedroom.
 
Okay: A STUDIO.
 
Okay: She's going to rent a room in a boarding house.
 
She doesn't have the money for first month and last month's rent so she pawns Grandma's ring.
 
While this is all going on that Irish dude Patrick is serenading Spike with love songs he's written about her (Check out Tessa's face when she hears Patrick singing  "Oh, Christine". Priceless!) Instead of getting Spike to fall madly into his arms (and maybe even into bed?) this crooning sends Spike running in the opposite direction: She starts avoiding Patrick like the plague (Never sing love songs to a chick that likes THE POGUES).
 
Snake, Joey and Nancy are in Drivers Ed. Joey and Snake are competing to see who will get their Drivers License - and car- first.
 
Also - LD is in the hospital bald and sad that she will be stuck in the hosiptal for a month, meaning she will have to spend her Sweet 16 birthday there.
 
Okay, now in the second part of this two part episode it's a month later (Wow - how time flies!) and Alexa's running around planning her sixteenth birthday party, which falls the day of LD's actual birthday . Alexa's  planning on having a bitchin' party (After all, she's been planning this party since she was 13!)  
 
Meanwhile Michelle has gotten a part-time job at DONUT EXPRESS, where her boss Ginny actually ENCOURAGES her to ditch school to come in and shlep donuts. This concerns BLT as well as Michelle's father who don't want to see Michelle flunk out and become a full-time Donut Seller Girl (like that sour b*tch Ginny!)
 
Lucy is running around with a camcorder filming a Birthday Video for LD. It has the type of Top Notch Quality Entertainment you would expect from The DEGRASSI Gang: Scooter, Bronco, Kathleen and some black guy we've never seen before (I think his name is "TJ") present themselves as MC DEGRASSI AND THE DESKTOPS and bust out a birthday Rap (Go back and read that again. Yup. KATHLEEN RAPS! And I thought NOTHING would ever top Caitlin Rapping in SMOKE SCREEN. How wrong I was!), Amy and Alison take a few pies in the puss (and by "puss" I mean "face" - get yer mind outta the gutter!) and Tim and his lovely assistant Barty perform a magic trick that would have Harry Houdini wondering "Holy sh*t, how did they DO that?!"
 
Now remember how I told you Alexa was planning a wicked cool party? Well, it ends up BLT has a big soccer game that night. And Michelle has to work at the Donut Calvacade. And Joanne (who doesn't even hang out with Alexa!) can't make it. And Simon has a commercial to film for our good friend SKIPPY Peanut Butter! Alexa has a Drama Queen Explosion where she says if she can't have a party Friday night she's just gonna REFUSE to turn 16 and stay 15 FOREVER! Then she goes bawling and running down the hall in tears - and these horrid yellow pants that make her a** look HUGE!
 
By episodes end Spike has made up with Patrick, Michelle has accepted financial assistance from her Father, Joey and Snake have BOTH failed Drivers Ed, Nancy has passed Drivers Ed and gotten a red convertible from her parents, and Alexa learns a valuable lesson about "priorities" as she spends the Friday night she was supposed to spend having a lavish party for herself in the hospital visiting sick LD with Lucy and The Twins.
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Everything Tim wears in this episode. Tie dye shirts and ....what ARE those pants? Stirrup pants? Leggings? TIGHTS?????  I would say Tim looks "gay" but, you know: gay guys tend to have more STYLE!
 
The Side Show Bob hair on Michelle's land-lady
 
Those yellow pants that make Alexa look like CRISCO: Fat In The Can.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Simon and BLT: Pa-arty!
- - - - -
PATRICK'S SONG "OH, CHRISTINE" (which sort of sounds like "HEY THERE, DELILAH" by THE PLAIN WHITE TEES):
 
Ohhhhhhhhhh, Christiiiiiiiiine,
Your hand in mine
It's so divine
Christiiiiiiiine
 
I'm just a poor boy
I'm just a lonely boy
What would you dooooooo?
Oh, Christiiiiiine,
I loooooove youuuuuuuuuuuuuu
- - - - -
THE MC DEGRASSI AND THE DESK TOPS RAP:
 
TJ: I know this little girl and her name is LD
      She's a nice little girl at DEGRASSI
 
Scooter: We heard that she was feelin' kind of sick
                 So we wrote this little rhyme to sink the mood quick
 
Kathleen: So you turned 16, that's what we hear
                    And we wrote this rhyme to make you feel near
 
(At this point in the Rap Amy and Alison interrupt to ask if THEY can be in the birthday video too, causing me to miss some of the Rap's precious lyrics. Damn them! Damn them both to Hell!)
 
TJ: Yo, Scooter P, bust a move
 
Scotter: Chhh chhh chhh Ppppppp!
                Chhh chhh chhh Ppppppp!
                Chhh chhh chhh
                Chhh chh hchhh
                Chhh chhh chhh Ppppppp!
 
Bronco: Fresh!
 
Kathleen: That's all for now, this gig has been fun
                    We hope you feel better cuz this Rap is done
 
Scooter: We hope you get better, get better, get better
                  We hope you get better, get better today
 
TJ: Word!
- - - - -       
Michelle: Dad, we have to talk.
 
Dad: I guess we do. I saw what happened out there!
 
Michelle: What?

Dad: You and THAT BOY! You know exactly what I'm talking
          about!
 
Michelle: You were spying on us?

Dad: I'd hardly call it "spying". You were out there kissing in
          front of THE WHOLE STREET!
 
Michelle: Well, no one seems to mind except you.
 
Dad: You know my feelings. I've asked you NOT to see him
          and I WON'T be disobeyed!

Michelle: Dad, he's my friend.
 
Dad: Too bad! Find another friend!
 
Michelle: You mean someone WHITE?!
- - - - -
Dad: Michelle, don't talk like an ass!
 
Michelle: I can talk anyway I want!
- - - - -
Nancy (in new car): Hi, Guys, look what my parents got me.
             Isn't this GREAT?

Joey, Snake and Wheels (scarcastically): Dy-na-mite.
 
* ALL IN A GOOD CAUSE: Wheelchair Girl Maya is pissed cuz her best friend Caitlin has been blowing her off to hang out with new boyfriend Claude. This weekend - as usual - Caitlin will be  doing whatever Claude wants to do, and right now he wants to spray-paint  NO NUKES slogans on a building that's involved in the making of nuclear missiles. He talks Caitlin into going with him. 
 
While spray-painting they get spotted and chased by a security guard. Caitlin gets caught on the fence while trying to climb over it and Claude does nothing to help: He just worries about his own a**.  Caitlin gets caught and has to go to court for a vandalism charge. She's pissed off at Claude and finally sees him for the big sissy pussy he is. She tears the NO NUKES IS GOOD NUKES sign out of her locker, ditches her PEOPLE FOR PEACE leather jacket and gives Claude the boot. (Thank God - cuz everytime the two of them kissed I threw up a little in my mouth!)
 
Now all the rest of The DEGRASSI Gang has been trying to raise money for UNICEF. To make things interesting they have made a challenge with this guy in grade 9B ( we don't know his name so let's just call him "Big Stupid Hat Guy") that the class that earns less money has to be the other class's slaves. 
 
The Gang has a Car Wash that's a lot of fun but only raises $20. Oh no! They will have to give the kids in 9B blowjobs, for sure! How to get out of this predicament? Arthur reminds them that LAST years's 9th grade class raised money by taking bets on someone toilet-papering a tree in front of a teacher's house. The kids decide it would be cool to toilet paper the tree in front of  Mr Raditch's house! But who is Man Enough to do it?
 
Arthur nominates himself. When the gang says they'll need someone to go take pictures of Artie doing this deed Tessa offers to go with him but he turns HER down in favor of hiding in the bushes in the moonlight with Yick (Things that make you go "Hmmmm"?) This is, of course, because Yick has been thinkin' he's so cool lately and that Arthur is a nerdy dork. Arthur wants to prove his Cool Quotient to Yick!
 
So ' round midnight Yick and Arthur go to toilet paper the tree in front of Mr Raditch's house only to find out.....There IS no tree in front of Mr Raditch's house! They toilet paper the whole house and all the surrounding property and Arthur poses proudly for POLAROIDS in front of his work. But - wait! - the flash from the camera wakes Light Sleeper Raditch up and we are treated to him running out of his house in his robe, which is half-open, revealing his Tarzan-like chest and blue boxer shorts. ROW! Arthur and Yick run like Hell...but all for naught cuz Mr Raditch DOES see them and he makes them clean up the toilet paper his house has been cocooned in the next day (which is still better than being 9B's slaves, right?)
 
Oh yeah, and Kathleen's No Good Brute X-boyfriend Scott has been chasing her around, trying to get her to take him back. He shows up with a present for her and when Kathleen refuses to accept it he gives her a beat down. This time she presses charges.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Maya: Caitlin, are you coming to the Car Wash?
 
Caitlin: Uhh...no. Claude and I are helping out at PEOPLE FOR
              PEACE.
 
Maya: So PEOPLE FOR PEACE is more important than
             UNICEF?

Caitlin: Well, Maya, what's the point of saving a bunch of kids
               if the whole world's gonna blow up?!
- - - - -
Caitlin: Who are The Chicago Seven?
 
Claude: Well, they were.....Seven guys from Chicago.
 
Look For:
 
Bronco and that other black guy (TJ?) doing The UNICEF Rap
 
 A Little Somethin' For The Ladies: Mr Raditch lookin Cock Diesel in his Evening Wear! ROW!
 
* NATURAL ATTRACTIONS: Erica has a new boyfriend named Blaine. He sort of reminds her of somebody. "Jason from the summer?" her twin sister Heather asks. "Yeah" smiles Erica. "The one who got you PREGNANT?" Heather nastily reminds. (Because, you know, we wouldn't Erica to think we were talking about one of the thousands of OTHER guys named "Jason" that she met  in "the summer"). This little dig from Heather is to remind Erica that Boys Can Get You Pregnant - So Be Careful. Heather has never quite gotten over the trauma and drama of taking Erica to get an abortion.
 
There is a school dance coming up and Amy and Alison will  just DIE if they don't get dates. Alison had long been carrying a torch for Snake but tells Amy that she's over him because apparently he doesn't like her, but that's FINE. She plans on getting grubby, ne'er-do-well  Nick (You know, that scumbag who hangs out with Dwayne and Tabi) to take her to the dance. Amy decides she is going to try to get a date too. And - lo and behold- who should ask her out minutes later but SNAKE! Yup, SNAKE who her best friend Alison USED to like but just got through saying she DOESN'T like anymore. So Amy accepts and happily tells Alison about it and Alison turns into The Green Eyed Monster and yells "Trader!" and storms off, breaking up what was the Best Looking Friendship In DEGRASSI History.
 
Tessa has the hots for Scooter and Arthur's dorky twin cousin Dorothy hooks it up so the two will go to the school dance together. But wait! - Scooter doesn't know how to slow dance. His studly friend Barty agrees to teach him how to dance. "1-2-3, 1 - 2 - 3!" The two do a romantic little Minuet together unaware that Luke and Clutch are watching and going "Cough Cough...HOMOS! Cough!)
 
Now the night of the dance comes and Alison is all pissy watching Amy arrive with her hunky date Snake and when she hears Snake say "Nice sweater" to Amy she realizes it's actually HER sweater that she lent to Amy (It's hideous, by the way - and also Snake must not be the sharpest knife in the drawer - Amy wore the sweater to school all day and he never noticed how "nice" it was then!)  so she gets Amy alone in The Ladies Room and the two have a High Noon Strip-Off! By the time they are down to slips some dykey older girls have walked in and now they just feel silly and they giggle and smile and become BFF's again.
 
Scooter box-steps his way into Tessa's heart and Heather does what she's been doing through-out the whole episode: Chases Erica around to make sure she's not swapping DNA with Blaine. When she catches them - GASP!- KISSING she has a total canary. Heather advises her to get some counseling.
 
A Joey-less Episode?
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Amy's yellow pom-pom sweater is just LUDICROUS and everyone keeps telling her how nice it is! Are they BLIND?
 
Come to think of it, EVERYTHING Amy and Alison wear to the dance is pretty awful. Nothing they are wearing matches!
 
The HUGE red belt Erica wears to the dance.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
(Tessa and Dorothy are checking out the two hunks by the lockers- Scooter and Barty)
 
Tessa (about Scooter): HE's the boy. HE'S supposed to ask
             ME out!
 
Dorothy: Tessa, wake up and smell the coffee! This is The
                  '90s! Go!
 
Tessa: Uhh...Hi, Guys. Hi, Scooter.
 
Scooter: Hi.

Tessa: So .....ummmm....ummmm....
 
Dorothy: Are you going to the dance tomorrow?

Scooter: Nope!
 
Barty: There's a Documentary about turtles on!
 
Dorothy: You'd rather watch a show on TURTLES than go to
                  the dance?!
 
Barty: Marine reptiles are surprisingly fascinating!
 
Tessa: Come on, Dorothy, Let's go. See ya' later.
 
(Girls walk away)
 
Scooter: Have you noticed that Tessa has.....CHANGED?
 
Barty: No. She was wearing that in class!

Scooter: No, I mean........Very funny.
 
Barty: Sooo....ya think Tess'a CHANGED, eh?
 
Scooter: Nevermind.
 
Barty: Wait - Did you hear that?!
 
Scooter: What?

Barty: There it is again! Oh, I know: The sound of your heart
             beating with LOVE! (Dancing like a fairie) Maybe you
             should ask her to the dance!
- - - - -
Alsion (about Wheels): His jeans are so tight you can read the
             date on a dime!
- - - - -
Heather (about Blaine): He'll think you're easy, kissing on the
                First Date.
 
Erica: And who are YOU to talk?! I seem to remember you and
            Wheels at our party. You were practically licking his
            tonsils!
- - - - -
Amy: You can't HOG all the guys! You're like a dog in the
           manger!
 
Alison: I'M not the DOG around here!
- - - - -
AMY AND ALISON'S STRIP-FIGHT IN THE LADIES ROOM:
 
Nancy (to Amy): I like your sweater.
 
Amy: Thanks.
 
(Nancy leaves Ladies Room)
 
Alison: That's MY sweater.
 
Amy: So?

Alison: So I want it back. NOW.
 
Amy: You said I could borrow it for as long as I wanted.
 
Alison: That was BEFORE when we were FRIENDS.
 
Amy: Fine. Then you can give me back my scarf.
 
Alison: No problem.
 
Amy: And while you're at it those are my shoes. I want them
           back.
 
Alison: What am I gonna wear?!
 
Amy: That's YOUR problem! You can't hog all the guys. He
           wasn't even interested in you. You said so yourself.
 
Alison: That's MY belt. I want it back.
 
Amy: It's ugly anyway!
 
Alison: Only on YOU! And - oh - by the way - That's my shirt
               you're wearing. I want it back.
 
Amy: Then give me back my SKIRT which I lent YOU.
 
Alison: Fine! You know, you're really childish!
 
A Little Somethin' For The Fellas:
 
Amy and Alison making eachother strip in the Ladies Room. Honestly, the only thing hotter would be them actually forcibly pulling the clothes OFF OF eachother!
 
A Little Somethin' For The Ladies:
 
Scooter and Barty dancing together. Sooooo sexxxxy!
 
* TESTING 1 - 2 - 3: Joey passes Drivers Ed and gets his license and Snake doesn't. This leads to Joey implying that he is soooo much smarter than Snake (This will bite him in the a** later).
 
Joey has been oh so cocky lately, even telling the fellas how good that essay he just handed in was. He is sure he got an "A'. But alas, the next day Mr Walfish hands the tests back and Joey has only gotten a "D". Mr Walfish asks him to stay after class and tells him that his Mom has to come in and go with him to talk to a Psychologist. Uh-oh!
 
The Psychologist ends up telling Joey he has a Learning Disability called "Disgraphia" and recommends he take a Special Ed class with Dwayne and the rest of the goons once a day.
 
Joey decides he wants to drop out and become a Pizza Delivery Boy.
 
Meanwhile, Claude has been trying to get Caitlin to talk to him. She asks him to go with her to her court date. He tells her he will.
 
Tessa asks Alex Yankou for help with Science. He tells her he'll help her with Science if she helps him with Geography. She agrees. Then he tells her a secret - The reason he's sooo good in Science is because his brother had Mr Webster for Science last year and Mr Webster always gives the same tests every year! He gives Tessa a copy of the test to use to cheat and makes her PROMISE not to tell anybody about it. You know how THIS ends up going, right? Tessa ends up telling somebody and making them a copy, and that person ends up telling somebody and making them a copy, and THAT person ends up telling somebody and making them a copy and soon 98% of the class are using a copy of last year's test to cheat on Mr Webster's Science Final! Of course, Mr Webster's no fool and he gets wise quick and cancels out THAT  test's results and makes the whole lot of those cheating f*ck's take a Re-test. (Alex makes a mad face at Tessa and Tessa makes an "I'm soory" face back at him. She thinks she's sorry NOW wait until a few episodes from now when Alex decides he wants to make her HIS bride, THEN she'll know the true meaning of  the word "sorry"!)  
 
At the end of the episode Joey is packing up his locker to leave the halls of DEGRASSI forever when he runs into Bully Dwayne who starts busting his balls and calling him an "ignorant cockroach". Joey flips out and jumps on Dwayne, the two have a fist-fight and Mr Radicth and some Asian teacher we've never seen before break the fight up ("The partys over, everyone back to class!" the Asian teacher barks, his One and Only DEGRASSI line of dialogue EVER!)
 
Mere minutes after that happens Caitlin runs into Claude in the hallway and he tells her he cant go to her court date with her. She gives him lip and goes to walk away. When he reaches for her she slaps him in the face! Mr Raditch - shocked to see yet ANOTHER fight in the DEGRASSI hallway in less than five minutes - drags Caitlin to Detention Hall where she has to sit in silence with....Joey!
 
Joey says something nasty to Caitlin, Caitlin says something nasty to Joey, Joey tells Caitlin about his Learning Disability, she gives him advice, blah, blah, blah, blah blah.
 
The next day Maya tells Caitlin she broke her doctor appointment  to go to court with her and Caitlin is happy to see Joey back in school again. He isn't going to drop out after all!
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Joey: Soooooo I heard you broke up with that other guy. Boy,
            you just chew us up and spit us out, don't you?
- - - - -
Joey (in Detention with Caitlin): What's Miss Goody Two
           Shoes doing in Detention?
 
Caitlin: I.......I got in a fight.
 
Joey: Ooooh hooo hooo! What happened? Some guy didn't
            jump when you told him to? I know: He didn't jump high
            enough.
 
Caitlin: You are really stupid, you know that?
 
Joey: Thanks!
 
Caitlin: No, you are! In fact, I don't think I've ever met anyone
              as dumb or ignorant as you.
 
Joey: You know what? YOU'RE RIGHT! Joey Jeremiah - Mr
            Learning Disabled!
 
Caitlin: Since when are you "Learning Disabled"?
 
Joey: Since yesterday! They wanna put me in Special Ed!
 
Caitlin: So, Big Deal. Lots of people are in Special Ed.
 
Joey: Not THIS guy! Right after school I'm outta here! I'm
            never coming back!
 
Caitlin: Oh, that's really intelligent.
 
Joey: Why not? There's no point in staying here.
 
Caitlin: You know, I've got a disability too. I have Epilepsy. That
               doesn't stop me.
 
Joey: But you're not stupid. I AM!
 
Caitlin: No, you're not. Unless you drop out of school. That's
               REALLY dumb. You know, when we were "Going
                Together" you had a lot more guts!
 
 
* IT CREEPS! My Favorite DEGRASSI Episode! (This episode gives us that Little Something Extra by featuring shower scenes from both Simon AND Wheels! YOWZA! Actually - if you count the Opening Teaser before the DEGRASSI Theme Song kicks in , we get to see Simon shower TWICE! YEE-HAW! Let the good times (and the T&A) roll!)
 
As a school project Lucy has penned a feminest Horror movie. She asks Mr Walfish if she can make it into a film and hand it in as an assignment. He eventually says "Yes" and Lucy makes IT CREEPS, a Slasher Flick starring Caitlin (as The Killer), Snake (as a Leather Daddy Biker?), Joey (as The Nerd), Simon (as The Jock) and Wheels (as the uhhhh..."Normal Guy With Baseball Cap And Glasses?) Helping Lucy out are Tim (he has cans of ketchup to use as blood!), Alexa (she's the "Take 5" Girl) and Heather (who I'm pretty sure is just hanging around cuz she wants to see Wheels get "killed". Wow, guess she's still bitter that he never called after that Hot And Heavy Make Out Session they had at that party of hers, eh?)
 
The Gang films the movie and even though the plot is pretty good (it must be- it's been used a million times: Dumb-Teens-Hang-Out-In-Old-Building-Where-Murders-Took-Place-A-Long-Time-Ago) the costumes are hilarious as is most of the cast's "acting" (Particularly Snake's!)
 
After his Brutal Ketchup Death Wheels is feeling a bit sticky  (ooh!) and so he goes down to the Boys Locker Room to take a shower (oooh again!) He is unaware that he is NOT ALONE down in the bowels of the DEGRASSI building: There is a creepy, perv janitor mopping up down there (WHY must Wheels always find himself cornered by these TO CATCH A PREDATOR types?! Does he wear a special brand of AXE that attracts middle-aged men?!) )
 
The Big Day of Lucy's IT CREEPS Premiere she is disappointed to see her classmates shaking with laughter instead of quaking with fear. She goes in the hallway to sulk but Mr Walfish comes out and explains to her that hardly anybody's first artistic project ever turns out to CITIZEN KANE. Lucy re-enters the classroom to find everybody shocked silent by Simon's Shower Scene (I can't believe none of the ladies hooted during it. F*ck it:  I'LL hoot for ya, Simon, HOOT HOOT!) The film is a huge success and Lucy is happy to have entertained the masses.
 
Also in this episode: The Return Of Shane! "Dumb jerk! You should be k-k-kicked in the head!" That's what he says to Luke, Spike and just about everybody else. He wants to hook up with Spike but she's not interested in his mental a**. To calm him down so he doesn't - well, start kicking everybody in the head, I presume - she promises to meet him "one day" for a "cup of coffee - as friends". He smiles, oblivious to the fact that "one day" and the date with the cup of coffee and Spike will NEVER come and he won't be seeing her again until a decade later in DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION! (Spike, you LIED! And to a mentally disabled boy! The Shame!)
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
The costumes for IT CREEPS!
 
Tim dressed as a ....Cat?....Tiger?...Lion...? He's gay, right?
 
Lucy's floodpants at the film's debut. And - why not -her home-made IT CREEPS sweatshirt too.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Shane (repeated line): Dumb jerk! You should be k-k-kicked in the head!

- - - - -

Wheels: A feminest Horror movie?

Joey: Why?

Lucy: Because a lot of Horror films are sexist. It's a satire. Besides, you guys owe me. Remember who shot your video? For free?

Snake: Well, what do we have to do?

Lucy: Just "get killed". "Be victims".

Joey: We're not gonna look stupid or anything, are we?

Lucy: No more than usual!

- - - - -

Shane: Hi.

Spike: Hi.

Shane: How are you?

Spike: Fine. How are you?

Shane: They're letting me out by myself so I guess I'm better.

Spike: That's good. We have to go to class now, okay? So see ya later.

Shane: FINE! Go ahead and walk away you DUMB JERK! See if I care! You should be K-K-KICKED IN THE HEAD!

- - - - -

Snake ("acting" in Horror film): Gee,    Debbie, You're   right. The...........Door............ Is............Open!

- - - - -

Simon (during shooting his Shower Scene in Horror film): Luce, why would my charactor all of a sudden want to take a shower?

Lucy: Because ........it's in the script.

Simon: But it seems real un-motivated.

Lucy: Can't ya just try it anyway?

Simon: If I don't UNDERSTAND I can't convey to my audience.

Alexa: Simon, Don't "think" : "Act"!

- - - - -

Mr Walfish: There's always a gap between what you set out to do and the way it finally turns out. You look at what you've done and you see where you think you could do better and you do that in your next one. That's how it works. The key is to Keep Trying.

A Little Somethin' For The Ladies: Simon and Wheels taking showers next-to-nekkid!

* STRESSED OUT: This episode revolves around all the DEGRASSI kids taking final exams. Even though there are three story-lines going on in this episode the only one that's really worth a damn is the one about Michelle being addicted to caffeine pills (It plays a lot like an Affter School Special). In fact, I wish they had devoted the whole half hour to Michelle and given her one or two more Freak Out Scenes....but, alas, the writers threw in a weak B story about Ms Avery leaving DEGRASSI and an even lamer C story about Snake having a "mystery ailment". So Sigh.

So our story begins with Caitlin running into Ms Avery in the Library and Ms Avery being a snippy, hostile shrew. Wow, what's up, Ms Avery's a**? Later on Ms Avery apologizes to Caitlin, telling her that she's being such a b*tch-on-wheels because she "won't be back next year". Caitlin asks Ms Avery if she was FIRED, but instead of answering Caitlin Ms Avery is sort of looking up at the ceiling, rambling on about how she wants to teach and Do the Right Thing and how she can't do what she wants and blah blah blah blah blah.....and she sort of walks away trailing off, never giving Caitlin a "straight" answer, and so Caitlin ASSUMES that Ms Avery was fired.

Caitlin being Caitlin decides to pass around a petition to complain about the "Unfair Firing Of Ms Avery".  When Mr Raditch sees the petition he tells Caitlin that DEGRASSI never FIRED Ms Avery and that Ms Avery KNEW when she took the position in The Resource Center at the beginning of the school year that that position was only for a year, because the teacher who she would be replacing would be back the following year. Got that? Caitlin says they should have found Ms Avery ANOTHER position at the school and Mr Raditch tells her that they offered Ms Avery a job as a Substitute Teacher but she turned it down. So Ms Avery is leaving because, well, let's just face it: She's being a difficult b*tch!

Caitlin starts giving Ms Avery The Cold Shoulder. All the other DEGRASSI kids are planning a Surprise Party for Ms Avery and when they ask Caitlin what they should give her as a Going Away Present Caitlin sneers "I don't care what you give her!" (Too bad - cuz they end up giving her a really ugly clock that it looks like one of them made in Wood Shop. I'm sure Caitlin would have gotten her something nice, like a lovely set of HERS and HERS towels). By the end of the episode Caitlin shows up for Ms Avery's Bon Voyage party and Ms Avery tells her that she is moving to a place called "Rainbow Valley" (Rainbow? Gay flag? Ms Avery? The pieces just fall together, don't they?) to teach.  Ms Avery and Caitlin hug (hey hey!) and part friends. Ahhhh, Ms Karen Avery, We Barely Knew Yee! (Boring right?)

Now lemme tell ya about Snake. He is supposed to be taking his Drivers Test as well as exams this week and he keeps telling Joey and Wheels "I think I'm sick, Guys". Over and over and over again. Snake keeps asking The Guys if he looks okay, if he feels warm, etc. It gets really dull and tedious. I especially love the scene where he's sitting on the floor in the hallway eating SKIPPY Peanut Butter out of a jar and saying "I really feel like sh*t, Guys". (That'll teach him to eat Tabby's Peanut Butter. And with the same spoon too! Like gross!) Joey and Wheels try to help Snake by teaching him Slacker Yoga and Lamaze Class Breathing Techniques . Snake takes his Drivers Test , passes and - hey- whaddaya know? - he doesn't feel sick anymore! The End. (A totally stupid story, right? Agreed.)

Now we get to the only thing that saves this episode from being a Total Dud: Michelle's Pill Poppin'! Michelle is exhausted from husteling at the Donut Shop, cramming for exams, taking exams and - oh yeah- whatever she's been doing with BLT lately (wink wink). She is taking PERK-UPS caffeine pills. She runs into BLT (who is in the hallway with Bronco singing a Rap about Final Exams (Good gravy!) He discovers Michelle's pills and tells her that they are drugs and  not to take them. She tells him she will stop taking them..... after exams.

Right before the Geography exam BLT finds Michelle panic-studying in the Library and she has a total Freak-Out, babbling incessantly and throwing books at him. She faints. He gets help. She gets counseling. She quits taking the pills. Then BLT acts like a real dick making her say "You were right" to him.

Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:

Alex Yankou - wearing a long sleeve jacket and shorts - inside!

Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

BLT: What's in the bag?

Michelle: Nothin'!

BLT: C'mon, let me see.

Michelle: I said "No"!

BLT: Fine.

Michelle: I'm soory. You know how I get during exams. It's just these (shows him PERK-UPS pills)

BLT: Caffeine pills? Michelle, what are you doing taking drugs for?

Michelle: They're not "DRUGS". They're just like lots of coffee.

BLT: These are DRUGS.

Michelle: C'mon, they can't be THAT bad. You don't even need a prescription. They help keep me awake, that's all.

- - - - -

Ms Avery: I want all books back by Friday. Is that understood?

Bully Dwayne: Relax! Don't have a bird!

- - - - -

BLT: Ready for the Geography exam? It's in five minutes.

Michelle: Five minutes?! Oh no! It's awful! I lost track of time! I'm not ready! I'll blow it! I know I'll blow it!

BLT: Calm down.

Michelle: Why should I calm down why are you always telling me what to do you're worse than my Dad you know that?! (accidentally drops books) Oh, everythings going wrong!

BLT: Hey, relax!

Michelle: YOU relax! (throws book at him) Why don't you leave me alone?! (throws book) Why don''t you stop bugging me?! (throws book)

BLT: Michelle, stop it!

Michelle: YOU stop it! ( throws book) YOU STOP IT! (throws book. Freezes, looks dazed, faints).

Look For:

Blonde guy named Mark, Black guy named TJ

SEASON TWO EPISODE GUIDE:

* BAD BLOOD 1 & 2: Classsic DEGRASSI: Bully Dwayne comes back from summer vacation bragging to Tabi and Nick about his new girlfriend "Penny". They refuse to believe the girl in the picture Dwayne has is his girlfriend and they refuse to believe his stories about getting laid.
 
Meanwhile, there's a buzz around DEGRASSI because the school has installed condom machines in the boys bathroom and the girls bathroom. Within moments of seeing the condom machine in the Boys Room Bully Dwayne and Nick have knocked it off the wall, broken it open and taken all the condoms out to use as water balloons to throw at "the little kids". Naturally, Mr Raditch is furious that someone has abused one of the new condom machines (He has no idea who did it though).
 
While this is all going on Joey is trying to think up ways to make money to buy a car. The idea he comes up with (Gotta love him!) is walking through the cafeteria naked and charging people five bucks a piece to watch him (Here's ten, He can walk past ME twice!)
 
At the end of The First Day Of School  Bully Dwayne comes home and scarfs down a piece of peperoni pizza and calls his girlfriend (at the same time!) who tells him that she just had a blood test that came back HIV positive. Dwayne looks sick, thinking that he may be HIV positive too.
 
Okay: It's the Next Day and Joey is going to walk through the cafeteria naked. It's the perfect plan because all the teachers and Raditch are gonna be in a Teachers Meeting way on the other side of the building. Sadly though, Tabi, Nick and Dwayne find out about Joey's plan and moments before Joey walks through the lunchroom nude they go warn Raditch that he's going to do it.
 
Classic DEGRASSI Scene:  The kids are all in the cafeteria all wide-eyed and excited and Snake and Wheels are teasing them with great showmanship ("Joey's clothes!" "Waaaaaaaah!" "Joey's coat!" "Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!") The kids starts chanting "Jo-ey! Jo-ey! Joe-ey!" and Joey says "It's showtime" and he walks into the cafeteria nude, with his hat over his privates (Hey, that's cheating!) The crowd goes wild with hoots and hollers (and Lucy taping the whole thing with her camcorder) and then.......Mr Raditch walks in! D'oh! Mr Raditch drags Joey off (But not before we get to see a glorious shot of Joey's a**!)
 
Snake and Wheels overhear The Bullies patting themselves on the back over ruining Joey's gig and they vow revenge!
 
Later that day Dwayne gets his blood test results and, yes, he IS HIV positive.
 
The next day "The AIDS People" come to the school to talk to The DEGRASSI Gang and Dwayne, who used to think only homos and drug-users got AIDS, asks them a bunch of questions. In the Boys Room Nick makes homo jokes about Dwayne and Dwayne gets in a fight with him. When Nick leaves he spots a new condom machine on the wall razzing him. He breaks it off the wall and kicks the Hell out of it. This is witnessed by Wheels, who then goes running back beeming to Joey and Snake (He's so excited that he actually looks sort of cute!) "We got him!" and tells them that they can get even with Dwayne for ruining Joey's money-making nude romp by telling Raditch that Dwayne is the one who broke the condom machine.
 
Joey runs into Dwayne in the Boys Room and tells him that if he doesn't pay him $314  he's going to tell Raditch on him. This leads to a push and shove that looks like it's going to turn into a major fist-fight but when Dwayne gets hurt and starts to bleed he starts to freak out and tells Joey not to come near him cuz he doesn't want to get his infected blood on Joey. Whooops. Without thinking Dwayne spills all.
 
Joey, feeling terrible to find out Dwayne has HIV, backs down and doesn't report the condom machine thing to Raditch.
 
The next day Dwayne comes in and gives Joey a stack of bills, hush money, making Joey promise never to tell anyone at DEGRASSI Dwayne has HIV.
 
B story: BLT has been cheating on Michelle with a black girl named Cindy over the summer. He breaks up with Michelle telling her that after going together for a year and a half he needs some "breathing room". Michelle crys and asks him if there is somebody else and he lies and says "No". Later Alexa over-hears Cindy boasting to a friend about how she snagged BLT from Michelle and how Michelle "cryed like Niagra Falls" when BLT broke up with her. Alexa talles Michelle and Michelle - who used to be the quietest girl in the school- storms into Study hall and rips BLT a new a**hole. She calls him " a pig and a liar" and throws a carton of milk at him.
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Check out Trish's hair - She has the Punk Rock Rooster Mohawk going on!
 
BLT's Gumby Fade
 
Cindy's spandex workout shorts are totally sagging in the crotch. Can't BLY keep his hands outta there?!
 
DEGRASSI Fashion I Owned:
 
Dwayne's POISON Open Up And Say Ahh t-shirt. His is grey, mine was black - and about three times smaller.
 
Look For:
 
The DIPPS granola bars and the DIPPS box Tabi carrys in Every Scene She's In. If Dwayne DOES die of AIDS I'm sure she'll be carrying a box of DIPPS at his funeral.
 
Trish - who used to be the epitome of wholesome, now a Punk rock Rooster.
 
Joanne - up until now was a bakground charactor but actually gets a line in this episode (In upcoming episodes we find out she's one of Claude's friends).
 
Cindy - That whore that BLT cheated on Michelle with!
 
DIPPS!
 
A Little Somethin' for The Ladies:
 
Joey....Nude! Giggity!
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Joey (to car he wants to buy): Oh, Baby, I've GOT to have you!
- - - - -
Dwayne- C'mon, I wanna go put up this picture of Penny.
 
Tabi: "Penny"?

Dwayne: My New Girlfriend.
 
Tabi: Dwayne, you never had "An Old Girlfriend"!
 
Nick (looks at picture): Heh! Do you expect us to believe a
         babe like THIS would go out with YOU?
 
Dwayne: Go out with me AND go to bed with me!
- - - - -
Lucy (shooting a video for LD who has recovered from Cancer and is now sailing The Islands with her father): Say "Hi" to LD!
 
Alexa, Michelle and BLT (to camera): Hi, LD!
 
Simon (confused): Where is she????
- - - - -
Erika: Ahem! (waving condom) They did it! They put condom
            machines in the Girls Bathroom. Boys AND Girls
            Bathrooms. In every school in the city!
 
Simon: Why in the Girls?????
 
Everyone: SI-MON!
- - - - -
Joey (about the car he wants to buy): All it needs is fuzzy dice
          and it'll be perfect!
- - - - -
Nick: Soooo, Dwayne buddy, Since when were you so
           interested in AIDS?
 
Dwayne: Don't bug me.
 
Nick: No, seriously.....you shoulda told me you were a HOMO!
           Dahling, I never knew!
 
Dwayne: You don't have to a homo to get it!
 
Nick: Yethhhhh...surrrrre!
- - - - -
Joey (in Boys Room with Dwayne): So, Dwayne, when ya
          gonna pay me the money you owe me?

Dwayne: Don't start THAT again.
 
Joey: You owe me $314. maybe more. And you ARE gonna
            pay me. or I'm gonna tell Raditch YOU busted that
           condom machine. I know you did it. I have a witness.
 
Dwayne: Mind your own business, you little cockroach.
 
Joey: No. You don't talk to me like that anymore. Whaddaya
           think they'll say when they find out Mr Probation
           vandalized school property? That's why you're gonna
           pay me. If I tell, you're outta here! (Dwayne pushes Joey)
           Hey, Man, watch it!
 
Dwayne: I've HAD IT with you! (Pushes Joey hard)
 
Joey: Hey, Man, I'm warning you!
 
(Joey pushes Dwayne,
 Dwayne pushes Joey,
They rassle,
Dwayne throws Joey into a urinal,
Joey, lying on floor, realizes his head is bleeding)
 
Dwayne: C'mon, get up, you little cockroach!
 
Joey (kicks Dwayne and knocks him down): How do YOU like
          getting tripped for a change?!
 
(Joey kicks Dwayne in the nuts, then kicks Dwayne in the face
Dwayne is on the floor, his head is bleeding)
 
Dwayne: You little....!
 
(Dwayne lunges at Joey, pushes Joey into a sink, sees own reflection in mirror, realizes he's bleeding)
 
Joey: C'mon!
 
Dwayne: Go! get away!
 
Joey: No! I wanna settle this NOW!
 
Dwayne: I don't wanna fight anymore!
 
Joey: Whatsamatter? Scared of a little blood?!
 
Dwayne: Joey, I'm warning you: Stay away from me!
 
Joey: Ohhhh...Big Tough Guy's a wimp! A chicken! C'mon!
 
Dwayne: Didn't you hear what they said? You're bleeding too,
                  Man!
 
Joey: What are you talking about????
 
Dwayne: Do you want THIS on you?? What if I had AIDS???
 
Joey: Dwayne, if you got AIDS, Man, that's fine by me! I'll be
            at your funeral, Man! I'll be the guy LAUGHING!
 
Dwayne: You think this is a JOKE?! You think I'd joke if I had
                  it??? I didn't do anything WRONG! (punches wall) I
                  was just careless, that's all! (punches and kicks
                  bathroom stalls) And now I'm gonna die!!! (starts to
                  cry) Get outta here! (Joey steps closer to "comfort"
                  him) I said "GET OUT!!!!!" (Dwayne falls to floor
                  weeping)
 
* LOYALTIES: Caitlin's parents are having their 20th Anniversary and she wants to plan a special dinner for them. She and Maya decide to stop by LE BISTRO after school to make a reservation and who do they see there?: Caitlin's father snuggling up with some strange woman! (Typical: When dad takes his WIFE out to eat it's at ARBYS, when he takes his MISTRESS out to eat it's at LE BISTRO!)
 
B story: BLT is dating Cindy now and Alexa and Simon are torn between their loyalties to BLT and their loyalties to Michelle.
 
When Michelle finds out that Alexa and Simon lied to her to break a movie date so they could go to a SAVAGES concert with BLT and Cindy she has a huge fight with Alexa.
 
Snake, who has a crush on Michelle, finally works up his nerve to ask her on a date. Michelle, pissed off at Alexa, BLT and the whole f*cking WORLD, angrily agrees to go out with Snake. The whole date she's in a nasty mood and in the movie theater when Snake is buying popcorn Michelle has a break down and bolts out of the theater crying, leaving Snake standing there totally confused and speechless.
 
The next day Snake is contemplating joining a monastery when Michelle walks over and apologizes for ruining their date and promises to make it up to him by giving him a second chance when she's "ready to date again".
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Alexa's clown pants make her ass look HUGE.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Wheels: So have you heard? Snake likes Michelle.
 
Joey: Get outta here!
 
Snake: I do not! Announce it over the PA why don't you!
 
Wheels: ATTENTION, ALL STUDENTS: SNAKE HAS THE
                HOTS FOR MICHELLE!!!!!!
- - - - -
Snake (practicing asking Michelle out in a mirror): Michelle,
             would you, uhhhh, care to accompany me to a movie?
             No. that's too formal. Yo, Michelle, how 'bout a date with
             me and some popcorn?! No. Michelle, will you PLEASE
             go out with me?!
- - - - -
Diane: So tonight's The Big Night. Twenty years!
 
Melanie: I wonder: Do people still have sex after twenty years
                 of marriage?
 
Caitlin: What kind of a dumb question is THAT?!
- - - - -
Snake: Good luck getting home, Guys.
 
Wheels (sarcastically): Oh yeah, no problem.
 
Joey: No problem, Man, the car will start!
 
Wheels: I'm not gonna push it again!
 
Joey: Well, you won't have to, Mon, Let's go!
- - - - -
Dad: I'm taking us all out to dinner. Where would you like to
          go?

Mom: I don't know. It's been so long since we've been out to
           dinner.
 
Caitlin: How about LE BISTRO?
 
Mom: Oh, what a wonderful idea! It's been ages since we've
            BEAN there!
 
Dad: I don't know. It's gone downhill.
 
Caitlin: How do you know, DAD, have you been there
              LATELY?!
 
* A TANGLED WEB: Wheels hasn't been getting along with his  "old bag" grandmother. He always puts off doing his chores, he's failing all his classes and forging her name on his report card and he lies lies lies.  Grandma puts him on Double Secret  Probation and tells him he can't go ANYWHERE from now on except for school and that his friends can only visit him at Grandma's house to help him with his homework.
 
 When Joey gets tickets to a far-off GOURMET SCUM concert a few towns over Wheels lies to Grandma and tells her he is going to Snake's house to study. Grandma, not really BELIEVIN' it but giving him the benefit of the doubt, lets him go but tells him to be back by eleven o'clock.
 
Joey takes a "short-cut" and the car breaks down in the middle of nowhere. While Joey trys to fix the car Snake worrys that being in the middle of nowhere (And we KNOW that they are in "The Middle Of Nowhere" cuz we can hear cows mooing...and even see a COWS CROSSING sign!) is a LOT like being in a Horror movie and Wheels spends time dissing Joey's piece of junk car. (This is to show us that Wheels isn't just turning nasty on Grandma, he's being a Nasty F*ck to EVERYBODY!)
 
Wheels sneaks into Grandma's house in the middle of the night and she has a fight with him that ends with her throwing his sorry a** out! The next day at school he asks Joey if he can stay with him for awhile and Joey begrudgingly says "Yes".
 
Alex (the nerdy guy with the COKE bottle glasses that make his eyes look HUGE who always wears a brown suede jacket, even with shorts) has the hots for Tessa....who has the hots for Joey.
 
Arthur puts notes on their lockers so they both will be waiting in front of the school for their "Secret Admirer" at the end of the day. Tessa is sure that her note is from Joey so when she and Alex are both standing in front of the school and he asks "Waiting for someone?" she says "Uh huh" and gives him the brush-off.
 
A half hour later when they realize they are the only two people left at school they compare their notes (both on the same stationary - wow! Arthur uses femme stationary!) and realize someone has played a trick on them.
 
Alex offers to walk Tessa home and from there they start dating.
 
Caitlin, who had seen her Dad canoodling in LE BISTRO with a Strange Woman suspects her dad is having an affair. Especially now that he's never home. He tells the family he's either "working late" or "playing Squash" (and by"Squash" he means "Squash"-ing his dinky into another woman!) Caitlin tells Mom Dad is having an affair and is surprised to find out that Mom already knows! Mom doesn't want to lose Dad and blow twenty years of marriage and she knows he's been bummed out a lot lately over not getting a promotion at work so she's willing to let his poking some strange slide. But not Caitlin! Caitlin calls Dad out on his bad behavior! Then she packs up and goes to live with her brother and his wife.
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Alex Yankou's huge COKE bottle glasses and his suede jacket that he wears with shorts. Does he ever take that thing off?!
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Wheels (forging Grandma's name on his report card): Does
               that look like an old person's signature to you?
- - - - -
Caitlin's Mom (about Dad, who is having an affair): I'm glad
                           he's taken up Squash. It gives him "something
                           new" to "do".
- - - - -
Grandma: Derek, shouldn't I be seeing your mid-term report
                    card soon?
 
Wheels: They don't have those anymore.
 
Grandma: Oh, you do it so smoothly. Are you EVER telling the
                    truth?
- - - - -
Grandma: You're getting wilder and wilder!
- - - - -
Alex (finding note on locker): What's this? A note? "Meet me at
          the front door at four o'clock. Signed, A Secret Admirer".
          I have a Secret Admirer???
 
Arthur: Before you get TOO excited, it isn't me.
- - - - -
Joey (trying to fix broken down car): Stupid piece of junk!
          (kicks car) Ow! Ow! Ow!
 
Wheels: NOW what are we gonna do?
 
Snake: I saw this in a Horror movie once!
- - - - -
Dad: Where were YOU?
 
Caitlin: At Maya's. Where's Mom?
 
Dad: She's not home. I made dinner. Why didn't you call? At
          least let me know where you were?
 
Caitlin: I guess I forgot. Sorry.
 
Dad: I cooked us a special meal and then you don't bother to
          telephone?

Caitlin: I said "I forgot".
 
Dad: I'm trying to be a good father here. It's pretty hard when I
          don't get any cooperation. Believe me, there's a lot of
          things I COULD have been doing.
 
Caitlin: Oh yeah? Like what, DAD? Like "going to work"? Like
              "playing Squash"? Or eating dinner in a fancy
              restaurant with "a friend"???
 
Dad: What are you talking about?
 
Caitlin: Do you think we're blind? Or do you think we're
              stupid?! I know, Dad! I know you're seeing That
              Woman!
- - - - -
Grandma: How WAS the concert, Derek?
 
Wheels: "Concert"?
Grandma: Yes. When you didn't come home on time I phoned
                    your friends. I can't say I was surprised.
 
Wheels: I don't have to tell you everywhere I go. I can take care
                of myself. You're not my mother.
 
Grandma: No, I'm not. And I'm very glad that she's not here to
                    see the kind of person YOU'RE becoming. I'm too
                    old to fight with you and I'm too tired of all your lies.
                    You just take and you take and you take. You're just
                    selfish.
 
Wheels: Okay okay, I'm sorry.
 
Grandma: I don't BELIEVE you!
 
Wheels: I don't CARE what you believe! You DON'T have
                control over me.
 
Grandma: No, I don't. But this is MY home and I don't want you
                    living here anymore. I want you OUT of here!
 
* BODY POLITICS: Lucy meets a new guy named Dale and is supposed to go to the school dance with him.
 
Around this same time the girls volleyball team is getting unfair treatment, with the school putting more time, energy and money into the boys basketball  team. The girls rebel and Lucy is ready to get all In Your Face loud and opinionated with the guys, until she sees that the leader of the boys basketball team is Dale.
 
Should she back down? Of course not.  
 
Lucy ends up speaking her mind and ends up losing her date with Dale.
 
Class President Bronco invites Lucy to the dance and she says "yes". They start dating.
 
Patrick, who been dumped by Spike, asks Liz to go see a band play "just as friends" and Spike is none too pleased to find out about it.
 
Alexa and Michelle make up.
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Liz's Pebbles Flintstone hair-do
 
Lucy's CLEAR TECH t-shirt
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Patrick: Alright, Spike, what's going on?

Spike: I suppose I could ask YOU the same thing!
 
Patrick: What's THAT supposed to mean?

Spike: Out of ALL the girls at DEGRASSI you go for MY best
             friend. That's slimey.
 
Patrick: Excuse me?!
 
Spike: Using HER to get back at ME? REALLY slimey!
 
Patrick: You think I asked Liz out just to get back at you? I
                happen to LIKE  Liz. And I DON'T like you meddeling.
 
Spike: I didn't do ANYTHING!
 
Patrick: Oh no? Then how come she won't even eat lunch with
               me?
 
Spike: Maybe she doesn't LIKE you very much!
 
Patrick: Let's get one thing straight, Christine, YOU dumped
               ME, remember? And I don't like you dictating who I
               can and can not go out with.
 
Spike: FINE!
 
Patrick: You may ne a mother, but you've got a lot of growing
                up to do.
 
Spike: Grrrrrr.
 
* CROSSED WIRES: Liz is having nightmares about her mother's old boyfriend molesting her as a little girl. (No wonder she hates men).
 
Liz's friend Tim, who has a crush on her, asks her to go to a  POGUES concert with him and she says "No". Spike talks her into going, telling her what a nice guy Tim is. Liz goes back to Tim and accepts the date. Tim had offered the ticket to Snake by now but Snake, knowing how Tim pines for Liz, gives the ticket back (Nice guy, that Snake!)
 
Liz and Tim go to the concert and have a great time but when he goes to kiss her goodnight she beats him off and slams the door in his face.
 
The next day she tells Spike what an animal Tim is. Tim gets Spike alone and tells his side of the story ( "I wouldn't hurt a fly") He worries that his "freshness" might have ruined his friendship with Liz.
 
Liz tells Spike her horrible secret and Spike is shocked. She gives Liz a shoulder to cry on.
 
The next day Liz and Tim make up.
 
And even stranger than THAT: Joey and Dwayne make up too after Dwayne helps Joey fix his broken-down jalopy.
 
That lil horn-dog Tessa is upset her boyfriend Alex hasn't been Givin' Her The Goods. By episodes end she goes to dump him out of sheer sexual frustration. Knowing full well that no other girl in DEGRASSI is ever gonna give him the time of day he whips off his glasses and plants one on her. She's thrilled.
 
Mistakes In This Episode:
 
Liz has brown eyes but in her nightmare flash-backs "Little Liz" has blue eyes.
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Tim - Whoo-whooo-whoo! Here come The Fashion Police!
 
Alex - Suede jacket that he wears INSIDE - surprisingly on his
            date with Tessa we see that he DOESN'T wear the jacket
            when he's OUTSIDE!
 
Liz - Rockin' the Pebbles Flintsone top-knot
 
Spike - Check out her Rapunzel-like hair extensions!!!
 
Spike - Her LITTLE RASCAL-esque shorts in the scene where
              Emma is in the pool
 
Totally '90s Footnote- Liz has a pic of DEF LEPPARD in her
                                          locker. Cooool!
 
DEGRASSI Fashion I Owned:
 
Dwayne is wearing that POISON t-shirt again!
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Snake: On the way home in the romantic glow of the street
               lights she looks at him: "Oh my, Tim, you're so
               handsome"!
 
Tim: Yeah, that does sound realistic!
 
Snake: She takes his hand and smothers him in kisses of
               passion: mwah mwah mwah mwah mwah!
 
Tim: Don't stop THERE. Go on!
 
Snake: She kisses her way up his arm: "Oh! Oh! Oh, Tim!" she
              moans "Oh!". She looks up at him and ..... "Wow. I think
              I need glasses!"
- - - - -
Tessa (Alex has walked her to her door): Well, here we are.

Alex: Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig.
- - - - -
Spike: Tim says he's really soory. What happened?

Liz: It doesn't matter.
 
Spike: He's really upset you won't let him apologize.
 
Liz: Oh great, so you're on HIS side!
 
Spike: No, I'm on YOUR side.
 
Liz: Yeah, well ya coulda fooled me!
 
Spike: What is it with you and guys anyway? If it was just a
             little peck.........
 
Liz: Alright - kissy kissy - ain't no problem - any guy, right?!
 
Spike: No, but I think it's okay to kiss someone you like
             "goodnight".
 
Liz: Yeah, well, it's easy to see why YOU got pregnant!
- - - - -
Joey: So hows it going?

Dwayne (sarcastically): Great. I love being HIV positive.
                 (seriously) Sometimes I dream I don't have it. I'm
                 normal again and everything's great. Then I wake up
                 and I've still got it. I wanna kill myself.
 
Joey: Don't say that!
 
Dwayne: Why not? It's gonna happen anyway. You're the only
                  person who knows. I told YOU by mistake. I haven't
                 even told my parents yet.
 
Joey: You gotta tell them
 
Dwayne: No way. My Dad would KILL me.
 
Joey: Well, you wouldn't have to do it yourself!
 
Look For: The box of DIPPS in Tabis iron grip.
 
* THE ALL-NIGHTER: Kathleen finds joints in the Ladies Room tampon machine (Luke and Yick hid them there) and brings them to Diana's Surprise Slumber Party. There are no guys at this party (Most of 'em are playing poker at Luke's house) so Kathleen livens things up during Truth or Dare by breaking out The Devil's Weed. Caitlin says she doesn't wanna smoke. Maya takes one hit but doesn't like it. Kathleen, Melanie and Diana smoke the pot. Diana doesn't feel anything. Melanie is giggly. Kathleen is morose and moody (In one scene - the one where Caitlin is spraying air-freshener so Melanie's Mom won't smell the pot - Kathleen looks like she's going to snap and kill everybody in the room!)
 
The game of Truth Or Dare continues and we learn a few things (like despite being in a wheelchair Maya CAN have sex and, by the way, she thinks Yick is hot! ) and this is when someone asks Melanie if she's ever read anyone's diary and Melanie, stoned off her a** spills the beans that she read Kathleen's diary. And what a juicy read it was too! Kathleen has an eating disorder, an alcoholic mother  and an X-boyfriend that beat her up!
 
Kathleen runs outside crying and her worst enemy Caitlin follows her, wrapping her up in a blankie and letting her cry on her shoulder.
 
Kathleen "break ups" with Melanie.
 
While this is all going on, Arthur has been trying to weasel his way into Luke's No Dope (Cuz Kathleen took it!) - No Booze- No Cigerettes Poker Game. Luke - figuring Artie Smartie has lots of money and no Poker knowledge - lets him tag along so he can win all his money. Little do they know Artie is quite the "grifter", and he wins all their money!
 
Lame C story involves Alex Yankou staying up all night in his room alone (Check out his hideous wall-paper!) trying to finish an essay so he can go fishing with his Poppa the next day. He ends up staying up so late that he sleeps in the next morning, totally missing the fishing trip. Oh well.
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Luke: My parents are going away: It's Pa-arty Time!
- - - - -
Yick: Hey, can Arthur play Poker with us tonight? We need
          four.
 
Luke: No, we don't: This isn't Bridge.
 
Yick: Yeah, but it's more fun with more people.
 
Luke: C'mon! The guys a nerd!
- - - - -
Diana: Somehow I imagined my birthday a little more romantic.
             Maybe a date with Keanu Reeves.....!
- - - - -
Melanie: Maya,.......Later on......If you, like, get married or
                 something......Can you.......?
 
Maya: You mean can I have sex?
 
Melanie: Yeah!
 
Maya: Sure. I may not be able to feel it as well as you guys but
            lots of people with Spina Bifida have babies and
            everything. I'LL just have to make my men work a little
            harder!
 
Melanie: Woo-Hoo!!!!
- - - - -
Kathleen: Okay, Maya: Truth, Dare, Double Dare, Promise To
                   Repeat?
 
Maya: Okay. "Truth".
 
Kathleen: Have you ever tryed drugs?
 
Maya: NO!
 
Kathleen (pulling out joints): Would anyone here like to?
 
Diana: Oh my.....!
 
Melanie: Where did you get those?

Kathleen: I have "connections".
- - - - -
Diana: Okay, Melanie, your turn: Truth, Dare, Double Dare,
             Promise To Repeat?
 
Melanie: "Truth".
 
Diana: Have you ever read anyone's diary?
 
Melanie: Yes.
 
Diana: Do tell! Whose?!
 
Melanie: Kathleens! Of course! But it was okay cuz it only
                 came out she had Anorexia and she got counseling!
 
Kathleen: Melanie!
 
Melanie: Kathleeen, i don't see what the Big Deal IS! You had
                 Anorexia, your Mom is an alcoholic and your
                 boyfriend beat you up! Most people would need
                 counseling for even ONE of those things!
 
Kathleen: It's not your secret to tell!
 
Look For:

Shameless Product Placement : PEPSI cans EVERYWHERE, a
DIPPS box in Alex's room, Caitlin's CLEAR TECH t-shirt
 
* HOME SWEET HOME; Money has been disappearing from Mrs Jeremiah's purse....Ever since Wheels moved in!
 
Joey confronts Wheels about it but Wheels lies and says he didn't take anything. After that we see him "borrow" Joey's watch without asking. And then we see him take the last DIPPS granola bar without offering it to Joey! Well, that's just a step too far! Joey throws him out.
 
He trys to move in with Snake but Snake's parents aren't having it. Snake lets him sleep on a couch on his front porch (Hey, Heather and Erica have one of those too! Must be a Canadian thing!) in the rain but after a night of that Wheels decides he doesn't like that.
 
He gets on the phone with his grandmother who tells him he can only move back in with her if he cleans up his act. If not, he will have to go stay in a homeless shelter. Granny practices that Tough Love!
 
Meanwhile, Michelle has been complaining to Alexa and Simon about her noisy house-mates whose loud music and partying is interfereing with her studying. Simon suggests she study at her Dad's house. Michelle calls Simon "brilliant" (bet he's never heard THAT before!) and decides to sneak into Dad's house on the nights he has Cooking classes. The first night she breaks and enters into the house she's surprised to find Dad home...and dripping wet in a towel (Yikes)! He tells her she can stay and study and even makes her a nice home-cooked meal. He asks her to move back in and Michelle says she'll only move in if she can pay him rent and they can draw up a "contract". This will make it so she doesn't have to follow his crazy, old-fashioned rules, she won't have to wait on him hand and foot and she will still be free to date negroes if she so desires. 
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Wheels: See ya at "home"! Later! (walks away)
 
Joey (to Snake): "Home". He takes my stuff without asking me,
          he snores, he's driving me crazy!
 
Snae: Then ask him to leave!

Joey: I CAN'T! He's my friend!
- - - - -
Michelle: The kitchen is filthy. Even the cockroaches are
                  complaining!
- - - - -
Michelle: Simon, you're brilliant!
 
Simon: I am?!
 
Alexa: He is????
- - - - -
Wheels: ..............I haven't had it easy like you: My parents were
                killed, Man!
 
Joey: Why do you ALWAYS bring that up? That was over two
            years ago!
 
Wheels: You don't get over something like that! (grabs a
                 DIPPS)
 
Joey (reaching into DIPPS box and finding it empty): Hey, you
          took the last one!
 
Wheels: So? First come, first served! Anyway, I don't need to
                hear a lecture from a jerk like you!
 
Joey: You're right! What you NEED is to start looking for
            somewhere else to live! My parents want you out.
 
Wheels: What?!
 
Joey: You can stay here til you find somewhere to live but
           you've GOTTA start looking.
 
Wheels: Why wait?! I'm not gonna stay some place where I'm
                not wanted! I'm outta here!
 
Joey: Go ahead.
 
Wheels: FINE!
 
Joey: Hey, gimme back my watch! (Wheels throws it at him) Be
           careful!
 
Wheels: Thanks a lot. Some friend YOU are!
- - - - -
Snake: My parents say "No".
 
Wheels: Didn't you tell them it was just for one night?
 
Snake: Yeah, that's what you told Joey's parents!
 
Wheels: YOUR PARENTS ARE JERKS!!!!!
- - - - -
(Wheels is in the rain, calling Grandma from a payphone)
 
Grandma: Hello?

Wheels: It's me, Grandma.
 
Grandma: What do you want, Derek?
 
Wheels: I need a place to stay. Joey's parents threw me out.
 
Grandma: I know. You were stealing.
 
Wheels: NO! I didn't take anything!
 
Grandma: You lie and you lie.
 
Wheels: I do not, Grandma. C'mon, please? Ya gotta let me
                come over.
 
Grandma: If I let you back you'll stick by my rules.
 
Wheels: Fine!
 
Grandma: You'll go to school. you'll do your chores.......
 
Wheels: No problem.
 
Grandma: ....and you'll return to counseling.
 
Wheels: I don't NEED counseling!
 
Grandma: YES ---YOU -- DO !!!
 
Wheels (reluctantly): Okay okay. I'll do anything you want.
               Just let me come over. Things will be different, I
               promise.
 
Grandma: I don't believe you, Der-rick.
 
Wheels: But you HAVE to! It's pouring out here! Where am I
                gonna go?!
 
Grandma: There are shelters.
 
Wheels: That's for bums and losers!
 
Grandma: No, they're for people that don't have anywhere else
                    to go. (hangs up)
 
Wheels: Grandma! Wait!
 
Look For:
 
DIPPS - tearing a friendship asunder!
 
Listen For:
 
RUSH! Joey has a tape in his car's tape deck that has Fly By Night on it. Sweeeet!
 
A Little Somethin' For The Ladies:
 
Michelle's Evil Bigot Father in a towel....Drrrrrrippin'!
 
* EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVIES: Bronco has a secret: THE SAVAGES are going to be shooting a Rock video at DEGRASSI! They are Lucy, Heather and Erica's favorite band ("Rock And Rollllllll, it takes a lotta lotta lotta lotta lotta your soul!") Bronco tells Lucy about it. Then he tells her she can't go watch them shoot and she can't tell any of her friends (Nice guy, huh?) She tells The Twins and they hatch up a Lucy & Ethel-type plan to sneak into DEGRASSI so they can watch the group film the video.
 
Joey and Snake are getting ready to go on a weekend camping trip but Mr Webster has been all over Joey's ass to study for an upcoming test . Snake can't find anyone else to go camping with (apparently Wheels has a job now) so he talks Joey into bringing his notes and books ON the camping trip and studying  there.
 
Joey and Snake stop by the school to pick up some of Joey's stuff from his locker and soon they realize that THE SAVAGES will be shooting a video at the school. Finding the window Lucy and The Twins left open THEY climb in and hide out in the school also hoping to get a chance to meet THE SAVAGES. The Guys end up bumping (literally!) into The Girls. Bronco realizes the whole lot of them are hiding in the school and he runs in to try to get them out before Raditch finds out they are there. Mr Raditch busts ALL of them and throws them all out , even Bronco. Nobody gets to meet THE SAVAGES.
 
Also - Caitlin is hoping her parents are going to get a divorce. She is disguted to find out Mom is STILL staying with Dad after all his vile mid-life crisis screwing around!
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Lucy's CLEAR TECH t-shirt 
 
Bronco : His "RECYCLING : GET INTO IT" t-shirt
                 His KANGOL hat with all the colorful patches on it
                 His belt that hangs about 12 inches too long
 
Snake: His BRIGHT orange socks
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:

Lucy: Hi.

Bronco: She talked to me! Oh, heart! Oh bliss!

- - - - -

Lucy: Eat your heart out, Rambo!

Fascinating Fact: The guy who played "Tim" (Keith White) wrote THE SAVAGES song that Heather, Erica and Lucy sing. Now go back and read the lyrics and laugh your a** off!

* SHOW TIME: Classic DEGRASSI. Everybody's auditioning for the DEGRASSI Talent Show (Check out Arthur and his creepy twin cousin tap-dancing in their Little Nell "Columbia" hats. Yowza!) . The Jocks are donning tu-tus and doing ballet (!), Tim (who is dressed somewhat normal, for once) is doing magic tricks, Caitlin is doing a Jazz dance, Joey and Snake are going to ....well, you really have to SEE their act for yourself to believe it. And Claude, who is devestated over his break-up with Caitlin and the divorce of his parents, is going to read a damn depressing, morbid poem he wrote about "death" and "blackness". Lucy and Bronco tell him that they can't let him do the poem and suggest he do something more light-hearted. He calls the DEGRASSI flock "sheep", Joey goes "Bahhhh!" and Claude storms out of the room.
 
Later on Claude takes a gun, goes to the DEGRASSI Mens Room and shoots himself. Snake is the lucky guy who finds the body.  (Is it just me or when Snake and Mr Raditch run to the Mens Room does Mr Raditch run funny?)
 
The kids are told by their teachers that a student has committed suicide. Tessa asks "Who?" and the teacher says "Claude Tanner". Of course, Caitlin is shocked. Even more shocked when she gets home from school (I love the scene where Caitlin walks into the house past her mother never even mentioning that someone committed suicide at school today!) and finds a dozen long stem roses that Claude has sent her from beyond the grave! Mwahahaha!
 
Caitlin has visions of Claude in Science Lab and nightmares about Claude at night and she finally drops her hostile front and admits that she feels terrible about his death. Joey comes to the house to get tutoring help from Caitlin and when she starts to tell him she feels bad about Claude he tells her that she shouldn't feel sorry for that pig Claude or feel guilty, thinking SHE was the reason he killed himself. If anything she should be MAD because Claude did this to try to make her feel bad! Caitlin crys. Joey hugs her. They start to fall in love again. (Awww!)
 
Meanwhile, Snake is walking around in a catatonic state, still shocked over finding Dead Claude. He doesn't wanna go to school and he doesn't wanna be in The Talent Show so Wheels (who is working at a gas station now and has given Mrs Jeremiah back the money he stole) takes his place.
 
By the way, because of Claude's death some people want to put a stop to The Talent Show and some people still want to put the show on. They have the show as a fund-raiser for Claude's parents (so they can buy a new son?) and  It's On With The Show (And a whole new variation of that tired old Everybody Wants Something song!)
 
SHOW TIME is my daughter's favorite DEGRASSI episode "because Claude dies!"
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Is it just me or does everybody look really good in this episode? Well, there ARE a few minor exceptions:
 
Arthur and Dorothy in their glittery New Years Eve hats
 
Claude in his SEINFELD "puffy shirt"....complete with cheesy paper garter on sleeve
 
Claude's pointy EDWARD SCISSORHAND boots
 
For some reason there are a whole lotta hats (Lucy, Bronco) and headbands (Caitlin, Maya) going on in this episode
 
Hey, Lucy, BLOSSOM called: She wants her hat back!
 
Trish's Rock-A-Doodle-Doo hair
 
Alex, still wearing that friggin' suede coat indoors with shorts
 
That white guy wearing that "black guy" hat
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Maya: "Life is like a flower, let it unfold!"
- - - - -
CLAUDE'S POEM:

Autumn leaves, Dying leaves
Season of DEATH
When winds blow cold
Thoughts of DEATH creep in as I sleep
I dream I'm in a coffin
Safe from the life I don't want to lead
I'm not afraid
Soothing, BLACK, warm
Soothing, BLACK, warm
Safe from the pain
And safe from the fools
Safe, soothing, BLACK......................
- - - - -
Snake (seeing blood and pointy EDWARD SCISSORHAND boots sticking out of a Mens Room stall): You alright?
- - - - -
Caitlin: The problem is making a magnetic field that's
               uniformed over a reasonable voulme of space.
 
Joey: Yeah. SPACE. That can be REAL un-reasonable. I          
            learned that on STAR TREK.
- - - - -
Caitlin: I want an herbal tea. Do you want anything?
 
Joey: Uhhh...Ya got a beer?
 
Caitlin: NO!!!
 
Joey: It was a JOKE! Caitlin, why are you so serious?! You
           used to have a sense of humor!
 
Caitlin: Do you want anything?!
 
Joey: Yes. I would like a juice.
 
Look For:
 
Stacie Mistysyn ("Caitlin") and Pat Mastroianni ("Joey") before and after the episode, assuring us that the actor who played "Claude" ( David Armin Parcells) didn't REALLY kill himself. They also tell us suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem and give us a Suicide Hotline number (1-800-448-3000)
 
Arthur and Dorothy tap-dancing. Really: It's quite a sight!
 
Claude's pointy boots sticking out of the bathroom stall - He looks like The Wicked Witch Of The East stuck under Aunt Em's house.
 
Some black female teacher we've never seen before, comforting students after Claude's suicide
 
Joy - black chick who tells us Claude is going to Hell cuz he committed suicide, then cries like she just lost her best friend
 
The "white guy wearing the black guy hat" next to Joy - when she starts to cry he looks like he is trying to comfort her but really doesn't want to TOUCH her!
 
There are a lot of students crammed in this episode who never really got a lotta camera time. Among them : "Mark", "Dale" and some dude named "Ricky" (I have no idea).
 
How everything has a white "glow" to it in Caitlin's Nightmare.
 
Snake's bug-eyed, freaked-out expression when describing finding Claude's dead body. And his haircut that makes him look like "Becky" from ROSEANNE.
 
A Little Somethin' For The Ladies:
 
Joey and Snake - Tickle Fight!
 
Joey, Wheels and Snake Topless!
 
* THREE'S A CROWD: While studying with Snake, Spike starts having wild fantasys about him throwing his notes in the air and wrapping his arms around her and kissing her passionately. (Spike's crush on Snake is of interest in this episode because they DO eventually hook up and get married in DEGRASSI: THE NEXT GENERATION) Spike likes Snake but Snake is still carrying a torch for Michelle.
 
Spike and Snake make plans to go to the school formal together "As Friends".  Then later Snake ends up getting asked to the formal by Michelle. So now he has TWO dates.
 
Spike overhears about Snake's problem and makes up an excuse why she can't go to the dance with him ("a family thing") and frees him up to go with Michelle. (In the next episode, where they actually GO to this dance BOTH Spike and Snake are there. Doesn't he find that odd?)
 
By the way, Tessa, who has been dating Alex for three months is attracted to his good friend Yick. She kisses Yick. She then tells Yick that she is going to break up with Alex. When the time comes to give Alex his walking papers Tessa chickens out. Yick - thinking Alex  was dumped by Tessa - stupidly mentions The Kiss. Alex flips out on Yick. He confronts Tessa who breaks up with him. She asks him if they can still be "friends" and he says "No".
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
SPIKE'S FANTASY #1:
 
Snake: I can't play these games anymore, Christine......
 
Spike: "Games"?
 
Snake: Don't you know I'm crazy about you?! (throws papers
              in the air and kisses her)
- - - - -
TESSA'S FANTASY #1:
 
Yick: Tessa. I've gotta tell you: You've got a sexy mind. I love
          women with brains.
 
Tessa: You DO?
 
Yick: Come to the formal with me?
 
Tessa: Yick, I don't know what to say!
 
Yick: Just say "yes". Please? (kisees her)
- - - - -
TESSA'S REALITY:
 
Alex (to Tessa and Yick who are studying): Soooo....Getting
          a lot of studying done?
 
Yick: Sure.
 
Tessa: Yeah. Lots.
 
Alex: I was telling Tessa I hardly get a moment with her
          anymore.
 
Tessa: AL-EX!
 
Yick: Oh, it's okay. I was just leaving. Thanks for helping me.
           I think I'm almost done (leaves).
 
Tessa: See ya later.
 
Alex: "Later?" Ya mean later today?
 
Tessa: Alex, I TOLD you: He's way behind.
 
Alex: Right. It's just..............I guess you forgot what today is.
           Well? C'mon: Guess.
 
Tessa: Alex, I don't know, OKAY?!
 
Alex: It's our Three Month Anniversary. Here. I got you this.
          (hands her a box) Go ahead. Open it. (she opens it and
          sees ring) Happy Anniversary. (He gives her a peck on
          the cheek) I hope the NEXT three months will be just as
          great as the last three.
 
(Tessa looks like she's going to throw up. Alex smiles.)
- - - - -
SPIKE'S FANTASY # 2:
 
Snake: Yeah????
 
Spike: How, ummm, would you like to go to the formal with
            me?
 
Snake: WHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!
 
Spike: Soory! Forget it!
 
Snake: WHA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA! Guys, Get THIS: She
              asked ME to the formal!
 
Hillbilly Jim and A Bunch Of Other Fools: A-HA-HA-HA-HA!   
- - - - -
Tessa: As if I'd be interested in YICK. He's NOT my type. He's
              wild and unpredictable. And Alex is.........reliable. And
              dependable. And solid.
 
Dorothy: You make him sound like a station wagon.
- - - - -
Alison (trying to talk to Nick who has on headphones): Hi,
             Nick.  HI, NICK!
 
Nick: Hey.
 
Alison: I was wondering if.......Do you have a date for the
              dance?
 
Tabi: Yes, he DUZ!
 
Alison: Great. That's great. I was just doing a poll for the
              school newspaper.
- - - - -
TESSA'S FANTASY #2:

Tessa: Alex, we need to talk.
 
Alex: What about?
 
Tessa:Us. Look, it's not working. I think we should split up.
 
Alex (smiling): Am I glad to hear you say that! I've been
         thinking the same thing! Why don't we just be friends?
 
Tessa: Sure!
 
Alex: In fact, y'know what? I've always thought that you and
           Yick would make a FANTASTIC couple. I'm serious!
 
Tessa: Oh, Alex! You're such a great guy!
 
Alex: I know. (Alex waves to Yick. Yick waves to Alex)
 
Look For:
 
Hillbilly Jim: Some big, fat DELIVERACE-like guy in overalls
                        who we see running in the hallway when the bell
                        rings and who we see laughing in SPIKE'S
                        FANTASY #2.
 
In fact, look for the scene towards the beginning where the bell rings and everbody - including Hillbilly Jim - runs into the classroom. It's sooo f*ckin' funny!
 
Also: make sure you watch Alex's face every time he looks at Tessa (Love) and every time Tessa looks at Alex (Repulsion)      
 
* ONE LAST DANCE: There's a rumor going around DEGRASSI that one of the students has AIDS. Dwayne thinks Joey has been spreading the rumor but Joey swears he hasn't.
 
When Tabi and Nick are making nasty remarks about the mystery student who has AIDS, Dwayne tells them that it's him. They want nothing to do with him.
 
Lucy has won the school election for School President, but right afterword it is announced that DEGRASSI will not be open next year because the building will be getting major reapair work done. All the DEGRASSI students will be shipped off to different schools for their Senior year.
 
Everyone is getting ready for the school formal and Joey finally works up the nerve to invite Caitlin, who says "Yes".
 
At the formal Caitlin shows up late and thinks she's been stood up by Joey, but he is really in the Mens Room giving a Pep Talk to Dwayne who has come to the dance and is being shunned by everybody because word has spread that he has AIDS.
 
Joey enters the dance just as Caitlin is about to angrily leave. She smiles and hits the dance floor with him. Mr Raditch puts on a special slow song and all the DEGRASSI couples dance (Joey and Caitlin, Snake and Michelle, Simon and Alexa, Yick and Tessa, Bronco and Lucy, BLT and Cindy, Liz and Tim (?), Spike and Wheels (??), Trish and Mr Raditch (???). Tabi asks Dwayne to dance and he smiles and accepts. They all dance out of our lives forerver...or at least until a year later when we meet up with some of them in SCHOOL'S OUT!
 
Bad DEGRASSI Fashion:
 
Even though this dance is a "formal" the group is really a mixed bag here. Some are dressed in tuxedoes (Joey and Snake) and some people are dressed like bums.
 
Again - Check out Trish's hair. She must have done that mohawk thing just to stand out in background scenes. You probably never even NOTICED Trish before she got that SIGUE SIGUE SPUTNIK do.
 
DEGRASSI Fashion I Owned - Dwayne's POISON tee
 
Memorable DEGRASSI Quotes:
 
Tabi: I mean, how sick can it  be going to the same school
          with someone who has AIDS.
 
Nick: The guy should kicked out if you ask me.
 
Joanne: How do you know it's a GUY?
 
Nick: Because, Joanne, it IS called "The Gay Plague".
 
Tabi: Yeah, really.
 
Joanne: Guys, wake up. It is not just a gay problem 
                anymore.
 
Tabi:  And what - pray tell - do YOU know about 
           AIDS, Joanne?
 
Joanne: A lot. My mother works with AIDS 
                 patients.
 
Tabi: Ooh, Girl, stay away from me.
 
Nick: Yeah. I  was gonna kiss you,   
          Joanne, but I guess you lose.  
 
Joanne: No.  I WIN.
- - - - -
Dwayne: How do you know it's not one of us (who has AIDS)?
 
Tabi: Oh yeah, right.
 
Dwayne: How do you know it's not ME?
 
Nick: Come on, Dwayne. You're WEIRD but you're not QUEER,
           Man.
 
Dwayne: I'm sick and tired of hearing crap from dumb jerks
                 who know everything about nothing.
 
Tabi: Shorty, take it easy.
 
Dwayne: You think you're so safe? So did I.
 
Nick: Come on, Dwayne. You don't have AIDS.
 
Dwayne: Not yet. But I'm HIV positive. And I got it from a chick.
                  How do you like that?
 
Tabi: Come on. This isn't funny. 
 
Dwayne: No kidding. It's the TRUTH.
- - - - -
Joey (seeing Dwayne alone in the Mens Room): Hey, are you
          okay? Are ya drunk?
- - - - -
Dwayne: I used to like it when people were afraid of me. But
                 this is different.
 
Look For:
 
Trish - bringing not just ONE but TWO dates to the dance! AND THEN hitting on Mr Raditch in front of them. That shameless hussy!                                 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Pa-arty!

DEGRASSI: It's Not Just A Show: It's An Obsession