I regale you with tales of me meeting such high falootin' stars such as...
JOEY RAMONE and MARKY RAMONE (THE RAMONES):
When I was a kid I lived in Forest Hills, New York. So did some of the guys from THE RAMONES! I never thought much about
it. I mean, I loved their music and knew they were from Forest Hills and had a sense of pride in that...but I never really
thought I would actually meet any of them.
One day, when I was about 17, I was supposed to hang out with my friend Karl. Somehow I ended up hanging out at my
friend Jenn's house that morning. When the time came that I was supposed to meet Karl at my house I said "Well, I gotta
go" and she pretty much said "Ah, f*ck it. Blow Karl off", meaning to not show up at my house for Karl and stay with her instead.
This wasn't what a nice girl would do! And, besides, I knew that when Karl came to my house he usually brought bags and
bags of groceries: Stuff like 40s of beer, and munchies and grub. I just had a mental picture of him standing in front of
my house with three or four bags of groceries and not having a key to get in. And I knew no one was home to LET him in.
I killed about an extra hour with Jenn and then started to head home, hoping Karl was still there. Jenn walked with me
to my house.
We got about a block away from my house and Karl was standing in front of an apartment building looking at it funny.
I said "Hi. Sorry I'm late. What are you looking at?" and he, almost in a whisper, said "Joey Ramone is in that building."
I called him a liar and hit him with whatever I was holding at the moment. (I think it was a record). He said "It's Joey Ramone.
Why would I lie?" Then I asked him was he SURE it was Joey Ramone. He looked at me incredulously and said "Duh. Of course
I'm sure. Who the Hell looks like Joey Ramone but Joey Ramone???" (If you know what Joey Ramone looked like you would have
to agree: Joey Ramone is pretty much the only person who looks like Joey Ramone.) So I stood there and waited awhile and,
lo and behold, Joey Ramone and Marky Ramone walked out of the building! My jaw dropped....cuz I had never seen a celebrity
in person before, let alone someone I really liked. Karl asked "Well, are you guys gonna say anything?" and me and Jenn
stood there acting like LAVERNE & SHIRLEY. We didn't know what to say or do. After a long pause Karl said "Well, then
let's head home" and started walking. I managed to shout out "Hey, Joey!" and Joey Ramone looked up and waved. Now some famous
people are friendly when you meet 'em and some treat you like scum. Joey obviously was a pleasant, fan friendly type. So I
ran home, got my CD for the ROCK & ROLL HIGH SCHOOL soundtrack and a pen and ran back to the corner where Joey and
Marky still were, luckily. Karl walked up to them and said "Dude, will you sign this for my friend?" and they did. They started
making small talk with Karl and then me and Jenn ran up behind him and started to giggle like a**holes at every thing they
said. They seemed surprised that out of all the possible RAMONES albums we could have we had ROCK & ROLL HIGH SCHOOL.
One of them asked Karl if he liked P.J. Soles. I don't think Karl knew who P.J. Soles was (She was Riff in ROCK & ROLL
HIGHSCHOOL as well as being in HALLOWEEN, CARRIE, STRIPES and other movies) so he kind of went "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh...." and I
chimed in "He likes anything with tits!" I'm such a charmer! With all the millions of things I could have said to my
childhood idols I chose to blurt out "He likes anything with tits". Brilliant. (Sarcastic clapping).
I let them know I lived around the block (No, they didn't opt to hang out with us!) and thanked them and then left. I
floated home on a cloud. And to this day Karl loves to remind me "...And you didn't BELIEVE me!"
Oh, and by the way, one day me and Karl were talking about the movie STRIPES and he started to rave about the cute girl
in it. So, yes, RAMONES, he does indeed like P.J. Soles! And anything else with tits!
When I was in Business School I was really trying to be good and stay on the straight and narrow. Sometimes life threw
me little temptations though. One day Jenn called my house and said "You're not going to school today! METALLICA is at TOWER
RECORDS in the city so you and me are going there today!" If it was anyone else I wouldn't have blown off school but I was
realllly in love with drummer Lars Ulrich at the time. If I didn't go meet Lars NOW, then WHEN? So I blew off school, grabbed
my AND JUSTICE FOR ALL CD, a white t-shirt and a camera and headed to the city with Jenn and my friend Anthony. When
we got there the line went around the block twice. Well, it was long. So we had a long wait ahead of us. We waited and
waited and waited. It was a good kind of pain though cuz everyone on line was excited so we were all feeding off eachothers
energy. When we got into TOWER RECORDS we noticed the order in which they were sitting: James Hetfield, Lars Ulrich,
Kirk Hammet and Jayson Newsted. We decided to let Jenn go first so Anthony could take a picture of her with James and
then I would go so they could take a picture of me and Lars. As soon as we stepped up to James he burped in our faces. Niiiiiice.
He signed her stuff and then he signed my stuff. When he saw the white t-shirt he said "Do you sleep in this?" and I said
"I do now!" Then we walked up to Lars and I just froze and went weak. He said "Hi" and I almost threw up on him. I said "Can
I hold your hand?" and he said "Yeah" and I grabbed his hand. I wanted to pull his a** right over the thing and drag him home
with me but I didn't do that. I probably said "I love you" but, honestly, who can even remember what I said at a time
like that? When I walked up to Kirk I was already crying cuz I didn't wanna leave Lars! He signed my CD "K.H." instead of
"Kirk Hammet" and I thought that was a really dicky thing to do! Then we met Jayson and he seemed really nice. When me and
Jenn went to walk out of the store we turned around and Anthony was STILL talking to Jayson! Hahaha. I was crying and didn't
wanna leave the store so a lady who worked there was asking me if I was "okay" and I just blurted out "I love him!" The woman
was surprised to see anyone acting so BEATLEMANIA over Lars Ulrich!
I carryed a torch for YEARS for Lars Ulrich until he got married. Then the torch sort of went out. Then he pulled his
NAPSTER crap and I just about hated the man! That's okay though: I'm still young and cute and he's balding rapidly and hasn't
had a decent album since THE BLACK ALBUM.
DUFF MCKAGAN (Bassist for GUNS N ROSES & VELVET REVOLVER):
My friends Jenn and Danny were really into GUNS N ROSES. So was I. But not as much as them. They treated GUNS N ROSES
like the second coming of Christ or something. Some time around the USE YOUR ILLUSION I & II albums the bass player Duff
came out with a solo album. I didn't think much of it but Jenn and Danny loved it. I would sit in the back of their car having
to hear them play it on the radio over and over again ad nauseam. They had gone to see Duff play live at some club in New
York and raved about that as well. So when they found out he was going to be at TOWER RECORDS in the city they were really
excited. I had Business school that day. They showed up at my house bright and early to shanghai me. (Another one of Life's
Little Temptations). So we drove to the city and stood on a loooong line to meet Duff McKagan. I wasn't as merry this time
around as I had been on the METALLICA line. I was killing time looking around for cute guys and running off line to get a
40, running off line to take a whiz, whatever. I think Danny was pissed at the "childish" way I was acting. But, y'know what,
it's not like the whole band GUNS N ROSES was in there! Just one guy! So we finally get in to meet Duff and he autographs
stuff for Jenn and Danny and makes small talk with them. Then it comes to me. I had him sign my APPETITE FOR DESTRUCTION cd,
my G-N-R LIES album and then I went to shake his hand and noticed he was wearing black leather gloves. I said "Can I shake
your...uhhh....glove?" and he said "Yeah" and shaked my hand. I was a little miffed that I stood on that long line just to
shake a gloved hand!
* P.S: If you've ever been to one of these things where you get to meet and greet Rock stars then you know that there
are always girls there jumping on them, hugging them, kissing them, asking them to sign boobs and a**es.........
I always just ask for a handshake cuz I know there's no way that they really appreciate all that madhouse slobbering!
KARL'S SCOTT IAN "MEISTERBRAU STORY":
This one didn't actually happen to me. It happened to Karl. But since he wasn't a big ANTHRAX fan and I was and I wasn't
around that day he decided to chat up Scott Ian so I could sort of have a Scott Ian story through proxy. Scott Ian is one
of the guitar players in ANTHRAX. I have had many friends in Forest Hills and Astoria who have had Scott Ian sightings. For
the most part they've all said the same thing. He's quiet and trys to play down the whole Rock star thing and trys to slip
by pretty much unnoticed. One day Karl was in REDWOOD DELI in Forest Hills buying beer and he saw another guy in the store
buying beer and it was Scott Ian. Karl quick like tryed to think of something he could ask Scott to autograph. He pulled a
dollar out of his pocket and said "Dude, can you sign this for my friend?". Scott wasn't the friendliest guy in the world
but he DID indeed sign it! While on line Karl happened to glance at what Scott was buying. He was buying beer. So was Karl.
Only Karl was buying BUDWEISER (Good beer) and Scott Ian, Rock star who has sold millions of platinum albums, was buying MEISTERBRAU
(Cheap, shit beer!) You're rich now, Scott, why don't you spring for the good stuff?!
MICHAEL MONROE ( Lead singer of HANOI ROCKS) SIGHTING:
There are celebrities like Scott Ian who walk around in jeans, a black t-shirt and a baseball cap hoping to God nobody
recognizes them. And then there are celebrities like HANOI ROCKS frontman MICHAEL MONROE who go out for a walk to the corner
deli to buy milk looking like they are ready to hit the stage!
One day me and a bunch of my friends were in The Village and we saw this blonde vixen of a man dressed in purple spangly
clothes walking down the street. My friend Anthony, who was into Death Metal and New York Hardcore, said "That guy looks familiar.
I don't know exactly WHO he is but I know he's a Rock star of sorts". I looked up and it looked a lot like Michael Monroe.
I wasn't sure if it was really him though. Then I saw the tatoo on his arm of an Oriental lady and realized that I had seen
that before in one of the pictures on the HANOI ROCKS album I had so, yes, it WAS really him. I jumped up and said "Let's
go over there and say something to him." I was smiling like an idiot. My friends all looked like they had just come home from
a funeral. They were into bands like CORROSION OF CONFORMITY, NAPALM DEATH, VENOM, MURPHYS LAW, SEPULTURA....That kind of
stuff. No way did they wanna go anywhere NEAR Michael Monroe, unless it was to beat him up and steal his cigerettes and pocket money.
So, no, I never did get to meet Michael Monroe. But I did get to see him walking down St Mark's Place in all his majestic
This was the most exciting one out of all of 'em. OZZY OSBOURNE is my favorite Rock star and has been since I was about
15 years old. This CD store called LOONEY TUNES in Long Island had a big promotional stunt where you could order OZZY's new
album a few weeks before it came out and get a wristband that would entitle you to go in the store and pose for pictures with
OZZY on a certain day. The only bad things about this was
1. Everyone who went in to meet OZZY had to have a CD, meaning me, Karl and my husband all had to buy one and
2. They rushed you in and out like cattle not giving you time to get autographs or really get to talk to OZZY.
So me, Karl, my husband and my daughter, who was about 3 at the time, all get on this long line in front of LOONEY TUNES.
These teenagers in line in front of of us told us what cool parents we were, taking our 3 year old to meet OZZY. Right next
door to LOONEY TUNES was a Chinese restaurant called HO HO KITCHEN. People on line were running in there to get eggrolls and
stuff. My little girl was so excited, saying "Is OZZY OZZYBOURNE in the HO HO KITCHEN??" (That's what she used to call
him: OZZY OZZYBOURNE). When we finally got into the store to meet OZZY we were on a small line and OZZY was in there
behind a big curtain. Karl looked like he was gonna throw up. I have never seen him look this nervous in my life. This
was the Brush With Greatness he had waited for all his life. My husband went to pose with OZZY first. In that picture OZZY
isn't smiling. Then me and my daughter went up to OZZY and she burst into tears! Me and OZZY started to laugh, so he's actually
smiling in my picture! Then Karl ran up to OZZY and excitedly posed in his lap! (Not really: But he does sort of have that
look of joy that a little kid has when posing with Santa Claus!) When we were leaving I said "We love you!" to OZZY.
Then we went to the IHOP to get something to eat. My daughter calls IHOP "the diner". The next day I told my daughter to tell
someone where we had gone the night before and she excitedly said "The diner!" (I guess when you're 3 IHOP can
be just as exciting as meeting The Prince Of Darkness!). Then I said "Before the diner" and she said "Oh. We met OZZY OZZYBOURNE
at the HO HO KITCHEN!"
NIKKI SIXX (MOTLEY CRUE Bassist flys JET BLUE. What a cheapskate!):
Before my huge, monumental crush on METALLICA drummer Lars Ulrich I had a big jones on for MOTLEY CRUE bassist Nikki
Sixx. That was the #1 Celebrity I Most Wanted To Have Sex With. True masturbation material, that Nikki Sixx! The many
times I've "rubbed one out" to his picture! Many, many years later I was on an airplane and there were two girls in coach
with me giggling about some celebrity they had just met. I didn't know who it was and didn't really care. Then the curtain
gets pulled back from where first class is and who walks out but Nikki Sixx! I couldn't believe it! My husband was saying
"Go over there! Say something! Get an autograph!" and kicking me but I was too stunned to move. And I was holding my daughter
who was probably around 3 at the time. Now, yes, I had always fantasized about meeting Nikki Sixx, but somehow in those fantasys
a husband and child weren't sitting next to me when I did! Also, I don't know how YOU look when you fly but I dress for comfort
when I know I have a five hour flight ahead of me so I'm pretty sure I looked like a rag. So I just sunk into my chair and
DIDN'T say a word to Nikki.
Incidentally, this was when Nikki Sixxx was married to BAYWATCH slow-mo runner Donna D'Errico. He got off the
plane and walked through the airport with a guy and two beautiful blondes. Neither of them was Donna D'Errico. Oooops! Soon
after I heard Donna was filing divorce papers against Nikki. Hmmmmmmmmmmmm?
This is actually a two part story.
My friend Carolyn's favorite band is DEF LEPPARD. She's a totally devout DEF LEPPARD fan. I honestly believe if DEF LEPPARD
asked Carolyn to go on tour with them and be their mistress she would say "Yes" in a heartbeat and leave her husband standing
in the dust with his dick in the dirt! Carolyn had heard that DEF LEPPARD was going to be doing the TODAY show and she somehow
got us passes. They were getting ready for a tour with BRYAN ADAMS so there was one stage on one end for BRYAN ADAMS and one
on the other end for DEF LEPPARD. We were in the very first row right in front of DEF LEPPARD. Carolyn had a huge DEF LEPPARD
tour poster from the last time they had played in New York. While setting up and getting ready to play Joe Elliot, the singer,
looked into a crowd of hundreds and people and spoke...to Carolyn! To nobody else: Just Carolyn! I thought she was gonna wet
herself! The date on the poster just happened to be Joe Elliot's birthday so he pointed to the poster and said "That's my
birthday" and Carolyn said "I know. I was at that show!" I stood there in disbelief watching her calmy flirt with Joe Elliot!
It boggles the mind. When Phil Collen walked past her she asked him to autograph her poster and he walked over and HE started
talking to her! He was wearing a shirt and she was trying to talk him into either taking it off or at least unbuttoning a
few buttons! I could not believe the balls on this girl! Then Vivian Campbell walked over and signed the poster and made small
talk with Carolyn. She was trying to get him to get the other guys to sign it but by then the band was getting ready to play.
They played Pour Some Sugar On Me and a cover of BADFINEGER's No Matter What.
I taped that episode of the TODAY show and you can actually see me and Carolyn dancing, singing and drooling in the first
The second part of the story is a few weeks later when DEF LEPPARD and BRYAN ADAMS were playing at KEYSPAN PARK. Carolyn
could get her and one other person into the Meet And Greet and she picked me. (Aw, shucks!) She had the same poster and was
out to get Sav, Rick and Joe to sign it. We were standing around outside and then Rick Sav Savage and Rick Allen walked over
and started talking to us. Just like the other time 98% of everything said on our behalf was said by Carolyn! I just stood
there smiling like an idiot! They made fun of my shirt because it was a bootleg. D'oh! They signed the poster and posed for
pictures with us then as they walked away somehow Carolyn got Sav to hug her! Then on the way out we saw Phil posing for pictures
and we yelled "Hey, Phil!" and he waved to us. Then I said "Maybe if we wait around a little Joe will come out". We waited
about twenty minutes or so but no Joe. To this day this is Carolyn's quest for the Holy Grail: To get Joe Elliott to sign
IRON MAIDEN waves to us (They're such nice guys!):
A bunch of us were going to OZZFEST 2005. This was no pleasure cruse, Folks. We left around ten in the morning. The delis
in New York do not sell beer before noon on Sunday. So we headed to Connecticut, where the show was. At twelve o'clock
my friend Craig started demanding we stop the car NOW so he could jump out at a deli and buy beer. Well, Connecticut doesn't
sell beer on Sundays AT ALL! Did you know that? We didn't! Craig was determined to find a place that would bend the rules
and sell us beer. On this quest we got a flat tire. In the worst neighborhood in Connecticut. Did you know Connecticut had
a bad neighborhood? We didn't! We end up having to get our car towed and taking a cab to the show. We get to the show
and it starts to pour rain! This day just goes from bad to worse. I won't even TELL you about how Donald ended up putting
his shirt in the car of someone he didnt know by accident. I swear, it was like we had some sort of evil hex put on us this
We were drinking beer in the parking lot when a limo bus went by. It had IRON MAIDEN in it! We waved to them and they
waved back! It almost made all the sh*t we had gone through getting out there worth it!
By the way, we got there in time to see MUDVAYNE (Lousy), IRON MAIDEN (Excellent) and BLACK SABBATH (Excellent).
RAY "EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND" ROMANO:
I am a chicken-sh*t, gutless wonder who should never go anywhere without Carolyn. Our lives are like an episode of I
LOVE LUCY. She, like Lucy, schemes on how to meet the famous people and I'm just Ethel, standing there with my jaw dropping
open while she humps Rick Savage's leg!
Need proof? A few years before I met Carolyn I was walking down the street with my mother and my baby in a baby carriage.
My mother knew where Ray Romano's family lived in Forest Hills. She also knew he was in New York because she had seen him
doing all the talk shows that take place in New York that week. We walked down his block hoping we would bump into him. And
we did. And did we SAY anything when we were a mere ten feet away from him? Of course not! D'oh!
QUIET RIOT/ CINDERELLA: Me, Karl, Carolyn and Craig went to see FIREHOUSE, RATT, QUIET RIOT and CINDERELLA at WESTBURY
MUSIC FAIR. This place is about as big as my livingroom so we had really good seats. AND we were on the aisle that all the
bands used to get on and off stage. When QUIET RIOT was singing Metal Health (Bang Your Head) Kevin DuBrow started to run
up the aisle. My friend Craig is a nervy b*strad, he jumped up, ran up to Kevin and started singing Metal Health with him!
I couldn't believe my eyes! Then when CINDERELLA was on stage Craig switched seats with me so I could try to grab for Tom
Keiffer when he walked off stage. I think Craig thought I was going to grab Tom most lewd. I behaved myself. I grabbed Tom's